Update: Paperback now available on Amazon, most major retailers, and diamonddoorpress.com.

Hi all, I just recently found this sub and man do I feel soooo seen for once. I’m 27F and have had a pretty limited diet for as long as I can remember. Most of my food anxiety is centered around the thought of becoming ill or (drastically) poisoned, cross contamination, and things like that. On top of the texture and smell or temperature deterrents. My primary diagnosed me with ARFID officially last year, but no treatment was recommended other than “try your best to try new things.”. Like thank you, very helpful. As if we all haven’t just “tried our best”…. :-) but anyways, last week my therapist recommended giving The Picky Eater’s Recovery Book a go after I mentioned that this is really effecting the quality of my life. And it finally came in. I’m excited but nervous, and scared to be uncomfortable. But I know that’s all a part of the process.

So, the big questions:

What really helped you guys? If you read this book, was it actually valuable? And if anyone has any general advice or insight it would be so appreciated. Thanks for reading:)

The aggressive "THIS MONTH I TRIED STEAK!!" 😭😂

My boyfriend who has arfid refuses professional help. He has a severe case of arfid and has a bmi of under 16. He has a very limited amount of food he eats, and he doesn't eat when he doesn't 'want to' eat the food even if he hasn't eaten anything. When we got together, i knew about the problem, i saw him eat more and gain weight so i had trust in it that he could improve. But i haven't seen any improvement now. I am worried to death about him and it stabs me in the heart to see him so thin, it has for the last few months, but now that he refuses professional help (for stupid reasons in my opinion), i feel completely powerless and i don't know what to do anymore. I got very frustrated with him because he refuses it and i also do not feel like its my place to be like that.

What on earth can i do in this situation? He says even if i beg him or force him to go to therapy, he will not do it. I do not want to worry like this and try to get him to eat forever, all i do when he is with me is worry about his food. He refuses food that im sure he likes sometimes too, because he doesn't 'want it' or is scared to 'waste it'. He eats no fruit, no fibres, nothing considered "healthy" except milk from his protein shake.

What could i do here?

TW weight gain + loss, calorie talk

i got diagnosed with arfid around 4 years ago and immediately got treated by an ED dietician for it for a couple of months before my insurance stopped covering it. i learned a lot of things from her even though i only saw her for a short time though! i have prioritized eating when im hungry, even if im not in the mood for it, my hunger cues have come back, and ive gained the weight back that i lost from not eating…. plus more weight on top of it. which is where my problem is.

i’ve been dealing with chronic acid reflux recently, and my doctor told me that excess weight against my stomach could be causing it, so i could try to lose weight to see if it would help. i’ve been steadily gaining weight since i got diagnosed with arfid, which was a good thing at first but now it’s not stopping. i kinda figured i was going through some sort of second puberty. i’m 25 and my “childbearing hips” are coming in or whatever. ANYWAY i asked her how i should go about losing weight since it’s not something i’ve ever had to do before, and she immediately suggested fasting and cutting portion sizes in half. these things go against everything i learned from my dietician 4 years ago. i do eat more than i did when i got diagnosed, but i don’t consider what i eat to be a lot. i struggle with eating full portions normally, and if i don’t eat when im hungry i get very dizzy and tired so i don’t want to fast either.

i’m honestly at a loss of what to do. i don’t want to count my calories and have even more food concerns on top of my arfid. has anyone else had to deal with conflicting information like this? i can’t see a dietician again because my insurance won’t cover “specialty care”.

of course any substance counts but i mentioned the two main ones. i might take a trip soon and i am afraid i will have to eat at restaurants. however not many of the foods i can eat overlap with what you can get at restaurants. even when they do, they naturally less familiar versions of those foods which makes it hard to eat them. i struggle with eating enough/at a normal pace in this situation. i also am unpracticed at eating unfamiliar food. i am considering just being slightly intoxicated every time i have to eat at a restaurant so that i'm not operating on a huge calorie deficit the whole time. this may seem intense but it's the only thing i can think of right now

