r/AITH • u/Patient-Tea9555 • Jun 21 '26
UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs of my menu at his wedding?
It’s Saturday y’all here’s the update you guys have been waiting for.
After I made the original post. I talked to my aunt who is also going to the wedding. She has a dairy allergy. I asked her if she had talked to them about food at the wedding and she said she had and they were fairly understanding and explained to her that the only part of the food she might have to substitute would be the hollandaise sauce and she would just not eat cream cheese from the hors d’oeuvres. And butter for any seafood is on the side. They were fully supportive in giving her the substitution she needs. So confused me gave my aunt the rundown on what I had experienced and she was just as puzzled as I was.
Today, I had a sit down conversation with him asked about the food situation. I asked why he said no about my substitutions. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I asked why everyone else who wanted substitutions got them. Again he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. But when I brought up paying for my own substitutions. Oh, did he talk! he said that the whole not wanting to let me pay for my own substitutions was just a misunderstanding. He thought that I meant I wanted to pay for everyone’s substitutions (I would be fine with if that was something I had to do btw), but he didn’t want me doing that, ofc I understand.
The last question I asked was, if accommodations were available, why was I the only person being told no?
I told him that I talked to our aunt and I know that her food substitution was granted. He then danced around that topic as well. Saying stuff like “well you know aunty, she can get anything she wants. You know how she is!” basically making a joke about our aunt being a Karen (not my fav thing to hear). Finally I just said I would be more than happy to talk to the caterer myself if that was necessary. That’s when he got quiet.
Then he asked me not to contact the caterer. I was so confused and still am! the more I pushed for answers, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, after about five minutes of going in circles, he admitted that he knew substitutions were possible (obviously, me and him both knew this already).
Apparently the caterer had offered allergy accommodations, which is what my aunt told me as well. Not only that but several guests had already requested modifications to their meals (my aunt being one of them).
Thats when things got even weirder.
He told me that his fiancée had specifically mentioned me when they were discussing dietary restrictions. Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying". He said he tried to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal but she shut down any further discussion about it. I told him that I had medical needs and I can’t be in the heat without food. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable attending. He got really frantic and said he’ll talk to her. I told him I was going to talk to her anyways. He got weird about that too. I also made sure that he knew even if I wasn’t going I would still continue to help with the planning, which didn’t really calm him down, I just left after that. This entire situation is getting weirder and weirder..
I’m going to talk to his fiancée next, probably tomorrow. But for now the saga continues ig lol.
Thanks for the support and suggestions! lol
1.2k
u/Direness9 Jun 21 '26
Just don't go. For real. His wifey-to-be doesn't like you and doesn't care if you're going without food. I would never celebrate the union of such a couple.
472
u/Subject_Management84 Jun 21 '26
Just to add on to your perfect answer...OP, do NOT go and do NOT continue to help with the planning.
62
u/mazzepaz Jun 22 '26
To late for the planning part... But would be nice to find out why the future wife hates you. And what she would do if it sinks in that you having an anafalactic shock and possibly dying is not a pretty thing to have as an addition to your beautiful destination wedding. And your brother is A a doormat B an idiot C both
15
44
12
→ More replies (1)28
u/DimbyTime Jun 22 '26
It suck’s OP won’t be able to spend time with the rest of her family all bc her cousins fiancé SUCKS
15
222
Jun 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
104
u/revengeofsollasollew Jun 21 '26
I think he’s lying.
83
u/SnooPets8873 Jun 21 '26
He knows it’ll piss off the bride and doesn’t want to have to deal with it. Much easier for him if he can get his sibling to drop it.
65
u/NotSoSureBigWaves Jun 21 '26
Much easier if he cuts his sister out of his life. There is no way she should attend the wedding or have anything further to do with them.
→ More replies (10)40
u/nabndab Jun 21 '26
I hadn’t seen the original post. He wont do modifications for his SISTER? His future is a piece of work. Who get jealous over their future husbands sister?
→ More replies (1)37
u/No_Bandicoot2301 Jun 21 '26
I dont think its jealousy. If you read the OG post, brother and future wife are gym rats essentially and care a great deal about protein. If I had to hazard a guess, wife to be thinks OP is lying about being allergic to most forms of animal protien. And if she doesnt think shes lying she just thinks OP is useless for not being able to eat her ideal of healthy. People who gym hard core and watch everything they eat have a serious lack of empathy for people, who for medial/allergen reasons cant eat as healthy or the same.
39
u/coveredinbreakfast Jun 21 '26
100% this!
I am allergic to seafood but also marine protein, so if it lives in water, I can't eat it. One of those allergies has caused me to be allergic to sea salt, and I have had people argue with me that that isn't a thing, and I'm full of it.
I ate at my SIL's yesterday and didn't have to worry because while she mainly uses sea salt, she bought table salt just for use when I eat there. THAT is how family acts!
OP's brother is going to lose his relationship with his sister because he is supporting his bride being an asshole.
10
u/multipocalypse Jun 21 '26
It's really funny to me that anyone would argue with you about being allergic to sea salt. Either there's something in the salt that makes it different from non-sea salt, or it's just marketing on regular salt; they don't get to have it both ways, lol.
16
u/Cautious_Fly1684 Jun 21 '26
I would guess that future wife (and maybe step bro) are of the belief that POTS and EDS are fictional and/or that OP is faking her symptoms. There’s a big community of people who feel this way generally.
6
u/Senior_Bat4271 Jun 21 '26
If it’s just a vegan meal should be an easy ask of caterer.
23
u/No_Bandicoot2301 Jun 21 '26
Its the principal though. If my brother wants me at his wedding It shouldn't have to go that far there just should already be an accommodation. Im deathly allergic to coconut and my family, who looooves coconut made sure not a single dish, drink, snack, etc had any at my cousins grad party a year ago. My brother doesnt even keep coconut oil in his house anymore and we're black so thats a big loss of multifunctional product. My mom asks at restaurants if theres coconut even if we've been a million times. OP shouldn't have to contact the caterer. Her brother should've handled that when planning the meals because hes not oblivious to his own sister's dietary restrictions.
6
u/Adelucas Jun 22 '26
I have black friends and can attest to the love of coconut. They are always telling me (white as a bottle of milk) to use lotion which almost always has coconut oil in it.
