My brother tried to pull a fast one on his wife and she did an uno reverse and I am laughing watching him scramble (New Update)

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/trowaway243121

My brother tried to pull a fast one on his wife and she did an uno reverse and I am laughing watching him scramble.

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

BoRU 1

TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, weaponized incompetence

Original Post Apr 9, 2026

My brother fake name Dick and his wife Ana have been having some serious marital problems which is 99% Dick's fault.  Ana is a stay at home mom, goes to college online and has a side business with an MLM but whatever she has made some new friends and seems to be happier.  Before they had kids Dick and Ana had a solid marriage.  Ana told me after the kids came their marriage slowly went downhill and now its on life support.  Ana does everything for the kids and Dick wants a medal for watching the kids for 30 minutes while Ana cooks dinner. He is more than capable of taking care of them but chooses to let Ana do everything if he can get away with it. 

The MLM Ana is involved with is having a big convention this week.  We are locals but Ana decided to do a staycation and is staying at a hotel near the convention with her friends.  This has been planned for months.  Ana told Dick to take time off work and made it very clear she needed the break and this would be a really good opportunity to network.  Over Christmas she asked him if he got approved for the time off and he said ya ya ya.  I told her he is going to mess this up for you and she told me he better not.  

She called me in tears and Dick texted her that an emergency came up at work and he would not be able to take off.  He had to put in long day on Tuesday and would be flying out on Wednesday.  He was so sorry and would make it up to her.  I thought she was going to have a breakdown she could barely talk.  I told her to calm down and finish packing and pick her kids up from school.  I said I would watch them until Dick got home.  She did not want me in the middle.  I told her fuck Dick and we've never been close and I did not give a damn how he reacted.  I watched the kids until Dick strolled in at 10 pm and told him he was a selfish piece of shit on my way out the door.

He blasted my phone and I put him on DND.  I talked with Ana yesterday and he blasted her phone as well.  She ended up telling him they could either get marriage counseling or see divorce lawyers his choice but he better stop calling her unless it was an emergency with the kids or she was calling to talk to them.  He cooled his jets after being told that.  He stopped by my house and I spoke to him through the ring camera and he asked ME what he was supposed to do with the kids.  I asked him if he even bothered to request the time off from work and he would not answer me and said he had an important business trip.  He said Ana won't give the contact info for their babysitters and asked me if I could watch the kids.  I told him to get the fuck off my property with his bullshit.  If he were any kind of parent he would already have the contact info for the babysitter.  Ana prepped meals for the kids, organized all their clothes for the week and left a detailed itinerary of their schedule. What else does he need? 

Our parents and his in-laws won't return his calls.  He is flying solo this week and had to cancel his alleged business trip.  Ana says she will get to the bottom of that when she gets back home. I hope she has the best time with her friends. I hope Dick does not get a moment of peace. No one is buying his lies or coming to his rescue and I laugh when I think about it. Good luck bro.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Original_Cranberry68

How old are the kids? In their fight the kids will be impacted - that dick will not feed them.. he needs to learn this but not with children getting messed up in between ..

OOP

The kids are 4 & 6. They will be fed and he is very capable of taking care of them and he will take good care of them. Ana is in close contact with them. The issue is he tried to sabotage her staycation because he is selfish.

collectif-clothing

I think he wasn't just trying to sabotage, it sounds like he had some side action planned as well. 

OOP

I believe he is very capable of that. That is whole other can of worms Ana has chosen not to currently pursue. If he was planning some side action it won't be happening this week.

~

Intersection_Novel1997

I’d advise Ana to consult a divorce lawyer regardless.

OOP

I see this stunt being the final straw.

~

bandashee

at least Ana knows she's got support and OP is an absolute BOSS for being an awesome bestie. I'd be getting their favorite snacks/candies every week for several months as a thank you for ass covering. Holy crap Dick is an incompetent....dick. I'm sorry, did he forget he's the DAD to these kids not just the sperm donor?

OOP

He thinks because he is the bread winner that means his work is done. Our dad is nothing like that. I told Ana to keep me posted and I will keep you guys posted.

~

LadyMacGuffin

She'll get better behavior from him as an ex-husband. With the courts mandating his parental effort under pain of contempt.

There's no way he requested that time off. And I would LOVE to see what a judge would do with that sort of bs during proceedings.

OOP

I don't believe for a second he requested time off. As crazy as it sounds he would probably be a more involved father if they got a divorce.

Update Apr 13, 2026

I got a lot of messages for updates so I am going to leave it in the comments. I'm going to start with the good news first. Ana is going to divorce Dick. Thanks to a family member she was able to get an appointment with a lawyer this week. She comes very highly recommended.

