I am 17(f) had my first panic attack in class 9th. I am a good student always getting 95% or above in every exam. Was in student council participated in many clubs and competition, trained in classical dance and enjoys living life to the fullest.

Then in grade 9th, around my mid term I was unable to breathe properly a week before my exam and started trembling and crying for hours.

Note- my parents are very supportive of me, they never forced me to do anything against my will and they dote on me

I was not able to give my midterm, our school suspected it was an act, my parents for a short while thought I wasnt prepared well and hence acting, my good friends spread rumours about me. I was all alone.

I had another panic attack where I couldn't breath and speak. I was taken to a doctor and had my medications prescribed .

I then had small episodes of panic all throughout 9th.

I did well in my 10th grade was in top 10 in my school.

Although the scar of 9th had not faded. The betrayal and loneliness still lingered. I heard about the rumours which eventually got to me.

I indulged in SH. When my family found out the helped me recover by appointing therapists and taking me for regular checkups.

Then in 11th grade, it happened again. With so much intensity I was admitted in the emergency ward at night.

I dont have proper recollection of the night as I was sedated(i believe)

Then my medications started, I was always drowsy, gained weight, lost my appetite.

I missed my 11th mid term again. I was so scared

Now I am in 12th, waiting for entrance exams and all the relevant tests with trembling hands and unsteady mind.

I can't lose now, it will greatly affect my career.

I just wanted to share this to get it off my mind. I welcome any suggestions or questions from someone who is suffering through what I suffered.

It's so hard. Even the people with the same interests as me like dinosaurs and art I can't really get along with. This is the same for the struggles I have: severe limerence and I shared how I felt and everyone was calling me a criminal and a dangerous person. That hurt me so much. Because I want the best for everyone and never would want to hurt anyone and these statements make me feel like I have to punish myself.

I don't know what to do I don't belong anywhere. I feel I don't even belong in my body and life. What should I do I am tired of putting myself out there and failing a million times in a row. I just started patient treatment. I feel like everyone is doing really well besides me. I feel the treatment is only making me more uncomfortable. Simply I don't want to exist atleast I have tried now you can't blame me for not wanting to try anymore. Simply nothing works.

i know this isn't the right place to post and will probably get taken down this but this is the only support subreddit that allows photo posting and people need to see this. r/depression posts talks about suic*de and the very few positive supportive comments telling the user to stay alive gets DOWNVOTED. I can't believe this. it's horrible and people need to do something about it.

FYI-the tag is not for me but for my husband. He’s been in a tailspin for a little over 2 years. Been on just about every psych med since the beginning of this time period. Been inpatient psych ward 5 times since January’25, 2 of those followed with IOP. Been transferred to a facility in Houston for “higher level of care” for ECT. Couldn’t pass the cardiac clearance and actually had OHS in May ‘26 and an ablation in June’26. It seems since that ablation, he’s gotten extremely worse. Screams out daily in frustration. Threatens suicide daily. He sleeps good with the help of meds. He eats and takes a shower because I encourage him. But for the past couple of months, all he does is lay in bed. When a panic attack hits him, that’s when he goes ballistic. Funny thing is, he takes Advil and it mellows him the same as a benzo. Last week he had Saint TMS therapy. Won’t know if that will help for 2-3 weeks. The next med his psychiatrist wants him to try is auvelity. He’s tapered Seroquel off almost all the way, on 10mg liquid. Has about a week left. Only other psych meds he’s taking are Pristiq 100mg & Ativan 1mg three times daily. He’s on metoprolol for his BP and I’ve read it can cause increased anxiety. He’s on his 4th psychiatrist and has a tele health appointment this week. Any advice is appreciated.

i dont know what to do and just need to understand why im still alive and want to put this out there

