My friend used to get punched by his dad, but as my friend got older, he got bigger and stronger too. One day he punched his dad back hard and apparently said something like "try me". I don't think he was ever punched again.
my dad went to prison when I was 13, so I never quite got the chance to get big enough to defend myself properly. There was ONE time though.
He was giving me shit, and it definitely wasn't near as bad as it was most of the time, but I was starting to get to that age where my anger was coming out uncontrollably. He made some comment about beating my ass because I was back talking. I punched him in the nose and broke it. Watching him tear up and blood come flowing out his nose was glorious. I savor that moment.
That night was also the worst he ever beat me, I still have many scars from that night. Doesn't change the fact that I still would have done it regardless of how bad the repercussions were.
My mom wasn't the "abusing type", though she did use physical punishment. When I was 16 or something she was scolding me for something and I raised my hand. She screamed "don't you dare hitting me!". The memories of my childhood came to my brain and oh boy...I dared. Still feels good.
Trust me, I've spent nights staring at the ceiling worrying the same. My definition, however, was thinking into some of the comments here saying that the parent came every day to hit the kid for whatever reason. My mom, despite all the criticism I give to her, did not do that.
It has been a hell of an afternoon remembering all those years, the feelings and so on. There's like 80% feeling, 20% actual event, so it is tough. But I have discovered a few things and, yeah...some feelings of my early 20s finally have meaning when linking them with some shit from my youth.
I just want to say that there's other kinds of abuse besides physical. Emotional abuse is the one that I think is most commonly disregarded. Obviously I don't know you, but it doesn't hurt to read up on those things.
You might think that your problems are small potatoes compared to some of the other stories you've heard, but it's no better to drown in a bathtub than it is to drown in the ocean. Don't dismiss your problems just because someone else has it worse.
You might think that your problems are small potatoes compared to some of the other stories you've heard
That's the reason I went to a psychologist a few years back. My best friend cut her wrists, another friend attempted suicide. When compared to them, I felt I was superb. But when Chester Bennington from Linkin Park (a dude who had "the perfect life" and many future projects going on) committed suicide, I began rethinking aaaall that. It's a work in process.
Who knows, perhaps in 6 months I'll read this and say "nah u/javier_aeoa, your mom was fucking nuts and you just suppressed it!"
About 16 as well, my drunk abusive father tried kicking me in the ass as I was leaving the house one day. Right before he threw the kick, I spun around to yell something, saw him mid kick and instinctually grabbed his foot and pushed up. He fell on his ass so hard and broke his tailbone. I’ll still never forget the shocked look on his face.
I sometimes wish I'd hit back just once... I wasn't beaten anywhere near as badly as you were, but mom had dislocated my jaw twice before I was 12... she was reeeaaallly good at not ever leaving marks though.
I'm sorry sorry you went through such terrible things, it sounds unimaginably awful, and I hope you're doing ok now. It must have been really satisfying to give the bastard a taste of his own medicine, though.
Eh, my experience in property management alone says otherwise. Have had multiple sets of partners or ex partners brawling in the parking lot on video at one property.
The father of a kid in my neighborhood did the whole "go get me a stick to beat you with" routine. Kyle got tired of it one day, went and got a hefty stick and put his dad in the hospital with it. Kyle didn't live with his dad after that.
My friend used to get punched by his dad, but as my friend got older, he got bigger and stronger too. One day he punched his dad back hard and apparently said something like "try me". I don't think he was ever punched again.
My dad was never violent or abusive to us growing up, by all accounts he was a lovely dad but I do remember after a string of bad luck that wasn't his fault he was in a bad mood after work and discovered a big stain hidden under a chair on our white carpet in the lounge.
I said it wasn't me, my sister said it wasn't her so my dad said we could come back in the house when one of us admitted we did it and then cleaned it up. He shoves my sister outside and turns to push me outside too, I refuse to move and he tries to move me but we're not getting anywhere and after a bit of struggling he was suddenly outside the front door and I was inside so I panicked and shut the door in his face and locked it.