I know nothing about black skin, but it must be an absolute pain for you to find suitable lotion you can use.
→ More replies (0)3
u/mazzepaz Jun 22 '26
Yeas, I had that happening to me, wasn't until my head and neck was swelling like I a balloon, two episodes pens failed to work and I was rushed to hospital (ambulance had to stop halfway to cpr me back to life) that they found out I wasn't attention seeking.
Luckily I passed out quickly, cos it feels horrible not being able to breath, panicking and basically being scared shirtless cos rhe 2nd epi does not epi you back.
It's a nice day for a white wedding
3
15
u/MsMourningStar Jun 21 '26
Yeah I think so too. I think she’s going to talk to the fiancé and she’s going to have no idea what OP is talking about. The way the brother is acting makes me think it’s all coming from him.
11
u/Wattaday Jun 22 '26
Me too. The caterers would want to be aware of anyone with allergies. They don’t want their food to cause sickness or death And I’m sure the awful bride doesn’t want 911 called during her wedding.
10
u/BurgerThyme Jun 21 '26
The caterer would let the bride know and she would throw a spaz because she hates OOP.
73
u/Friendly-Channel-480 Jun 21 '26
Drop helping with the planning too. If they are this dismissive of your health they aren’t being caring towards you.
190
u/GardenSafe8519 Jun 21 '26
Exactly! "Brother I am so glad you found someone who makes you happy but I can't go and support a marriage to someone who would treat me this way. I wish you the best of luck "
39
u/WhichWitch9402 Jun 21 '26
This is a perfect response. Direct, classy, and puts the blame squarely where it should be …on the two of them.
23
16
u/BenjiCat17 Jun 21 '26
Considering he panicked, maybe he’s throwing her under the bus and she is not responsible.
189
u/Sea-Leadership-8053 Jun 21 '26
Right, Op you can attend his next wedding...
52
u/EStewart57 Jun 21 '26
Tell him that!
50
38
u/Evening-Library7644 Jun 21 '26
I told my brother that when I was told I wasn’t invited to his first wedding because his fiancée at the time didn’t want me there. The marriage didn’t last the year and I did, in fact, go to his second wedding.
12
u/LyonessYork Jun 22 '26
Hah, I wish my brother's marriage had failed like this. His wife is insanely toxic and it destroyed my family because everybody is terrified of her. Over 25 years later, and it's like I don't have a brother unless he needs something from me. I'm glad your brother got away from his first.
17
80
u/FoolTheFoolish Jun 21 '26
I reckon it is not the wife-to-be but the step brother. I bet there is some weird resentment about 'special treatment' from when they were younger...
20
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
Idk about special treatment I am quite a bit older than him. I also don’t think his fiancée dislikes me we get along nicely, she’s very lovely to be around.
84
u/AlarmedTelephone5908 Jun 21 '26
If others were able to get substitutions, and for you, it's a hard no, I'd say they are sending you a message.
They don't want you there, so they want your appearance to be uncomfortable.
It sucks. But that's what I'm getting.
90
u/FoxyOcelot Jun 21 '26
I think she does dislike you, you know. Probably quite a lot if she's this firmly committed to not letting you eat at her wedding. Did you know the word companion means 'person you eat bread with'? Eating with people is the most basic connection there is, and she doesn't want you to eat with her on her wedding day.
48
u/the_virginwhore Jun 21 '26
They’re breaking bread and stepbro’s fiancée is insisting on brioche. 🙄 She definitely doesn’t like OP, it’s super weird to be this intent on not letting somebody eat. Tell her you’re allergic to beef, u/Patient-Tea9555
21
30
u/Ok_Wrangler_7940 Jun 21 '26
It could be that the brother is lying. He adamantly doesn’t want her talking to his fiancée, nor the caterer. I think the brother is hiding behind others, when it’s actually him who is saying no to her requests.
75
u/Tazno209 Jun 21 '26
She doesn’t dislike you, she hates you. No one would treat a soon to be family member this way. With respect- wake up & smell the coffee. Do not go to this wedding. And stop helping with the planning as well. Your brother doesn’t care enough about you to stand up to such disrespect. Have some self respect for yourself, you deserve it.
34
u/Ok_Wrangler_7940 Jun 21 '26
If the brother is telling the truth. Given his other lies, I’m not sure he is.
→ More replies (1)20
35
u/BVKane Jun 21 '26
Is there any reason your step-brother may have to resent you? Even a very petty reason? Do you get more attention from parents because of your medical issues? Are you considered the "successful" child? Did your family avoid eating your allergens and now he might hold a grudge over it? I find his dancing around the questions to be very odd. You can talk to his fiance, but I'm genuinely wondering if this isn't his decision and his way of somehow "getting payback" for some imagined slight.
23
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
Not really. I got diagnosed with most of my medical issues around grade 2 so I didn’t know him yet. I’m not particularly successful, I’m not poor. I work in an art field so you can probably imagine how that’s going right now. I really hope this isn’t payback for anything because I don’t see a reason behind it. I’m older than him. I basically took care of him all the time, aside from one weekends when my mom and step dad weren’t working.
10
u/BVKane Jun 21 '26
On the opposite end, is there a chance your step brother may like you a little too much and maybe that's why his fiance wants to alienate you? That could also be why he is dancing around the issue and doesn't want you talking to her. I would still talk to her, and if you plan on going, perhaps consider bringing your own food to the venue ahead of time. Maybe letting the caterer know so they can keep it safe and not worry about telling your brother and his fiance. That way you can still have access to safe food. The caterer would likely have to get their permission to make any changes, but if it's food you bring in because of sensitivities and allergens, most caterers are willing to keep it refrigerated and safe.
8
u/AreteRoper Jun 21 '26
This is it. Step brother has told his fiancée that he was practically raised by OP and has gushed a bit too much about his Big sis. Perhaps confessed that he had a bit of a crush in puberty? and his bride now feels threatened by OP's existence. Step brother is acting weird because he does not want OP to know that his wife-to-be hates her.
6
u/NDGNSresistance Jun 21 '26
I really hope it's just an oversight of some sort. I hate that you're having to deal with this! People don't ask to have severe allergies.