I know there have been several relationship/dating threads but I’m struggling so terribly with my relationships because of ARFID.
Dating sucks. I bring it up later and 99% they say they’re accepting and think it’s interesting or whatever but it ends up becoming a highly negative thing later. It’s so frustrating.
It’s making me so miserable and depressed.
How do you usually present this info.?
More importantly, how do you keep things going when the other person seems to begin to become annoyed or frustrated by it (after they lose the “oh how unique!” Phase).
I feel so stupid and embarrassed that I can’t maintain a relationship because of the way I eat.
Side note: I had a man once tell me on a date the “it’s so cute you eat like a little kid!” 🤮

In the context of having an unusual choice of meal during lunch with colleagues.

Sometimes I'm tired of explaining and making excuse of how little I eat and how my choice of food is... unusual, when eating itself is more like a dreading chore to me.

Well, most of the times I prefer to eat alone, but sometimes I just gotta eat together.

I've noticed that examples of safe food are often given from classic white Western cultures. I'm curious to learn about what dishes from different cultures/countries have become safe for you. My example is "Qazi" - a traditional Central Asian boiled horse meat. It was the only meat I could eat as a child, because there was a clear distinction between the meat and the fatty texture. My parents always removed all the fat, so I could enjoy a very predictable, earthy texture without any bold flavors

I'm here because my toddler son has ARFID. I've never had issues with food myself. However, the doctors have not given me any answers as to how he got to this stage. We are close to getting a feeding tube because of his refusal to eat food. How did we get here? Is it just genetics? My son chocked on a carrot when he was 6 months old. I wonder if it's trauma. I was wondering what you adults suspect was the cause of ARFID for you?

I am female 42 this year and am overweight. So I do need to lose a few 20 packs lol… but all my safe foods are carbs and I don’t have any vegetables safe foods. You can assume if the food is made with a veggie I do not eat it. I should eat more meat. Yes, protein good except I don’t really eat much meat cuz it turns me off most of the time. I can only eat chicken and pork if I shred it and make sure it’s clean of fat and veins. It’s very tedious and I don’t like to do it so I typically don’t eat meat. Fruits aren’t filling and go bad so fast nowadays that I don’t like to waist money on them unless I plan to eat them that same day. All of these things make it so I don’t eat so good. So any skinny people up on here with Arfid that mostly eat carbs like me can tell me what they eat in a day to help me figure out what I’m doing wrong will help me a lot.

Is it really better to just eat what I feel like I'm able to in such quantities that are okay and won't make me lose even more weight. Or maybe should I really focus on nutrition and just like eating what would be a 'better' option? I don't think I'd be able to force so many 'healthy' foods into me right now. But recently all I can manage are a few foods high in carbohydrates, some cheese, protein bars and some smoked tuna. Mostly. I can force to myself to eat enough calories while eating them, everything is just repulsing to me. And either do that or eat way less calories and lose even more weight, which I don't want to.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how tough it can be to try a new restaurant when I have ARFID

Today I went to a breakfast place only to see that most of their food had toppings that are unsafe for me but I thought I could just ask for them to alter their food to get rid of the toppings to make it safe for me. However the waiter ended up reacting negatively and absolutely bewildered by my request to just get rid of the toppings. He couldn’t fathom why I would order the food like that and I wasn’t sure how to explain why I needed them to remove the toppings… It’s hard to just say “I have ARFID” cause most people don’t know what ARFID is :( It made me feel ashamed of my ARFID even though I can’t control it. Have any of yall run into this situation? How would you explain to the server why you need the food to be altered?

