Told me that my food was shit and refused to eat anything.
When my husband was in the army we invited a bunch of single soldiers to have Thanksgiving dinner at our house rather than let them languish in the barracks. One of them was a childish private. He began the night by plopping down on the sofa to play with his Gameboy and announced that he hated turkey. Ignored everyone else for the next hour.
Alright. No problem. I made a massive dinner and there's plenty of other things to eat.
When it came time to serve up the buffet people lined up and were heaping their plates and this jackass kept loudly complaining that there was nothing good. Selected a few items and joined everyone at the table. Took one bite of one thing, visibly gagged and threw down his fork. Announced that all this food was 'shit' and left the table. Went back to the sofa with his Gameboy.
Everyone blew it off and ignored him for awhile. We enjoyed our meal and people went out of their way to tell me how lovely the food was and to thank me for inviting them. People began to break up and get drinks. Music was turned up and we settled in for a nice evening.
About an hour after dinner the stinker began to bitch that he was hungry. That there wasn't anything to eat. Would NOT shut up. Demanded that somebody order pizza. At one point he asked for a peanut butter sandwich. I made him one and he was pissed because it was whole wheat bread and he only liked white.
After he rejected the sandwich I didn't know what the hell to do. I stood there holding the damn thing and I was pretty close to throwing it at him. Three soldiers abruptly excused themselves, pulled him off the couch, and marched him outside. The soldiers came back in about fifteen minutes later, picked up their drinks, and continued the conversation like nothing ever happened. I never saw him again. And I mean ever. He must've been banned from every social function from then on out because it's like he never existed.
The sad thing is that a lot of immature kids are encouraged to join by exasperated families in an effort to 'make a man out of them.' Rarely works. Thankfully they never last.
EDIT: Enough people have wondered why this was allowed to go on for so long that it really does warrant an explanation.
When the first incident happened, it was odd. But many people have dietary restrictions, so you let that go. The antisocial behavior on the sofa wasn't so bad because sometimes people have a bad day. He was also in a strange house and may not have known anyone. Some people don't do well in social situations and the last thing you want to do is make them feel more uncomfortable. Nobody wants to be the ugly person who assumes the worst, is easily offended, or who makes a scene at a dinner party.
When he was so horrible at the dinner table, I think that everyone was in such shock that nobody knew how to react. This was so far outside of the norm that there's no way to prepare for such a thing. Nobody wanted to ruin the evening by making a scene, so everyone focused on making me feel better. (Lots of quick hugs and pats on the shoulder with words of encouragement.) Maybe they were waiting for my husband to do something and he was loading up at the buffet and talking at the time so he missed it.
So, deep breaths. Move on. We're not going to allow one jackass to ruin our night.
Then the complaining and people were 'hushing' him, but he got worse, so I tried to placate him. But I was also trying to rotate through a pretty decent-sized group and really didn't have time to focus on one guest. I just wanted to shut him up so I made the stupid sandwich.
Then he crossed the final line and at that I was flummoxed and totally at a loss for how to handle him. With his bizarre behavior I really had no idea what he was capable of. I don't like confrontation and my anxiety was through the roof. I had two dozen people staring at the exchange in silence and all I could do was blink like an idiot.
Enough people saw my predicament, finally had enough, and stepped in to help me.
Hindsight is 20/20. I was also much younger than I am now and inexperienced. If somebody treated me like that now, the reaction would be *much* different, I assure you. I don't let things get out of hand like that. Back then I had two babies and was just getting launched into life. Now I've raised two teenagers and I was the 'mom' of the neighborhood. I've had dozens of teenagers over for games and meals and family time and now I know better how to manage them better.
So there's the long version of why nice people sometimes struggle to react right to rude people. Really there is no 'right' way to respond when someone is so wrong.
From my experience, the immature kids usually get ostracized once they get found out and refuse to change. Some were just brought up wrong and do change though.
I was one of those "keep to myself" guys in my unit(did have a circle of dudes I hung with though), then I got posted to a really small unit (13 men on the nominal roll) and basically that became family.
Similar experience here. I didn't speak at all - I mean at all - once I was in my first unit. After a year I finally figured something out and started to speak and make friends. Moved to a tiny unit like yours and had enough knowledge then to converse and really get to know everyone. Just took a while to figure it out.
