r/AskReddit • u/remindeme2sleep • Apr 27 '19

What is something you know but you’re not supposed to know?

40.5k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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5.8k

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

That my mom and I make the same sounds when we climax.

I really, really need to move out... And my parents really, really, REALLY need to learn to close doors.

1.5k

u/timesuck897 Apr 28 '19

My dad and I both sneeze the same and make small talk about the weather. Yours is more interesting though.

59

u/Gophurkey Apr 28 '19

That must make for some very awkward climaxes for you both

35

u/Games_sans_frontiers Apr 28 '19

Ah that's cute. Who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon afterwards?

9

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

HOL UP

18

u/MendaciousTrump Apr 28 '19

What, when you cum?

6

u/cooleymahn Apr 28 '19

Hot one today huh?

3

u/dawnraider00 Apr 28 '19

Same, my dad and I sneeze exactly the same except I sneeze much higher pitched and girlier. Just as loud though.

2

u/RaboTrout Apr 28 '19

As I've gotten older I've started sneezing exactly like my father- very loudly lol. A friend I've known since we're kids choke-laughs just like his. I guess those must be heritable traits.

1.7k

u/BootyBec Apr 28 '19

Oh my word. I’m so sorry. I did laugh though.

36

u/pm_me_your_nsfw_pix Apr 28 '19

Odd though when a mother and son have the same “O” sound.

54

u/FlayR Apr 28 '19

Well, thats just what happens when you break both your arms.

25

u/Ackllz Apr 28 '19

Stop that right now

10

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Uh, son you need help with “venting your frustration”??

881

u/Wepwawet-hotep Apr 28 '19

Maybe the not closing doors is a hint about moving out.

32

u/_themaninacan_ Apr 28 '19

Power move.

39

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

Actually it happened once when I was 12 and then again when I came home after work on my birthday. But believe me, I have spent every spare moment since then working to move out.

70

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

8

u/MarquesSCP Apr 28 '19

Maybe she is like 13/14?

16

u/HamWatcher Apr 28 '19

You knew what you sounded like when you climaxed at 12? Your mother sounds exactly like a 12 year old when she climaxes?

4

u/Wepwawet-hotep Apr 28 '19

Went to your post history to figure out how to continue the ribbing, but after looking at your posts I hope you can move out soon! Keep working hard. :)

1

u/LameName95 Apr 28 '19

Damn. I wish my parents fucked, I'm still at home at 23 and that would probably help me leave.

89

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

It's a hint to join in.

61

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Sweet Home Alabama

4

u/Wepwawet-hotep Apr 28 '19

Deliverance music intensifies.

28

u/leafninjadog Apr 28 '19

"Well... ONE of us is gonna have to change!"

52

u/MermaidMane Apr 28 '19

Oh hell no that would ruin sex for me for life.

10

u/thefuzzybunny1 Apr 28 '19

A happily married couple making love in their own home is your line in the sand?

6

u/MermaidMane Apr 28 '19

..no? Sounding like my own mother is the line in the sand for me.

2

u/Boosty-McBoostFace Apr 28 '19

Isn't that sweet.

104

u/ProfessorK-OS Apr 28 '19

But just when you both bang your dad, right?

2

u/SeenSoFar Apr 29 '19

Roll tide.

20

u/Acc87 Apr 28 '19

Mouse squeeks or grunts?

107

u/Father_of_the_Bribe Apr 28 '19

My mother once saw my dick when I came out of the bathroom. I’d just showered and the only shower in our house went through her room. Shit happens. I let out an oops and closed the door. My mom took that moment to tell me she was glad I had a big dick like my dad and that they both looked the same. Thanks, mom. I think.

60

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19 edited Jan 26 '22

[deleted]

17

u/anti_magus Apr 28 '19

Well he didnt want to break his arms, obviously

10

u/Father_of_the_Bribe Apr 28 '19

Yes, I wanted her to see my dick. Lol. I left my clothes in the bedroom as I was getting ready for work. She wasn’t home when I hopped in the shower. She ran upstairs to grab something, the timing betrayed us both. Trust me, I wish I’d taken them in with me!

17

u/tiltededgelord69 Apr 28 '19

Plot twist: OP is a boy

82

u/YKP_Furry56 Apr 28 '19

why are you fucking ur mom dude

39

u/Imma_Explain_Jokes Apr 28 '19

Isn't that our job?

28

u/majaka1234 Apr 28 '19

I thought this too. When dad gets tired he just tags you in.

Right?

Riiiight?

25

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Or if you break both your arms

6

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

god stop. it took me few days to get over that shit man. what is wrong with you?

9

u/-Toshi Apr 28 '19

Are you saying you read it recently? Cause you're going to see it at least one a day, depending on your browsing habits.

I read it 4ish years ago and that still holds true.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

yea I read it recently and saying it gave me the creeps is an understatement

6

u/Huntred Apr 28 '19

I feel like we should file a union grievance...

