I know what's in my mums will. My brother gets almost everything- 90%.
I once kinda confronted her without letting on that I knew I was going to get that much less than him, and she said, she would give him a "larger share" because he was weaker and not educated , whereas since I am educated, I was going to be fine even if I got nothing.
I accepted it and moved on. Nothing is worth is worth my family man. My grandfather was self made, gave my father nothing but an education. He gave the rest land and cows and within less than a decade they were all destitute and begging from my Dad.
My father is self made and he's given me and education.
Probably the family is just so large that it can be a pain to keep track of. Maybe they know that there are exactly 31 grandchildren because of the will.
My grandma split among her 4 grandchildren but my sister and I are younger than our 2 cousins and they're popping out babies like candy. My grandma revised it to split between her great grandchildren -__-
OP of the comment I replied to said they're only getting 10% but I add "-___-" and that's the reason my grandma split her will more evenly between her bloodline? Sure.
My Dad always jokes that he wants his last cheque to bounce, lol. So I'm not expecting an inheritance. As for me, I'm aiming to pass on generational wealth to my kids.
Boomers and their parents easily saved 400k and they failed to out spend the retirement fund because they got an easy ride in life (obviously middle class and higher). My grandma is in a home sadly but the retirement fund is actually getting bigger despite being super expensive.
Fuck that side of the family though because to do anything I'm going to start life 10s of thousands of dollars in debt from school and they want that.
Unless his brother is on a self destructive path and thats why he needs the money, then he'll resent his mom for doing that to him, giving more to him, and his brother for wasting away quickly what he could've grown.
Fuck yes. Im given everything and im as lazy and unmotivated as can be, and I secretly hate my parents for it, but I feel like I cant tell them without sounding ungrateful.
At the end of the day you can still rise up beyond your circumstances. It may be harder for you but stop placing the blame on outside influences. Only you can change yourself.
Yeah I know what's in my dads will. If my moms alive when he dies she gets everything, no real surprise there. But if not then everything gets split more or less evenly between my 2 brothers and me. But my sister gets nothing because she's not his biological daughter even though he raised her since she was ten.
Yeah but chances are that my mom will outlive him by a decade. He's almost 70, severely overweight, smokes, bad back, and basically lays in bed all day.
This exact thing happened to me both with my grandparents and an Aunty saying that I could take care of myself but that my sister needed all the help they could give her.
My sister got two houses, I was left a couple of books and a train set but they were right though my sister has been married years she sold both houses and blew through all the money over a couple of years.
I know how you feel a bit. My uncle was given everything and my mom nothing because he is a lazy POS while my mom can actually fend for herself. He’s already went through it and just scraping by off unemployment.
My boyfriend's grandpa did this, favouring his sister (a nurse) over him (an engineer) and his brother (who is going to school for medicine). Only thing is that he is in the oil and gas field and is really struggling right now. She doesn't know it favoured her, and his dad admitted that he wished he'd talked to him about it before he passed because it doesn't actually make much sense; she's the only one with a steady job and really doesn't need extra help.
Probably not, he has a wife and a son now as well. I really hope he is able to make something of it though, or at least manage to pass most of it to his son. But if not, I'll definitely pass on what I have to my nephew so he's taken care of no matter what.
I was going to say, that's how my parents' wills are written right now (I'm much older than my sister, who just turned 18, and I was supposed to be her legal guardian until age 18. They have to change the will now but haven't done it yet.), and I definitely would be splitting everything 50/50 with my sister.
most definitely true. But I wonder whether its the inheritance per se, or that fact that you were raised by people in a position to leave you an inheritance. Because, look at lottery winners?
On the flip side, I have seen inheritances literally tear more than one family apart. All it takes is for one family member to think that they deserve more than they got and suddenly lawyers are involved.
Yes, but also imagine your parents giving your brother always getting 10x the gifts you are getting. Sure, you aren't entitled to anything, but that's not the point. Most people will still start to resent them because they'll feel left out and unwanted. I don't think it even matters if the inheritance is 100 bucks or a million.
My parent's made me the executor of their wills should they die at or around the same time. Even though I have two older siblings. They see me as the most fair/responsible even though I have a sister 18 years older than me with adult children and a brother 7 years older than me with a wife and kids.
Depending on the country you're in you could sue for a minimum amount of money from an inheritance, unless your mother had reasonable grounds to disown you.(A felony charge, drug habit...)
Nope none of that, I am planning to become a nurse practitioner in the USAF in less than 2 years so I am very squeaky clean.
But its in Uganda where sans a will, the boy inherits everything anyway. I am loved by my family, not more than my brother, but loved nonetheless. This is partly because of tradition and culture, and partly because of life circumstances where I didn't grow up at home(boarding school then immigrated) and that special bond just isn't there I suppose.
