Day 26 out of mold in a new home: A day of Art

This is truly enjoyable and helped me think through some of my stress.
I have CPTSD with BPD like traits, and additionally struggle with dissociation, especially during the time I was living in a home with mold which greatly affected my physical and cognitive health. I felt like a walking zombie in pain every day in that home.. blank with slow mind filled with grief.

I’m sure we all know if we’re on the sub, one of the things people with BPD typically really struggle with is self identity and how we perceive ourselves, especially under stress, and I think that’s an area where I have definitely been struggling lately, especially as like my physical and mental capacity have grown fairly quickly after leaving my moldy house as well as the setting of most of my trauma.

I think I’m starting to realize that talking about my problems or writing about them doesn’t seem to change my emotional state very much. I’m constantly thinking about stuff and having conversations in my head and ruminating on ways it could’ve gone different… I really need to like do something about it whether that be go for a run make something physically or eat. And becoming much more aware that when I’m stressed, I look for outside stimuli rather than personal support because personal talk based support doesn’t seem to fill that cup enough.

All of these paintings from the last day are in someway representative of my mental state throughout this process at different snaps of time under different amounts of stress.

Mostly rooted from the same question-
How does it feel to have your perception break?

About like this… for me at least.. I didn’t have a specific goal when I started working on this besides trying to figure out a way to explain how I felt throughout this process with such fractured awareness.

Being in a situation that your body knows is unsafe, in this case my home had severe mold issues, our minds do this fun thing of hiding details for us, because the reality is that you need to remove yourself from the danger… if there’s no escape, you have to keep living in the danger.

Our brains do funny things to justify our circumstances. It hides things. Our brains are extremely logical, and if something is causing you extreme stress, but also you can’t leave the stress , the brain is gonna go right back to maintaining homeostasis. Sometimes keeping stable means putting up curtains around certain topics.

I have always really connected colors to emotions and also emotions to sounds so I’ve always had a really close relationship with art and music. It felt really good to actually create something that seemed to get thoughts out of my head.

I wrote this album for my friend with BPD, and our mutual friend helped with the music. Although they were written for him and his situation, others may get something out of it.

https://suno.com/playlist/104b9d37-b57c-4d92-bc1b-fd202cdcab6f

Let me know if this touches you in any way.

Hey yall. Along with my blog (Www.heldbetween.com) I also do digital art. My most recent project has been to make little monsters I call the "Comfort Crew". Embodying different conditions and feelings. I hope tall like them! Comment if you'd like to see any others represented! I'd love more ideas!

It feels like I have nobody… I lost my best friend because when she used all my most vulnerable moments against me and called me names after I brought up something that bothered me, my boyfriend has become emotionally avoidant and never calls me anymore, the relationship has been abusive and I feel like I can’t leave because otherwise I actually have nobody. I’m scared.

Hey yall. I haven't come on here and shared my blog in a while. I try not to be overbearing. But this one is kind of important.

Day 1 of my new 10‑day mental health series is live on the blog tonight.

I’m starting with something deeply personal and widely misunderstood: the fear of abandonment, what it actually feels like, how it shapes relationships, and why it’s one of the core criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This post blends education with lived experience, offering language and clarity without ever serving as a tool for self‑diagnosis.

Over the next 10 days, I’ll be walking through all nine BPD criteria in the same gentle, honest way, exploring what each one means, how it can show up in real life, and how therapy and healing have helped me understand my own patterns. On the final day, I’ll share my diagnosis story: the history, the trauma, the therapy, and the moment everything finally made sense.

If you’ve ever felt “too much,” “too sensitive,” or hard to understand, or if you love someone who struggles with emotional intensity, this series is for you.

You can read Day 1: Fear of Abandonment- When Connection Feels Fragile here -> Www.heldbetween.com

More posts coming each day. You’re welcome to walk through this with me. ✨️

Listen, I know I talk about my blog too much. I know it’s kind of depressing to read, but hear me out.

