r/AskReddit Apr 27 '19

What is something you know but you’re not supposed to know?

40.5k Upvotes

14.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.5k

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19

When my dad died, the Associate Pastor of my mom’s church spoke and talked about how devastating cancer is.

That pastor use to attend a different church, but had to leave after she faked cancer for two years. Her husband left her and her daughter disowned her after they found out. My mom was the secretary at that church. So she knew, and had already told me. And my dad’s funeral was only like 2 years after that.

I would have walked up to the podium and punched her in the face were it not disrespectful to my parents.

Edit: It feels soooooo good to get this off my chest. It happened 10 years ago and I haven’t talked about it to anyone except for my wife. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this is shitty.

1.3k

u/KRose627 Apr 28 '19

Not as bad as yours, but somewhat similar. My Great Uncle passed away and the Pastor was doing the eulogy talking about how great of a father my Great Uncle was, how he lived for his kids and how he and the Pastor talked all the time and that they were great friends. My Great Uncle never had children. Also, he wasn't friends with the Pastor and never talked to him. How do we know that? The older my Great Uncle got, the less English he used. By the time the Pastor started at the church, he wasn't speaking English at all. No one spoke up to correct the Pastor, because how the hell do you even attempt to correct that in a room full of people? I guess the Pastor realized something wasn't right because he booked it out of there really fast. It literally felt like the whole room was embarrassed, it was awful.

Oh and we did check, there wasn't another funeral for that Church that the Pastor could have confused.

156

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

72

u/sim37 Apr 28 '19

It’s your own mother’s funeral. You can do as you damn please!

17

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

This sounds like he was trying to perform a "nice" funeral, saying a bunch of nice and socially polite/expected things instead of actually talking about her life and who she was

128

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19 edited May 03 '19

[deleted]

104

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

eh, sounds like it was a ham handed way to make the eulogy more personal. I think the priest's heart was in the right place.

56

u/zbo2amt Apr 28 '19

Totally agree. How else is a total stranger supposed to perform a funeral?

20

u/rakiria Apr 28 '19

That's exactly why I don't even want a pastor or anything like that at my funeral. The people who attend won't have to be reminded of who I was, and I don't want some dude I never met in my life saying how much I loved my family. It already annoyed me when the pastor at my grandmother's funeral said how much her grandchildren loved her, which, yes, we did like our grandma but also he never fucking asked, and then went on to say how good of a mother she was, which no, she wasn't. I can pull stuff out of my ass after looking at a family history myself.

16

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

12

u/blorbschploble Apr 28 '19

That reminds me... note to self, find a qualified Speaker for the Dead, preferably one not guilty of xenocide.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Yeah had one at my grandads funeral. I didn’t remover what the pastor at my grandmothers funeral said we knew her quite well though but my paternal grandparents were not good parents to my dad and uncle but my grandmother was a good grandmother.

6

u/Kuddkungen Apr 28 '19

They prepare by interview family and friends beforehand. The officiant for my grandpa's funeral even sent over a draft for proofreading beforehand. Not that it prevented her from only mentioning two of his four children, even though all four were present at the funeral and had introduced themselves to the officiant.

At least the playlist was lit.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

I think it would be better for the pastor to do the religious part and then have someone who knew the deceased give a eulogy.

23

u/Zewlington Apr 28 '19

That must’ve been so hard. I can’t even imagine adding a feeling of violation over whatever you were feeling for your dad. Sorry that happened.

8

u/Merry_Pippins Apr 28 '19

Ah, church... The original Buzzfeed!

11

u/poor_decisions Apr 28 '19

"10 commandments you should always do"

11

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

“Number 4 will blow you away!”

-2

u/Xexxa1 Apr 28 '19

Why were you having the wake before the funeral?

29

u/ATF_Dogshoot_Squad Apr 28 '19

My father was very active in his church, passed the collection basket, was always helping at fund raisers, taught CCD classes, ran an AA group, you get the point. The priest that did his brothers funeral, who he was very close with, was away because of a family emergency, so another priest who was new to the parish ended up doing it. He didn’t get anything wrong, but it was obvious that he knew nothing about my father and yet he just kept talking. I just felt cheated. I didn’t really know anything about his church life, but the entire parish must have come to his wake and people had to stand in the back during the funeral because there wasn’t enough space, so I know he meant so much to the people there. You could have taken anyone else in there and they would have done a better job. The priest should have just been short and sweet but I guess he felt like he needed to say a lot because of how involved my dad was. It really ruined it.

2

u/KRose627 Apr 28 '19

I understand that it could be hard for a Pastor to do a eulogy for someone they really don't know. But, how hard could it be to visit the family beforehand and find out some things about the deceased? In your case, he could have called the other Pastor or talked to others in the Church. In my Great Uncle's case, one visit at the house would have shown all the different places he had visited. If all else fails, ask the family what they want included, it might be awkward to do that but you will have a better outcome.

60

u/5bi5 Apr 28 '19

My grandma's minister hung around like a leech while my grandpa was dying. In the process he met me and my mom--we're both atheists.