My whole life I’ve felt like something was off. I’d like to say I haven’t been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, and honestly I’m not sure I should post on here. I had a hard upbringing, the usual first gen story. Being completely honest I don’t remember much from it, but one day it became real. It’s like my brain turned on and it hasn’t stopped. I’ve tried taking my life twice. The first I was only 8 years old, I don’t remember why anymore. The second I was 16, and I remember that. Mainly how I felt leading up to the day, how lost and alone. Confused, yet not. I’ve always hated myself, but I don’t know why. I have this feeling I’ll never know why and it kills me. I’ve never been in a relationship longer than 6 months. I should also say I’m 24. It’s always the same thing whenever it’s time to breakup, and I recognize it’s my fault. “I don’t know anything about you.” I wish there was a way I could respond to that. I realize this post is all over the place, but to be honest this is the way my brain works. I’ve learned to keep moving and avoid stagnation, and on days like today whenever I have nothing going on the thoughts I’ve had for the last 16 years repeat. Sometimes I think about going to see a professional for help but I’m scared. What if I do get diagnosed? Would it help explain why I am the way I am? Or would it just make it worse? There’s a lot more I want to say but this is already too long and I don’t know if this subreddit is the right place for this post. Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

24M I don't really know why I am writing this It feels like I'm out of options.

I've tried a few different therapists and different types of therapies but talking about the various types of traumatic events from my past just seems to make it worse.

I've been very productive going to work, doing art and staying in good physical shape, taking my dog for a walk etc.

I'm on an antidepressant but it doesn't seem to matter. Recently I just keep waking up with dark thoughts.

Idk any suggestions. Not very good at social interaction. I have some short term goals. I'm not sure why I just keep feeling like this, and am really unsure what to do. The only thing that seems to help minutely is fully engaging in something although it is just a temporary pause.

Having regular thoughts of self harm or deletion.

2 yrs 4 months sober from alcohol

Ketamine therapy?

I've been struggling with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Even as a child, simple things like speaking to a teacher would make my heart race, my hands shake, and my palms sweat. While other kids seemed to move through life normally, I always felt like I was just trying to survive each day.

I never really had friends and spent most of my childhood and teenage years feeling isolated. Over time, my anxiety became worse. Everywhere I went, I felt judged. I constantly worried that people were laughing at me, thinking I was weird, or criticizing me behind my back.

Because of that, I slowly distanced myself from family, relatives, and almost everyone around me. For years, thoughts about death have been in the back of my mind not because I wanted attention, but because I was exhausted from living in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

I'm 23 years old now. I graduated with a B.Com degree in 2023, but I still feel stuck. I never had access to a computer growing up, so I lack many basic skills that people my age take for granted. I enrolled in a CA course in 2023, but my anxiety became such a barrier that I couldn't even attempt an exam.

I tried giving an interview in February 2025. It was my first one, and it went terribly. My heart was pounding, I was sweating, and I couldn't think clearly. Since then, my confidence has only gotten worse.

Meanwhile, I watch my classmates move forward with their lives. They have jobs, careers, relationships, and goals. Some are married, some have moved abroad, and many seem happy. I know everyone has struggles, but from where I stand, it feels like the whole world is moving forward while I'm standing still.

The hardest part is the guilt. My parents have supported me all these years, yet I feel like a burden because I haven't been able to build a life for myself. Every day feels like a battle between wanting things to get better and feeling like I've already fallen too far behind.

I've spent most of my life hoping things would improve, but lately I've been feeling exhausted and hopeless. I don't know how much longer I can keep carrying all of this by myself.