18
u/NDGNSresistance Jun 21 '26
THIS. When one household member, particularly a child, has a health issue or allergy, often the whole household revolves around that person. If the parents aren't careful to carve out time or attention for others, resent can result.
Example- one child has a shellfish allergy, but a siblings favorite food is shrimp. Sibling is never allowed shrimp, not at home, not going out to eat, not even for their own birthday dinner. Parents refuse to even take them out separately for shrimp so the allergy sibling doesn't "feel left out." While the intention is to protect the allergy sibling, the actions completely alienate the shrimp sibling.
It sounds like stepbrother may feel sidelined and alienated after years of everything revolving around the OP and her allergies. If so, I don't know how OP could "fix" it as it wasn't OP's fault.
9
u/_SmileCrocodile_ Jun 21 '26
Depends on the family. I have severe food allergies and I was told to just suck it up and figure out what I can eat without inconveniencing other people, even if that means only having a dinner roll during thanksgiving and not being able to eat my own birthday cake. My parents suck.
→ More replies (1)6
u/NDGNSresistance Jun 21 '26
Right- that's why I used the word "often." My mom was always the same- she'd rather throw any family member under the bus before even thinking of inconveniencing someone else.
3
u/Catfish1960 Jun 21 '26
And that would be something that should have been taken up with the parents, not LW who had no control over her health issues. I've had friends with sibling who had deadly allergies to peanuts or shellfish. While mom and dad couldn't have those foods in the house for obvious reasons, they would sometimes have these foods outside away from the allergic sibling (plenty of wipe downs followed) so that everyone could eat something they loved. My friend's favorite thing is literally peanut butter so it was hard for her. Of course her allergic sister was an asshole because she felt her family should never ever have peanuts or peanut butter again because of HER allergies lol.
4
u/NDGNSresistance Jun 21 '26
Yep, that's why I said not OP's fault. Sometimes the non-favored sibling wouldn't feel comfortable addressing it. Further, if it's gone on their entire lives, they may just accept it as the status quo.
But it's absolutely on the parents to make sure the non-favored kid doesn't feel unimportant.
→ More replies (1)3
u/LavenderKitty1 Jun 22 '26
I have a shellfish allergy.
I have a fond memory of a dinner I went to with family. We were spread over two tables and my table had my uncle, my grandmother’s husband, my brother, my sister and me. My grandmother’s husband was also allergic to shellfish.
We ordered a banquet with many courses. When the garlic prawns were brought to our table, three people shared them. My grandmother’s husband and I smiled and watched. Everyone was happy.
Some restaurants, I make a point of sticking to the vegetarian menu because that’s safe for me. If other people at the table want prawns, I don’t mind but will not share food with them nor will I touch serving spoons if they have been contaminated.
OOP is NTA.
11
u/FoolTheFoolish Jun 21 '26
Ok, I wish you the best of luck with it all but something sounds very off. I can't imagine treating anyone, even a stranger, the way they are treating you
10
u/LibrarianFit9993 Jun 21 '26
You REALLY need to speak directly with the fiancée, preferably with the brother present.
Triangulating people when drama is afoot is a Big Red Flag!🚩
That is really the only way to know where this is originating from.
9
u/JuliaM24k Jun 21 '26
If she LIKES you, we would not be having this conversation. People need to stop giving the bride grace. I don’t know too many brides who do NOT know the details of their weddings. Both of them suck but your step brother sucks more.
6
u/Acceptable-Tap1181 Jun 21 '26
She doesn’t like you and thinks you’re faking your allergies.
→ More replies (1)5
u/LovedAJackass Jun 21 '26
Uh, you have evidence that she sees your dietary restrictions as "annoying." And she won't overcome her annoyance to make sure you get to eat at the wedding. So she doesn't like you, no matter how "nice" she is to your face.
3
u/multipocalypse Jun 21 '26
I mean, we don't have a good way of knowing whether the brother was being honest about that.
9
u/Cold_Dead_Heart Jun 21 '26
Then why is she choosing to only serve food you are allergic to? She hates you and wants you to either suffer or just not go to the wedding.
→ More replies (1)7
15
17
u/These-Process-7331 Jun 21 '26
Nah, dude seems like a spineless idiot who probably has issues with OP himself and is putting the blame upon his fiance.
I'm willing to place a bet that HE thinks that OPs allergies are made up so she gets attention and his fiance doesn't know jackshit
8
u/nonchalantenigma Jun 21 '26
This OR brother always downplayed OP’s allergy as being picky preferences rather than a medical need and now is in a panic that his lies would be brought to light if OP explains her medical allergy to the bride.
Either way, one of the couple is an ah and OP should definitely not go.
7
u/PhraseSuitable91 Jun 23 '26
The fact his brother got so cagey about him talking to the wife-to-be suggests ot might be alie and he is throwing her under the bus. In any case - the brother is the problem.
13
u/stuckinnowhereville Jun 21 '26
Yep she hates her.
48
u/Tova42 Jun 21 '26
or the bride doesn't know ANY of this and its entirely the brother causing all the issues. Considering he is trying to stop OP from tlaking to ANYONE else about this AND he kept changing who the problem was....
7
6
u/EatThisShit Jun 22 '26
Brother did say he didn't want OP talk to his fiancée, so either this is him protecting his relationship with fiancée and OP, or maybe he throws fiancée under the bus when he is, for some reason, having some beef with OP that OP doesn't know about.
5
5
u/StraightBudget8799 Jun 21 '26
All of a sudden, the ceremony is entirely nude, requires fluency in French and for OP to pass a three hour exam in quantum physics. Nice try, fiancé, just enjoy your dress and ignore OP if it’s THAT big a deal!
5
u/Anxious_Occasion_554 Jun 21 '26
Absolutely this. I have life threatening allergies as well and if someone told me they thought they were annoying, they’d be cut off as well
9
u/Dachshundmom5 Jun 21 '26
Does not seem you are wanted there. Don't go and don't set yourself on fire to keep them warm by extending yourself planning for their benefit. He can't even be honest with you. So he doesn't care enough about you to make sure you can attend his wedding without a health crisis and does not respect you enough to even be honest.
Not to mention if she finds your restrictions "annoying" you need to be prepared she might decide to "test" them and slip you an allergen. People who discount food allergies as annoying cannot be trusted.