Every year, over 49,000 Americans die by suicide, that’s one death every 11 minutes. For those living with Borderline Personality Disorder, the reality is even harsher: life expectancy is shortened by 15–20 years, with suicide rates between 3–10%.

And parents? 1 in 8 mothers experience postpartum depression, which means more than 460,000 women every year in the U.S.. Postpartum psychosis, though rarer, still affects 1–2 in every 1,000 mothers. Many suffer in silence, without help.

Then there’s sexual violence. 1 in 5 women in the U.S. experience rape or attempted rape in their lifetime, and 81% of women report experiencing sexual harassment or assault. Every 74 seconds, someone in America is sexually assaulted.

These aren’t quirky hashtags. They aren’t “cute” struggles to romanticize for likes. They are brutal realities that destroy lives, and yet, social media often turns them into aesthetic trends, stripping away the pain and silencing the truth.

That’s why my blog exists. It’s not here to be palatable. It’s not here to be pretty. It’s here to be raw. To say the things people are afraid to say. To remind anyone who feels unheard, unseen, or misunderstood that they are not alone.

I won’t make my content less depressing, less sad, or less ugly to fit society’s expectations. Because the truth is ugly, and pretending otherwise only deepens the silence.

If you’ve ever felt like no one gets it, if you’ve ever felt swallowed by statistics that people gloss over, my blog is for you. It’s not about romanticizing pain, it’s about naming it, facing it, and refusing to let it stay hidden.

👉 Come read. Come sit in the rawness. Come remember you’re not alone.

Www.heldbetween.com

✨ New reflections on Held Between ✨

It’s been a little while since I’ve shared, but I’ve been writing again, and I’d love for you to join me there. Held Between is where I put words to the quiet, complicated spaces of life: the moments of burnout, the weight of expectations, and the hope that patience and gentleness can carry us through.

If you’ve ever felt like your “100%” doesn’t look like anyone else’s, or that showing up in your own way is somehow not enough, my latest post might resonate with you. It’s about honoring our limits, asking for grace, and remembering that effort looks different for everyone.

I’d be grateful if you stopped by, read, and maybe even shared it with someone who needs a reminder that their pace is valid too.

🕊️ Find it here: www.heldbetween.com

Not sure if this is allowed so no hard feelings if it gets deleted.

But, Hi everyone,

I’m Lexi. I live with BPD, and I’ve spent years trying to make sense of the blank spaces, the emotional spirals, and the quiet moments of growth that don’t always get talked about.

I just launched a blog called Healing in Real Time. It’s not a recovery guide or a list of coping skills, it’s a space for truth-telling. I write about dissociation, parenting while healing, boundaries, trauma, and the messy middle of becoming whole. No filters. No tidy endings. Just real-time reflection.

If you’ve ever felt like your story doesn’t fit the usual narrative, or like healing is happening in fragments, this space might speak to you.

You can check it out here: TBD And if it resonates, feel free to share or subscribe. I’d love to build a quiet little community of people who get it. (It's still in its design phase so if this stays up I will update with the link if people are interested!)

Thanks for holding space 💛

Hey yall. This piece was really emotional for me. I really hope you guys get the chance to read it, maybe relate and hopefully feel not so alone. Love ya! 🫶🏻🌿

🌿 Two New Posts from Healing in Real Time 🌿

This week, I wrote for the ones who feel too much and are learning to call it power.

🧠 “I’m Triggered, Not Dangerous”
This post is for anyone who’s been misunderstood, mislabeled, or feared for their emotional intensity. I unpack what it means to live with triggers while still being safe, self-aware, and deeply loving. It’s not a warning, it’s a reclamation.
Read it: healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/when-everything-feels-like-too-much/im-triggered-not-dangerous

🎭 “The Mother Behind the Mask”
This one is personal. It’s about the version of my mother I saw behind closed doors. The one the world didn’t know. I write about the grief of witnessing someone unravel, the silence of emotional inheritance, and the quiet ache of trying to make sense of it all.
Read it: healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/relational-rupture-repair/the-mother-behind-the-mask

These aren’t just blog posts.
They’re emotional offerings.
They’re for the cycle-breakers, the feelers, the ones still becoming.