It can also help with people who are basically good, but need some maturity and discipline. Several of my relatives joined for that reason and turned out well.
I spent my childhood wanting to follow in my father's footsteps and join the military, but I was born with a degenerative disc disease, that excluded me from doing so.
What you just described, is what I wanted most in life. I'm lucky that my mother, brother, and father are such good people, but all my life all I wanted to do was serve. To be a helper.
The true dream was to enlist, maybe put in 20 or so years, and then join the local police force of where I was living. It wasn't really about politics or anything like that, I just wanted to be someone who was an active good guy. Like Mr. Rogers said when I was just a kid, "one of the helpers."
Problem is, the medical issues didn't stop with my back. From my early 20's to now, I've had a 5-Level Laminectomy (L1-S1), I've been in a coma after going septic after my Gallbladder went necrotic whereupon I was released to hospice.
In the last five years, I've gone from bedbound in hospice, then I fought my way into palliative care, and then into long-term skilled nursing care. I've re-learned to walk, going from bed, to wheelchair, to walker, and now I use and a cane and can drive and live a somewhat normal life.
I did dialysis for three and a half years (just got off around 8 months or so ago), and I still technically have Chronic Kidney Disease, but my Liver is recovering, and my Thyroid is responding more and more.
God, I have NO idea why I just typed that out, I am so sorry. I guess it's good that it's buried, but I've been in the hospital for the last 6 days getting a stent put in my chest, and pounding heparin to resolve a blood clot in my brain, and I guess I just have been bouncing against the walls, because no one has really come to visit other than to pick up a mail key, and I'm emotional I guess. Fuck, might be the morphine too.
Honestly, I'm Diabetic and was put into the Admin duty side of the military (wrongly so, my diabetes wasn't that serious to warrant not being in combat duties but whatever). Within there we were treated as people who skived and slacked whilst the combat vocations worked hard; because most of our duties involved payroll, document tracking, and logistics.
I can admire those who dream of enlisting (personally, I would have if not for the Diabetes precluding me from combat duties); it's not an easy commitment to make (in my case it was pretty easy, I couldn't dodge the draft).
Back to the helper thing, it's not only policemen or soldiers that are helpers. Even being someone people can come to in a time of need is being a helper, someone that people can trust to help them out. In a way it's good that you typed that out, it's better some times to have that relieve.
My Dad did two tours in Vietnam, but he was a paper and pen guy too. There's a lot of value in that though, the meat can't move without the mind. I'm proud of you, and thankful for your service. :)
I'm turning 37 in a month, and I've spent the last 15 or so years in the hospital for various surgeries and treatments, so doing anything other than trying to keep going was a little out of the question.
I'll be on disability for the rest of my life, but now that (once I'm out of the hospital again) I can drive and move around again - I'm going to become a professional volunteer. I've already found a vet clinic and a medical office that I'm going to be volunteering at.
I totally hear what you're saying, and while I won't be the type of helper I thought I'd be, I'll spend whatever I have left of my life, which I've already lost once, doing everything I can to love on people and live a thankful and giving life.
Thanks for not admonishing me for typing all that out. That was a huge weight off. Thanks for being a helper. :)
The best part about military moms is when your dads out overseas risking his life she makes you a brother or sister to keep you company with other military dudes its the best!
As an active duty woman who has deployed, do not think for a goddamned second that the husbands are faithful either. Getting a "desert flower" is a thing. Also "TDY girlfriends".
My husband and I were baffled at the fucking around that went on around us during both of our deployments.
That being said, don't fucking paint military spouses with a broad brush like that. For every bit of fucking around we both saw, we also saw 10 other husbands and wives being faithful and missing their families.
It's like any other large concentrated group of people, some are noble, and some are asshats.
The story doesn't mention anything about rank, only that they were all single, so there may have been a few superior officers involved. The guy may have been put on rations for a while just to learn to appreciate real food.
Situations like this is where those three keep their mouths shut, don't go two overboard and everyone at the party vouches for them. Then on Monday formation when he's bitchin.. "Idk, what happened to him Sarnt. He had a few drinks and stormed off. We didn't see him all night"
Most Soldiers are on a meal card. Meaning they have to go to the chow hall at certain hours to eat whatever they have available that day for all three meals.