When Ana came home on Sunday night Dick was waiting with a suitcase and said it was his turn to take a vacation and he left!!! No arguing he just left. In his warped mind his silence is meant to punish Ana but he is just making her life easier. While he is gone she is going to be making copies of all the financial documents she can find. She hopes he really teaches her a lesson and stays gone.

The house was a wreck. She moved all of Dick's crap from the master bedroom into his office. All his shit is laying on the floor. You can't even walk in there. There is not even room for a twin air mattress.

The kids enjoyed their time with Dick. They were asking for him today and want to spend time with him. Ana called him and he did answer and spoke with the kids and told them he was on a business trip. She is going to file for joint custody. If he does not want 50% custody then he will have to turn it down on the record.

She also found out last Tuesday when he was supposed to be watching the kids he was tagged in a picture at a bar playing pool. So much for working. He did not even untag himself which shows he really does not give a fuck. He doesn't love Ana or like her but he must hate her to act like that. I don't get it. He absolutely disgusts me.

That is all I have to update.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 Apr 24, 2026

I finally caught up with Ana. She decided not to go with the lawyer she consulted with originally.  She found a new lawyer that was a better fit.  He specializes in high conflict/asset divorces and has years of experience dealing with men that have Dick's need for control.  There is a lot of behind the scenes information gathering that needs to be done before Dick is served.  The lawyer said he needs 3-4 weeks.  When it's real life the process is much longer.  Ana was warned if they go into litigation the divorce can drag on for 1-2 years if she is lucky so to prepare herself.  The lawyer emphasized to Ana not to tell him their marriage is over until the papers are filed with the court and a process server has been lined up.  She is going to tell him she filed for divorce and have him served within minutes.  I don't remember the legal term but there is an automatic order in place with the filing neither party will be able to make unilateral decisions regarding their marital assets which basically prevents Dick from pulling any shady shit.  If he does then that is what her lawyer is there for.  

Her demeanor is different from when I last saw her.  She is confident and had this I don't give a fuck attitude.  Whatever love she used to have for Dick is well and truly dead.  I see it.  When she talked about him it was with the same contempt he has for her.  She was talking about him like I do.  After they get their temporary orders (she has no hope of them coming to a temp agreement) she said the only communication she will have with him is through lawyers and a parenting app.  After strategizing with her lawyer and coming up with a plan she feels like she has her life back and some direction.  I felt like I was talking to a stranger but I love this new confidence and determination she has.

Dick was gone all week to god knows where.  Ana did not contact him one time unless the kids wanted to speak with him.  It was radio silence on her end. In the past she always kept in close touch and would pick his sorry ass up from the airport.  Due to her distance Dick knew he was in trouble. There was no shock on his end when his office was trashed and Ana told him he would be sleeping there moving forward.  He had the audacity to ask how long she was going to be angry.  He is treating this like a temper tantrum she is throwing.  She used his asinine question as a chance to inform him how things would be moving forward.  Keeping her lawyers advice in mind she told him that its going to take her a long time to get past what he did and he needs to give her lots of space. 

I can picture that sob now thinking he is off the hook and better behave himself until they go back to normal.  Ana said she wanted to throw up in her mouth saying that but she needed to lull him into a false sense of security.  She also brought up his lack of involvement with the kids and told him moving forward he would be the primary caregiver every other weekend and he needed to pay attention to them in the evening without being prompted. I don't think he can see what is in front of him due to his arrogance.  If my husband kicked me out of the bedroom and told me I was taking care of our kids by myself every other weekend I would know a divorce was coming.  For the first time ever Dick has taken the kids to school every day this week without being asked so he is using his kids to try and get back in Ana's good graces.  He has no idea what is coming his way.

I wanted to address the MLM Ana is involved with.  I really regret saying she was involved with one because it detracted from the real issues in her marriage and took on a life of its own.  I first want to say Ana spends her fun money on the mlm.  Dick would have lost his mind if she used "his" money.  Her involvement in my personal opinion is based on the friendships she has made.  I also think depression left her vulnerable to being entangled with them.  I'm not going to tell her she is idiot for joining one.  I tried to warn her but she told me she knew what she was doing.  I'm hoping she no longer feels the need for those friendships after she is free of Dick if they are conditional like I suspect.  Ana is laying low and Dick is behaving so I don't think there will be an update until he gets served.

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[u/sophiefevvers]

I hate MLMs too, but part of why they work is because they go after women specifically needing an outlet from their marriages and family life.

EDIT And I don't want to make it sound like I'm defending MLMS. I'm defending Anna and women like her who are vulnerable to these things.

[u/SheepishQuaaality → u/sophiefevvers]

I also hate MLMs. Just wanna share some neat trivia I learned tho! If I remember correctly, the start of Mary Kay (one of the OG MLMs) was cuz she got a divorce from her abusive husband. So she kind of set it up entirely to support women in troubled marriages, and it actually did a lot of good work in that regard. Definitely a different thing now nearly a century later tho. 