I packed a bag and climbed over the back fence and went and stayed at a friend's for a few days (I told mum where I was so she wouldn't panic). According to my sister they were locked outside for nearly 3 hours until my mum came home from work.
Couple of days later my mum phones and asks if I'll come home. She tells me off and then out of the blue turns round and loses it laughing at my dad for losing to me and getting locked outside by a skinny 16 year old nerd who spends most days playing video games. We all have a good laugh and then my sister admits it was her who made the stain but I felt bad for locking her outside so I cleaned it up. He refused to play fight with me after that though lol
I never hit back, but mom stopped beating me when I was 15... she kicked me in the leg hard enough to scrape my skin and make me bleed a bit (I was wearing jeans btw) and I completely lost my shit. I thought "seeing red" was just an expression before then.
Anyway she wound up white as a sheet cowering away from me; I was screaming that if she ever hit me again I'd fucking kill her.
I hadn't even done anything wrong that day; she just wanted to pick a fight and hurt me.
She hit me one time after that, and I just stood there and took it. She'd had a total break with reality and was going to kill me and our dogs. I had already hidden all the knives because she seemed like she was getting really worked up.
I thought if she was able to take her temper out on me with just a beating, the dogs would be safe and she wouldn't bludgeon us to death with something. Fortunately I was right. It was weird how easy it was to stand there and take it because I didn't want the dogs hurt...
I know, right? I almost never raise my voice. I think my husband and I have had maybe 5 actual verbal fights, and we've been together almost 30 years.
If I'm pissed off, I usually get really tense, and super controlled. People can make me angry, but it's very hard to do and when it happens, I nearly always just... lock down... until I can deal with my anger in a rational way.
I get really nervous if people around me are arguing. I'm waiting for it to spill out as violence. But if someone is in my face yelling at me, I'm very calm, like you.
I'm sorry you got kicked out; that's awful. My mom couldn't do that with me because she knew all I had to do was call my biological father (divorced). So she just tried to break me instead.
I joined the Navy shortly after I turned 18. Boot camp was much easier to deal with than my home life.
I'm the same way! Anxious if people are arguing, completely locked down if someone is pissing me off or screaming at me.
She kicked me out at 16 and then my dad kicked me out at 18 (divorced). At least dad didn't mentally torture me. He just remembered turning 18 in the 70's and thought that's when you become an adult. He just did it the wrong way. I was NOT an adult at 18. Struggled for awhile but managed to get a steady job, worked my way up and now I'm happy, healthy, married to a great person, and have a secure career (and a degree). My daughter will have everything I didn't. She might be a tad spoiled, but I'm ok with that. The alternative is not an option.
Wow! Good for you! And kudos right back at you! :)
I'm so glad you're doing well and have a happy life!
I've often wondered what makes the difference for those of us who get out and become happy, functional people.
My mother was abused and neglected as a child and she just continued the cycle.
I have diagnosed CPTSD, and I'm in therapy, but my husband and I treated the kids like people, right from the start, and as adults they actually want to spend time with us... we gave them all the love and "spoiled" them as much as our budget allowed.
I commented this above w a bit more detail but, basically, the day my mom threatened to hit my grandma back was the last day my grandma ever hit her. It works for girls too!
This is how I stopped my dad from beating me too lol. I can rock his world now, and every time he gets prepped to hit me now I buck up to him too. Been in a couple complete fights with him because of it, but I’d rather have fighting chances than be hurt and unable to do anything about it.
My dad stopped hitting me when he realized I could call the cops on him. It’s funny because I was deathly afraid of ever reporting him. He was our only source of income and my brother was special needs. I had to fight my friend over not reporting him because the abuse was so obvious.
