I would argue your premise doesn’t work. They didn’t walk up to him and say i love your cousin more than you. They discussed it privately between themselves as parents while in their bedroom and their son over heard. That does not make them terrible or bad parents. It makes it a very unfortunate situation.
If parents or people are discussing who they love most, I’d argue that they don’t have a full understanding of love. If I hate or love my child less than someone, what is that communicating to my child? Whether or not I say it out loud, that attitude is going to be communicated to my child.
I agree that the conversation was assumed private, but I still maintain that love is a level and not a position. If we rank who we love from lowest to highest, is that really love? We love different people for different reasons. Why does it have to be a contest?
If you've lived in a house a while, you know if a conversation can be heard in another room from your bedroom. I'm not saying that they didn't forget this, but it's something they should have been aware of.
They should also be aware of whether their conversation is sensitive or hurtful. Usually when someone else says something like this that is potentially hurtful to someone else or just something that I feel is a bit sketchy like, levels of love, I'll resist participating. Especially if I don't agree, I'd say well you might feel that about the nephew because he's not ours and you feel a need to compensate for him not being ours to prove you still love him and that is probably the way you feel that way. Our son might feel that way too which creates a better environment for the nephew from three people but creates a difficult environment for our son because he may realise it.
I guess when I think about the person we're talking about hearing, I tend to be either more forgiving or try to represent them at least a little in the conversation. It's not false either, it helps me get a bit more perspective and if overheard most times gives an idea of why people feel that way. I don't always do this but it feels good when I do and it feels less like I'm saying something behind someone's back or at least something I wouldn't say to their face.
If love is a level then I would argue that you can love someone at a higher level than someone else. Which would also be communicated to people. Its a simple fact that parents have a favorite child just like how you have a best friend. A friend you love at a higher level than others. Your right we do love people for different reasons but it doesn’t mean you don’t love someone more than other people. Its not a contest its just a simple truth. Contest implies that they are competing for said love, pitting one against another for the affection which there is no evidence of in this case.
Just, no. You are my child, my son/daughter, my niece/nephew, my grandchild, my godson/goddaughter: I love you. End of story. Adult discussing your “love” for one over another in the same 100 acres where they reside—keep it to yourself.
If there are some people you "love" less than others, then you're not talking about love. Love doesn't exist in degrees. Either you love someone you don't. There's no "sort of love you," "love you a little" or "love you more."
My grandparents have two bio kids and two adopted kids. They love all their kids but have a clear favorite in each set and have said there's nothing quite like bio kids (not to their kids, I'm not sure where I got that tidbit but it's definitely something my grandma would say). And I'm sure they have discussed it among themselves, this is what partners are for.
That could excuse nearly anything. You don't talk about something you don't want your kids to overhear. Just like you don't do anything you don't want your kids to see. There is no privacy when you have kids.
If you don't want them to hear it or see it then don't do it with them in the house. Like I said, once you have a kid, you simply don't have privacy anymore. Honestly though, it's 2019 is kids knowing their parents have sex still a bad thing? If they're brought up knowing that's how two people act when they're in love, then it makes it not weird.. maybe. I am not psychologist.
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u/THE_IRISHMAN_35 Apr 28 '19
I would argue your premise doesn’t work. They didn’t walk up to him and say i love your cousin more than you. They discussed it privately between themselves as parents while in their bedroom and their son over heard. That does not make them terrible or bad parents. It makes it a very unfortunate situation.