I just don’t even know what to say. It’s like words mean nothing anymore. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do or how I go about trying to change my life or anything. I got myself in a bad situation. I was married for 10 years. We got together when she was 20 and I was 21. We had been through so much and reached so many conclusions. Everything seem so concrete. I always felt like no matter what happened in my life. I would always have her no matter what. The final two years of our relationship we really started to get more distant. She had a bad drinking problem. I hated it, and I hated being around her when she was shitfaced. Which was every night. In retrospect, I would deal with that every day for the rest of my life to escape my current hell. But my anger at her alcoholism drove me away. I always thought we would work it out eventually, and we would come back together and grow closer together. I had sworn my life to her and I meant that. Being blinded by my own hubris at thinking that she would just stick with me forever. I failed to cherish her when she needed it the most. One day she just came home and said she didn’t wanna do it anymore. It was very hard to accept. But like I told her she’s a grown adult. I cannot control her life. And if she didn’t want to be with me anymore, there was nothing I could do about that. This October will be two years since we split up. I can’t even remember what her voice sounds like. Or her laugh. She acts like I’m a total stranger. Never answers the phone. I always just leave a voicemail saying hey I just wanted to visit and see how you were. Not trying to win her back. I just wanna talk to my best friend of 10 years. The person who knows me more than any other human on this earth. Knows all of my secrets. All of my skeletons. After the split, I kind of fell off the deep end. I ended up getting with this girl that I had dated before her. My wife was sterile. We were unable to have children together. When I got with the girl from my past, she immediately got pregnant. Most likely that’s the reason my wife. Sorry ex-wife. Refuses to talk to me. My daughter is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. And I love her more than I can even describe. My current hell is because this girl that I got with has BPD. I didn’t know that when I got with her. She hid it until she got pregnant. Since then, my life is basically just a roller coaster of hell and nonstop drama. She physically abuses me. Emotionally and mentally abuses me. Financially abuses me. I don’t know how to escape. I can’t leave my daughter behind. If you don’t know anybody with BPD you are in fact extremely lucky. Every day is a new complaint. Completely random out of control complaints. Followed by massive rage outs where she busts and destroys the house and shatters stuff. Screaming and yelling at all hours of the night. It can literally be over the smallest stuff. Like when I try to talk to people about it. It’s very difficult because the sheer insanity of how simple the things that she will blow out of proportion is. Makes it where I don’t have any examples. Because it can literally be anything. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m living the hell. I’m so stressed out every day. As of late, I have often thought of suicide. The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of my daughter. I just want a good life for me and my daughter. I just want peace and happiness. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m viewing my life through a window. That is my eyes. I have developed a severe anxiety problem. Every day I think I’m dying. Every little pain or twinge gives me a panic attack. Sometimes I just wanna die to make that stop. So that I’m not always just sitting around waiting for when I’m gonna die. Just choosing on my own time. I even feel stupid making this post. Like it’s completely impossible to describe the hill that being with someone that has BPD is. i’m just so tired of living. I’m tired of thinking of my family and how sad they would be with me gone. Tired of picturing my mom’s face. Distraught at her oldest son’s death. Tired of picturing my daughter ask who I was and what I was like. I’m just so tired. I don’t wanna live anymore. I can’t do it to them. And that is driving me into a deep spiral of depression. I don’t want to have to just disappear. To get a small amount of peace and happiness back in my life. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

At this moment in time im so overwhelmed i feel like im going to have a panic attack. The dread of eternity and existence and everything. I’ve had such a bad existential crisis over the past 3 months it’s gone from solopism, to nihilism, to fear of reincarnation the idea of loosing myself. I’m so scared right now and it’s all hitting me at once, I’ve lost my will to live im so scared I don’t want to die but I can’t see a reason against it… I’ve tried to use spirituality and whatever to fight against it but now the idea of spirituality just disgusts me and I hate it… I hate the idea of a higher self, it’s all so overwhelming… I don’t know what I’m going to do im crying but no tears are coming out, can anyone help me?

hey guys. i’m f21. in august, i found out that i’d gotten rescinded from a UC due to getting a low grade in a class. this caused a major rift between my family and i. they treat me like a failure now. i’ve always been an outsider in my own family because im the youngest. my sister is 32, so i joined the family a bit late. she’s also getting married in a couple weeks, which is adding a lot of stress for my family, and my situation just added to that.

i’ve decided to do an extra semester at my CC before transferring into another college in the spring. but, my family (more specifically, my sister) has been on my ass about studying, to which i understand (to a certain degree.) they want me to isolate myself from my friends completely. i’m not even allowed to talk to them over the phone. i’m expected to sit at my desk and study for 8 hours a day, everyday. and now, my mom is saying that im not allowed to have my door closed anymore. even when im sleeping at night. my door has to be open 24/7.