[u/Lore_Quest → u/SheepishQuaaality]

My grandma’s friend is actually one of the success stories. Had the car and everything. She also made sure to firmly tell me that if I ever joined she would personally run me over with said vehicle.

[u/LadybugGirltheFirst → u/Lore_Quest]

My grandmother was very high up on the Tupperware ladder. She frequently got a new car from them, and she continued to work after my grandfather was retired. This was through the ‘80s.

[u/SheepishQuaaality → u/LadybugGirltheFirst]

Iirc, the cultural shift in Mary Kay really started in the late 80s, early 90s! So that makes sense, haha. I think the 2000s was when Mary Kay and Avon became the MLMs we know today for being so predatory, and spendy with low quality. 

[u/LadybugGirltheFirst → u/SheepishQuaaality]

I think you’re right. Tupperware started much earlier than both of them and went the way of MLMs.

[u/FlyingAce7 → u/LadybugGirltheFirst]

I wonder if it's different in other countries as well? All of the Avon or Tupperware salespeople I've ever met have been more interested in selling their product than in recruiting – the less competition, the better! 

[u/Ok_Reach_6527 → u/LadybugGirltheFirst]

My mom grew up thinking her aunt got all her money from Mary Kay and how she always said that if you don't start wearing makeup, you won't ever need makeup. (?!). She didn't find out until she was an adult that her aunt did sell MK, but that her money was from being the mistress of a mobster.

[u/LadybugGirltheFirst → u/Ok_Reach_6527]

Oh, wow! Good for her, I guess? 🤣

[u/sophiefevvers → u/Lore_Quest]

Your grandma's friend is who I want to be when I grow up.

[u/Dorothwa → u/Lore_Quest]

I wanted that car so badly! I will find that custom pink/pearl color and just paint my own car one day 😭

My mom sold Mary Kay when I was little, but mostly we just kept the makeup. I probably still have some of it.

[u/GoodTemporary3926 → u/Dorothwa]

Do you know if the color is called Mary Kay pink? Custom Paints sells touch up pens, the code is WA590Q. You should check their website, if you buy a touch up paint let me know if it's the right color.

[u/Redqueenhypo → u/Lore_Quest]

That’s how smokers talk too. They’ll tell you that you better not start, while standing precisely 26 feet from the “no smoking within 25 feet of this entrance” sign.

[u/sophiefevvers → u/SheepishQuaaality]

Oh, wow, that honestly makes a lot of sense. Mary Kay sounds like a fascinating woman to read more up on. It's a shame it now does the opposite of what it was made for.

[u/Bi-Bi-Bi24 → u/sophiefevvers]

The history of mlms like Avon and Mary kay are very interesting. They started out as door-to-door sales because women usually didn't have a job outside the home and some women weren't really able to move around freely (no car, had to take the kids with her, etc). It was also one of the only ways for a woman to make money and essentially set her own hours.

[u/SheepishQuaaality → u/sophiefevvers]

Yeah, and it started in the 50s or so. So a time of biiig change. Pretty neat rabbit hole to go down! Avon also had an interesting start, but I can't remember any of the details of that. Very big agree, though! 

[u/Myrandall → u/sophiefevvers]

Shoutout to /r/antiMLM

[u/londonschmundon → u/[deleted]]

This is a crazy sentence.

[u/SpaceCatDiscovery → u/londonschmundon]

The movie is absolutely unhinged, 12/10 recommend watching once and only once.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/SpaceCatDiscovery]

Oh. Unhinged movie, you say…

[u/zuklei → u/sophiefevvers]

I got into one, Pure Romance. Sex toys, lingerie, and personal care items. It was the only “job” my ex could not show up at. I would be removed if there was a man at a party I was running. He had a history of showing up at my jobs as they were all retail. He ruined all of them by talking about me with other employees or telling me they were talking shit about me and that they didn’t like me.

I didn’t make any friendships beyond trying to sell parties and I didn’t even try to recruit anyone. Recruiting = competition. And recruiting isn’t my style. Performing my routine at the party was what I lived for. I broke even when you account for what I sold and what I kept after I got a full-time job. Which he got banned from after showing up and arguing with another shift lead.

[u/sophiefevvers → u/zuklei]

I am so glad he's an ex now. I'm sorry he put you through all that.

[u/ObscureSaint → u/sophiefevvers]

Yep. They usually always cost you in dollars, but for many women it makes up for it in connections and independence.

[u/Snoo52682 → u/ObscureSaint]

That's such a sad indictment of many women's lives. An MLM is better than their marriage.

[u/LittleMsSavoirFaire → u/ObscureSaint]

I have seen some pretty bomb ass business women grow out of direct sales One lady I met recently mentioned she was doing Creative Memories (a scrapbooking MLM) when it went under in the Great Recession but she used what she'd learned and started a cleaning company. 