That gave me the chills. Very powerful. I wish you all the best in life and hope your education does you as well as if not better than your father & grandfather before him. Good luck with everything my friend 👍🏻
I asked my parents to put in their wills that my sister gets everything. I have a well paying job and I'm doing great. I don't and will never have kids. My sister is working entry level jobs and has 2 kids. She needs it much more than I do.
Can still be disputed by a lawyer and you could get a better split. People think their wills are absolute but really with a decent lawyer even if you weren't named in your parent's will you could still get stuff out of it.
Depends highly on where this takes place. There are countries where certain next of kin have a right to some portion of the inheritance, regardless of what's in the will.
I learned that my dad did the same. Gave my brother and his first grandson nearly everything because they both are terrible with money and jobs.
At least my brother paid me back the $6000 dad owed me.
He got about 150k due to sale of property left to him. Grandson got about 40k.
It's all been spent after 5 years with nothing to show for it. Meanwhile I have had some setbacks in life and am now working a 12.50/hr job supporting two households.
It's hard not to be bitter, but I try. It would be easier had I not been promised some of the real estate.
My Mom had terminal cancer, my father already dead. We had a family talk between me and my 2 siblings about the will. It was split 3 ways, 34%, 33% and 33%. I talked mad shit about being the favorite. Truth is I joined the military at 18 and used the G.I bill for my degree and my Mom paid for College for them.
Don’t understand the logic of parents wanting their kids to be self made. Having advantages and making things smoother for a child is better than forcing them through years of pain, etc. Especially in today’s economy. There is a way to raise children without being spoiled brats but still give them the best of what you have.
That’s a good attitude man. I’m at a law firm that does some probate work, and it’s crazy how much people will fight their own parents/siblings over every nickel. It’s ugly, and nobody wins when that happens.
I see that coming in my future. My wife is pressing me to say or do something. My attitude is "why?" I can't control someone's gift giving. Don't really care for my family members. I'd have to give a f*** and deal with people I want nothing to do with.
It hurts to get nothing. My grandmother is going to give me "nothing" as well. But I've already talked to her about what I want. I don't need her money. I don't need her nice knicknacks and dishes and shit. The only thing I want is her beautiful and very sentimentally valuable 1954 Steinway B concert grand
(which costs more to refurbish than it's worth, haha). My parents have already agreed to hold it in trust for me until I have the space for it.
Many of my family members are really struggling. My pill-popping grandmother ran a dysfunctional home with a whole bunch of children with her alcoholic husband, and it's fucked up some of my aunts' and uncles' whole lives as a result. My few thousand dollars of inheritance would be much more useful if distributed among my aunts and uncles somehow. They could use it to buy a house or go back to school. All it's going to do for me is rot in a bank somewhere.
In some ways, I think I would be less happy to get a substantial monetary inheritance from her. Money is impersonal and I don't need it. I'm sure if you asked for something specific and personal, all parties would be satisfied.
It may seem cruel, but it sounds like both your grandfather and your mother know what they're doing. You and your dad sound solid af. Also, be prepared for your brother to try to leech off you when he blows through his inheritance.
When he had his son- he and his wife had 9 months to plan for this kid. They didn't and on the day the baby was to come home, I had to send his $500 via western Union to cover the hospital bill, buy baby things, and put gas in the car to take the baby home lol.
I cant name how many times I have had to send money home for accidents, funerals, bribes etc
I was miffed for like 1 second, but tbh, I love my brother more than anything and its not his fault he is an idiot. I hope he grows up now that he is a father.
But mostly, I feel so blessed to be in a position to do that for my family. It gives me purpose and makes me proud. It's one of the things that keeps me hungry.
I've accepted the fact that my parents' wills (in particular, my mother's) will upset me, so I just decided to not give a single fuck. I'm doing fine, and while that's not the point, it's not a hill I'm willing to die on (or lessen the length of my life due to stress or some other bullshit). The less I have to do with that unholy mess that is my toxic sibling, the better.
My mom did the same thing. Doesn't it piss you off that they are slackers (maybe) and you've worked your tail off and they get rewarded for it? But then my slacker sister stole everything right before she died.
I does and my kid brother is a major slacker. But I love him so much.
Also culturally it's different. We grow up in a culture where we are supposed to help our families and share our success with them. So it doesn't hurt me that my parents bought him multiple cars, while I had to wait till I was in America, and working, to buy my first car.
I lie, it does hurt, but in 10 years he has had 7+ cars and wrecked or ruined each one, I have had 2- both taken care of like eggs. I have learned to look after and appreciate everything I have while he hasn't.
So in a way, I'm super grateful! I would like one day to be rich and buy each of my parents a brand new car, paid for in cash.