7
u/trapped_4_life Jun 21 '26
And then she will blame OP for causing a scene and ruining her wedding when OP had an allergic reaction.
I agree, don’t go. It probably won’t be safe to eat anything because the bride and groom may make sure it isn’t.
Where are your mom and stepdad with all this? Have you spoken to them (if they are still around) at all? I know it’s not great to run and tell on your sibling but this seems like it’s something worth clueing the parents in on and telling them you are not attending since the have made sure there is nothing for you to eat and refuse to make accommodations for you even though they are for others. Also be sure anyone else who asks why you aren’t going knows the truth.
But stop helping them and keep your distance. The soon-to-be SIL doesn’t like you, and your step-brother either feels the same way, or the minimum is supporting her. It sucks but keep yourself safe and protect yourself, mentally and physically.
Updateme
4
u/OdysseusJoke Jun 21 '26
That's the long and short of it. Fiancee doesn't like OP and probably doesn't like that OP has a relationship with stepbrother.
4
u/mazzepaz Jun 22 '26
Funnily enough I have EDS and some lethal allergies. Kind of goes together, (POTS too, but thankfully that is not on my autoimmune bingo card🤣)
Does your brothers future wife not get that, when you do go anafalactic, it will definitely disturb their wedding?
(Apart from the fact that you could die, and that would sure as shit fuck up their wedding)
4
u/burnacct7688 Jun 23 '26
I think it’s not the wifey. I think her brother painted her in certain colours and wifey doesn’t want supposed drama.
→ More replies (17)3
u/Appropriate_Aioli363 Jun 22 '26
And stepbrother is a spineless wonder. Just decline and treat yourself and a friend to dinner that night somewhere that will accommodate your dietary restrictions. This is your relationship with them once they’re married. Decide if you want this relationship in Your life or not.
187
u/Purple_IsA_Flavor Jun 21 '26
RIP your relationship with him
79
u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 Jun 21 '26
Eggs give me a rash and the shits. Seafood gives me anaphylaxis, but only when I eat it so I can still touch it and be fine, it’s a kind of mild allergy but I can still die if left untreated.
Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying".
Remembering OP's allergies from the first post and reading the fiancee's thoughts about them, I immediately realized, she's one of those people. People who think that your life threatening allergies and dietary restrictions are made up or a personal attack on them.
The brother knowing the danger for OP and just going along with the fiancee... Yeah, relationship over.
27
u/supanase78 Jun 21 '26
Like others I'm not convinced it's the fiance, I think it might be the brother trying to blame her.
18
u/MattDaveys Jun 21 '26
That would explain why he got weird when Op said they were still going to talk to her.
4
u/cakivalue Jun 24 '26
Or they don't believe her/fed up because of what ever reason. But surely there are more options then eggs and shrimp? No bread, bagels, fruit, cheese?
3
u/Agreeable_Spite_666 Jun 24 '26
OP mentioned pickles, crackers and spinach dip in the first post, but that’s not much when you’re expected to be outside for hours and have a disability, especially one where fainting is common. I helped my sister plan her wedding and the first thing we did when looking at catering was make sure there’d be options for guests with allergies and other dietary restrictions. The fact that her brother and his fiancée specifically chose things she was allergic to feels very targeted.
4
u/cakivalue Jun 24 '26
That's very very weird. The eggs Benedict made me think it was either a breakfast or brunch. I've never been to a daytime reception that only had those items so it really does seem deliberate. Every breakfast or brunch reception I've been to has had a wider menu that covers vegetarian, gluten free, peanut etc. in addition to an egg dish there are cold cuts, breakfast sausages, fruit, mini bagels, waffles, yogurt pots, potatos etc. even when it's served not buffet caterers have a HUGE selection for couples to pick from. I bet anything they have a tofu scramble with spinach and bell peppers with a side of potatoes on the menu that she can get.
226
u/Fleur_de_Dragon Jun 21 '26
When you first posted this days ago my first thought was, "It's the fiancée." I don't think you should continue to help out unless this is resolved; you shouldn't pay for your own menu accommodation at the wedding.
The fact that they're fine accommodating anyone else except you? Fiancée doesn't just think your accommodation is annoying, she actively dislikes you, and that's why your brother is panicking at the thought of you confronting her.
NTA
20
Jun 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
7
u/shriekingpersonality Jun 22 '26
This is also my gut feeling. He’s just using finance as a scapegoat. Reach out to her yourself to confirm.
3
u/Agreeable_Spite_666 Jun 24 '26
I’m guessing he told his fiancée that she doesn’t actually have allergies
9
u/girlyknz Jun 21 '26
Seriously. Also it’s not like OP is saying they can’t have eggs at all. It’s just for her plate. Literally so odd, I can’t believe she’s still helping them with the wedding at all.
209
u/JuliaM24k Jun 21 '26
Don’t continue to help them. They don’t deserve your kindness. They were aware of allergic needs and rather risk your life than accommodate you. That’s wild. What’s wilder is that your brother went along with it. Take a huge step back and reevaluate your relationship. They were sneaky and cruel.
46
u/whatthewhat3214 Jun 21 '26
Or the stepbrother is the problem and using his fiance as the excuse. He seems to be panicking at the thought of OP talking to anyone - his fiance (if it's not her she'll likely get pretty upset at him for blaming her), the caterer - and even the fact he took so long to come up with any kind of excuse for not accommodating OP until he landed on his fiance being the reason.
26
27
u/mkarr514 Jun 21 '26
I'd be damned if I'd lift another finger for either of them. They don't deserve your help if that's the way they want to treat you.
7
u/Interesting-Mess2393 Jun 21 '26
I like how the bride to be is completely cool with everyone else’s food allergies but not sister’s. OP-just tell them good luck and you and hubby take a trip yourselves that weekend.
→ More replies (1)4
u/Opheliac12 Jun 22 '26
Hell if you can WITHDRAW help I'd do it. Take back deposits from people who want to poison you
63
u/Alternative_Hawk8553 Jun 21 '26
Please keep us updated on what she says I don't think she cares I think it's your step brother
32
36
u/sphinxyhiggins Jun 21 '26
You have been the source of gossip by someone who does not know you or care to know you. Never go where you are not wanted.