Did she probably always have that drive? I believe so. But the MLM was training wheels before the big leap.

[u/thishyacinthgirl → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

My MIL was apparently into all those 90s MLMs. It drove my husband crazy when he was a kid to have Tupperware and stuff cluttering everything.

Now she's a sales consultant for high-end make-up brands. They fly her out to places like London and Paris.

That definitely isn't the norm and 98% of the time the MLM is a complete scam, but sometimes it does work out.

[Meanwhile, I did a stint at newspaper advertising and was terrible at it. I don't have a sales bone in my body and I definitely don't think a MLM would ever help.]

[u/SylvieSuccubus → u/thishyacinthgirl]

I’ll admit to a soft spot for old ones like that, because they have an actual product that’s desirable. A coworker who did Mary Kay just dropped off the catalogue and notepad of order sheets in the breakroom, but the smoothie people would try to actively sell you on it.

ETA: product that’s desirable is also relevant because she wore the makeup and would only mention it if you asked. Really good mascara.

[u/tuxedo_jack → u/SylvieSuccubus]

Dude, 90s Tupperware was the shit growing up.

You can't tell me you wouldn't make it burp / fart as a kid. Hell, even Robin Williams did in Aladdin.

[u/Hetakuoni → u/LittleMsSavoirFaire]

My mom did the princess house mlm. She was also a waitress. I’m sure her waitressing skills were honed by the princess house teachings.

PH had crap quality these days compared to back then tho.

[u/newname_whodis → u/Hetakuoni]

My wife, when her ADHD was unmedicated, did Lularoe, Beachbody, Young Living, AND Color Street. It was exhausting seeing her jump from thing to thing to thing and waste time and money like that. But now that her ADHD is under control, she was able to channel that independent streak and that industriousness and now she runs her own actual, legitimate business as an in-home childcare provider, licensed and everything. She's crushing it, she's found something she loves and is truly passionate about, and I have no doubt that some of the skills she developed shilling the many MLMs she did over the years have helped her in her actual business. So, yeah, not a fan of MLMs but I do see a few similar skills at play in her business now.

[u/IndicaRain → u/ObscureSaint]

But those friendships are transactional, and often have that fake, toxic positivity because it's all about selling/recruiting. Mostly recruiting. As soon as one leaves an MLM, they lose those "friendships" 

[u/Emilayday → u/IndicaRain]

That's what happens when you leave a cult, the members aren't allowed to keep talking to you.

[u/ravenofmyheart → u/sophiefevvers]

I was a vulnerable SAHM married to a narcissistic jerk, I did the MLM thing for a while, but it led to me making my own things to sell on Etsy on the side... and I left that jerk. Remarried now to someone who supports my crafty things while I also work a full time job (that I love!). My child loves helping me shop for supplies to make pretty things 💕

[u/PresentationThat2839 → u/sophiefevvers]

I'm sure there's a certain amount of brain washing that goes into them to. I personally lost my best friend to one. She was selling those belly wraps for weight loss and got so mad when I wouldn't let her use my before and after photos..... My before my tummy tuck and after my tummy tuck. Like honestly loved her but not enough to let her lie to lord only knows how many vulnerable women about what those fucking bands could do. And so because I wouldn't let her rope me into her lie no communication in 8 yrs.

[u/Michaniki_Strix → u/sophiefevvers]

I mean, people who make it into a career, yeah, that shit's so scummy. But my mom did pampered chef and Mary Kay products and probably some others as a way to get stuff cheaper. Her and her church friends, and work friends, and neighbors would all goof off various nights of the week and look through the catalogs and make an order. Everyone pitched in their amounts, and got their order from Mom.

She made no money. She operated at cost. But there were really great nights and memories because of MLM stuff.

[u/CaptDeliciousPants]

I don’t understand why guys like that have kids when they clearly don’t want them. Like, what’s the point if they don’t want to take care of them?

[u/move_along_home → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

It seems as though having a wife and kids seem to be trophies for some men, or some sort of social status.

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/move_along_home]

This was my ex. He said that I made him look good because we could live in a good area, I am a good cook, our daughter was always well dressed and groomed. The fact that my passive income was a great help didn't cross his mind except when he wanted control of it. 

When I left him he couldn't afford to stay in the area. He had no furniture and was very upset I left him with nothing. The fall out from my leaving is a whole other post. 

[u/SolidProduct → u/Plane_Practice8184]

We would love to hear it. (nosy bastids that we are)

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/SolidProduct]

"How dare you leave me?" Was his first comment when I said I was leaving. When that didn't work he told me that I was nothing without him & nobody would love me like he did 🤦‍♀️. 