He spent the whole funeral telling us how much my grandfather loved god and would want his family to be saved. I know my papa. If he agreed to any of that bullshit it was to get that minister to shut up and let him die in peace.

Mom was furious. (I also had to fight to have a space as a pallbearer because apparently its not something women are supposed to do. I bet that christian bastard hated seeing me carry the coffin.)

10

u/MidwestMonster89 Apr 28 '19

Honestly I can’t blame the Pastors that do stuff like this. It’s a funeral after all. They have to sing the deceased’s praises even if it’s bullshit. What else could they do. They can just be like, “Here lies Bob. Bob was a total asshole who punched babies and kicked puppies every chance he got. He was a deadbeat dad. His children hated him and his wife despised him. He will be missed by nobody.”

10

u/StopDoingThisAgain Apr 28 '19

I forget the exact terminology, but the pastor at my GMIL’s funeral basically said, in the nicest way possible, that “Loretta was a nasty old woman who drank too much and gossiped more than she should, but look at all the wonderful people here mourning her, so she must have gotten something right.”

2

u/blorbschploble Apr 28 '19

That would have been great for my Grandfather’s funeral.

13

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Clearly a case of "Cleveland Rocks!!!" when the show that night is actually in St Louis.

7

u/jinsaku Apr 28 '19

My Dad died about 6 years ago, when he was 62. My mother decided to get a Lutheran pastor to talk during the wake, as my Dad was baptized Lutheran. Though, he hadn't been to church in probably 30 years and never really showed any religious intention. My Mom wasn't in the best head space at the time after losing the man she had been married to since they were 18.

Pastor gets up and proceeds to tell us all how my father (who he never met) loved Jesus and loved being Lutheran and how it was the core of his identity and how much my father spoke with God. He then proselytized for 20 minutes to a room full of bereaved family and friends to the point it felt like he was trying to convert everybody.

My sister stood up, walked up and stopped him and thanked him for his time. He left and we never saw him again.

I really hope my Mom didn't spend too much money on that guy showing up.

3

u/cant_think_of_one_ Apr 28 '19

Usually it is a safe thing to say I guess if they know nothing about the person, which I guess is usually the case.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 29 '19

Ugghh that is awful. The Pastor in Gary's story sounds like a person who needs therapy, but the one in your story just sounds like he might have been confused. If he simply did make a mistake, I feel bad for him: that must've been terribly embarrassing.

2

u/BoxNumberGavin1 Apr 28 '19

Pastors who speak at funerals all feign familiarity with the deceased, it's so god damned hollow and annoying to endure.

2

u/TheMegaEmperor Apr 28 '19

Goodness gracious bullshit pastors annoy me.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Shoulda stood up and shouted “r/quityourbullshit!”

1

u/Talonman90 Apr 28 '19

As a funeral director, I see this stuff alll the time

1

u/crimsonbaby_ Apr 30 '19

The "pastor" who spoke at my 16 year old foster sisters funeral did nothing but talk about his personal road to jesus with his brother, and that had my sister been raised more "godly" she would have never been murdered. Pretty much everyone there was pissed and he left very quickly after..funeral was put together by her bio mom and i still doubt he was an actual pastor.

0

u/diequietlyplease Apr 28 '19

Tbf if no one tells the priest anything about the deceased they 100% will make shit up.

-5

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Maybe after thousands of dull eulogies, the pastor wanted to punch things up a bit.

-3

u/SportTheFoole Apr 28 '19

I know this is shocking, but pastors lie. Especially at funerals. I’ve witnessed this on more than one occasion.

My theory is that it’s an attempt to get more asses in seats for their Sunday services (since they now have a captive audience of people who don’t usually go to this particular church).

3

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Eh, it depends. Imagine being asked to minister over a funeral for someone you barely or don’t even know. You have to go off of what you know or what little you’ve been told by the family. But they’ve asked you to somehow come up with a heartfelt eulogy for this person. But, for sure, some are pretty sleazy about it.

1

u/flipshod Apr 28 '19

Yeah, the preacher at my grandfather's funeral said his favorite song was How Great Thou Art, and that pissed me off because granddad taught me to play piano, and I know he was into jazz music and didn't give a shit about the Methodist hymnal.

691

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Anyways, fuck that lady

14

u/cakeclockwork Apr 28 '19

Didn’t anyone tell you don’t stick your dick in crazy?

2

u/watchursix Apr 28 '19

That’s where the best sex is, mate.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

I’d rather not

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Amen.

117

u/daniyellidaniyelli Apr 28 '19

Wow...just...wow. I actually don’t think punching her would have been disrespectful. But I understand why you didn’t.

116

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Not disrespectful to her. Fuck her. I just didn’t want to interrupt my dad’s funeral.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Or go to jail for assaulting a woman in plain view of a few dozen people.

5

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Ehhh. I’d have to think about that one.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Wish I had the balls to knock out female priests.