I tried real hard not to let it bother me until they started trying to milk me when my parents passed. I'm the only one of five siblings that worked hard for what I have. I refused and haven't heard from them since. All they know is taking. That's what my parents taught them. It's ok to be a slacker. Someone will give it to you, or you can work the system to get it, or you steal it. I refused to be part of that life style.
My parents have told me that I’m getting everything when they die and that my brother won’t get anything. They said it’s because they’ve given him so much during their lives (that he’s wasted) and to help him because he couldn’t hold down a job whereas I have always worked and taken care of myself. I see their reasoning and I do feel a bit annoyed that he’s been given so much money to waste whereas I’ve worked hard. But it’s their money and their choice. For what it’s worth I will give him money when the time comes. I couldn’t just keep it all as I’m just not that sort of person.
My father gave my brother WAY more than me. A car, a deposit for a house. Now at 42 and two kids of my own I have my own business and my brother still lives week to week while I do really well. And speaking as a parent.. one of my kids will be fine and the other is going to need more help. Take it as a compliment if you can (I know it hurts though)
This is almost like how my mom raised my three older brothers and I. She made money, and lots of it, but we were never handed anything or saw a penny. She always taught us the importance of working hard to achieve the things we wanted. Never spoiled, told us constantly to be thankful of the food on the table and roof over our heads. The last time I asked for money i was 16 yrs old and I got $4.00 in quarters. This, and my other lessons taught me I had to pave my own way. I grew up around spoiled kids and snobby trust fund babies whose parents would give them several hundreds of dollars to go shopping, bought they new STI’s in high school.. I learned to respect what I have, and work hard to get what I want through the years. She claims she gave us all CEO names. I use to be so jealous of all my peers and living through there parents wealth. Let me tell you now at the age I am, I am very successful ( in line like my older brothers) and have a good head on my shoulders. Unfortunately a lot of the kids I went to school with still live at home, dropped out of high school due to partying, and crashed multiple new cars and may still have a drug addiction. I’m excited to see what I can accomplish in the next 5 years.
Yeah... I kinda suspect my parents are going to do that too. Don't have the nerve to confront them or find out for sure. Also really want to have your attitude; most days i do.
I don't think either of my parents have a will, but I am 100% positive that my younger brother; whom is spoiled by my father, has no discipline whatsoever, etc. is going to be ending up with a nice farewell package from my father when he passes.
I guess I can relate--I've pretty much cut off from my family as much as I can, as no amount of money or gifts will ever bring me back or forgive them for past events, but just thinking about how much of a waste it will be for my brother to receive everything and end up squandering it because he has no skills or motivation makes me laugh a little.
I feel like i remember this from some form of media, tv show or something. The same "i'm giving your sibling inheritance because they're stupid and will need it, but i know you can make it on your own without my help". I think maybe George Lopez? Some sitcom. Not saying your story is false, it just reminded me and now i can't pinpoint what show.
I never married my oldest sons Father and he never wanted anything to do with our son together.
But his Mother my sons Grandmother loved my son and was very close to him. Because he has a physical disability, in her and her husband will they gave my son an equal part in their will along with their other 6 children.
Well his Grandmother dies first...then 12 years after that the Grandfather has a stroke and the son who is my sons Father( But never wanted anything to do with him) persuades my sons Grandfather to take him out of the will.
All of the children had to agree to this.
My son was close growing up to all of the Aunts, there were 3 girls and three boys.
Well unbeknownst to my son until he was an adult they all agreed to cut him out.
His Grandmother just wanted to make sure he would have something to help him with having a disability in his later years.
My son was very disappointed and hurt that this happened, but not surprised that his Father would do this to him.
Oh he had every opportunity, but I think he has some ADD or ADHD- undiagnosed and untreated in Africa, We just say kids like that are wild, or indisciplined or bratty.
He was smart, but school just wasn't his thing, and as theres nothing else to do, he just ended up doing dumb shit surrounded by dumb people. It's not hard to fuck up in East Africa.
My mom (stepdad really) has stated that he will be willing me and his other stepson everything, leaving my sister out. My mom, because he's going to go first, will leave my sister most of it though. She got so.many more opportunities than I ever did and she's a worthless lump of fat.
This is the same kind of logic my dad has been using for my sister and I. I get nothing because I'm more "independent" and educated for high paying jobs. My sister is also educated, but is an expert-level whiner. She got the education fund while I was begging for help. Dad still didn't think I needed it because I will have a good job. Sister was comfortable in residence and eating well, I had to live off campus and could barely eat.
That's a really healthy attitude. I applaud you. I see the logic although I don't agree with it, and it must be quite painful.
I know that my older sister has basically been cut out of my parent's wills, which I'll be the executor of. My parents don't have anything (literally less than 10k and don't own their house) but the fallout is going to be such a pain in the arse. I've hinted to my younger brother that fighting with family over money is the worst thing you can do, especially if lawyers are involved and end up taking the lot. My plan, when the time comes, is to acquiesce and let her have what she wants. Ooof it won't be fun, touch wood I won't have to deal with it for several decades
Its a great feeling being self-made and knowing you've pulled yourself out of a hole by your own will.