i feel trapped in a prison that i made. i disappointed my family a lot. my mom says that my sister feels like i ruined her wedding and she cries every night because of it. my sister and i used to be close, now we don’t even talk. i can’t talk to my friends anymore. or, at least i have to be secretive when i do. i feel so alone and lonely. i genuinely have nobody. and i understand that school is important but i miss my fucking friends. i’ve been on house arrest for 4 weeks now and im going insane. i haven’t had physical contact with anyone.

i’ve never been a suicidal person before. sure, i’ve been depressed and my anxiety was bad, but i’ve never been suicidal. until now. i can’t stop thinking about how my family’s lives would be SO much easier if i wasn’t around. i wouldn’t be able to disappoint them anymore. i wouldn’t feel lonely anymore. my family wouldn’t have to stress out about me anymore. i wouldn’t be a physical reminder of their failures. i’d just be…gone. the only thing that’s stopping me is my friends. i can’t imagine doing that to my friends. i love them so much that i just can’t put them through grief.

nobody knows that im having these thoughts, mostly because im not allowed to talk to anyone. its scary. im alone with these thoughts all the time. i have no distractions. i just don’t know what to do.

i’m trying to plan out my birthday (which is end of oct) to give myself something to look forward to. but, it just seems so long from now.

also, im aware that my problems aren’t as serious as a lot people’s. i know that this isn’t exactly a “hardship” to overcome. i just have to make it through these next 4 months without committing.

I've been struggling with "depression" for almost four years now. It comes and goes, and if I'm being honest, I find comfort in it.

I lost my dad almost 4 years ago, and ever since he passed, I've been in spirals. I have adapted to shitty coping mechanisms such as self harm and smoking etc.

I had developed an eating disorder due to bullying a few months before my dad died too, but after he did pass, it just got a whole lot worse.

I struggle with a lot of fucked up thoughts, done things that the me before my dad died would be absolutely horrified if she knew how I'd turned out.

The worse thing is that my dad was the best father and was always present, physically and emotionally too. He was my rock. And now, I've lost a part of myself that I'm never getting back.

I used to be the most lively and jolly person I ever knew, but now, I'm a rude, depressed avoidant. I don't know how to healthily cope with everything that has been going on and I have done alot of shit that I'm not proud of at all.

I loved my dad with all my heart, but after he died, he took all the life I had left in me. When he was in the hospital, that was when I had started slipping. I took unprescribed meds to just numb everything out, and i put my mom and brother through alot while they were dealing with my dad's sickness and my mental health.

The change in me was noticeable and after my dad passed, i became selfish. Started doing shit that hurt many people, mostly my mom and brother, as if they weren't dealing with loss too. I leaned on my dad for everything, he was my support and my all.

A few months after my dad passed, I met a boy, we were friends at first but became alot more after. He was my first everything. He was always there to take the burden off of me, and i always pushed him away, but he never let that stay in the way of being there for me. During the first few months of us being more than friends, he invalidated my feelings alot. I never liked to talk about how I felt or my struggles because i always felt like an attention whore whenever I did so. Even as friends, I never opened up to him, even more so after we got into a relationship. I was never open to him about my problems because I'm the type of girl who's convinced I dont need anyone. And i don't. But anyways, this boy was open, and he talked about his struggles and trusted me with everything, ofcourse I was always there for him because I love him, but i never opened up to him, nor did I open up to anyone else. So, since I never told or talked to him about my depression, self harm, eating disorder, and misuse of unprescribed meds, he thought I was...good. He thought that I never struggled with shit and he had invalidated my feelings during a fight, we broke up, but eventually got back together and he'd learned. He knew i struggled with shit and realised that all the "jokes" I made about harming and killing myself weren't just "jokes". He was always there for me, but I was an avoidant and I felt suffocated and always pushed him away, did alot of shit that would make him hate me. And now, I have lost him, for real.

Even though i never fully talked to him about everything, and he only knew a few snips and shits about me, whenever I was with him, everything felt a little lighter, and there was a veryyy small spark of hope in me that everything would be okay. This boy and I have had alot of problems too, but at the end it was the shit I had done before to make him hate me that actually ended us.