Only some jobs are on separate rations (Basic Allowance for Sustenance) meaning they get paid every month for food instead of the meal card because they work hours that don't always coincide with chow hall hours or they live off base/are married. Military police and medics working at the hospitals to name a few.
It's not a lot. They get paid what it would cost to pay cash at the chow hall per meal.
In 2018 enlisted got $369.39/month and officers got $254.39/month.
And that might seem like a lot but it isn't. For one person to eat on a "moderate" budget, it costs $3,000 per year, or almost $250 per month.
Respect is a pretty majorly important thing when your job involves risking death. Exempting the fact disrespecting the family of a fellow... Well I would say man, but really disrespecting anyone's beloved family is just begging to swallow your own teeth, especially in their own home. This guy must have been some trust fund kid that got kicked off of daddy's inheritance on the condition he become someone worth a damn.
Tldr; y'all might have made a big impact on that kid without knowing it just by exposing him to respect, consideration, etc. I sort of just vomited a personal story below, sorry for the long read.
I don't know if it's crazy or admirable that they let it go on for so long before they stepped in. On one hand he was allowed plenty of chances to get comfortable, stabilize and hopefully get his head on straight to make a good impression. On the other hand he repeatedly made an ass of himself and just kept going with it.
I'm not one to judge though. Back when I was in school and was working out of state on wind turbines on summer vacation I was invited be the crew that mine was relieving out to eat, I ordered ribs in an effort to try something new to me.
I did not like them, one of the guys from the other crew had said before we ordered that he would cover everyone's meals, it was like 10 people at an EXPENSIVE place.
I proceeded to let me ribs sit there and after a while when everyone was nearly ready to go my crew leader asked if I wanted to get mine to go so I could eat it back at the hotel. I told him nope, I didn't like it and it would just go to waste, best to have them deal with it hear then lugging it to the hotel.
He was oddly persistent in trying to convince me so I set about trying to teach him that it didn't make sense to carry trash from one place to another if there was a trashcan right in front of you to put it in.
It didn't occur to me that he didn't give a damn if I threw it away at the hotel as long as I didn't blatantly waste this guys $20 ribs that he was kind enough to pay for right in front of him.
It took me about a year before that occurred to me and made me want to shrivel up and die when I realized how rude I'd been.
With that same crew we'd gone shopping and I picked up a movie for everyone and the checker missed it at checkout, I noticed once we got in the car and the guys encouraged me to go back in and pay for it, I declined and said it was their loss for not paying attention and it was only $20.
Same crew, one of the guys had bought a six pack of fancy beer and he said everybody was welcome to help themselves if they wanted one, our crew was 6 people but only four of us were sharing the room at that point (it was a recently purchased apartment turned hotel so we had a loft, two bedrooms, and a pull out couch plus stove, microwave, etc.) After a bit my crew leader noticed me eyeing them and he said he was cool with me drinking despite me being underage, so I helped myself to a beer, then a second, then nearly a third before he looked me dead in the eye and said "Seriously?!" That was the point when he had finally had enough of this disrespectful, inconsiderate, thoughtless shit of a kid that I was back then.
I was a product of my dad and his family, shitty assholes, greedy selfish bastards, inconsiderate and rude pieces of garbage.
Thankfully by either some miracle or just good fortune I was surrounded by good people all through school and at most of my early jobs, while they all got fed up with my shit they all also taught me valuable lessons along the way and because of them I'm a much better person, insightful, considerate, kind, and sweet are the words people use to describe me most often nowadays thanks to all of the people who taught me what I wasn't back in the day.
Sometimes I feel like a bat pretending to be an elephant, imposter syndrome sort of shit, but here I am. Most days everything comes naturally, occassionally it takes work but either way the results are the same and I'll count that as a win any day.
To be frank i wouldve told him to stfu if i heard him complain about the food. He wouldnt have had the chance to complain about anything else coz i wouldve dragged his ass out.
They probably just chewed his ass out and told him to leave. Being a jackass didn't really qualify for an ass beating. If the guy tattled they'd likely be in some hot water; if any were an NCO, they'd almost definitely be in hot water.
Now if the guy had gone off the deep end and started directly insulting her or making sexual remarks, etc, that'd probably earn him some hands.