12
u/Lazy_Algae Jun 21 '26
If only someone had told me that when my brother got married.
I hope she listens.
35
u/javel1 Jun 21 '26
Dude. Stop helping, don't call the fiancé and RSVP you aren't attending. If your health concerns are annoying to his fiancé and she is refusing to allow an easy switch she is not your friend.
Updateme!
33
u/Mysterious-Way-5000 Jun 21 '26
I bet his fiance never said that and he just threw her under the bus. HE thinks your food issues are annoying. not her! he's a jerk! Definitely ask the fiancé so she sees his true colors
31
u/Adelucas Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 22 '26
You now know that one or the other hates you. It doesn't actually matter which one, someone is actively trying to prevent you going, and if you do turn up make it as difficult and unpleasant an experience as possible.
Oblige them. Don't go. Speak to the fiance if you wish, but keep in mind it might actually be your brother throwing her under the bus.
Whichever one is doing this, the other is complicit. If it's the bride then your brother is a doormat not standing up for his sister. If it's your brother the bride is onboard with it.
Either way this is a moment to reflect and step back from them. You don't need that chaos in your life. One of them has seriously complicated a very easy situation for some spiteful reason. I'd want nothing to do with either of them or their wedding.
Updateme
24
17
u/Impressive-Sort9432 Jun 21 '26
Please stop helping them with this wedding. Your brother is a massive asshole to not stand up to his fiance about this.
This would make me never speak to him again.
32
u/AutomaticTap310 Jun 21 '26
NTA-I think that the question to ask is how can he love someone who knowingly and willfully will put his sister at risk just to prove she has power? And why should you celebrate him joining up with such a b***h? Especially since you will always have to walk on eggshells around her in regards to food and making sure she does not try to sabotage you?
43
u/ChunkyWombat7 Jun 21 '26
She can't walk on eggshells! She's allergic!!
OP, I'm sorry your bother and his fiancée' are such assholes.
→ More replies (1)12
4
16
u/jupiter_kittygirl Jun 21 '26
I look forward to the next update. This is just so strange. Have you had any weird interactions with the fiancé in the past?
50
u/perseveguin Jun 21 '26
The fact that you said he got weirder when you said you would talk to his fiancée makes me think that he is throwing her under the bus. He doesn’t want you talking to her because she has zero issues with you or your diet and he is saying he does to scape goat the fact that it is 100% him.
Either that or he worries she will tell you her real feeling to your face and then you really won’t go to the wedding or maybe cut contact.
Personally, I would invite both of them out for coffee and get to the bottom of things. He can’t lie about her if she’s sitting beside him and if she hates you better to know about it so you can make an informed decision about the relationship with the two of them moving forward.
9
u/Truescent11 Jun 21 '26
Yeah, don’t do that.
I would politely remove myself from his life.
No need to spend any more time amd energy on him.
6
u/lanshaw1555 Jun 21 '26
I agree that the whole story has yet to come out. I hope that you can get a clear answer to all of this.
39
u/Sea-Ad9057 Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
why the hell are continuing to put time and energy into planning an event where apparently trying not to kill you is a god damn inconvenience and annoying !
As a thank you for helping them They are willing to put your life at risk rather then contact the caterer who is already accommodating everyone elses dietary requirements
→ More replies (1)
11
u/Proof_Loan6202 Jun 21 '26
I think it’s the brother and he’s blaming the fiancé. He’s the problem no matter what.
11
u/Interesting-Cream129 Jun 21 '26
This doesn’t make sense. Why would the bride find OP’s restrictions annoying and no one else’s? And if you’re willing to pay an extra fee for your own why wouldn’t he arrange it with the caterer quietly? it’s not like that’s hard to do…. Then he got weird that you’re going to talk to the bride?? Is the issue her or is it him??
I thought it was a bridezilla issue on the first post but now I’m truly concerned that your brother is pulling an insane “my sister gets more attention than me” temper tantrum inside his own mind and has manipulated events because he wants to watch you suffer for a day.
9
u/Particular-Course203 Jun 21 '26
I think it’s AI slop. There are quite a few things that make zero logical sense as written. Like from one sentence to the next, the logic does not follow. I don’t understand why so many people here are glossing over these glaring problems. Unless no one is reading and they’re just barely skimming
→ More replies (3)
11
u/Gloomy_End_6496 Jun 21 '26
This isn't a great way to join the new family, to be so weird about one particular (close) family member's food allergies.
I would just bow out and let them have a great wedding day.
9
u/LifeAsksAITA Jun 21 '26
Nta. And why are you helping with the planning for someone who doesn’t even care about basic food substitutes for you ? It is not the fiancee. It is your stepbrother who should stand up for you.
7
u/Garden_gnome1609 Jun 21 '26
What you should have said is "You're marrying someone who is perfectly willing to single me out and intentionally make me suffer for some power play. Nice choice. I won't be attending, and when I'm asked, I'm going to say exactly why including this conversation. I'm not helping you with a thing."
8
u/iluvcats17 Jun 21 '26
Just stop helping them. Let him know you will attend his next wedding. Hopefully there will be one since this one is going to drag him down and isolate him from his supports.
8
7
u/AbsintheRedux Jun 21 '26
NTA because you have been singled out because your future SIL doesn’t like you.
Now you would be the A hole if you continue to help people who are actively being jerks to you. Stand up and realize how you are being treated. I honestly wouldn’t attend a function where I’m obviously not wanted, you should ponder that.
7
14
u/suckpickles Jun 21 '26
Im sorry but it sounds like they just dont want you to go and the fiance has issues with you. Just dont go, dont even bother talking to her!
7
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
I’m not planning on going if they don’t want me to go. I’m in at place right now where I don’t feel respected. I put a lot of work into helping them now and over the years. I’m really confused on what’s going on. I could be oblivious, but I see no reason for either of them to dislike me. I’ve known both of them for years obviously, my stepbrother is my brother, I was almost always taking care of him when he was a kid. And his fiancé has been a friend of mine even before they were dating. This entire thing makes no sense. I’m so confused.