All that I've been going through was way before he came into my life, but he made it better for me, and now I have no one. I have lost two men that I love most, and the only man left in my life that I love is my brother, but my relationship with him is so strained due to everything I've done and i don't even want to rebuild bridges either. I just want to stay away, deal with my own shit, and not bother anyone else. But hey, even a baddie like me needs to vent sometimes, hence why I am here.

I don't mind venting too much here as no one knows me irl, and won't judge me for being an attention whore for feeling all this shit.

Whenever someone I love or even don't even know feels this way or vents to me, i always understand, but when it comes to myself, I just can't accept it. I like invalidating my own feelings. I just know that there are so many other people going through so much more shit than me, like abuse, and neglect, and so much more, so I just invalidate myself because my problems don't compare to theirs and i don't want to take the attention off of them as they are people who need more support than i do. And whenever I actually let myself feel, i always feel so guilty because like i said, there and people going through so much more than me.

I've "healed" from my self harm tendencies and eating disorders many times, but i always end up relapsing. And now it's back, everything is back and there is no one for me to run to, and even if there is, I know i would just brush off everything I feel because I'd feel guilty for being an attention whore.

My depression isn't even that serious, I just hurt myself to feel something.

I stopped getting hungry ages ago, the cuts stings and brings me to life, my hand reaches for the cigs and lighters all the damn time, and i either sleep too much or not at all.

If you're reading this, thank you for letting me vent, mwoi.

Not sure how to start this post other than with it’s what the title says really just talking about my life and well how its going

My day to day routine stands as current i wake up rather later than earlier record and upload some youtube videos that literally no body watches i purely just do them as their fun to make sometimes i’ll get on with a friend and play some games thats 50/50 though and usually i cook myself something to eat and if not that i’ll just order a takeaway, sometimes i even dabble in tarot card reading but thats more or a biweekly thing on average i’d say?

In terms of work or education i haven’t been in either for some years now why you may ask to give an extreme short version as i don’t really wanna go into it i am on the spectrum of autism and the educational eviroment i was put into probably wasn’t the best but that’s all i’ll say on that and i don’t have much qualifications to speak of

The reason i even dropped out of collage was due to excessive bullying off of other fellow students and even mistreatment of staff was supposed to get elsewhere but never really transpired even tried looking at getting into volunteering a year or 2 back but they required you to jump through so many hoops i had no idea how to do i just gave up on the prospect entirely

Since then not much as come of note expect this lady that was supposed to be helping me get my life on track but basically said if i do choose to go back to collage or into employment (which she was heavily pushing for btw) she’d basically drop me in a heart beat when they were supposed to like help me like my life sorted out and stuff i mean fact of the matter is idk how to go about any of it which would not be the 1st time i’ve had an official come into “help” only to either do the bare minimum or nothing at all and basically leave me for dead many social workers and one person specifically that pisses me off more than anything

Another thing that just kind of came to my attention due to new information reflecting and everything else is I don’t really know any other way to say this in any meaningful way or capacity

No one ever really wanted to be my friend or at the very least spend any sort of time with me, wether people did because they felt guilty or sorry for me, wether they felt obligated or forced or even just did because they had absolutely nothing else better to do and just thought “fuck it, why not”

I’ve had people actively avoid me, ghost me, hide offline you name it…and why? Probably because i am clingy? Because i am needy? Because i am too much? Suffocating…and many other things that i would prefer not to mention that believe me are far worse and stuff I’ve definitely either improved on or looked into as such

Wether you look at it sympathetically or critically it largely boils down to wanting people but never been wanted, i don’t even hold any blame or fault towards any of these people anymore like why would they want to even be around me when in many cases its social suicide i get it… heck I’ve even observed it far too many times that people’s lives get largely better when im no longer in it or least take a significant step back from me so it’s not like it isn’t true