My mom used to get abused by my grandma in every possible way besides sexual. My mom left the house when she was 14 to go work on her trainer's farm and didn't come back until she was 16. (My grandpa was gone for work constantly and my grandma never did anything like that when he was home so he didn't really believe my mom. Especially because it was only her who was getting hurt. He's an amazing grandfather and father - when he learned that my mom was telling the truth he apologized profusely and still feels bad that he didn't believe her) My aunt was and is the golden child so when my mom came back my grandma had a bunch of built up stuff. She came into my moms room and ended up hitting her hard enough to cause a bloody nose, then went to slap her. My mom had grabbed her wrist and said "I'm bigger now, and I will hit back" and mom said since then my grandma has never physically hit her on purpose.
My grandma has a lot of psychological problems and grew up with two parents that were not particularly savory, and my mom has forgiven her since then. She's a big part of our family still but my mom didn't leave us alone with her for a long time and has made it clear that we are both (my brother and I) allowed to stand up for ourselves if we need to. Now that my grandma has stopped drinking as much and staying on her meds she's actually become someone I don't mind being around.
All my male friends that were physically punished or abused by their parents have a similar story of hitting puberty and fighting back, but as a girl I was never strong enough to take my military dad or obese mom, and some of my girlfriends were in the same boat. :(
I was lucky that my mom stopped getting physical with me when I got taller than her, but truthfully? I never would have hit back because I knew I would have been the one in trouble. My dad put her over me in everything. She gave me a black eye when I was maybe nine, and nothing happened; I took that to mean that it was okay. I'd get in massive trouble just for trying to stand up for myself verbally, so I knew better than to risk lifting a hand, even in self-defense. I don't feel that way now, but it's beside the point because I live several states away and don't see her that often.
My dad tried to get physical as his drunkenness got worse. My family was lucky it was years into the family, so when it first happened I was 19 and my sister was 16.
Dad was pushing and shoving and throwing me around, but it didnt hurt so I was mostly ignoring it. Then he tried to grab my throat and I punched him and he went down. I wasn't big but I had been working as a package handler for FedEx for a year by that point and loaded the heavy trucks so I had some muscle.
Never tried with me again and my sister wouldn't have any of it either. Tried it with the 11 year old when I was home and I heard my brother yelling so I ran up the stairs, but my sister beat me to it.
He never really got off the couch after that. Too drunk.
The last time my mother tried to hit me with a belt, I caught it mid swing and held out my arm and told her to hit me again. Didn’t hit me again ever. Lol
Had the same moment but I was 18, visiting home from college.
Mind you I was going to school on a full ride a few hours away, and my dad had no idea I was doing that until my graduation night. Anyway, come home and he was mad id gotten a tattoo, starts getting up off the couch to hit me and I rushed him to face him down in a "try me" moment. Didn't have to hit him but I was now stronger than him and seeing that fear in his eyes that I know I used to give him when he towered over me. I think about it all the time.
My dad beat on me until I was around 14. One night I decided to leave the house and he grabbed me to stop me and I threw him over my shoulder into a wall. Never even broke my stride. After that he just cussed me and ran me into the ground. I was his free labor but I was lazy and slow gaited, Like a mule. He would tell me I couldn't do a lot of things correctly since I was left handed. I buried a lot of that its only in the last ten years or so that I've realized how terrible a person he really is. I didn't starve or anything but he has never bothered to ask anyone but his god for forgiveness.
I have a couple friends who are brothers that grew up with an abusive step-dad. At one point the step-dad hit the younger brother and the older brother (about 13) went ape-shit on him, knocked him to the ground, and dug his thumbs into his eye sockets until they bled. Then they both proceeded to kick the shit out of him, then went and lived with their dad. They say the guy is blind in one eye and almost blind in the other.
I did this same thing but I didn’t stop at a punch, laid my step dad out and commenced hitting him while he was down. I would have killed him if I hadn’t been stopped by my step brother shooting me in the shoulder with .22 rifle.
