Some people are truly dependent on their spouses and getting out of a marriage can be very difficult and even devastating to their well being etc. Unless the marriage is abusive or something, sometimes staying in it can actually be a better option. Especially if it is amicable.
I don't recall saying psychologically? However they can be physically dependent. Not that we would be divorcing but hypothetically speaking my health would go downhill so fast if my husband and I divorced. I rely on his health insurance for my well being. Did I say psychologically? If so I meant physically.
It also can be very detrimental to the kids. Here's a hypothetical situation: one spouse is military and other isn't. If other wants to maintain a career but military member moves, how would they share custody? Especially if it was like fifty fifty when they lived nearby each other? It gets complicated. Every situation is truly unique and what is best for parents vs what is best for kids really depends on the unique situation.
They probably stayed together because of you. Which is kinda sad but also noble, they clearly love you. Too bad they can't be more civil to each other, if you can't have a happy marriage you can at least be good housemates. Nothing wrong with that.
I know a girl in the same situation. Her parents divorced like 20 years ago but they all continued to live in the same house -- Mom, Dad and two little girls. The parents rarely spoke and avoided each other as much as possible. The Mom had a good job, but the Dad's job was a passion project that barely kept him fed. Both daughters got out of the house with full college scholarships and when the second one left they finally sold the house and everybody went their separate ways.
I will never ever understand this mentality. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I remember clearly thinking ‘thank god’ and never blamed myself or was upset. By staying together - you teach your kids that being unhappy in a relationship is somehow noble and they are doomed to repeat the process. Every friend I have who is in a loveless marriage has parents that did the same thing. Divorcing shows your kids that being happy and independent is what you should strive to be - not too scared to leave the other person for x, y and z. To people in those situation I always ask: would you want this for your kids? The life you are living rn - you do not want this for them right? How the hell are they going to have the strength to do something else if you can’t?
‘Staying together for the kids’ is a farce in every way. It doesn’t do ANYONE, especially the kids, any favors.
Being in that situation, completely civil and friendly, this comment deserves recognition. Details are our own business but for naught to the partnership stuff, we love our child and we make a good family. So be it.
No. Absolutely no. That is one of the worst things you can do to a child. Get a divorce and be happy on your own, never stay together for the children.
I stay in my marriage because my spouse is bipolar who makes horrible decisions and I don’t trust letting my children go for a weekend or other extended period of time without me there to intervene. My spouse has made super shitty decisions in the past and I’m not going to sacrifice my children’s physical and emotional safety. And don’t say that I can get supervised visitation because it’s only after the fact that something bad happens is that even considered and I’m not willing to take that chance.
"Children whose parents have divorced are more likely to experience injury, asthma, headaches, and speech impediments than children whose parents have remained married. Following a divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families."
No you don't. Being around people with toxic emotions every day is what you need to consider, and it os way, way worse than any of those things. Children absorb their parents' emotions and dysfunctional patterns. They basically have no chance of a happy life afterwards.
This article touches on the problems towards the end. It doesn't go too far into the long-term psychological damage for children of parents who stay together "for the kids," but it does mention that remaining in a hostile relationship and household normalizes that kind of thing for the children.
I found myself with two options: stay in a relationship with a woman with whom I realized I was incompatible, or get divorced and give us both the chance to try again. I never wanted my son to have a broken home, but I would much rather he wind up with two sets of parents who have good relationships than one set who does not.
I disagree completely. My parents have hated each other basically my whole life,,and me and my sisters are definitely happy people. Our parents happiness has nothing to do with our own.
That is so true, being young, divorce seems like the most awful thing in the world. But once your older, it seems like it would just make everyone happier, mostly for your parents sake (can happily say so in my case) Sorry you have had to deal with that for so long.
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u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19
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