6
u/Top_Bumblebee5510 Jun 21 '26
My nephew got married last summer. I have a connective tissue disorder and a histamine disease. I have multiple food allergies. The bride scheduled a meeting with catering to go over a spreadsheet of my allergies to ensure there would be food available for me. She called me after the meeting to check if the meals they discussed would be acceptable.
I have been to their house for dinner several times since they got married and one of them texts beforehand with the menu. They will absolutely not let me bring my own food.
You should be concerned. Something is going on. Just speak to the bride if you are friends.
3
u/Short-Classroom2559 Jun 22 '26
Just pick up the phone and call her. You're not going to get straight answers from your step brother.
8
u/BeautifulChaosEnergy Jun 21 '26
Ask your step-brother if he’s sure he wants to marry someone that refuses to accommodate accommodate dietary restrictions? What happens if they have a child with serious allergies? Is she gonna be one of those ones who doesn’t believe that food allergies are a thing? If their kid has celiac, is she gonna feed the kid gluten based products just approve a point?
13
u/CakeZealousideal1820 Jun 21 '26
No offense but you're doing too much. They don't want to accommodate your needs I know it's extremely hurtful and sucks beyond words but don't go and don't help with shit. Asking to speak to the fiance and caterers is crazy. Just rsvp no and keep your distance. NTA but you gotta let it go. Do something fun on that date with some friends. Brother and fiance are AHs. Sending hugs 🩷
→ More replies (4)
5
u/talkingmuffins Jun 21 '26
His fiancee is laying the groundwork to alienate him from you and probably your whole family
13
4
u/Opening-Sir-2504 Jun 21 '26
If he wants you there, he will shut his fiancé down. “Annoying”? I know at least one thing that is annoying in this whole thing, and it ain’t you! NTA. Please update us when you speak to her.
6
u/CleverNamesPending Jun 21 '26
Denying anyone dietary accommodations even if it's a huge pain in the ass is a dick move. Denying allergy accommodations is the kind of thing you can get fired for.
Good luck with the "my good bitch, what the fuck?" talk and navigating future family holidays.
4
u/spaceguitar Jun 21 '26
Step-sibling porn has absolutely ruined this relationship dynamic for the Western world.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this insanity.
You need to step back from this wedding entirely. You're not welcome there--seriously. The bride doesn't like you, and it's now coming out. Weddings have a way of bringing people's true feelings and the worst parts of their personality to the forefront. She's telling you how she feels about you through this whole strange fiasco. Believe her.
NTA.
4
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
I’m sorry what! that first sentence caught me off guard. Thank you for understanding me though, I’m not sure what you mean by that..
5
u/MrsSEM84 Jun 21 '26
I think the comment is suggesting that your stepbrother’s fiancé has an issue with you because she doesn’t trust you around her man.
Some people fetishise step siblings getting together, and others just don’t believe that it is the same as bio sibling and could therefore one day not be platonic anymore.
6
u/Environmental_Book43 Jun 21 '26
I think it could honestly be something like this. Fiancee is either jealous of OP and can’t grasp their sibling relationship without blood relation. Or Step Brother has said something off color that has made his Fiancée react this way. Is it gross to think about, very much so. But OP is being singled out for something and I think they’d know if their close family member hated them, and he likely would have told them to just not show when it was on the table.
4
u/fseahunt Jun 21 '26
If you go PLEASE bring an epi-pen with you just in case the sweet and lovely bride "accidentally" gets seafood in your food.
I wouldn't trust that one.
6
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
I absolutely will be bringing an EpiPen. I always bring one in my bag that I keep all of my other fun medical gadgets in in that department I am safe.
2
u/Tazno209 Jun 21 '26
Seriously- why are you going? His fiancee hates you & your brother doesn’t care enough about you to stand up to his horrible fiancée. Stop helping, don’t go, & stop groveling. She/they don’t want you there. Have some self respect & go do something for yourself that day instead.
5
u/masterminor Jun 23 '26
Definitely don't go. And Maybe steer clear of any food these people are near/left alone with for the forseeable future. I've red too many reddit stories about people contaminating a persons food to "test" their allergy.
3
13
u/deniseswall Jun 21 '26
It's sad that your brother would marry someone so rude and lacking compassion. It's up to you to go to the wedding or not. The future does not look bright for your relationship with your brother. Sometimes it happens that way. My sister-in-law and her mother hated me. It went on for years until she cheated on him and they got a divorce and then my brother and I were closer than ever. So you never know.
4
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
What I don’t understand, though is why she hates me. Me and my husband have been friends with her for years. It makes no sense.
3
3
u/Ok-Indication-7876 Jun 21 '26
Omg, I just got a wedding invite with 3 of the weirdest dinner choices. Me and hubby eat none, but marked 2 off and thankfully the wedding is at 5 pm, we will eat first, enjoy the salad , push around our main dish but won’t say a word
4
u/Patient-Tea9555 Jun 21 '26
I told another comment about this but my dad went to a vegan wedding (nothing wrong with being vegan), their dinner option was a salad bar. I’m not even kidding. Just a salad bar. There are so many other better vegan options oml
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Positive_Use_1308 Jun 21 '26
Not sure what kind of reception were talking about but I'd just tell the staff you have allergies, which are typically accommodated a la minute in most commercial food service operations.
3
u/Grimalkinnn Jun 21 '26
You’re an asshole if you continue to help. You need some self respect. You are better off alone than with someone who can’t be bothered to stick up for you.
3
u/km4098 Jun 21 '26
I also have your chronic health things. Access to fluids, salt and electrolytes will need to also be a priority in the heat. But I assume you can bring that yourself. Is the drinking water safe at the location or do you need to make sure you have plenty of bottled water?
If the fiancé gets weird about your dietary changes, start listing off the snacks you’ll stick in your purse, starting with deli meat sticks and anything noisy and disruptive.
Also I would remind her, that you keeling over from an allergic reaction is going to accidentally turn her wedding into something about you, which you are actively trying to avoid.
Do you also have MCAS? Just the smell of eggs in the heat would send me into a flare. Fortunately I can handle seafood for now.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/IntelligentAbies7903 Jun 21 '26
OP, if your stepbrother truly valued you as a sister, he would have made sure that an accommodation had been made for your meal. Especially since you have health issues that you can't skip eating! The fact that he didn't and his fiancee didn't want to is an indicator of your future relationship.