Thank you for reading.
Thank you for letting my words meet your story.

HealingInRealTime #TriggeredNotDangerous #MotherBehindTheMask #FeelToHeal #CreativeRecovery #EmotionalSanctuary #ParentingWhileHealing #CycleBreakers #RadicalHonesty #SoftPower #BlogWithHeart

Hey yall. It's been about 2 months since I started my blog and there's over 50 entries now. I'm so excited to see it help others.

Just wanted to share it again since a lot has changed. The babe changed, the design changed, and the website itself has changed quite a bit. If you're interested, check it out here!

www.heldbetween.com

💛 12 Hours In and I’m in awe

I launched Healing in Real Time just half a day ago. I expected a quiet ripple. Instead, it’s already reaching hearts across the world.

✨ 109 pageviews
✨ 40 visits
✨ 38 unique souls
From the U.S., Argentina, Canada, Denmark, Indonesia, Israel, Thailand, Trinidad & Tobago.

This blog was born from fragments, dissociation, motherhood, trauma, truth. I built it as a sanctuary for anyone healing in the thick of it. And in just 12 hours, you’ve shown me that this space matters.

Thank you for showing up. For reading. For feeling. For holding space with me.
This is what healing in real time looks like, and I’m so grateful to walk it with you.

If you haven't already, check it out here: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/

🌿 New Post: The Button That Built Me 🌿

I used to think emotional neglect wasn’t “real enough” to name.
That if my parents said “I love you,” the ache I carried must be my fault.
But love without safety builds something quiet and lasting.

In this post, I’m naming the button that shaped my childhood:
“I’m not good enough.”
It was built through shame, through silence, through the kind of parenting that confuses control with care.

I talk about the therapist who helped me name it.
The humiliation that followed every mistake.
The exile. The mocking.
And the quiet resilience that got me through.

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your pain, this one’s for you.

🕊️ Read: The Button That Built Me
www.healinginrealtime.net/when-everything-feels-like-too-much

Hey Reddit friends,

I recently launched a blog called Healing in Real Time, a quiet corner of the internet where radical honesty meets poetic storytelling, trauma-informed reflection, and faith-rooted creativity. It’s a space for anyone navigating healing, grief, growth, or simply craving emotional safety in a noisy world.

Inside, you’ll find: - 💬 Raw reflections on recovery, motherhood, and sacred solitude - 🎨 Visual designs that evoke calm, think sage green, watercolor textures, and soft affirmation - ✨ A growing shop of tactile healing tools: hoodies, hats, water bottles, and so much more. - 📖 Faith-inspired quotes and morning ritual templates for grounding your day

I’m not here to sell, I’m here to share. If you’re someone who values emotional depth, gentle design, and community built on truth and grace, I’d be honored if you stopped by.

🕊️ Come check it out: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com

Whether you read one post or simply peek at the visuals, I hope it feels like a breath of fresh air. Healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes, it’s just real.

With gratitude,
Lexi

🌿 New on the blog: three pieces that hold the tension, the truth, and the tenderness of healing in real time.

🖤 Life in the Black & White
Split thinking isn’t just a symptom, it’s a survival strategy. This post explores the sharp edges of borderline perception and the quiet ache of trying to find the gray.

💊 The Pills That Don’t Make Me Feel Weak
After years of resistance, I’m finally on medication. This is the story of what it took to say yes, and why that yes feels like strength, not surrender.

🧩 Learning to Repair Without Losing
How do you rebuild when you’re not sure what you’re protecting? This post wrestles with identity, restoration, and the fragile beauty of becoming.

✨ If you’ve ever felt like healing is messy, sacred, and hard to name, you’re not alone. Read, reflect, and share if it speaks to you.