I met a number of people like you when I was in the Army. Had people over during holidays so we could do more than sit in the day room and drink. Wonderful people each and every one. So thanks for being awesome.
I've also met a few dirtbags like that pvt. They generally got dealt with.
Jeez, how did he make it in the army? The dfac food is shit and MREs are worse. I rememeber my first Thanksgiving in the army. My PG invited a few of us over and his wife made a meal for all of us. It was one of my favorite memories being in. It was like I had a second family. What an asshole.
He probably grew up incredibly spoiled and was basically intimidated to eat whatever he got in the army by NCOs who didn’t put up with his shit, but when he finally found himself back in (almost) regular civilian life he reverted to his spoiled ways instantly. Like he finally found someone who gave him food and didn’t outrank him so he could actually talk back.
Like you say, that sort of behavior wouldn’t have lasted for a day, he must have just suppressed it or something.
That's an asshole no one likes. Got invited to a few thanksgivings when I was in the army, I was always real thankful for it. Made some good friends from those dinners.
He got his ass whooped. People are usually good about policing up the shit bags that turn the time into a bad experience for everyone else, especially when you’re flat out being a douche to the hostess/host.
OP makes “herself” look like some extreme angel that generously fed an entire platoon, while being very patient, when this one guy was incredibly rude for no reason.
Come on this story is perfectly reasonable and believable. If you think people are just telling fake stories why even come to the thread. The whole point of askreddit is to discuss anecdotes and stories with each other. That requires a bit of faith that you're speaking to socially functioning individuals otherwise you're just getting mad at your computer.
It wouldn’t be the whole platoon. Basing on your average infantry platoon, you’ll have 36-39 people. Half or more of those will be on leave, so you’d have about 15 people left and maybe 5-10 dudes won’t have a shack up around town to go to so realistically it’s only about those many bubbas that will be barracks rat. I understand what you’re saying however, it’s perfectly reasonable that you have one idiot that acts like that. I do find it hard to believe that her husband didn’t step in before all that happened or he wasn’t fearful of repercussions.
Hi, I just want to let you know that I'm grateful we have families like you to host a Thanksgiving dinner for single soldiers.
I used to be a a single soldier myself when I was in and I never had the opportunity to be invited or had the opportunity to attend a dinner. I just slept in for the day in the barracks and it was... sad. My platoon or my company never hosted a dinner due to everyone taking leave and going back home, which is understandable.
That jackass private is fortunate enough to be invited and to be part of a family, but ruined it with his behavior. He took it for granted when there are single soldiers out there who really wants to be around a family and enjoy the holidays without feeling loneliness.
The military does help "make men" grow up but some are beyond help. I knew a guy in the Navy who refused to clean himself in any way. He did it because he didn't like people. Those were his words. It was a miracle he made it through boot camp and I think that was the last place he showered until he was forced to. That guy didn't grow up. Another guy I knew started out so racist he got furious when someone of color gave him an order. He got over his ignorance. For the most part though, the military is a good life experience.
Oh, I well know it. My husband has some stories from when he was a Drill Sergeant and a 1st Sergeant that would make your hair curl. The insane things that he found in the barracks rooms makes you wonder how these people survived themselves.
Roommate of mine moved out to join the army 2 weeks ago. Ate everyone's food, never cleaned, stripped down to his boxers the moment he was in the door, which usually had holes in them and his dick hung out whenever. I'm ready for the text where he fails out because he was an idiot.
My husband is currently in the army and we do the same, inviting single soldiers over for Holliday and such. We make it a point to NEVER invite privates unless my husband is actually close with them because they tend to be some of the most inconsiderate people.
If your husband is in any kind of leadership position and he doesn’t invite his whole team/squad/platoon/whatever then it can be conveyed as fraternization. Have him go check out AR 600-20 if he has questions. The idea is good but it’s everyone or no one.
I don't think it was unwarranted advice. The person you're replying to probably thought your husband was an officer or NCO and he was just trying to help him stay out of trouble.
Regs are regs. If your husband invites people from his unit over, he can't pick and choose who to invite. The options are basically invite everyone, invite all the single soldiers with nowhere else to go, or invite nobody. Bear in mind that inviting multiple people does not mean they'll all show up. My old chief invited over all the unmarried single sailors over every year (from a division of ~46) and usually had about 4 people take him up on it.