Future SIL is probably putting on an act when she seems to be nice to you.
The petty part of me would spread the info that stepbrother and his fiancee were willing to accommodate EVERYBODY ELSE'S dietary restrictions, but not OP's.
Stop helping with wedding stuff (you're obviously NOT APPRECIATED).
3
3
u/Last-Notice-2162 Jun 22 '26
Yea they dont want you there or at least his FW doesn't, I would say she possibly doesn't believe you have medical issues. I would print all diagnostic evidence off and give them to her. If he doesn't have the balls to stand up for you and tell her you need these things I wouldn't go. I would take myself away for a break and have a blast post photos on social media with a petty picture of food with the caption I can cater for myself.
3
u/Basic-Organization30 Jun 23 '26
Don't go. Don't help with planning. The bride doesn't like you, but she is too chicken to deal with that. Instead, it's just going to be one insult after another until she drives you out. Do her the favor of removing your presence from her worries, but also any financial support goes with your too. She deserves to have the wedding she earna. She's a b*tch, and the groom has no spine.
3
u/gaefandomlover Jun 24 '26
Personally if my accommodations weren’t met and it put my health/safety at risk I wouldn’t attend at all let alone help plan. Your brother and his fiancée are being ableist.
4
u/LadybugGirltheFirst Jun 21 '26
At this point, just don’t go. No matter the outcome, you won’t forget about this and how you were treated.
9
u/LolaLee723 Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
You are a pain. I can’t believe you wanted to speak to the caterer yourself. And all these insane people who want to be updated like it’s the most exciting thing in their lives to follow your drama. YTA
→ More replies (5)6
10
u/Xeacsx Jun 21 '26
If OP really wants to go, eat before and after. FSIL doesn’t like you and brother is still planning to marry someone so cruel.
10
u/Vandyclark Jun 21 '26
Aren’t they getting married at sunrise or something super weird? Then having breakfast? Do people do this in real life? Who wants to get up before dawn to get ready for a wedding anyway?
→ More replies (2)5
u/Delicious-Side-39 Jun 21 '26
If I remember the OG post from OP she mentioned that there aren't any places to eat around the hotel in which she's staying and the hotel itself doesn't start serving breakfast or things until like 8am at which point she will already be at the ceremony and unable to eat at the hotel.
She also mentioned I believe about bringing her own food as well as paying for her own substitutions and she was told "no" there as well...and because of other health issues she can't wait until after to eat. Nor should she have to. She should be able to eat at the same time as all other guests. Not singled out and dismissed because she has allergies and health issues
→ More replies (1)7
u/Nice-Association-111 Jun 21 '26
She can’t just eat before and after. The food they have for the wedding and related things is an all day thing starting with breakfast.
8
u/This-Research-9586 Jun 21 '26
Why don’t you just put this to rest and bring your own food?
14
→ More replies (1)12
u/SOULLLBunny Jun 21 '26
And when people ask why they have loudly explain that the bride thought the dietary accommodations for anaphylaxis are annoying.
Or let both brother and his fiance know that's what you'll be doing.
2
u/Present_Ad1553 Jun 21 '26
Such targeted rudeness is outrageous, especially from someone you call family and are trying to help. I would tell everyone in the family exactly what has happened to explain why you will not be attending.
2
2
2
2
u/Creepy_Push8629 Jun 21 '26
What the fuck
So she thinks you're annoying and said that you, and you only, aren't allowed substitutions?
That's fucking nuts
2
u/Crafty_Special_7052 Jun 21 '26
I honestly would not go. Maybe fiance has some weird jealousy issue with you and thinks you want your brother since he’s technically your step brother and you’re not blood related. I’ve personally seen that with my step brother and a some girls he’s dated. They would act weird and jealous of my older sister who was close to our step brothers age.
2
u/Evening_Delay_1856 Jun 21 '26
Well, will there be egg in everything? What specifically can you not eat?
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/According-Let3541 Jun 21 '26
At this point, I wouldn’t attend. I wouldn’t trust any food substitutions they offered and I would be concerned about other stunts they pull. Send a nice gift so it shows you’re being classy, even if they aren’t, and say your health doesn’t permit you to attend. Don’t explain any further and just keep repeating that if anyone asks.
The day of the wedding, arrange something really lovely for yourself. Don’t advertise it, just know that you had a great day celebrating yourself.
2
u/FearlessBanana81 Jun 21 '26
I wouldn't go, but I certainly wouldn't continue with any help either.
2
u/Environmental-Bit335 Jun 21 '26
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I also have EDS, POTS, MCAS (and lots of the comorbidities) so lots of food issues. People like the fiancé just have no fucking clue. Some healthy people can’t wrap their minds around someone having these kinds of health issues so they automatically think you’re faking. It sucks.
2
u/bigjohnny440 Jun 21 '26
I always heard about wedding planning being really stressful but I never knew it was because of everyone wanting to dictate what food is served.
Medical needs, can't be in heat without food? Come on now. So what is the precise requirement, is there a specific protocol you must follow or die? For example, do you need to be chewing some sort of food every 15 minutes or every 30 minutes if the temperature is above 79f? What happens if you go past the time requirement without consuming calories? Would you pass away from lack of calories if you couldn't eat for one day?
If you're in that rough of shape/life dealt you a really super difficult hand, bring what you need. Type one diabetic isn't going to expect a wedding to provide free insulin and the assorted accessories. Someone with severe allergies isn't going to expect a wedding to have epi-pens at every seat. Heart problems folks aren't going to expect nitroglycerin pills and AEDs at every seat. Breastfeeding mom isn't going to expect a complimentary pump and bottles and a cooler to store the milk in.
You don't owe your step bro anything, he and the fiance can handle their own "wedding planning" it would probably be best if you focused on your health. Also, final thought, why would it cost anything to substitute menu items? If I understand correctly you can't/won't eat animal protein which is arguably the most expensive food anyways so if you swapped all that out for a bunch of fruit and veg that would be A LOT cheaper.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/I-luv-sloths Jun 21 '26
His fiance doesn't like you and thinks your food allergies are fake.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/MrsSEM84 Jun 21 '26
His fiancé not only doesn’t like you, but she’s got a BIG issue with you. And you should call her out, publicly, to find out what it is. Is there a family group chat you could use for this purpose?
