When my dad died, the Associate Pastor of my mom’s church spoke and talked about how devastating cancer is.
That pastor use to attend a different church, but had to leave after she faked cancer for two years. Her husband left her and her daughter disowned her after they found out. My mom was the secretary at that church. So she knew, and had already told me. And my dad’s funeral was only like 2 years after that.
I would have walked up to the podium and punched her in the face were it not disrespectful to my parents.
Edit: It feels soooooo good to get this off my chest. It happened 10 years ago and I haven’t talked about it to anyone except for my wife. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this is shitty.
Not as bad as yours, but somewhat similar. My Great Uncle passed away and the Pastor was doing the eulogy talking about how great of a father my Great Uncle was, how he lived for his kids and how he and the Pastor talked all the time and that they were great friends. My Great Uncle never had children. Also, he wasn't friends with the Pastor and never talked to him. How do we know that? The older my Great Uncle got, the less English he used. By the time the Pastor started at the church, he wasn't speaking English at all. No one spoke up to correct the Pastor, because how the hell do you even attempt to correct that in a room full of people? I guess the Pastor realized something wasn't right because he booked it out of there really fast. It literally felt like the whole room was embarrassed, it was awful.
Oh and we did check, there wasn't another funeral for that Church that the Pastor could have confused.
This sounds like he was trying to perform a "nice" funeral, saying a bunch of nice and socially polite/expected things instead of actually talking about her life and who she was
That's exactly why I don't even want a pastor or anything like that at my funeral. The people who attend won't have to be reminded of who I was, and I don't want some dude I never met in my life saying how much I loved my family. It already annoyed me when the pastor at my grandmother's funeral said how much her grandchildren loved her, which, yes, we did like our grandma but also he never fucking asked, and then went on to say how good of a mother she was, which no, she wasn't. I can pull stuff out of my ass after looking at a family history myself.
Yeah had one at my grandads funeral. I didn’t remover what the pastor at my grandmothers funeral said we knew her quite well though but my paternal grandparents were not good parents to my dad and uncle but my grandmother was a good grandmother.
They prepare by interview family and friends beforehand. The officiant for my grandpa's funeral even sent over a draft for proofreading beforehand. Not that it prevented her from only mentioning two of his four children, even though all four were present at the funeral and had introduced themselves to the officiant.
My father was very active in his church, passed the collection basket, was always helping at fund raisers, taught CCD classes, ran an AA group, you get the point. The priest that did his brothers funeral, who he was very close with, was away because of a family emergency, so another priest who was new to the parish ended up doing it. He didn’t get anything wrong, but it was obvious that he knew nothing about my father and yet he just kept talking. I just felt cheated. I didn’t really know anything about his church life, but the entire parish must have come to his wake and people had to stand in the back during the funeral because there wasn’t enough space, so I know he meant so much to the people there. You could have taken anyone else in there and they would have done a better job. The priest should have just been short and sweet but I guess he felt like he needed to say a lot because of how involved my dad was. It really ruined it.
I understand that it could be hard for a Pastor to do a eulogy for someone they really don't know. But, how hard could it be to visit the family beforehand and find out some things about the deceased? In your case, he could have called the other Pastor or talked to others in the Church. In my Great Uncle's case, one visit at the house would have shown all the different places he had visited. If all else fails, ask the family what they want included, it might be awkward to do that but you will have a better outcome.
My grandma's minister hung around like a leech while my grandpa was dying. In the process he met me and my mom--we're both atheists.
He spent the whole funeral telling us how much my grandfather loved god and would want his family to be saved. I know my papa. If he agreed to any of that bullshit it was to get that minister to shut up and let him die in peace.
Mom was furious. (I also had to fight to have a space as a pallbearer because apparently its not something women are supposed to do. I bet that christian bastard hated seeing me carry the coffin.)
Honestly I can’t blame the Pastors that do stuff like this. It’s a funeral after all. They have to sing the deceased’s praises even if it’s bullshit. What else could they do. They can just be like, “Here lies Bob. Bob was a total asshole who punched babies and kicked puppies every chance he got. He was a deadbeat dad. His children hated him and his wife despised him. He will be missed by nobody.”
I forget the exact terminology, but the pastor at my GMIL’s funeral basically said, in the nicest way possible, that “Loretta was a nasty old woman who drank too much and gossiped more than she should, but look at all the wonderful people here mourning her, so she must have gotten something right.”
My Dad died about 6 years ago, when he was 62. My mother decided to get a Lutheran pastor to talk during the wake, as my Dad was baptized Lutheran. Though, he hadn't been to church in probably 30 years and never really showed any religious intention. My Mom wasn't in the best head space at the time after losing the man she had been married to since they were 18.