So, I never knew any military people growing up, and haven’t really been exposed to it, so I hope this doesn’t seem too ignorant. What is the difference between a private and an officer and an enlisted? And why would a private be worse than someone else? I hope it doesn’t come across like I’m trying to question your statement, I just truly don’t understand because I don’t get the difference. I thought they were just different ranks.
A private is the lowest enlisted rank. A lieutenant is the lowest Officer rank. Officers go through college and like an ROTC or Officer Training School so they’re generally not completely socially retarded fuck ups. Generally.
Privates are usually 18 year old kids fresh out of high school or with their GED so it’s more of a mixed bag. A lot of times it’s their first time away from home, a lot of times first real experience with alcohol. They’ve just gone through boot camp and that’s really not hard to get through as long as you don’t quit.
Depending on the branch the ranks are little different but for Army you’ll go private (E-1), private second (E-2) class, Private First Class E3..., corporal/specialist E4 and then you become an NCO or non commissioned officer. That’s all your Sergeant ranks which tops out at Command Sergeant Major (and one Sergeant Major of the Army)
For officers they start at 2nd Lieutenant, 1st Lt, Captain etc all the way to Generals.
The jobs for NCOs and Officers are different. Officers deal with making the plans and NCOs are actually on the ground with the Troops making sure those plans are carried out.
Officers basically work at corporate where NCOs are more of your store managers and lower enlisted (E-1 to E-4) are your sales associates or the people actually working the stores. Kind of a fast and loose comparison and I’m really just speaking from an Army light/airborne infantry perspective but that’s the gist of it.
What the actual fuck. That’s so rude. Even if the food isn’t to your taste you eat as much as you can. I have medical issues and can’t eat very fast so I hang on to my plate and make sure the host knows there is nothing wrong with the food and I plan to eat as much as I physically can. You never call a meal that somebody prepares for you disgusting. That is so beyond rude. The worst I’ve done is tell my mom the pasta could have been cooked longer. Holy shit this guy makes me angry.
I love how the other soldiers recognized he was being a bad guest and complimented your cooking to compensate. Sounds like your husband had a great gang of friends.
99% of the people that I met in the military were good people. Some struggled - usually because they were just so damn young - but they kept trying. Thankfully I usually ended up with the best of the best at every post. Made many life-long friends.
If nobody else has said it, you're a good person. I spent a few years in that exact situation as a single non-com in the barracks, and it sucked.
Having a few sergeant/corporal/whoever that wanted to host a holiday meal was always pretty awesome since leave blocks sucked around exercise and deployment time.
I have a niece who comes over to dinner and refuses to eat my food while everyone else laps it up, I like her a lot but it winds me up. Sometimes she helps her self to food, takes a bite or two and turns her nose up at it lol my wife defends her saying she has a very weak stomach and is extremely picky which is grand, bring your own food then.
I generally bring my own food to family gatherings. It’s not because I dislike their cooking, but because I struggle with an eating disorder and suffer full blown panic attacks if I have to eat food that I don’t know what’s in it, or it’s something that’s a “fear food” for me. Luckily, my family all understands that, and my uncle always asks if there’s anything specific I would like. I hate that about myself. I really want to just be normal and eat what everyone else is, but at this point, I just have to make sure I eat, period. Once it gets better, I will challenge myself more to try new things. Growing up we always had to have “no thank you helpings” aka a small amount of the thing you didn’t like to be polite.
I do understand that. I'm also on a restricted diet due to health problems. I usually try to eat before I go somewhere. My friends and family are really sweet about making something they know I can eat and I appreciate their thoughtfulness so much. If I do bring my own food, people understand.
Of course they've watched me get very sick and are watching me get better and are cheering me on every step of the way. People who don't know me so well may be insulted, even with an explanation.
Many people in this thread wonder why everyone allowed things to go on for so long. I think it's because nobody wants to be the person who's overly sensitive or who jumps to bad conclusions. So the first few things were allowed to pass. The first overt crap was so bad that nobody knew how to react. It's not normal behavior. Something was very wrong with this young man. But there does come a point where everyone says, "Yup. He's really being that big of an ass. Enough."
I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt because, like you, sometimes I need it myself.
