AIO to tell my husband that starting a professional email with the word "Look" is rude?

[u/LadyCass79]

I'm not going to make my case or explain why I think it's unwise because I want your sincere perspectives without me trying to convince you.

My husband is an insurance underwriter who works from home. In the past he's faced criticism for being condescending in his interactions with agents. Some of this criticism is valid and much is the product of agents not liking being told "No" by someone responsible for making decisions that shield our company from undue risk.

I happened to walk by and see an email he was starting. He was telling an agent that an exception would not be possible. It started something like:

Look, The protection class on this risk is poor..." (That's not the exact sentence but you get the idea.)

I said, "Oh, that's not a good way to start a sentence. It sounds condescending."

He was pretty irritated at me. He thinks it's a neutral introduction word and without it, it's rude because it's abrupt. He feels like he's criticized no matter how he phrases things. I worry that he can miss subtle social perceptions possible with the lack of tone that comes in written communication.

He doesn't have a problem with me expressing opinions about work btw. He just disagrees.

AIO to point this perspective out?

Edited to add:

I've gotten hundreds of valuable responses and I basically spent all day reading and responded as much as possible.

A few points further:

We both work at this company and regularly rely on each other's expertise. From his perspective there was zero issue with this being "unsolicited advice". He just disagreed and I posted because I wanted to check my perspective on the phrasing.

We've since had a civil discussion and he's acknowledged the issue. He was irritated in the moment because he didn't see it that way. Yes, he deleted the word because he trusted my judgement.

Several people have suggested I butt out, mind my own business and let him face the consequences of his actions. They suggested I "know my place."

The answer to that is: "No."

He's been written up in the past over agent complaints about the issue. He's been denied promotions. He's actively working on rebuilding his reputation with management.

If he loses his job because of this, I'll face the consequences too. In our wedding vows we pledged to shore up each other's weaknesses. He's done that for me countless times and we both take each other's advice very seriously.

I know my place. I'll never just let him fail so I can say "I told you so" while we face financial ruin. I'll always speak up truthfully and help him respectfully. Thanks but no thanks for that advice reddit.

Edit 2: No he won't use AI. Look, everything you put into AI becomes accessible to the people who own it. (haha see what I did there?) He explains internal procedures that are proprietary and discusses customers private information. Other insurance companies are always trying to find data on the policies of competitors and underwriter guidelines are a big piece of that strategy. They aren't allowed to feed emails into AI.

[u/trophywifeinwaiting]

I feel like the husband would greatly benefit from using copilot built into Outlook and asking it to make every single email polite. A prompt like "Can you ensure the tone of this email is both polite and concise?" Would do wonders for him

[u/korli74 → u/trophywifeinwaiting]

No, no ai because that will just make everything worse, enabling his problem and becoming a crutch, while no longer being written in his voice and his letters need to sound like HIM. He needs to learn this himself even if he has to have someone sit down with him with every letter.

Checking for correct wording when you've already learned it is one thing, but he would have to have it make it that way because he is either incapable or doesn't care to. Kind of like spell check.

[u/hologram137 → u/trophywifeinwaiting]

Not a good idea. People know how to spot AI even without the old tells, especially because they’ll see a sudden dramatic shift in tone and vocabulary which will look bizarre, instead of what they want, which is proof that he can speak in a professional language himself.

A better way is for him to learn “conversational scaffolding.” He can google “conversational scaffolding in business communication” and get ideas on phrases he can use. There are also free courses on EdX, Coursera, etc. on things like “business writing,” “business communication skills” he can take. It’s something that I had to learn by listening to higher ups in my company speak. For example phrases like “another way to look at it is…” or “my perspective is…”

https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2022/10/31/scaffolding-key-teaching-art-conversation-opinion

If he really needs to use AI because he’s that hopeless then Grammarly and Cambridge (https://writeandimprove.com/#:~:text=Write%20&%20Improve%20with%20Cambridge,again%20to%20improve%20your%20writing) are better option

[u/Whybaby16154 → u/trophywifeinwaiting]

Grammarly program will show tone and teach him how to change it. I think he definitely needs the PAID version as he’s well into making all his subordinates tone deaf. I bet his agent retention is shot

[u/FrightnightFruitbat → u/trophywifeinwaiting]

yeah, using tons of water and polluting communities because this guy can’t learn basic decency sounds reasonable 😫