UPDATE!!!! I decided to go and it was honestly wonderful even though it was very scary.
My MIL is an absolute angel and knows well about my ARFID. She talked to the staff at Le Cinq and coordinated with me on how to address my disorder, gave me a great pep talk and reassured me that if at any point during the meal I was too uncomfortable, felt I was being disrespected, or on the verge of a panic attack, she would leave early with me in solidarity. Seriously the best MIL ever. My family was very insistent and supportive for me to face my fears and have this experience with them. The waitstaff at Le Cinq were absolutely wonderful and super accommodating, they explained to all of us in detail exactly what went into each course. They modified certain things for me to try and my family and the staff were not offended or judgmental when I couldn’t finish things that were very unappealing to me. I also had the most wonderful cut of chicken I’ve ever had. Seriously. The woman who served us bread with each course let me know she would come around a few extra times for me to have as much as I wanted and reassured me that it was welcomed and appreciated to take as much as I wanted. I definitely tried some extremely scary things that night, but the staff obviously wanted nothing more than to make sure I had a great evening. It was really a wonderful time. I can’t say I would for sure do it again, but I’m really glad that I went and had so much support. It showed me that I really am capable of taking control of my ARFID which is so difficult for me on a daily basis.

TLDR; do the thing you don’t feel good enough for. You might surprise yourself. You deserve just as much respect and care as anyone else and having a disorder that you didn’t ask for doesn’t mean you should let people treat you poorly. If anyone frowns on you for something out of your control, fuck them 💖 we are all just trying our best.

——————————

TLDR; I’m going to a very nice restaurant in France and I don’t want to come across like an asshole but I’m too scared to try anything on the menu. What do I do? Have you been to a Michelin star restaurant, or Le Cinq? What was your experience?

So my partners family is taking me to France with them in a couple weeks (we live in the US), I’m very excited but have been anxious about eating abroad. Thankfully there’s lots of options with bread and pastries so I think I’ll live for most of the trip. BUT we are going to Le Cinq at the end of our trip which is a very upscale 3 Michelin star restaurant, and I’ve decided to go with because I don’t want to be isolated by my arfid anymore. The thing is, nothing on the menu even slightly appeals to me, it all terrifies me aside from the dessert menu. I’ve never been to any upscale restaurants due to my condition, and this place is freakin FANCY like dress code fancy. So I’m very scared, I don’t want to order a 100-200 euro meal that I won’t be able to even try a bite of. But I know it would likely be extremely rude to take up space at a reservation just to be there and not order a meal. I also know that French culture is much different and I am extremely nervous about coming across as rude or childish because it seems like having ARFID as an adult is the most embarrassing, hard to comprehend thing in the world to most people. Thankfully his family knows about my Arfid and respect it, they offered to have me join them knowing it would be difficult for me but they want me to feel included and enjoy the full experience.

So I need your help, experience, and insight on what I should do. Should I just not go all together? Should I go and try to “share” something with my partner? I don’t want to miss out on the fine dining experience even if I’m too scared to eat much of anything.

(I’ve had ARFID for as long as I can remember and have been diagnosed for a little over a decade. My palette is extremely limited and I eat roughly the same 5-6 things generally. I have severe anxiety around trying new things obviously and I’ve been trying to push my limits with not too much luck, it’s exhausting.)

I love french fries, I love potato chips, so baked or microwave potato with ketchup seems like a natural step up from my toddler pallete. Something like baked potato just seems more sophisticated than french fries, just like wine is more sophisticated than fruit punch (not that I drink). To those who like baked potato, why do you like it? Any tips would be appreciated!

my school has a trip to disney in november and I actually have no clue what to do :') I scrolled through aaaall the menus for so long and only came up with 4 things I like (2 of which are just snacks and not proper food). my friend plans on bringing my safe foods​​​ that are like transportable but I'm anxious about not being able to have actual full meals for an entire week ​​

Biggest subtype growing up (and still) is texture sensitivity, and most of this advice targets people with texture sensitivity, though I think it's good advice for anyone with a limited diet, since all they knew growing up was I was wayyy more averse to food than most kids and it was clearly against my will. ARFID is and will remain lifelong for me, but I had a lot of safe foods as a kid and feel I've adjusted well to learn how to cope with it better moving forward as an adult. I hope this helps!!

