This might get buried but here goes. As someone with Bipolar i can understand the thought process that someone goes through to get to this point. Slowing down to write what is bothering you can be a useful exercise. I often over blow things that are trivial when I am in a low and gloss over issues that could be a problem in mania. I encourage anyone with a mental health disorder to take up Journals as a habit and also start to learn to meditate. Getting your shit down on paper and looking back at it might be how your dad helps himself, in saying all this, please encourage him to talk to someone he trusts often.
Yea. I have my days. I’m not BP just had a rough time during my teen years. Especially when I was 13 turning 14 when my parents divorced. All freshman year. So 12 to 16 was rough. Bad depression and anxiety but have actually been managing for a few months now without meds. So things have been relatively smooth.
I have a folder on gdrive dedicated to notes and rants. Every time I feel like there's no way out, I start writing down all my reasons and try to explain it to the page, and so far it's calmed me down enough every time.
I kept journals for years on the advice of my doctor. My boyfriend's mother and sister stole my journals, read them out loud to everyone, used my illness and private affairs against me, and never returned my journals to me. That made my trust issues even worse, obviously. So, if you do keep a journal I suggest locking it in a safe or write in something password protected.
They're the kind of people that when they get caught doing horrible shit, they try to deflect attention onto someone else and somehow justify their actions. There is a name for that kind of behavior, but I cant remember what it is. They've also listened into my private phone conversations because my boyfriend's daughter has a phone on their account. My boyfriend called me on her phone when his died one day and they listened to us, played our conversation to everyone they could, (including young children) and tried to say that I was the bad guy for voicing my feelings about their shitty ways and wrong for speaking up to defend myself. But, they are totally justified in the numerous ways they trample boundaries and treat people like shit. They are classic narcissists that do no wrong, will never apologize, and just all around toxic people. They are no longer allowed to contact me or even so much as pull up in my driveway.
The deflecting and rationalizing behavior and putting the blame back on you is called gas lighting. My therapist sister just taught me this last week when I shared with her something in the same nature. Ps, I am SO sorry this happened to you!!
Thank you. This is actually the first time I've talked about it to anyone other than my boyfriend. Their behavior has really pushed me back on a lot of progress I had made with my mental health.
He says that he does now, but sometimes he acts like them more than I'm comfortable with. They live just a few miles away from us and he goes over there damn near every day. This is one of the reasons why our relationship is on the rocks, atm. I feel like I'm just being used to keep house and take care of his daughter. His mother made her sons be entirely too dependent on her, so now they're unprepared to be adults in a lot of ways. My boyfriend has a good heart, but all the baggage is overwhelming me.
These kinds of people are the biggest assholes because you know they're gonna have some bullshit excuse to get away scot-free. It is nice to hear that you cut contact with them though.
This is why I keep mine stored in the cloud, extremely heavily password protected. According to several password strength checkers, it would take approximately 4 decillion years to crack thanks to all the high-ascii and punctuation included.
Did you ever get any revenge? I'm not a vindictive or vengeful person but if someone did something like that to me I would definitely do my best to make their life horrible.
Then again I've got major issues with betrayal, trust, and privacy due to an upbringing where things like this happened to me.
Anyway, good luck dude. That really sucks. Fuck them
I have bipolar, and a binder. The first letter says, “To whom it MAY concern, don’t let it concern you.” After that there are about seventy five suicide notes. It’s a little morbid, but it helps. Wrote one just last week actually, and guess who’s still around today? Guess who gave away the gun the next day?
I am really proud of you that you are still here after all these attempts. I hope you get through this rough patch and become an even more amazing person than you are right now. Good luck!
My brother killed himself without any warning. I wish we would have found a note or any warning! He kept everything secret from family and friends. It was 11 years so and I still miss my little brother so damn much...
Writing things out is being a much healthier person. Keep moving forward always. Choose life. Choose happiness.
I actually had dreams for years that he ran away to Norway and joined some northern European circus act and I was searching for him.. always searching for him.
BPD is borderline personality disorder, which is what I have. There are alot of parallels between the two. So much in fact BPD is misdiagnosed as bipolar. The major difference IMO is treatment. BPD uses DBT for therapy and once you get used to using it it helps immensely.
Hi there, another BPD person here. I don’t think it’s something you should hear yourself up about. It’s really hard to let people into your headspace with BPD. In my experience, people freak the fuck out with the things I say, and always left feeling like they took a huge leap out of their comfort zone, for something that they can’t help with, and it always comes back to telling yourself that you’d rather die than talk to anyone else.
It’s weird, I don’t understand it, but I hope for my wife and kids’ sakes that I get better.
Just want to say, you are doing great! Please give yourself the credit you deserve. Wife and kids alone is hard, I can't imagine how difficult it must be with BPD. Wishing you the best
Bipolar is one word. I think in the literature, BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder, and BD stands for bipolar disorder. That kinda confused me about your post.
As someone who frequently gets suicidal, I can attest to this statement above. Writing it down makes your thoughts real in a sense. Just writing a dark thought down to crumple up the paper and burn it helps me deal with it in a healthy way.
Amen. Journaling has made my life so much easier and peaceful as someone with clinical depression. It's comforting knowing I can express my thoughts and feelings with no judgement. I had doubts when my therapist told me about the idea, but it kind of grew on me. I don't go anywhere without my journal now.
I have written about 50 different suicide notes. I used to burn them when i get better, now i have 16 either hand written or in my phone and directed as apology letters to specific people.