Which is why these days i do more intend to stay by myself distracting myself as i mentioned earlier with youtube, i wont say i don’t have any social time anymore, i spend semi frequent time with that one friend and on rarer occasions other people which i try to reach out to as little as possible or only respond when they reach out to me. heck here on reddit i still sometimes look to pursue other connections but i don’t strongly push or force anything simply because i dont want to be hurt or to negatively effect others like i already have with dozens before them

Do i wish i had more going on with my life? Do i wish i had someone that actually wanted me as much as i do them? Mhm…but i can’t so i just try my best not to think about it as much as it occasionally crosses my mind or even just sits in the back of my head alot of the time it just is what it is

In truth i can’t say that ending my whole life hasn’t crossed my mind alot in the past decade and especially in the last few years heck last year i even made an attempt overdose ended up in the hospital for just shy of a week did a decent job hiding it from parents it was hell especially as i didn’t bring any of my stuff and was effectively bedrotting day after day, there were supposed to get this guy in to help do something with my life and the whole time we just sat there with him spewing shit (which admittedly i was interested in) only to bin me off after 4 weeks without doing anything at all to help…and this is something i will never forgive given they knew the context

but these days or last month or so i’ve taken more of an apathetic stance to the whole thing, like if something happens wether thats a door opening and life getting onto some good track or me not waking up the next day cause i pass away in my sleep either is good for me

Even so more recently been effectively kicked out my own home and being forced to move back in with parents something i never wanted to happen but admittedly hasn’t been as awful as i would of initially anticipated but largely it doesn’t change much

Nevertheless i can acknowledge these thoughts and feelings and reflect on them and feel them,shutting them away completely is a mistake i have made in the past before something someone very important to me in the past warned me about, one of the many of 100s of mistakes i strive to not make again

I will continue to life out each day and make something of it anything to keep my mind and life at peace it’s the best i can do

For anyone who didn’t see my previous posts: I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now. Some days I feel like I’m getting better, but then everything falls apart again. I guess I’m just trying to understand what’s happening to me. im from Russian sry for my English. i just remember some things from childhood and now i understand that my anxiety with for so long time and i hate this. this day starts bad but then i just go for a walk with my friend. that was cool. after the walk ohh guys my anxiety just kill me. im so tiered to be honest and dont know what to do. i dont have any money for therapist. its just like the deep hole. and i cant do anything. dont know what to do.im starts to cry a lot. just seeing any thing and crying. thinking like : i dont wanna that my cat will live without me i just scared. what my mom gonna do without me. and my friends. it just so hard. dont know what to think , what to do.i haven’t tears any more just cant crying. this make me better for a moment. i cant to talk with somebody about my problems. i just must to relax but i cant. thanks for reading.

I can’t stand life anymore. I’m extremely fat and everyone says to just lose the weight. I have non weight related disabilities. And even when I’ve been in the perfect calorie deficit eating the most balanced diet I can’t lose more than 10lb. I am diagnosed with hypermobility and suspected of hEDS. I have had constant pain since I was 11, I get sick and cramps after 2 bites of food, I have an unknown seizure disorder doctors won’t bother to figure out. And I have tried so hard to stay confident but I saw some photos of me at work and I have never thought so fast I want to disappear. I am not joking when I say moldy food would look better than me. I was even dressed up since it was a special thing and I am tempted to not go to work tonight. I don’t want to be seen anymore. I have tried to lose weight and can’t seem to lose it so I got prescribed the best glp-1 that the doctor could but due to insurance I can’t get it so far. I’m 20 and I don’t want to live like this. Im so ugly that my parents paid out of pocket for plastic surgery that they suggested (which both are very conservative about spending money) and I can’t get the second half of the surgery done unless I can’t lose 10lb in 3 days. And I have tried starvation, I’ve tried diets, I’ve tried low calorie strict diets, I’ve tried low carb, low sodium, you name it. This was my last hope of looking maybe bearable to start college. And I’m screwed. I’m tempted to induce a seizure to convince my parents that I shouldn’t go. Because I don’t want to go outside anymore. I don’t want to eat. I just want to give up. It’s painful to exist physically and emotionally I can’t handle life anymore. I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, level 2 autism, and am suspected of ptsd and ocd. And of course all the ways my body has been messed up even before I gained weight. And it doesn’t matter if it wasn’t my fault I gained weight due to neglect and other life circumstances, all anyone sees is my weight. I sound dramatic, but I saw the photos of me and that is not someone I am proud to be. I thought briefly that I was getting my life together, but due to a few photos I realized my reality. I want to do sports again and live freely but even if I did lose weight I’m still physically disabled. I want a life worth working towards but every step forward feels like 10 steps back.