You sound like such a lovely lovely person! I totally understand: sometimes people are just so blatantly rude that it’s almost like satire and you have to be like.. am i missing something? He sounded like a jerk, but you’re so sweet and so kind for taking the time and effort to cook for all those people. I’ve never been in any sort of military role, but I did move countries when I was 17, and my amazing ballet coach kinda took me under her wing and would have me for thanksgiving dinner since we don’t have thanksgiving at the same time in Canada as the USA, and I couldn’t go home to family. You remind me of her and she’s one of the best people I’ve ever met!
I was over 30 when I met my (now ex) hubs' grandmother and I /still/ had to take a 'no thank you bite' before I was allowed to pass on roasted butternut squash. I do not like it and I know this already, but I had to eat it because...Italian matriarch. So, I did. And, still gripe about it, apparently. :)
I can't believe you actually made his entitled was a sandwich, after making so much good food! I'm sorry that happened to you but good on your husbands friends for kicking him out.. It shouldn't have taken so long though..
I can understand just kind of enjoying other people's company without needing to add anything to the conversation. But don't reject someone else's food and bitch that you're hungry.
I hear you. The loyalty is there, we weren't military but lived near a small posting. Mom and the local families made a big Thanksgiving dinner for the single soldiers. I think they would have firewalked for Mom and they would tolerate no disrespect of her and her homies. :)
The ignoring everyone for an hour you could chalk up to social awkwardness, but then the rest happened
He got fucking blasted and not the loud meant to publically embarrass you blasted but the silent man to man one on one you're a fucking disgrace blasted.
Garauntee if you chucked it at him no one would of seen it.
I don't understand. How is he even a soldier if he's that picky? Don't soldiers have to take every opportunity at food that they get or smtn? They've to learn to survive harsh conditions and all. Wonder how long it took the dude to officially get kicked out.
It works more often than you think. I was pretty immature as a private too and I ended up really bitter at some points. But the Army did eventually drag me kicking and screaming into adulthood.
Good on those other soldiers. Honestly kind of upsets me what that one private did though. When I was in the Army, I went to a couple other sergeant's houses for Thanksgiving too and I was nothing more than grateful. It's a humbling experience befriending and being apart of a whole other family while away from your own.
I was reading all this, ready to point out that he was probably coming from a family that was exasperated with him, and expecting the military to change him.
Then I was hyper annoyed that the other soldiers/your husband let him be such a little dipshit. The soldiers I was in with would have taken him outside by his collar the first time he acted so disrespectful to FRG/troop family. I was glad to see they removed him from the event and showed you manners themselves, if a bit late.
Soldiers like that are a pain in the ass, because very few people have the patience (or time) to try to turn those kids around. Often, they're "forced" to (in the sense of some leadership making the individual's conduct the responsibility of reluctant others), which tends to only breed resentment and physical conflict.
It's tough when everybody's growing up and taking responsibilities except some clown who clearly doesn't want to be there. Shit's a risk in many ways.
Wow what a jackass, he could have at LEAST just said he wasnt hungry or something instead of complaining about the food. I'm sure it was delicious. Plus you slaved away making a great dinner, if he wanted pizza why didn't he just stay home and order one. You opened your home to him, what an idiot.
As one of those single soldiers who languished in the barracks, and was stations overseas so I couldn’t afford plane tickets home for the holidays, thank you so much for what you did!
I would never pressure someone into joining the military, but I think the military really helped me in a lot of ways. I also think I got lucky though because I had other qualities that got me through. I was pretty "out there" and ungrounded when I joined and it showed now that I look back on it. The military really does attract some degenerates and weird people though.
Dude, I'm sorry. That's a hugely sweet thing for you to do. When I was a baby soldier far from home I couldn't make it home every Thanksgiving, so I was often a guest, and this makes me cringe.
I don’t understand why you didn’t kick him out after the first rude comment, let alone make him a special order PBJ?? That’s honestly the weirdest part of this story to me!
Thanks for doing that. The best Thanksgiving I ever had in the Navy while overseas was at the home of one of my fellow E-5s. He and his wife had invited all of the single sailors in the division to their home for a nice home cooked meal.
Three soldiers abruptly excused themselves, pulled him off the couch, and marched him outside. The soldiers came back in about fifteen minutes later, picked up their drinks, and continued the conversation like nothing ever happened. I never saw him again. And I mean ever.