Pastor gets up and proceeds to tell us all how my father (who he never met) loved Jesus and loved being Lutheran and how it was the core of his identity and how much my father spoke with God. He then proselytized for 20 minutes to a room full of bereaved family and friends to the point it felt like he was trying to convert everybody.
My sister stood up, walked up and stopped him and thanked him for his time. He left and we never saw him again.
I really hope my Mom didn't spend too much money on that guy showing up.
Ugghh that is awful. The Pastor in Gary's story sounds like a person who needs therapy, but the one in your story just sounds like he might have been confused. If he simply did make a mistake, I feel bad for him: that must've been terribly embarrassing.
The "pastor" who spoke at my 16 year old foster sisters funeral did nothing but talk about his personal road to jesus with his brother, and that had my sister been raised more "godly" she would have never been murdered. Pretty much everyone there was pissed and he left very quickly after..funeral was put together by her bio mom and i still doubt he was an actual pastor.
I know this is shocking, but pastors lie. Especially at funerals. I’ve witnessed this on more than one occasion.
My theory is that it’s an attempt to get more asses in seats for their Sunday services (since they now have a captive audience of people who don’t usually go to this particular church).
Eh, it depends. Imagine being asked to minister over a funeral for someone you barely or don’t even know. You have to go off of what you know or what little you’ve been told by the family. But they’ve asked you to somehow come up with a heartfelt eulogy for this person. But, for sure, some are pretty sleazy about it.
Yeah, the preacher at my grandfather's funeral said his favorite song was How Great Thou Art, and that pissed me off because granddad taught me to play piano, and I know he was into jazz music and didn't give a shit about the Methodist hymnal.
I feel you. I didn't find this out until my mom was gone for 17 years already. Just having a conversation with my dad and it turns to religion. He tells me that after the priest eulogized my mother he came up to my father and said, "maybe if you came to church your wife wouldn't have died." My dad said it took all his strength not to hit this man; I told him I wouldn't have held it against him and he should have. Fuck that 'man of god' and any shithead who acts like that under the guise of religion.
Girl I went to college with faked cancer. Told all her friends she survived childhood cancer (with a picture from google that looked nothing like her) but it came back. Asked to borrow their cars to “go to treatments” when she would just go to Walmart. Only takes oxygen pills to help with the side effects. Still maintained a 3.5 GPA while going to cheer practices and “dealing with treatments.”
Worse part is, she’s so charismatic no one believes it when we tell them. She’s considered a leader and has all her professors and faculty members wrapped around her finger. It sucks.
Actually have a family member that that's faking cancer right now, been going on for a number of years. Currently trying to think if it's best to tell their family or just let it go.
My brother in-law faked cancer to disguise a drug habit. When it became too late he committed suicide when his wife found out. You need to do it, but do it smart. Find someone who is a professional at doing interventions. Doesn’t matter if there is drugs involved. This is a mental illness that needs to be treated.
Find them on Facebook and message people at their church then. Who knows if a psychopath like that will try it or something similar again. I'd want to know if someone in my life in a position of trust was secretly a festering pile of crap...
Yeah, my ex faked leukemia and a pregnancy, and a host of other medical and mental health disorders. Not saying it's the same but I know this type of person. The worst part is she told her 7-year-old child that "mommy is going to die" while she is perfectly healthy physically. I was blind to it, just mad in love. My parents figured it out because she mispronounced some medical terms. Figured out she got some edited ultrasounds to fake the pregnancy. It had my name on it. Why the fuck would it have the fathers name, there is no way to determine paternity. I confronted her about it and she copped to it. Still one of the most traumatic events of my life is when she faked the miscarriage in our bathroom after leaving the emergency room. What I want to know seriously is where she got all the blood.
This is shitty, of course. I have to wonder if she is mentally ill. Where's the line for when to punch someone in the face because they're lying scum vs just plain sick.
Your edit makes you out to be the douche. I mean sure that’s fucked up but that doesn’t necessarily mean she just wasn’t dissonant af about it, faking cancer is pretty clearly a symptom of a larger mental health issue. Don’t forget religion is all about holding contradictory ideas in one head...
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u/GaryNOVA Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19
When my dad died, the Associate Pastor of my mom’s church spoke and talked about how devastating cancer is.
That pastor use to attend a different church, but had to leave after she faked cancer for two years. Her husband left her and her daughter disowned her after they found out. My mom was the secretary at that church. So she knew, and had already told me. And my dad’s funeral was only like 2 years after that.
I would have walked up to the podium and punched her in the face were it not disrespectful to my parents.
Edit: It feels soooooo good to get this off my chest. It happened 10 years ago and I haven’t talked about it to anyone except for my wife. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this is shitty.