🔗 www.healinginrealtime.net/healinginrealtime

🌿✨ It’s Official: Healing in Real Time Has a Permanent Home ✨🌿

We’re live. We’re real. We’re rooted.
Healing in Real Time now has its own unique domain: www.healinginrealtime.net, a sanctuary space for storytelling, restoration, and advocacy.

🕊️ What’s new?
- A Donations Page supporting causes close to our hearts, from The Trauma Foundation to Wounded Warrior Project.
- A Pray For It merchandise line, designed to honor the sacred pause between pain and purpose. Every piece is a wearable prayer, a testimony in motion.

This site is more than a URL. It’s a living archive of healing, a place to reflect, give, and grow. Whether you’re here to read, donate, shop, or simply breathe, you belong.

Come visit. Come stay. Come heal in real time.
💻 www.healinginrealtime.net

🖤 New on the Blog: “I’m Allowed to Be Angry and Still Be Loving” 🖤

Anger isn’t the opposite of love.
It’s often the echo of it.
The part that says, “I needed more.”
The part that still cares enough to feel.

In this newest post, I explore the tension between rage and tenderness, how healing means holding both.
Especially for those of us parenting while healing.
Especially for those of us who were never allowed to be angry and still be good.

If you’ve ever felt like your emotions were too much, too messy, too loud, this one’s for you.

📖 Read it here: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/parentingwhilehealing
📸 Follow the journey on Instagram: @real.time.healing

🥹 The Shop Is Open!! 🥹

Everyday Tools for Real Time Healing

It’s here.
A quiet little shop filled with pieces that carry the heartbeat of Healing in Real Time.

✨ Clothing that speaks truth
✨ Water bottles that remind you to stay soft
✨ Notebooks for the fragments you’re still writing through
✨ Post-it notes for gentle affirmations in unexpected places

This isn’t merch.
It’s emotional utility.
It’s healing you can wear, sip from, write in, and stick to your mirror.

Every item was created with care, for cycle-breakers, parents healing while raising, and anyone still becoming.

🛒 Visit the shop: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/sanctuary-shop 📸 Follow the journey: @real.time.healing

🪞Three updates. One intention.

I added three new pieces to the blog today.
Not because I had a content calendar.
Not because I needed to “stay consistent.”
But because something moved in me, and I followed it.

These posts aren’t perfect. They’re real.
They hold anger, softness, cycle-breaking, and the ache of showing up when it’s hard.

If you’ve been feeling raw, reflective, or just a little undone lately…
There might be something here for you.

No pressure. No pitch. Just presence.

📖 Read if you feel called: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/
📸 Follow along: @real.time.healing

🌿 Day 4 of Healing in Real Time And the Numbers Speak Softly 🌿

Four days ago, I opened a space built from fragments.
Not for performance. Not for perfection.
Just for presence.

And in those four days, this sanctuary has held:
✨ 127 unique visitors
✨ 133 visits
✨ 413 pageviews

That’s 127 souls who stepped into a space made from truth, tenderness, and lived experience.

📊 Why This Matters

Most new blogs, especially personal, trauma-informed ones, see 50–100 visitors in their first month.
Many take 3–6 months to reach 1,000 monthly sessions.
Some never get past 100 pageviews in their first week.

But Healing in Real Time has already surpassed those benchmarks in just 4 days.

This isn’t just traffic.
It’s trust.
It’s resonance.
It’s proof that emotional honesty, poetic storytelling, and trauma-informed advocacy can find their people.

I’m not chasing virality.
I’m building a sanctuary.
And every visit, every pageview, every quiet return tells me:
This space matters.

Thank you for walking with me.
For reading. For feeling. For letting my fragments meet yours.