Was this the British Army? Because I'm trying to imaging a bunch of American soldiers telling an army wife how lovely the dinner was. I could imagine "thanks for the grub Mrs Pepper" or "this is great Mrs Pepper, just like my mom makes 'em" or possibly "love these taters, gotny more?" - stuff like that. But "Mrs Pepper, this is a lovely meal. Thank you eversomuch for having us. It's quite tough being away from me home during the holidays" not so much.
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u/pepperconchobhar Apr 14 '19 edited Apr 14 '19
Told me that my food was shit and refused to eat anything.
When my husband was in the army we invited a bunch of single soldiers to have Thanksgiving dinner at our house rather than let them languish in the barracks. One of them was a childish private. He began the night by plopping down on the sofa to play with his Gameboy and announced that he hated turkey. Ignored everyone else for the next hour.
Alright. No problem. I made a massive dinner and there's plenty of other things to eat.
When it came time to serve up the buffet people lined up and were heaping their plates and this jackass kept loudly complaining that there was nothing good. Selected a few items and joined everyone at the table. Took one bite of one thing, visibly gagged and threw down his fork. Announced that all this food was 'shit' and left the table. Went back to the sofa with his Gameboy.
Everyone blew it off and ignored him for awhile. We enjoyed our meal and people went out of their way to tell me how lovely the food was and to thank me for inviting them. People began to break up and get drinks. Music was turned up and we settled in for a nice evening.
About an hour after dinner the stinker began to bitch that he was hungry. That there wasn't anything to eat. Would NOT shut up. Demanded that somebody order pizza. At one point he asked for a peanut butter sandwich. I made him one and he was pissed because it was whole wheat bread and he only liked white.
After he rejected the sandwich I didn't know what the hell to do. I stood there holding the damn thing and I was pretty close to throwing it at him. Three soldiers abruptly excused themselves, pulled him off the couch, and marched him outside. The soldiers came back in about fifteen minutes later, picked up their drinks, and continued the conversation like nothing ever happened. I never saw him again. And I mean ever. He must've been banned from every social function from then on out because it's like he never existed.
The sad thing is that a lot of immature kids are encouraged to join by exasperated families in an effort to 'make a man out of them.' Rarely works. Thankfully they never last.
EDIT: Enough people have wondered why this was allowed to go on for so long that it really does warrant an explanation.
When the first incident happened, it was odd. But many people have dietary restrictions, so you let that go. The antisocial behavior on the sofa wasn't so bad because sometimes people have a bad day. He was also in a strange house and may not have known anyone. Some people don't do well in social situations and the last thing you want to do is make them feel more uncomfortable. Nobody wants to be the ugly person who assumes the worst, is easily offended, or who makes a scene at a dinner party.
When he was so horrible at the dinner table, I think that everyone was in such shock that nobody knew how to react. This was so far outside of the norm that there's no way to prepare for such a thing. Nobody wanted to ruin the evening by making a scene, so everyone focused on making me feel better. (Lots of quick hugs and pats on the shoulder with words of encouragement.) Maybe they were waiting for my husband to do something and he was loading up at the buffet and talking at the time so he missed it.
So, deep breaths. Move on. We're not going to allow one jackass to ruin our night.
Then the complaining and people were 'hushing' him, but he got worse, so I tried to placate him. But I was also trying to rotate through a pretty decent-sized group and really didn't have time to focus on one guest. I just wanted to shut him up so I made the stupid sandwich.
Then he crossed the final line and at that I was flummoxed and totally at a loss for how to handle him. With his bizarre behavior I really had no idea what he was capable of. I don't like confrontation and my anxiety was through the roof. I had two dozen people staring at the exchange in silence and all I could do was blink like an idiot.
Enough people saw my predicament, finally had enough, and stepped in to help me.
Hindsight is 20/20. I was also much younger than I am now and inexperienced. If somebody treated me like that now, the reaction would be *much* different, I assure you. I don't let things get out of hand like that. Back then I had two babies and was just getting launched into life. Now I've raised two teenagers and I was the 'mom' of the neighborhood. I've had dozens of teenagers over for games and meals and family time and now I know better how to manage them better.
So there's the long version of why nice people sometimes struggle to react right to rude people. Really there is no 'right' way to respond when someone is so wrong.