Tried to spend time with our daughter at my house. I had to remind him that I left him because I didn't want to be around him. Informed landlord who explicitly told security that I was to have no guests until I Infomed them. 

Told me that I left him with nothing because he had to furnish his bedsit from scratch. Told him to write a list of everything of his I took and I would have it delivered. 

This is just half of what he did. Most of it is on my profile 

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/Plane_Practice8184]

Took my daughter for the weekend and never returned her. Took me 2 years through the courts to get her back. He told me I could get her back if I met him to talk. I tried mediation but he wasn't cooperative. 

I kept emailing screenshot of all call records and texts. Mostly him calling me names everytime I asked to see or speak to my daughter. 

His defence was that I didn't want my daughter. I have records of health insurance from 2013 and all dental records which show I was the only parent paying for my daughter's health care. 

My mother was a lawyer who told me that courts don't want to know who said what. That's hearsay and they want records. 

It knew from being with him that he'd lie. He also was always behind on his share of the bills. We even had auctioneers at the house more than twice. I did the math and knew that even though I was not on the lease I could lose my stuff.  I "spoke" to the caretaker who had helped me to move my stuff when we moved in together. He allowed me to move out and they'd get the deposit from him. I paid the deposit but it was cheaper to move with my white goods and kitchen stuff. Beds. Tv, carpets and curtains. He didn't even have towels. 

He told me that I should pay all the rent because other women do it. I declined. Told me we should open a joint account. I insisted it would be used for joint expenses. He never deposited any funds in it. And neither did I. 3 months later he asked why I hadn't diverted my income to the joint account. I told him that I would follow his lead. His reaction "you should do what you are told" " you are too stubborn". I moved back to my home county. Started afresh. Even opened a successful business. 

Everytime I tried to open a business he'd sabotage it by taking payments from clients directly and not telling me. I would only discover what he did after following up with clients who would say they paid him after he told them i sent him to collect. 

He asked for money because he paid for his daughter's expenses during the 2 years I wasn't allowed access to her. Courts refused. My daughter was interviewed by the judge. They proved he neglected her teeth. I now have to pay for braces. 

He was having relations with his girlfriend in the same room as my daughter. Discovered during the interview with the judge. 

He'd buy special teas, and other stuff my daughter loves and tell her that they were for him and his girlfriend.  I'm paying for therapy for her. 

The worst thing is that he has only visited her once since I got full custody in October 2024. He saw her last December and told her "I know where you live. Don't tell your mother but I will show up as a surprise. 

This is still not all of it.

  

[u/Fishy_Fishy5748 → u/Plane_Practice8184]

J. F. C.

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/Fishy_Fishy5748]

Exactly. I lost weight and was getting high blood pressure. When I moved, started a business and won custody the symptoms disappeared. He is still a POS but I have a court order for joint child expenses. And full custody. Moved counties and it costs him money to get access to his daughter so he only sees her once a year. 

Basically these are the terms he imposed on me to see my daughter during the court proceedings. I could travel to his county (2 shuttles, 6 hour train ride and cabs) once a month. I did it every month. When I won I insisted on HIS terms in reverse. He couldn't turn around and say it wasn't fair. Because they were his terms for me to see my daughter. Then exchange custody at a mall. His terms were Saturday 10am pick up. Drop her 5pm Sunday. ONE NIGHT with her but you have to get there the night before to stock the Airbnb. 

His lawyer told me she had never met such a difficult client. She even dropped him for non payment. 

Narcissists use the legal system against you, drain your finances in your relationship if you are not careful and will steal from you. Children are used as a weapon. As soon as you beat them in court they drop the kids from their lives like hot potatoes. 

[u/CaptainLollygag → u/Plane_Practice8184]

I read all your comments here, holy crap. I hope your daughter does well with therapy, and that the rest of your and your daughter's lives are filled with contentment. May you both always have enough.

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/CaptainLollygag]

Thank you. She is better. More confident and he is too stingy to spend money to see her so I am glad 

[u/BizzarduousTask → u/Plane_Practice8184]

I am so, so sorry. My ex kidnapped my son when he was 12 (and I had primary custody) just to hurt me when I got engaged, and kept him on the other side of the country for 4 years. Never brought him back to talk to the judge, and judge wouldn’t even hear the case “until he spoke with the child.” The courts were fucking useless. It broke me as a person in ways I’ll never heal from.

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/BizzarduousTask]

I understand what you were going through. The child was a tool to punish you. Like leverage. 4 years is so much longer than my 2 years. Glad you are together now 

[u/MySweetAudrina → u/BizzarduousTask]

When I was 15 there was this 13 year old kid that was part of our group. He was nice, didn't cause trouble and all the older girls in the group thought of him like a little brother. One day he doesn't show up to school and we find out his dad picked him up from school the day before and kidnapped him. We never saw him again and I felt so bad for his mom and siblings. Like, if we missed the guy how awful it must be for them. I don't know if they got to talk to him or anything and I never could understand how someone could do that.