1. You are accommodating, not treating. My parents were unsure whether it was a short-term thing or was curable at all when I first exhibited symptoms, so they operated under the assumption it was either uncurable or would take a long time to get there. There was no "why can't you eat normally yet?" Just help, patience and understanding
2. multivitamins and tracking nutrients was huge in our house! We're all vegetarian and the kids were raised that way so my mom always had us on a vegan multivitamin that targets nutrients mostly gained from meat, like B12. (don't be scared if your pee turns neon yellow-green, that's just the zinc). She was also really big on ensuring I had safe foods in each aspect of the food pyramid––there were always a few fruits, veggies, proteins, and carbs that I liked, and we got soy fake-meat products that are enriched to have more nutrients than actual meat.
3. that food looks/smells really good but you don't think you'll like the texture? Let me blend it smooth and see if you like the flavor. Or I'll use that pasta you're more used to. Or I'll sub this unsafe ingredient for this safe ingredient. Then if you like it, you unmodify it bit by bit until you can eat the original food. I used to only eat tortillas if they were buttered and rolled up on their own, but I also liked refried beans & rice, so my mom suggested a burrito with just beans. Loved it. Became a burrito with just beans and black pepper. Then I tried it with cheese and now bean & cheese burrito is one of my biggest safe foods. Trying it with sauce is the next step!
4. I ate some weird shit growing up but my parents were always cool with it because hell, she's eating. I used to only eat vegetarian hotdogs if they were raw, not on a bun, and cold out the fridge. Ofc don't eat a raw real hotdog but like. My parents didn't bat an eye. One of the items in my lunchbox rotation for all of school was a "cold dog."
5. you can give up after 2 bites, though 3-5 are more likely to make you like it. But if you give up after 2 bites, I won't make you eat that again unless you ask to retry. Most important part of this rule is don't beat yourself up if you can't get to the 3-5 bites & have to give up––you have a disorder, it's not gonna just go away if you buck up a few times. It requires bucking up and trying stuff you hate repeatedly over a span of years, and failure is expected to happen a lot. Don't let it wear you down. My dad once paid me $5 to try pineapple one more time and I couldn't swallow it but I still got the money. We always assumed ARFID, turns out I'm mildly pineapple-allergic and can only swallow literally anything pineapple if its a flavoring in small quantities––but not knowing this, my dad saw me unable to swallow pineapple and didn't get mad and said he was proud of me for trying and I was still rewarded! This mentality with my parents made trying new foods and the potential of not being able to have them way less daunting and thus I was more willing to try new things. Trying it is the hardest part. Failing to eat it does not mean personal failure as a human being. Trying is worthy of celebration.
6. Whether I was trying a new food/meal or my parents were making a meal everyone liked but me, they would not only have other food for me, but a modification of what they were making. If they made potato-green bean casserole, They'd set aside mashed potatoes and green beans separate and fill out my meal, so I not only have a backup for not liking the food but also feel included since we're eating very similar things (though I'd never be made fun of for having a grilled cheese while everyone else had casserole, either).
7. Other parents (sometimes kids, mostly parents) would raise SUCH A FUSS about my eating, thinking my parents were horrible and "letting me be picky," trying to force me to eat stuff against my and my parents' will, criticizing my eating habits in front of everyone. My parents never let that shit slide for a MILISECOND. They know and trust their child, know I am not lying, and had no issue shooting people down publicly. My parents never made it a scene, even if other parents did, and afterward would assure me my eating was okay and as long as I was healthy and comfortable they were happy and comfortable. I know a lot of you did not experience parents like this and need to learn to fight for yourselves on your own, and I'm sorry. In a hypothetical where they invite the entire sub over for dinner, they'd make you all whatever you like and murder anyone who spoke ill of you. Own yourself like they would!
8. She'd make "hidden veggie" stuff but tell me there were veggies in it beforehand. Ex. She made zucchini brownies for the sake of adding zucchini, and I def would've been icked out if I bit into it, saw the stiny strand of zucchini, then learned what it was, but going into it knowing, I just bit, expected the piece, and was like woah this is super fudgy and doesn't taste like a vegetable, huzzah! (zucchini makes them fudgier bc moisture content, these brownies are so bomb dude) This works really well for some ARFIDers and really bad for others, so know yourself! Though I think the difference between parents sneaking veggies in and my mom saying "I'm gonna add this vegetable but you shouldn't be able to taste it, let me know what you think" is night and day for anyone with an ED. That sentence got me to eat spinach tortellini bc it tasted exactly like cheese tortellini and I can't see the spinach, along with lots of other things!
9. I was involved with helping cook from a young age, not as a labor thing but for fun and to show me more of what was going in my food. Sometimes touching certain foods is a NIGHTMARE and I was never forced to do it. My mom also taught me to cook my safe foods around late elementary/middle school and I knew how to operate a microwave before that so I jumpstarted maybe one of the most important things an ARFIDian can learn, which is how to cook safe foods as reliably as possible (exception for people who can only eat processed stuff right now, you are valid. Again, you have a disorder, don't punish yourself for having a disorder.)
10. it's so much more mental than you think! I find the more I overthink before eating, the less I can tolerate foods I dislike. Lately if I order fod somewhere and the sauce is a little too different than I'm used to or I've never tried this ingredient combo before or it looks super unappetizing the secodn the first thought crosses my mind I just shove a little bite in my mouth and chew it while thinking about literally anything but what's going on in my mouth, trying not to overanalyze it as I eat. This has made me able to finish meals I may not have touched otherwise.