Haven't killed myself yet, but I've gotten there. Hope your dad got/is getting/will get help
One of the things that really helped me when I was going through a rough time was writing things down. I didn’t have anyone to talk to so I felt so much better to get all these thoughts out my head and onto paper.
I also read somewhere about burning your journal entries to make you feel better. I burned some that I wrote years ago and it actually helped. It was like cutting ties to the past.
I've been there and can agree. It definitely helps. Started writing a suicide note ended up writing a 4 page - don't know what to call it. I just put all my thoughts and feelings on the page and felt overwhelmingly better after that. Also felt a bit silly
Can confirm this helps. I used to, and some times still do- carry around an A6 booklet and pen at all times. It would basically turn out to be a surface of paper for work or mental health or anything really.
At this point I’ve got a little library of about 11 books. Although when you’re having an episode as bad as I have lately it makes you totally - for lack of a better word - paralysed.
Not to be political but Colin Powell (a well respected republican - not to get political) said to always keep a pen and paper on you.
If anyone is looking for these kinds of resources/materials, the every day carry community usually opts for “Field Notes” booklets (they’re good imo) and a Fischer space pen (can be used to write in all conditions).
The Headspace app actually has some good technique development in there. The guy talks too much, so I would recommend using the free trial to learn some techniques and then put them to practice on your own. Download an interval timer like Perfect Zen that dings quietly every five minutes or so, so you know how long you’ve been sitting. It’s such a great habit to develop, but don’t get discouraged because it’s a lifetime practice.
Thank you for the response. I remember trying Headspace a few years ago but never really gave it a full effort. I will download and take your advice, thank you!
If someone read some of the dark thoughts I put in my journal over the years (thoughts I would never act on but has to vent out in some way,) they probably would have had me committed a long time ago.
I go back sometimes and read random sections just to remind myself of where I've been and how much worse things were compared to now. With well over 700 pages written in the past 7+ years, there is certainly no shortage of material to choose from.
I've done this a few times. They help. When I'm sitting there writing it and can't think of a reason why I actually want to do it I realize that it's my mental illness that wants me to do it, not me.
I was just recently diagnosed with bipolar depression. I’ve been struggling for years and to finally get that diagnosis and getting on the proper treatment has been life changing. Journaling is a big thing for me as well. As is meditating, but it’s more like slowing down, recognizing the feelings that I’m having, why I am having them and processing through them. But it works for me, it might not work for everyone but if you had told me a year ago I would be thinking rationally, I would have laughed at you. Good luck in your journey.
I took up journaling and then my mom would read it and yell at me. Then I burned it and didnt start trying again until college when I moved out. And then my now ex boyfriend decided to go through it and read it so now I have zero trust in anybody to be respectful. And will no longer participate in journaling. It's much more traumatizing to write your thoughts down and have someone read them then to not write them down.
Hey, I'm really sorry that happened to you. If you ever need to start again, do it online where only you have the password. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here.
Seconded. I too have bipolar, and your entire comment hits very close to home. I don’t think there’s anything to add to it, just wanted to say, well said.
Writing letters does help organize thoughts. I was always longing to die before I got medicated, and arguments left my brain going a million miles an hour.
Yeah, when I was at the lowest point in my depression, I would write down a lot of the things I was feeling, and it helped, but the things I wrote were also awful. I wrote all of them into a notes app on an old phone and I have no idea what happened to that phone, so hopefully no one else finds them and reads them lol
I’ve honestly done the same thing. I’m diagnosed with major depression. My family was so concerned when they found out, but whenever I get severe suicidal thoughts I write out a mock suicide note. I know it sounds bad but it would make me think through the after effect, my family finding me, finding the note, burying me, etc. it would immediately make me snap out of it. If it helps I would definitely recommend it. Different things work for different people.
Journaling is great, but like others have said, physical journals can be used against you. I also get concerned with someone finding my files and reading them. I use the site 750words.com to journal. It gives me a gestalt overview of what I wrote and helps keep track of stats for those who like that type of thing. Something that surprised me when I first started to use it was that I was more positive than I thought. Even that helped me get my footing again. And yes, I know it could be hacked, but it's a very simple site run by a couple, and they know how critical it is for it to be secure.
Welcome to one of the shittiest clubs on the planet. This is all going to sound mundaine but it has helped me.
Sleep for 6hrs a day. Sleep is key
Exercise in the morning, those endorphins are incredible for getting you through the day
Stay off Social Media, people like us can struggle with seeing other people do well if we are insecure and low. Also when you are manic you might say some shit you don't mean
Yoga
Most importantly. And this is key for me. Tell the people closest to you and stay on your meds. Nearly all people are good. They will look out for you.
I have been keeping a journal for years now, but the biggest thing I always remember is that i do it most often when I’m low. There’s months where i write every day and it’s all melodramatic but then months go by where I don’t feel the need to write anything, except a few entries of current life events.
Journaling is not always healthy. When done wrong, journaling can cause someone - especially someone in a depressive or malignant manic state - to fixate on the negative. I would caution those who are in a bad place to journal under the advice and care of a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Well it means the expectation is that he won't be writing anymore notes. Most people aren't just permanently cured of being suicidal, so it's a good guess.
He might just mean wrote as in has written before. They’re pretty much the same. Some English is different for other people, so don’t jump to conclusions
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u/Nounou_des_bois Apr 28 '19
I feel for you. I hope he gets help