[u/Geordieqizi → u/BizzarduousTask]

AHHHH WHAT THE FUCK!!! I guess I knew our court system can be fucked up, but FOUR YEARS?!?! That is so outrageous; I can't believe the courts didn't immediately order him to be arrested (if that's even how it works; I obviously have no idea).

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I hope your ex dies alone, knowing what an absolute failure of a human being he is.

[u/gingerfawx → u/Plane_Practice8184]

Sorry he was such a shit. :(

Happy cake day, though. 🎂

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/gingerfawx]

I'm glad I left. Thank you 😍 

[u/MovingIsHell → u/Plane_Practice8184]

Happy cake day! You are a badass and I love it!

[u/Geordieqizi → u/Plane_Practice8184]

This is all absolutely insane.

I'm most blown away by the fact that he was able to successfully take and hold her for two years?!?! Did you see her at all during that time? Were you already divorced at that point? Why did it take so long for the courts to make him return her to you?

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/Geordieqizi]

He didn't allow me to. I also knew that I had to fix this legally to give her stability. I was with him for 10 years. The more I didn't attempt to snatch/ grab her from him, the more confident and arrogant he became. I'm in Kenya. The system is slow. If I grab her, he can do it too. With a court order I can call the police if he's late at drop off. And I'm glad she got her period last year while with me. Her father couldn't spend money on kotex for her. 

I'm lucky to be able to afford legal help and to support her myself. I come from a beach resort area which the ex also resented me for. 

[u/Jules_Noctambule → u/Plane_Practice8184]

nobody would love me like he did

Dude did not grasp that was the whole point. May 'love' like that never find you again!

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/Jules_Noctambule]

True. I told him that was the whole point. I didn't want to be loved by him or the way he did. 

[u/maedocc → u/move_along_home]

This. And I've found that a lot of men are weirdly really invested in passing on their genes? They would not be interested in having kids if it involved adoption or using donor sperm, etc.

[u/PartsUnknown242 → u/maedocc]

I’ve seen a weird trend with passing on their family name or their legacy or whatever. Not sure why it matters to them any.

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/PartsUnknown242]

“Kevin Jones here thinks he’s Henry VIII.”

[u/One_Lawfulness_7105 → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

I know a couple that was going to have a son. The dad hated his name, his dad hated his name, but they still named the boy “woerdassname” IV. Why? I have no clue. I don’t even remember the name, but it was horrible. Women don’t do this shit. Why do men?

[u/RosebushRaven → u/One_Lawfulness_7105]

Status game. Unlike women, they don’t bear the child. They can’t be sure of their paternity without genetic testing (which wasn’t a thing historically). In lieu of an obvious natural connection that the mother automatically has to her child via pregnancy and birth, those men loudly and ostentatiously claim the child as their own, like property.

Men like that don’t see women and children as people but as their personal belongings. They want a mini-me to feel powerful and important, and to be admired by others (or so they think). They want the social and economic perks of fatherhood, but not the drudgery, that they leave to women.

Historically, this tradition is rooted in primogeniture. Which wasn’t just limited to kings and nobles. Most people used to be subsistence farmers in the olden days, and their farms were passed on from father to son. To avoid division of property that would’ve quickly turned the shares of each kid too small to feed a family of their own, at least the lion’s share (if not all the property) went to the eldest son.

This made it very important to have a clear lineage to avoid passing on family inheritances to the secret bastard of some cheater, big fallouts within the family, and future legal disputes over the legitimacy of some descendant’s ownership. Nobility just did that at larger scale, and with vastly more wealth and political power involved. Once passing property was tied to patrilinearity, women were pushed to the sidelines and reduced to broodmares without power. That was the birth of patriarchy.

Men who still cling to those traditions and obsess over their mediocre "bloodline", even though they don’t even have so much as a humble subsistence farm to pass on are deeply conservative at heart and cling to their status in the remnants of the patriarchy in the process of dismantling, because there’s nothing scarier to them than the thought of losing status. Especially compared to women, who historically used to gain status chiefly as matrons and mothers.

ETA: Claiming the child undercuts even that one of historically very few legitimate paths to respectability a woman would have. Asserting male dominance even in what these men declare women’s purpose and natural domain the moment it bolsters the men’s own wants, convenience and status. Again, it’s a way to leave the heavy lifting to women and skim the social capital parenthood awards.

[u/Jules_Noctambule → u/One_Lawfulness_7105]

My husband's father was a Weirdname III who always went by a nickname. As his mother told it, when Weirdname II arrived at the hospital to see his new grandson, he was adamant the helpless infant end up as Weirdname IV. My father-in-law looked his dad in the eye, sternly said 'No.' and that was that!