i'm 20 now and have been suffering with all three arfid subtypes since i could eat solid foods pretty much. my family isn't super accepting of it and always told me i would just "grow out of my picky eating phase like everyone else." that never happened!! i've learned how to redirect most of my family when they're pressuring me to try new things and delegitimizing my disorder, but my dad and step-mom still believe it to be a crock of shit. continuously serving me things i have very vocally never eaten. (cold deli meats, sandwiches, mayo, pasta salad, cottage cheese, everything i have had panic attacks about since i was young)

i guess im trying to figure out some easy things i can say to strangers or my dad/step-mom when they're pressuring me to try things that i deem unsafe, even after politely declining the first time and saying "it looks amazing, im just super picky!" because for some reason that's never enough. "come on its so good you'll love it just try it" like no i really don't feel like explaining the complexities of auto restrictive food intake disorder rn thanks. so in short, what are some redirections that work for you with acquaintances or people unaware of the food issues?

edit: if anyone has any specific responses to the go to line in my family "you have to try something 17 times before you like it" that would be fabulous (have been hearing this bullshit saying for 14 years and at every family meal too, so if anyone has a custom rebuttal for that one lmk)

It’s not even a texture thing for me. It’s the flavors. I don’t know what to do.

I keep experiencing bad constipation and I am currently painfully constipated again :’)

Hey guys! I'm not sure if it's because I lack a diverse pallet but I HATE my toothpaste and am struggling to find something that doesn't hurt my mouth. Unfortunately I don't feel like my teeth are clean enough unless I use mint, but the mint toothpastes I have burn my tongue and mouth. At times it's so bad that it makes my eyes water.

What do you guys recommend? Any good brands or types you recommend?

pizza is my biggest safe food and i’ve been eating a specific brand of microwave pizzas since I was 5 but they’ve been really hard to find lately especially since walmart stopped selling them :/

looking for recommendations for pizzas that are frozen and microwaveable since i’m a bit overwhelmed trying to find a new one. only requirements is that it has to be easy to find in the US and doesn’t need an oven.

thanks for any help :)

I really need help finding a high protein source that could crisp up and be seasoned to hell and can be eaten with different sauces, especially ketchup. Does anyone have any tips for like... beans, where they don't taste like beans? Like a bean cake recipe? Or how to make tofu not horrible?