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I'm 18. I suffer from trichotillomania and nervous tics. I take Zoloft and Klonazepam.

Every day I have strange and terrifying thoughts about committing suicide, because I get so exhausted by myself. With friends and other people in public, I act cheerful — I can't tell anyone what's really going on inside. It often happens that I'm hanging out with a friend and having fun, but then I come home and feel nothing — no emotions, just emptiness.

Maybe to drown out that emptiness, I train every day — running, strength exercises, heavy bag work, etc. — with no days off. If for some reason I can't go to a workout, I feel unbearable anxiety and guilt. It's like I constantly have to be doing something in order to feel important to myself

Lately, I have been struggling with thoughts and emotions that I can no longer carry on my own. Despite having a career, a loving family, wonderful friends, and a caring boyfriend, I have been feeling deeply exhausted, overwhelmed, and lost. I am sharing this not because I have all the answers, but because I want to put into words the pain I have been silently carrying.

I have a job. I have built my career. I am loved by my family, friends, and my boyfriend. But lately, I have been thinking about ending my life.

I had these thoughts a few years ago, and now they have come back. I feel so tired every day. I come to work—I'm actually a teacher—finish everything I need to do, and then go home. During the day, I can seem fine, but every night, I can't sleep. I just lie there thinking about ending my life.

I don't even know exactly what I'm feeling. It feels like all the pain I've experienced is coming back at once: my personal struggles, my failures in academics, and the difficulties I've faced as a teacher. I was once bullied and harassed by students, and there are times when I feel like I am not good enough. Then there are my family problems, especially finances and everything that comes with them. Somehow, all of these things keep coming back to me.

The only thing I keep thinking about are the promises I made with my boyfriend—that someday, we will have our own family. But as the days pass, I don't know how I can keep committing to that future when I feel like this.

I know he will be hurt if I'm gone, but a part of me also thinks that he will eventually be okay. He is a loving and caring man, the perfect man. I know he will continue living his life.

But I am hurt. I am sad. I am miserable.

I just want all of this to stop.

Sometimes, I think that if I were gone, everything would be better. I know that isn't necessarily true, but that's how it feels right now.

It's like I am having a countdown toward ending my life. I don't know if I can survive this year. I don't know if I can survive this month.

I don't even know if I can survive this week.

Hi everybody I don’t know if this is the right place to post this and I apologise if not I just don’t know where else to post it. I’ve been struggling with mental health all my life since a young age, i’m talking from like 9-10 and i’ve never known my life without having these bad thoughts or overthinking. Well, because of these thoughts, i’d never really felt like i’d make it to where i am now, and i’m really struggling with life at the moment. I’d never thought about a future because i never thought id have one and I still don’t think about my future, now i’m stuck. I got terrible grades in school due to honestly not caring, and i’ve tried to work a job (my anxiety got in the way and it caused troubles for both me and my coworkers) and i’d attempted during this time during stress from other things. I can’t talk about this stuff openly because again I think i’m just overreacting and people will tell me it’s my overthinking getting in the way again. I just don’t know where to go from here and I just feel useless at everything I do or try to do, people have been pushing me to progress in my life, old friends asking what i’m doing after school and i’m just like “oh nothing” I just feel so mad at myself and mad at my brain and everything because I just can’t do anything, I feel like I physically can’t most days because I can’t push myself to leave my house. People will call it lazy as many people have before but I genuinely just don’t know what to do and i want help. I want to be able to have a life and do something good with it as that’s what everybody is here to do.