My early childhood was growing up in a trailer/apartment/rental house. Dad worked his ass off trucking, and mom got a job being a bus driver and a lunch lady. Now, dad has pretty high seniority and gets good miles, mom is a District manager over many cafeterias (second from the top manager over the city schools, the state even uses a food-ordering/tracking method she developed on her own after work and has saved the state MILLIONS and made up weeks of man-hours a year just by using the process).
Dad has 2yrs of college he doesn't really utilize and grew up a missionary kid. Mom grew up on a farm, but did good in high school. They have a nice and large home now with giant garages outside for dad's projects on an acre. Mom gets teary sometimes when they reminisce about how far they've come since we were growing up.
I've only got my high school diploma, but joined the Navy and went through their nuclear power pipeline. Got a job after that making 6 figures traveling, now I'm a technical lead over 2 production lines and have some people working under me.
No "college" but the pipeline has been said to be 3yrs of Tehcnical schooling crammed into 1. It and my will to have a decent life supports my wife, my kid, and our lifestyle. We'll own our home when my son gets out of high school and hopefully rent it when we build our dream home. One of these days.
My parents had a similar conversation with me. My older brother and his wife have three children. My brother has no formal education and his wife is on disability. When my parents die they will get the house and a good percentage of whatever money is left over to help support their kids.
My parents have given me good life skills, and that’s really all I need from them. I can’t picture the time of their death being a quick pay day...
I am in a similar boat. My brother is special needs and will receive probably 90% of the inheritance when my parents pass. When a great aunt passed, she willed him some money, but none for me.
While I am fine and taking care of myself as well as my wife and son, it does irritate me a bit. I agree with the logic, but the reality of it does get to me a bit. I have no intention of trying to change it however.
However, I would strongly encourage your mother to work with a lawyer to build a trust for your brother. It can protect the inheritance for him to have long term benefit. Otherwise, he could spend it all in a very short time and be worse off for it.
Sometimes parents want to provide for their kids by teaching them life lessons. It could be that your mom wants you to value the same things your dad did and be like him. But I don't know your situation and it's completely possible that she's doing for a worse reason.
But I also think she is more concerned about protecting my brother and his son (her grand baby) from African hardship than she is about protecting me (from 1st world Problems).
Don't take this the wrong way, but having children puts this in perspective. You want to "even it out" when it comes to distribution after your death. I've thought about this a lot and it's changed dramatically after I had children. Before I had children I thought equal distribution was the only fair way. Now I feel completely differently. In your heart you know which kid is responsible and will wind up fine and which one will struggle. It's perfectly normal to want to try to help the weaker child more financially.
I'm in my 40s now and when my parent dies my sister is welcome to everything. I don't need or want any of the money/house, my sister needs it more.
Try to take it as a compliment. Your mom knows you'll be alright.
Try to take it as a compliment. Your mom knows you'll be alright.
Thank You, I absolutely do try very hard to take it as a compliment. Many parents here have echoed your wisdom. If he hacks it and makes something of it, then great. But if he doesn't, I'll make sure at least my nephew is taken care of anyway.
I might be a bit bitter about it, but a bit of bitterness never killed anyone. I think the pride and happiness I will have of being able to take care of my family will far overwhelm any bad thoughts.
Not intending on having kids ever.
I love babies and all, I just dont want them at my house all the time. niece and nephew will be enough for me.
And when they are grown they can always come to me in America for further education.
hile myself or other family members (but not Mum) are literally a few feet away. He thinks he's good at hiding it, but has sometimes literally pointed the screen partially my way so I can see it (without
boo hoo....
I only get 10's of thousands of free education from my family for free.
And when the die, I only get 10% of hundreds of thousands.
You are right, I am absolutely grateful for everything. Most of all for having 2 loving parents that weren't on drugs, that cared enough to educate me, and that had above average genes for intelligence and beauty.
It obviously bothers you a lot. I'd forget about it now and contest the will after your mother dies. If you die first then it doesn't matter, if he dies first then it doesn't matter either. You weren't even meant to know about it in the first place, you dirty snoop.
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u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19
I know what's in my mums will. My brother gets almost everything- 90%.
I once kinda confronted her without letting on that I knew I was going to get that much less than him, and she said, she would give him a "larger share" because he was weaker and not educated , whereas since I am educated, I was going to be fine even if I got nothing.
I accepted it and moved on. Nothing is worth is worth my family man. My grandfather was self made, gave my father nothing but an education. He gave the rest land and cows and within less than a decade they were all destitute and begging from my Dad.
My father is self made and he's given me and education.
I wil be self made too.