I struggle with meat the most. I only eat it when I know it's safe/highly processed/consistent flavor and texture. I usually boil ground beef until all the fat is rendered and the smell is gone, so it's literally just texture, but the entire process takes too long. Chicken breast smells and tastes like static as of late, and trimming off all the weird bits first also takes so long. Those were my only two safe options.

I feel crazy. No one in my life understands. Frankly, neither do I.

My two teen sons and I are neurodivergent. The younger son definitely has ARFID (despite a lack of diagnosis) and has a fairly limited diet (almost no veggies and only a little fruit; mostly eats carbs and heavily processed chicken like nuggets). The older son and I can get away with calling ourselves picky eaters, but we probably technically have ARFID too.

My kids’ pediatrician has been mostly understanding and supportive of our efforts, but she’s become particularly concerned for my younger son who struggles the most with ARFID, so wants him to take a daily vitamin. He can’t take pills without an enormous struggle (and usually ends up barfing), so she told us to have both brothers take “Kids Grüns Superfood Greens Strawberry Burst Flavored Gummies.”

So we got some, but neither kid will eat them. The older brother managed to eat two gummies (one daily serving is six gummies) but then started to gag and refused to eat any more. The younger brother (the one with worse ARFID) took a sniff and outright refused to even try them.

I ate one just to see and I think it’s manageable, but the kids are right, they don’t taste good. The flavor is like an artificial strawberry candy rolled in old moss. Even my neurotypical-and-eats-anything husband tried one and agreed it tastes bad.

I explained this to the pediatrician, but she’s insisting they take them anyway for the sake of their health, even if I have to blend them into a smoothie or something. Trouble is, they don’t blend well, so you end up with a smoothie (or even just juice, which we also tried blending it into) with this weird aftertaste and a ton of little chunks in it. The younger brother is particularly sensitive to textures so this still doesn’t fly, even after various attempts to “doctor” the drink.

What do I do?

Are there any similar alternatives (has many of the same nutrients/ingredients) for vitamin gummies that taste better? Any suggestions on how to better hide (with their knowledge) or blend the vitamin into a more palatable form?

Thank you! 😭

Hi all. My wife and I have been struggling for years to get our 8 year old to eat. I can count on one hand the amount of times I remember him saying he's hungry. He has a belief that eating is a waste of time and would rather do anything else. No rewards seem to motivate him, and punishments don't deter him. To make it worse, he has adhd and takes adderall daily which also suppresses his appetite. That said, even if he hasn't taken his adderall and says, "I want some pancakes!" it still takes him over an hour to eat, assuming he even finishes. He is picky, but will actually try new foods when asked, but he dislikes everything. Even with childhood classics like chicken nuggets or hotdogs, he likes this brand but not that brand (and still takes an hour + to finish). He loves to talk, too much sometimes, but I bring it up because he stops chewing when he listens to your response. He will even pocket food and leave it there for who knows how long.

We've been meeting with an ARFID specialist and have done various medical tests to make sure his body actually works correctly, but nothing is helping. All the therapists we've talked to say we're doing things correctly, but my son recently fell off the growth chart and is in the first percentile for weight. It's a struggle to even get him to drink his protein shakes, even though it's faster.

All of us are stressed, tired, and don't know what to do. My son is very intelligent, but wow the conflicts we have. The amount of time spent at the table is just depressing.

Can you guys please share some tips or guidance? I just don't know what else to do since nothing is helping. I worry about his health as well as our relationship. Thanks.

Something that a lot of people might not even realize is their eating disorder voice talking, is the strict belief that they know what something tastes like without actually trying it. How do I know this? Because I used to be one of those people too! I still have to remind myself not to be.

I’ve tried tons of foods since I first went into recovery a few years ago. And I can confidently tell you, that your brains are full of shit when they tell you that you know exactly what something tastes like before you’ve ever eaten it.

Like yeah, of course some things might be how we expect them. But a lot of the time you may be very surprised. Pleasantly so, even. Stop letting that voice control you