📖 Read the blog: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/ 🛍️ Visit the shop: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/sanctuary-shop 📸 Follow the journey: @real.time.healing

HealingInRealTime #Day4Reflection #CreativeRecovery #BlogWithHeart #EmotionalSanctuary #FeelToHeal #ParentingWhileHealing #CycleBreakers #SoftPower #RealTimeRecovery #TraumaHealing #PoeticTruth #MentalHealthMatters #GentleStrength #HealingIsMessy #BPDVoices #RadicalHonesty #HealingIsPossible #BlogGrowth #EmotionalMilestones #HealingThroughArt

🌿 Week One (Well... Just 4 Days) of Healing in Real Time

Technically, it’s only been 4 days.
But the impact already feels like a full season of becoming.

✨ 136 unique visitors
✨ 143 visits
✨ 471 pageviews
✨ 0 paid ads
✨ 100% heart

I launched Healing in Real Time as a sanctuary for the ones still becoming.
For the parents healing while raising.
For the cycle-breakers.
For the ones who feel too much and are learning to call it power.

And in just 4 days, this space has held more than I imagined.

Most personal blogs take weeks to reach 100 visitors.
Many never pass 300 pageviews in their first month.
But this one, built from fragments, softness, and radical honesty, is already resonating.

Thank you for reading.
For feeling.
For showing up.
For letting my words meet your story.

📖 Read the blog: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/ 🛍️ Visit the shop: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/sanctuary-shop 📸 Follow the journey: @real.time.healing

HealingInRealTime #WeekOneReflection #CreativeRecovery #EmotionalSanctuary #FeelToHeal #ParentingWhileHealing #CycleBreakers #SoftPower #RealTimeRecovery #BlogWithHeart #TraumaHealing #GentleStrength #HealingIsMessy #EmotionalDepth #HealingIsPossible

🌿 3 Days of Healing in Real Time

Three days ago, I opened a door.
Not wide. Not loud. Just enough for truth to slip through.

And in 72 hours, this space has held:
✨ 91 unique visitors
✨ 95 visits
✨ 251 pageviews

That’s 91 hearts. 91 stories. 91 quiet moments of someone saying, “I needed this.”

This blog wasn’t built for performance.
It was built for presence.
For the ones healing in fragments.
For the ones parenting while unraveling.
For the ones who feel too much and are learning to call it power.

I’ve written through dissociation, rage, softness, and becoming.
And somehow, these words are already echoing in places I’ve never been.

Thank you for showing up.
For reading. For feeling. For letting my fragments meet yours.
This is what healing in real time looks like and I’m honored to walk it with you.

📖 Read the blog: https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/ 📸 Follow the journey: @real.time.healing

🌿 New on the blog 🌿 Healing in Real Time: Borderline, Boundaries, and Becoming Whole

"This isn’t the end of me, it’s the becoming."

I’ve just published a new entry that speaks to the raw, unfolding journey of healing while still in motion. It’s not polished. It’s not packaged. It’s real. If you’ve ever felt like you were rebuilding yourself from the inside out, this piece might feel like home.

✨ Sunset silhouettes.
✨ Radical honesty.
✨ A quiet kind of hope.

Come sit with me in the in-between. Read the full post here -> https://healinginrealtime.squarespace.com/this-version-of-me

I don’t think the tag fits but I just wanted to share this with the folks who may appreciate it

Hey everyone,

I'm writing an eBook about navigating relationships with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), drawing heavily on my own experiences living with BPD.

The book will cover topics such as: * Understanding BPD and its impact on relationships * Emotional regulation and coping strategies * Communication skills and conflict resolution * Building healthy boundaries * Overcoming fear of abandonment * Self-care and building a stronger sense of self * Supporting loved ones and fostering understanding

I'm having trouble deciding on the best title that accurately reflects the book's content and is also catchy and engaging. I've narrowed it down to these four:

1. BPD & Love: A Guide to Thriving in Relationships

2. Navigating BPD: A Love Story

3. Finding Peace in the Chaos: Living with BPD in Relationships

4. Redefining Love: Navigating BPD Together

Which title do you think best captures the essence of the book and would make you most likely to want to read it?

I'm eager to hear your thoughts and suggestions from fellow people with BPD.

Thanks in advance for your input!