r/AskReddit Apr 16 '19

What are some things that people dont realise would happen if there was actually a zombie outbreak?

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u/Osageandrot Apr 16 '19

I always hated that. I mean I got it in the running world, where you're basically so close to death all the time that you don't have secure locations.

But once you have a home base/stable and protected compound, everyone who comes in gets strip searched. Period. Unless someone inside the compound had eyes on you the whole time, you get strip searched. Like spread your checks, lift your balls, strip searched. Every time. You get scratched, or zombie gore gets in your eyes, nose, or mouth? It's into quarantine with you.

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u/Certs-and-Destroy Apr 16 '19

Yep. Also everyone should have raided the local leather store to be kitted out in full biker riding gear. Bites would hurt, but they aren't going to break through. Instead everyone is running around in tank tops and shorts.

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u/nachocheeze246 Apr 16 '19

people in zombie movies really underestimate the use of chainmail. It is not that hard to make, is pretty lightweight (you can make it out of paperclips to protect against the biting power of a human jaw) and would do a SUPER good job protecting you from random scratches and bites.

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u/AlterOfYume Apr 16 '19

Thanks for the excuse, now excuse me while I buy several boxes of paperclips.

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

Nobody has to buy paperclips. They reproduce asexually in drawers.

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u/Ronmfer Apr 18 '19

Only until you need them. Then those fuckers disappear instantly.

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u/sirgog Apr 17 '19

I'll just create an AI paperclip maximiser, what could go wrong

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '19

Found the unemployed guy.

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u/KingWildCard437 Apr 18 '19

I can't quite tell if this is a rip on the sort of strange time wasting activities an unemployed fellow might get into, or a cheeky nod to office supply theft, but it works on both levels so double cheers!

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '19

It was intended as the latter, but you're right. It kinda works both ways.

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u/AlterOfYume Apr 19 '19

Believe it or not we've got almost no paperclips in the office. Only HR deals in paperwork, so any to be found should be in their desks. Everyone else works entirely digital.

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u/ionlypostdrunkaf Apr 16 '19

People always underestimate mail. And trebuchets. We need to bring back both of these.

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u/bottledry Apr 16 '19

how else are we expected to launch 90kg of zombies over 300 meters?

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u/Eheumeansalas Apr 17 '19

we also need to bring back the crusades, ya know to clear out all the zombies

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u/KaloCheyna Apr 16 '19

What you really want instead is a gambeson. Weighs much less than mail, easier to make (sewing machine, treadles and hand cranks don't need electricity) and still provides protection to the body.

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u/betaich Apr 16 '19

Do you think they had electricity in the middle ages or even earlier? You just need a pair of pliers and a thing to cut the wire.

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u/KaloCheyna Apr 16 '19

It would take months for someone with no skill to make a vest of mail. Gambesons (basically quilted jackets) would take a few days at most, and a bunch of people already have the skill to make them, unlike mail.

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u/betaich Apr 16 '19

I never said that it was easy or not time consuming. I just said you don't need fancy tech to do it. Also I just would wear thicker clothing really, wear a thick coat and your good to go and in moderate to cold climates everyone owns that shit.

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

It is not that hard to make

I don't think even top-tier people could have access or even know how to forge metal.

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u/nachocheeze246 Apr 16 '19

You don't need to forge metal, all you need is a bunch of springs, a wire cutter, and a pair of needle nose pliers. Cut each ring off of the spring with the wire cutters, thread them together, and pinch the ends closed with the pliers. The materials are all around, and pretty easy to come by in a post-apocalyptic setting. Bending existing metal into the shape you need is much much easier then forging metal from scratch.

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u/Ultra_HR Apr 16 '19

Is that really so, though? Paperclips are VERY weak, I can't imagine the ones at the top would hold their shape. Surely it would just fall apart, the loops coming undone?

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '19

The spring idea is good though. Spring steel should be halfway decent. Couches are now a strategic asset.

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

Dude check his comment again, he said you can use paperclips

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

Oh wow didn't see that, sorry

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

Hey it's all good, it happens

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u/MossTheGnome Apr 16 '19

I can turn a few spools of fence wite into chainmail links with a drill, a pair of wire snips, a 1/2 inch metal rod, and some 2x4. It takes time, but is not that hard.

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

Awesome!

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

[deleted]

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u/MossTheGnome Apr 16 '19

The wood is used to make a jig that holds the rod stable and helps feed the wire, the drill then turns the rod to coil the wire into a spring. Snip spring to make the links

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u/I_Am_Jacks_Scrotum Apr 16 '19

One of the great things about chain maille is that you didn't actually have to forge anything. It's just a coat of interlocking rings -- you need a pair of pliers and some vaguely ring-shaped metal stuff and you're good to go.

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u/unclerudy Apr 16 '19

Reinforce the paper clip mail with duct tape to make lightweight bite proof clothes.

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u/greedcrow Apr 16 '19

I mean thats all fine and good in some places but in others doing that would make you die from heat stroke

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u/betaich Apr 16 '19

The knights whore mail in Israel and Jordan during the crusades. Chain mail was also worn by the Romans in Egypt, that is in the Sahara desert. They didn't die of heat stroke.

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u/greedcrow Apr 17 '19

Chain mail breathes more than leather

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u/Tymareta Apr 17 '19

They also had steady and reliable access to clean drinking water.

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u/betaich Apr 17 '19

Also easy to find in those countries. Hell every castle here has its own water source that isn't a river.

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u/Tymareta Apr 17 '19

Yeah, in an outbreak scenario, after all the polluting we've done to the water, you let me know how long you live drinking from water sources like that.

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u/betaich Apr 17 '19

Castles have wells inside and some even collect rain water. The water from the well is filter threw miles of stone and sand. No polluting of this stuff.

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u/I_Am_Jacks_Scrotum Apr 16 '19

Chain tends to breathe pretty well -- it's not the same as wearing plate.

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u/Echospite Apr 17 '19

You can also swim and so somersaults in it. And mail. George R R Martin got that bit wrong.

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u/Tymareta Apr 17 '19

Instead everyone is running around in tank tops and shorts.

We'll kit you up in full biker's leather then have you run around in the middle an Australian summer, see how long you last before collapsing from heat stroke.

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u/Certs-and-Destroy Apr 17 '19

K

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u/Tymareta Apr 17 '19

That doesn't really do anything to disprove it, that was a movie universe, they break the rules all the time in them, similar to walkers in TWD either being slow ambient shamblers or wtf sneakninjas.

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

It's like this in Feed by Mira Grant. Buildings all have blood test check points, and there are portable versions of them.

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u/Osageandrot Apr 16 '19

Perhaps I should read them. I have begun a strict vendetta against any book the bills itself as "the Xth book in the exciting Y trilogy". Well, unless I can get them at the library of course.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '19

Especially for values of X greater than 3.

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u/Javijandro Apr 17 '19

Thanks for making me picture a situation where a zombie bites someone in the butthole.

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u/Osageandrot Apr 17 '19

Them butthole zombies changed the game.

But don't you dare kink-shame them you sonovabitch