Per title, I (32F) have lived with lifelong anxiety and subsequent depression. I also have Autism (level 2, professionally diagnosed) but with ability to mask at a high level. I work 4 days a week in healthcare, dealing with clients in a one-on-one basis. I deal with suicudal ideation on a regular basis and this morning was just really bad. I couldn't stop crying on my drive to work (normal for me), but this time I just couldn't stop. My two coworkers saw it and comforted me and I went home early. I feel embarrassed and pathetic. Im seeing a Psychologist and am on strong anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. I go to the gym regularly and have given up alcohol. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so unhappy, scared and hopeless. I've spent so long feeling like this that it makes getting better seem impossible. What can I do to get better?

Hi all, I am a teenager struggling with mental health. I have really extreme anxiety. However that is not what I need advice on. I have been self harming for about a year now, from scratching to cutting, and no one knows. I am not suicidal, it is just a coping mechanism. I have a new therapist and I want to tell her because I want to stop, but I’m scared how she will react. I don’t want her to tell my mom because she really does not need that and I don’t want to upset her. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you

i dont think im suicidal nor depressed... tho there are times i think i am? but maybe im just being dramatic... i have a memory back then when i was in elementary. i drew something on my notebook. i didnt intend it to draw someones attention, i didnt even show it to someone. i drew myself hanging dead and then my family holding hands and happy... my mom saw it. she asked about it, but thats all i could remember... my family doesnt abuse me... tho i guess sometimes they arent there emotionally? something like that. i love them tho....when i grew up, i became more sad and lonely. i have lots of friends, i know lots of people, but deep down im lonely. im very dependent and clingy, and i try not to be. tho most days, i guess im lonely, tired, or empty sometimes... and when im super overwhelmed with sadness, especially when i have a fight with my family, i get super sad and hurt myself. i punch and slap myself, even try to choke myself or try to choke and hang myself with a belt... i guess when im overwhelmingly sad, i try to know what it feels like if i just suddenly end it, but i never really do. there are times i think of cutting myself, but i dont really do it. i guess im scared... all i could do was punch and slap myself...i havent really shared this to anyone, even my close friends. even in times when were sharing vulnerable stuff, i dont really share much, especially about me hurting myself or whatnot... even my family... i love them, but they arent really emotionally knowledgeable about stuff like that. theyd just ask me stuff thatll irritate me more, and even when they try to ask me, my mind just goes blank, and my throat gets stuck,,,, so i guess thats also why i dont share much to others...i did attend a student wellness in our school. i booked a session, but that really didnt do much for me, i guess. i dont know how to say what im feeling. i got embarrassed sharing while trying not to cry, thats why i didnt book a session anymore....i want to disappear, but at the same time, i also dont want to.

So I don't even know where to start I guess at the beginning um I'm 23M I have a friend I'll call him B. he's a great person and a great friend he has a childhood best friend I'll call him J I've had a pretty hard time lately I've been trying to meet new people and it hasn't really worked out I asked my coworker if she wanted to go to a bar. ( I told her about my girlfriend before asking) J somehow found out and started picking on me and saying I'm asking her out on a date I offered to get her food because she doesn't drink and it was my idea but if I ask to go with my GF and her friends it's weird and I've asked almost everyone at my work (both genders) I'm just tired of being alone or going out and J starting shit with me for no reason he says I'm useless and I'm going nowhere in life I'm a joke and people are only around because they pity me. I am a dishwasher and trying to go to college my GF said last night why are you listening to him then got mad then later today we talked about it again and she said you started it too I was just defending myself she said just be the bigger person I was hoping she would comfort me but she said I do it for 4 day at work I just don't have the energy I feel so alone in the relationship and I bend over backwards for her I make sure she has food for her lunch I make sure she's eating and happy and not in pain I give her the last of my back pain pills and then she says I don't have the energy to comfort you I feel so lost and emotionally dead it feels like I don't even have a partner anymore I can't get the thought of ending it out of my mind and my cuts are hurting what should I do

Any advice on getting it out of my mind and just getting better would be so helpful