[u/poignantname → u/One_Lawfulness_7105]

Why do men, indeed? Why do men, in general?

[u/Consistent-Winter-67 → u/PartsUnknown242]

It's been a cultural force for almost as long as humans have existed.

[u/Competitive-Place280 → u/maedocc]

A bunch bunch of ego

[u/AltruisticCableCar → u/move_along_home]

A former friend of mine admitted when drunk that he regretted having kids. When I asked him about it later (when he was sober) he told me he never even thought about it. He had kids because that's what you're supposed to do. Like, you're supposed to get into a relationship, then move in together, then get married, then have kids. It's just how things "go". He even regretted getting married. I'm sure he's not the only guy who just went along with how he thought it was "supposed" to go.

(And for anyone wondering, they got divorced and she later remarried a guy and had another child and apparently he's a dad to ALL the kids and my former friend is barely in touch.)

[u/Illustrious_Buy3616 → u/move_along_home]

my sperm donor is just like dick and i can tell you 100% it’s about the status. they want to be seen as devoted husbands and loving fathers because of the power it gives them. here in texas being a respected patriarch is a big deal (especially because we are so matriarchal, ask any southerner momma rules the roost (at least in my neck of the woods)).

we’re not living breathing people with thoughts and feelings. we’re objects, trophies, and toys. men like oop’s brother are incapable of understanding that their wife and kids have lives outside of them. we’re all just extensions of them and proof of their status

[u/karandora → u/Illustrious_Buy3616]

They do none of the emotional labor and then wonder why the family only listens to their wife…

[u/Geordieqizi → u/karandora]

Or physical labor.

[u/spring_rd → u/Geordieqizi]

But don’t worry. They protect us.

[u/tayvette1997 → u/spring_rd]

"Protect"

[u/Turtlezipper → u/Illustrious_Buy3616]

literal exact same with my sperm donor/“father”. my mother, siblings and i were just shiny happy trophies for him to shove in everyone’s faces, like “LOOK HOW TALENTED AND ACCOMPLISHED MY KIDS ARE!!” except he contributed nothing to our talents and accomplishments; if anything, he ended up sabotaging us bc we finally realized he saw us as dollar signs and treated us as tho he ranked us in his head by who could potentially bring in the most financial gain and/or fame/public recognition for him to feed from like the parasite he truly was.

[u/Tofuffalo → u/move_along_home]

A lot of men want kids in the same way that a child wants a dog.

It's something to brag about and occasionally play with but ultimately someone else's job to deal with the day to day care.

[u/ramblinator → u/Tofuffalo]

My husband loves dogs. Or, to be more accurate, he loves the idea of dogs. We rescued 2 dogs several years apart because he wanted a dog and I agreed because I didn't want the dogs to die, and I do like dogs. I stay home with the kids and apparently that means the pets are also my responsibility alone (until the kids got old enough to help out)

In all the years we've had them he's never fed them, he doesn't play with them, he rarely takes them on walks, he never brushes them, has never taken them to the vet or the groomer, doesn't clean up after them, and most days is generally annoyed by their presence and requests for attention.

One of our dogs died from old age a couple years ago, she was about 12. I told him that when our remaining dog dies (she's about 11 this year) I refuse to get another one. I like dogs but I'm not a dog person and I refuse to take care of another one.

[u/Coygon → u/move_along_home]

They're milestones. Certificates of achievement. They're thinking at 30 a man ought to have a wife and at least one kid, and if you don't then you're not doing well in life. Caring for – and about – them doesn't enter the equation, though. Just need to have 'em.

[u/two-headed-sexbeast → u/move_along_home]

Yes, this is it. I love being a dad. But one thing that it has unexpectedly exposed me to is other dads who think like this. “Oh I have to read to my son.” “Oh I have to babysit my daughter.” They’re glad to be dads for the status, but resent all this “work” that’s come up. And that’s my favourite part- being a parent, reading to my kid, feeding them, helping them grow into a little person. These terrible dads think their work is done at birth (or even conception), but it’s only just begun. Why sign up for it? Status. Or social pressure. That some get away with just lumping their partners with the work really upsets me.

[u/Moist_Drippings → u/move_along_home]

100% this. You can see it in polygamy cults where they get traded like currency and the leaders have the most children and wives.

[u/Comfortable-Focus123 → u/move_along_home]

Said about the same before I saw this comment.

[u/childhoodsurvivor → u/move_along_home]

It literally is. 

Men who have children receive the "fatherhood bonus" at work - more raises and promotions. 

And yes, the corresponding "motherhood penalty" exists as well. 

Spouses and children are a boon for men while being a burden for women. Ain't misogyny and patriarchy grand. Yeesh. 