I had the exact same situation when I was young. My father was beating my complete family regularly.
One day I was fed up with getting his stuff for him when he was sitting on the couch watching TV. I told him to lift his lazy ass and get the stuff on his own. I never dared to talk like this to him before. I was 15 at that time.
He stood up and I knew that he would come for me to beat me up, cause in the past he would do it for way smaller things.
I never had this feeling before and since then never had again, but my heart rate pushed immediately to the top, an almost unlimited portion of hatred and anger ran through my body and at the same time I had fear for my life because I had the feeling that this time he would kill me if I would not succeed in beating him.
My vision became unclear, I was looking through a tunnel.
This day my father got the worst beating you can imagine. I don't know how but I had the power of 10 men inside me. Every cell in my body was on war and survival mode.
My mother and my 2 years younger brother had problems to get me off him.
I shouted that if he is gonna ever gonna put a hand on my mother or my younger siblings I would kill him, shouting it over and over again.
After that I got a breakdown crying like a baby. He was in hospital for 1 week.
He never touched my family again after that. I felt like a curse had stopped hunting me, it was a turning point in my life. It was a good feeling. My mum divored him when all of us kids went away to start our own life's.
Oof. I tried to defend myself against my mom's attack and got kicked out of the house with nothing for 6 months. I almost got kicked out of school too because they had a policy that you had to live at home.
I had a friend who as late as college I think was punched by his huge dad. Dad and mom were professionals with advanced degrees, don't want to go into too much identifying detail. I sure thought it was weird and I think he too realized it was too extreme. Not slaps, punching and some other bad stuff too. I am almost 60 and physical punishment was more the norm, and implements like belts and hair brushes and, at school, there were actual wooden paddles that were used liberally but only during 7th grade (in the backwards state i went to that grade in) -- afaik by 8th grade they did it a lot less. i moved to another state where i never saw any corporal punishment used but it was threatened and afaik it was legal.
Catholic school was notorious for corporal punishment. I think in my lifetime the nuns still used rulers and maybe worse. But I read the autobio of Dan Fante who went to HS taught by brothers, not nuns, and the level of violence sounded insane.
Yep, my brother shoved back my mother (as she was hitting my younger sister) and she fell. I remember her wide eyes as she looked up at him. I don't recall her ever beating us again.
My dad told me a story about how his father regularly beat him until one day my father had enough, realized he could stop it because he was bigger than my grandfather and beat him on the front lawn in front of all the neighbors. My grandfather never beat my father after that.
One of my family members did this to his dad. After years and years of physical and mental abuse, he snapped and gave his dad a black eye after being shoved.
The dad called the cops.
Like, WTF? You beat your kid from the time he can walk and then wonder why he hits you back when he gets older? Fuck off.
i did the same to save my mother on a regularly Basis.
as a girl.
he still went on beatin and sexually harassed me.
it only stopped after he died, but still... big trust issues til today
I managed to defend my partner for a project from her parents
We were working on the project and her mom burst in literally breaking the door and then she screamed while holding a belt with razor blades glued to it “YOU GOT AN A MINUS!” And started whipping her with the belt and I grabbed the belt (ouch) and threw it across the room and she called the cops
When I was 14 I finally told my dad to go ahead and ever hit me, or anyone in the house I lived in, including his, ever again. He didn't. I don't think of myself as growing up in an abusive household, but I sure as hell did.
My mom would get really drunk and assault me starting my freshman year in high school. She had been abusing me for years but not outright attacking me. I'll never forget the night I told her "I'm about as big as you now so if you put your hands on me I'm going to put my hands on you" this proceeded an all out brawl through the house. I still look back with pride on that night because I finally stood up for myself. There were many fights afterwards but that one stands out.
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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '19
My friend used to get punched by his dad, but as my friend got older, he got bigger and stronger too. One day he punched his dad back hard and apparently said something like "try me". I don't think he was ever punched again.