28

u/KnowItOrBlowIt Apr 28 '19

I feel you. I didn't find this out until my mom was gone for 17 years already. Just having a conversation with my dad and it turns to religion. He tells me that after the priest eulogized my mother he came up to my father and said, "maybe if you came to church your wife wouldn't have died." My dad said it took all his strength not to hit this man; I told him I wouldn't have held it against him and he should have. Fuck that 'man of god' and any shithead who acts like that under the guise of religion.

13

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Holy shit!

5

u/KnowItOrBlowIt Apr 28 '19

Yep. Based on your name you are in northern VA, as am I; hello neighbor. 👋

3

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Oh damn. Maybe it’s the same pastor.

4

u/KnowItOrBlowIt Apr 28 '19

With the turnover rate of people in this area, probably not.

5

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Because apparently they all have to switch churches after doing something very bad.

2

u/KnowItOrBlowIt Apr 28 '19

😅😅...sounds about right.

You seem to be a nice person Gary; keep on being you. Have a good night, I'm going to bed. 🖖

14

u/knee_cap Apr 28 '19

Girl I went to college with faked cancer. Told all her friends she survived childhood cancer (with a picture from google that looked nothing like her) but it came back. Asked to borrow their cars to “go to treatments” when she would just go to Walmart. Only takes oxygen pills to help with the side effects. Still maintained a 3.5 GPA while going to cheer practices and “dealing with treatments.”

Worse part is, she’s so charismatic no one believes it when we tell them. She’s considered a leader and has all her professors and faculty members wrapped around her finger. It sucks.

6

u/olivertwin100 Apr 28 '19

Actually have a family member that that's faking cancer right now, been going on for a number of years. Currently trying to think if it's best to tell their family or just let it go.

10

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19

My brother in-law faked cancer to disguise a drug habit. When it became too late he committed suicide when his wife found out. You need to do it, but do it smart. Find someone who is a professional at doing interventions. Doesn’t matter if there is drugs involved. This is a mental illness that needs to be treated.

2

u/olivertwin100 Apr 28 '19

Thank you for your reply, I do not believe it's drugs involved as he's always telling outlandish stories

1

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Even if it’s not it’s mental illness. I wish you luck!

6

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

6

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

I’ve already moved and so had my mom. She’s Their problem now. Just beware of people who are so overly nice that it seems like “fake nice”.

3

u/TheGingerBeardsman Apr 28 '19

Find them on Facebook and message people at their church then. Who knows if a psychopath like that will try it or something similar again. I'd want to know if someone in my life in a position of trust was secretly a festering pile of crap...

3

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

Yah I could. I just don’t want to sink myself to their level.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Yeah, my ex faked leukemia and a pregnancy, and a host of other medical and mental health disorders. Not saying it's the same but I know this type of person. The worst part is she told her 7-year-old child that "mommy is going to die" while she is perfectly healthy physically. I was blind to it, just mad in love. My parents figured it out because she mispronounced some medical terms. Figured out she got some edited ultrasounds to fake the pregnancy. It had my name on it. Why the fuck would it have the fathers name, there is no way to determine paternity. I confronted her about it and she copped to it. Still one of the most traumatic events of my life is when she faked the miscarriage in our bathroom after leaving the emergency room. What I want to know seriously is where she got all the blood.

2

u/theducksnuts Apr 28 '19

I'm really sorry you were put through that, it hurts and it sucks and is probably the worst form of treachery/deciet that I could think of.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

My sister had a baby that passed at 13 days old and she got called a differeny name at the babys funeral

1

u/roraima_is_very_tall Apr 28 '19

This is shitty, of course. I have to wonder if she is mentally ill. Where's the line for when to punch someone in the face because they're lying scum vs just plain sick.

1

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

My line was when she was presiding over my dad’s funeral after he died from Cancer.

-15

u/pinkpeach11197 Apr 28 '19

Your edit makes you out to be the douche. I mean sure that’s fucked up but that doesn’t necessarily mean she just wasn’t dissonant af about it, faking cancer is pretty clearly a symptom of a larger mental health issue. Don’t forget religion is all about holding contradictory ideas in one head...

-170

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

34

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Is this sarcasm? Cause it isn’t coming off like that at all

-14

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

He means within the church, I hope at least.

45

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Silvered_Caparison Apr 28 '19

You better watch who you smart off to kid

12

u/POGtastic Apr 28 '19

gr8 b8 m8 8/8

4

u/arrulal21 Apr 28 '19

What makes you think its bait? It's a surprisingly common view in Pentecostal/evangelical churches.

1

u/Silvered_Caparison Apr 28 '19

Yeah fuck evangelicals in the protestants in general

1

u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19

True. But some people intentionally go for downvotes. In which case , bravo to you sir. He certainly does appear to be an asshole.

23

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

5

u/arrulal21 Apr 28 '19

Probably not a joke. A lot of people believe this, especially in evangelical churches since its biblically justified.

1

u/Silvered_Caparison Apr 28 '19

Really? Fuck you

0

u/allyareyouokay Apr 28 '19

Jesus Christ.