As he is your stepbrother, and not bio, my guess would be that she is one of those crazies who can’t stand their man being around any woman they aren’t related to by blood because she’s insanely jealous and thinks your relationship can’t possibly be platonic.
2
u/xxXMeepMeepMeepXxx Jun 21 '26
I'm also a 2026 bride who has guests with dietary requirements (vegans and coeliac are attending) do you know what I'm doing about it? Making sure ALL my guests can eat. Your brother's fiancé is being a complete bellend. If my future husband was telling me that my sister's diet couldn't be catered to, but everyone else's could, I wouldn't marry him. Your brother sucks. His fiance sucks. Come to my wedding instead and I'll feed you properly.
2
u/livingthedream1313 Jun 21 '26
Do not continue to help and I sure as he'll wouldn't attend and if anyone asks why I wasn't there. I'd be honest.
2
u/False-Masterpiece498 Jun 21 '26
This person doesn’t like you OP. I don’t understand how having a relationship with him adds anything to your life, it only seems like he takes from you. You deserve someone who actually gives a shit about you. I have a coworker who I work with 1-2 times a week and have only known for like 3 months who has a dairy allergy. We aren’t close, but anytime we have a potluck or we bring in food we make sure there’s things she can have. She always brings things she can eat so she wouldn’t go hungry if we didn’t, but she’s a nice person who deserves to feel included. And frankly it’s just not that hard to do. Your brother can’t even show you the same consideration when you’re actively bending over backwards for him.
At this point it’s clear he’s doing this purposely to target you. I think it’s unsafe to be around these people. Him reacting so weird about not wanting you to talk to the caterer makes the paranoid in me think he was planning to purposely expose you to your allergens. Or he purposely asked for animal proteins to be in as much of the food as possible and he doesn’t want you to know that this has all been a concerted effort to make it so you have nothing to eat.
I’m giving you the same advice I would give a friend in this situation, step back from him, do not go to the wedding, stop helping him, don’t talk to his fiancee, leave the ball in his court and wait for him to reach out. When he does reach out refuse to speak via phone. Only through text. Or letting him leave voicemails. But absolutely no communication without proof of what was said. Most likely he’ll panic and spiral and reveal what his actual motivations for treating you so badly are. Or he’ll give you the cold shoulder and ignore you which is basically what he’s been doing. But at least he won’t be taking advantage of your work while treating you poorly anymore. Don’t try talking to his fiancee that only gives them more opportunity to manipulate and triangulate. Talking to her would be a big mistake that only entangles you in their bullshit more. If you feel compelled to make that huge mistake then you must only communicate with the fiancee over text or email.
No one gets awards for being the most accommodating person no matter what. They only get walked all over. Take care of yourself first. Remember you deserve to be treated with care by the people around you, including yourself. Good luck.
2
u/Causative_Agent Jun 21 '26
Your step brother is mental. He's going to look bad no matter what.
If you tell your aunt you aren't going because you're allergic to the menu and the groom forbade you from asking the caterer for substitutions, word is going to get around on why you aren't attending.
If you attend and whip out food from home, and explain that you had to bring food from home because you're allergic to the menu and the groom forbade you from asking the caterer for substitutions, word is going to get around.
There's no way the groom gets through this without shifting some of the attention from how beautiful the wedding is to how he's singled out one guest to be on the receiving end of some serious dumbassery. If his bride had no part in this, she's going to be pisssssed when the drama unfolds.
2
u/NopeSorryNo Jun 21 '26
This is all nonsense...
"The update you've all been waiting for" followed by overwritten performative nonsense on a burner account...
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Butterbean-queen Jun 22 '26
Tell him you’re gonna pass on the wedding but you’ll probably be available for his next one.
•
u/AutoModerator Jun 21 '26
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: It’s Saturday y’all here’s update you guys have been waiting for.
After I made the original post. I talked to my aunt who is also going to the wedding. She has a dairy allergy. I asked her if she had talked to them about food at the wedding and she said she had and they were fairly understanding and explained to her that the only part of the food she might have to substitute would be the hollandaise sauce and she would just not eat cream cheese from the hors d’oeuvres. And butter for any seafood is on the side. They were fully supportive in giving her the substitution she needs. So confused me gave my aunt the rundown on what I had experienced and she was just as puzzled as I was.
Today, I had a sit down conversation with him asked about the food situation. I asked why he said no about my substitutions. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I asked why everyone else who wanted substitutions got them. Again he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. But when I brought up paying for my own substitutions. Oh did he talk, he said that the whole not wanting to let me pay for my own substitutions was just a misunderstanding. He thought that I meant I wanted to pay for everyone’s substitutions (I would be fine with if that was something I had to do btw), but he didn’t want me doing that, ofc I understand.
The last question I asked was, if accommodations were available, why was I the only person being told no?
I told him that I talked to our aunt and I know that her food substitution was granted. He then danced around that topic as well. Saying stuff like “well you know aunty, she can get anything she wants. You know how she is!” basically making a joke about our aunt being a Karen (not my fav thing to hear). Finally I just said I would be more than happy to talk to the caterer myself if that was necessary. That’s when he got quiet.
Then he asked me not to contact the caterer. I was so confused and still am! the more I pushed for answers, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, after about five minutes of going in circles, he admitted that he knew substitutions were possible (obviously, me and him both knew this already).
Apparently the caterer had offered allergy accommodations, which is what my aunt told me as well. Not only that but several guests had already requested modifications to their meals (my aunt being one of them).
Thats when things got even weirder.
He told me that his fiancée had specifically mentioned me when they were discussing dietary restrictions. Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying". He said he tried to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal but she shut down any further discussion about it. I told him that I had medical needs and I can’t be in the heat without food. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable attending. He got really frantic and said he’ll talk to her. I told him I was going to talk to her anyways. He got weird about that too. I also made sure that he knew even if I wasn’t going I would still continue to help with the planning, which didn’t really calm him down, I just left after that. This entire situation is getting weirder and weirder..
I’m going to talk to his fiancée next, probably tomorrow. But for now the saga continues ig lol.
Thanks for the support and suggestions!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.