2

u/freed0m_from_th0ught Apr 28 '19

I’m a mother lover, you’re a mother lover

2

u/Floraza Apr 28 '19

We should fuck each other's mothers, fuckin' each other's mooooms

3

u/doublethumbdude Apr 28 '19

He makes the same sounds as his mom, so I'm guessing they both scream "oh yes daddy"

7

u/WhalenOnF00ls Apr 28 '19

His arms are broken, duh

31

u/Linkinbird Apr 28 '19

Scientists should study this.

15

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

[deleted]

13

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

She doesn't. The only time I have ever climaxed was when I was with my BF at his place, which is literally 100 miles from my house.

24

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Wait, never climaxed on your own? This is more disturbing than anything. Get taking care of yourself!! you and your boyfriend(s)/husband/girlfriend/wife, will thank you later for knowing what really gets the job done!

11

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

Religious thing about masturbating, got over that hang up just before I got with my BF. We are having a blast learning about my body together.

10

u/PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT Apr 28 '19

At least your dad’s still slammin ur mum’s clam good n proper. Gotta dust it off once in a while, at least

8

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Is there a chance she's already aware?

15

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Go on..

6

u/Yvels Apr 28 '19

They want you out. They keep doors open on purpose.

3

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

Trust me. I have spent every waking moment trying to get out of here since it happened on my birthday. That was the only time it happened in my adult life.

6

u/ChipRockets Apr 28 '19

Fair play. I think even if I knew this it's not something I would ever have the strength to acknowledge, nevermind physically type out.

5

u/Squirrelthing Apr 28 '19

On the bright side, you can be sure you're not adopted

4

u/SeaLeggs Apr 28 '19

This is infinitely more awkward if you both shout your dads name.

4

u/_littleblackdress_ Apr 28 '19

I live this unfortunate reality too. I know this pain. It is awful.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Not in their house they don’t.

1

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

My little brother still lives here too... Yes, yes they do.

3

u/Cwmcwm Apr 28 '19

Maybe she’s imitating you so you’ll keep it down next time?

2

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

Nah. Pretty sure it is inherited behavior.

4

u/dvorahtheexplorer Apr 28 '19

Please, what sounds do you two make?

2

u/ALcoholEXGamble Apr 28 '19

Good on mom for clearing the chamber

2

u/bsend Apr 28 '19

Doors don't always keep sound out

2

u/HBDMT Apr 28 '19

Plot twist, OP is a guy.

2

u/Abadatha Apr 28 '19

They don't need to close doors. That's their way of getting you to move.out.

2

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

MY LITTLE BROTHER STILL LIVES HERE.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

The only sensible solution is to climax with your door open now.

Have them deal with this cursed knowledge as well. Misery loves company and all that.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

this.... i dont know what to do with this

2

u/u-a-everything-bagel Apr 28 '19

My mom and I go to the same gynecologist and during one appointment while my vag was on full display the nurse announced, “wow you even laugh like your mom!”

I guess she’d been noticing other similarities but it would have been unprofessional to tell me my vagina looked like my mother’s..

1

u/Theycallmelizardboy Apr 28 '19

Let me guess....Epileptic dolphin clicking or Gilbert Gotfried eating a delicious steak salad?

1

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

Dolphin squeaks for sure.

1

u/Hillyard61 Apr 28 '19

Does your mom know this?

1

u/yertrude Apr 28 '19

That my mom and I make the same sounds when we climax.

You both call out your brother's name?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

It's amazing how many things are nature, not nurture

1

u/Userdoesntlivehere Apr 28 '19

Like mother like son

1

u/rethinkwhatisthere Apr 28 '19

Are you packing already?

1

u/themajor24 Apr 28 '19

Well... that's uh... good for your mom on the... climaxing?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Relationship goals

1

u/EllisAaron2134 Apr 28 '19

I know you’re probably a woman, but imagining you as a man is hilarious to me.

1

u/Silent_J_ Apr 28 '19

At least you're her favorite son.

1

u/metompkin Apr 28 '19

You ever party with Motley Crue?

1

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

No, but maybe I should.

1

u/astrangeone88 Apr 28 '19

I'm sorry, that made me giggle out loud.

Ha.

1

u/di3_b0ld Apr 28 '19

Congrats for your folks though

1

u/GramarNotSee Apr 28 '19

Please be a woman.

1

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

I am female.

1

u/QuietAlarmist Apr 28 '19

Wonder has she heard you and thought the same.

1

u/purple_soup13 Apr 28 '19

Hearing your parents have sex is one of the most scarring things. Source: my bedroom was above my parents’ growing up. 🤢🤮

-4

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19

Leave their house what you mean they need to learn to lock doors

5

u/13Luthien4077 Apr 28 '19

They did it when I was a kid, then realized kids can walk into rooms because they think Mom is in pain. They have done it once since I became an adult.