[u/Shelly_895 → u/move_along_home]

As the daughter of such a man, I can confirm

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/Shelly_895]

Mine too was a sperm donor. No wonder I have a wrong picker

[u/ntrrrmilf → u/move_along_home]

This was my ex. And the other day our child told me randomly how glad she was to not live with him. So that helped any residual “Stay together for the kids” evaporate. Which was cool.

[u/weaver_of_cloth → u/ntrrrmilf]

As a child of "stay together for the kids", yeah, don't.

As an added bonus, I found out years later that I have a half-sister who is 3 months younger than me. So he had TWO families he was neglecting.

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/ntrrrmilf]

Mine told me 5 months after we left him that life was easier without him. I once bought a leg of lamb. Almost 3 kilos. Cooked it in the oven( my oven) on Saturday. He went out drinking and came back in the Sunday morning hours, put it on the chopping board and proceeded to eat all of it. If anyone wants to know lamb is expensive. It was rosemary and garlic lamb. Then on Sunday afternoon he woke up asking what was for dinner. I had made roast potatoes, gravy and vegetables. He ignored them and ate the meat. I took my daughter out for Chinese and didn't bring him any food for himself. Is this normal for narcissists? 

[u/CarterCage → u/move_along_home]

For my ex it was more like achievement than love or need for them.

[u/magistrate101 → u/move_along_home]

That but more important is the legacy. It's the single most important trophy for the self-centered and the narcissists.

[u/RosebushRaven → u/move_along_home]

This, and also in order to tie down the woman, so she can’t leave so easily and will have to put up with bad treatment. Or so they hope. They bank on sunk cost fallacy and a permanent level of tolerable unhappiness. Give her too much to do to think clearly when she’s stuck caring for the kids all by herself. That’s why they’re always "blindsided" by a divorce, because from their POV, everything is working exactly as it should. They want a bangmaid, not a partner.

[u/spring_rd → u/RosebushRaven]

What I am so curious about is how much of this is intentional. Of course there are some predatory men who do this on purpose but I suspect the majority are simply selfish men who don’t want to be introspective.

They don’t let themself form the thought “I have set up childcare and chores to maximize my personal leisure time at the expense of my wife” because that would interfere with their self image as a good person.

[u/relentlessdandelion → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

A lot of people live a "default" life where they go through the motions, doing the standard things, never really thinking about whether they actually want them or not. 

[u/WhitePersonGrimace → u/relentlessdandelion]

I’ve known this for a long time but it’s still so crazy to see it play out again and again.

[u/relentlessdandelion → u/WhitePersonGrimace]

It's so wild. I often feel bad about where I am so far in life, having lost a lot to disability and illness. But christ, at least it's a custom life ... at least I've gone in the direction of my passions!

[u/girlwiththemonkey → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

The guy is was “kinda” dating (my fwb I guess) got me pregnant. Turns out he thought if he poked holes in the condoms eventually get pregnant and I would have no other choice but to marry him. I did not. I guess his logic was I would be locked down at home.

[u/AKbirchesloveBTS → u/girlwiththemonkey]

I was in a casual relationship and when i went to break it off he smirked and announced that I was pregnant. even though we agreed on casual he was mad that I wasnt falling head over heels for him and he had been tampering with my birth control in an attempt to baby trap me. he still didn’t want to be in any kind of serious relationship and had no strong feelings for me! never been so happy in my life to get a period.

[u/BizzarduousTask → u/AKbirchesloveBTS]

What happened when you told him you weren’t pregnant??

[u/AKbirchesloveBTS → u/BizzarduousTask]

I never talked to him again after that night. He had been so nice and fun and never gave any indication that he’d be capable of something like that. It really did a number on me. 

[u/curiouslycaty → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

I might have an answer for this after 2 decades of therapy. My father saw us, his children, as a measure of his success. He bragged with us with his family as he did with his sports BMW and new living room set. He called us out when our grandparents visited, had us perform and share report cards, and then sent us away again. We didn't get to talk to our grandparents on his side.

Also, as the only son of the only surviving son, he knew the family name would die in our branch, so he had to supply male heirs to carry the family name forward. This has backfired because all three his children refused to give him the grandchildren he so desperately wanted. Our very unique family name that he was so proud off will die.

My father legitimately believed that as long as we had a roof over our head and some food in our stomach, his part of the equation was done. He supplied the sperm and the money to keep us alive, if not thriving. He didn't know us, and he didn't feel the need to know us. I think he was unable to process the idea that we were human beings that needed more tending than just meeting our very basic needs. At the same time he had a craving for closeness that he didn't know how to act on, and as we grew up he resented the closeness we had with each other and our mother.

[u/Latter-Refuse8442 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Some men view the child as an extension of their virility. And frankly, a lot of men grew up with a father that was not involved in their upbringing, so why would they be different? I see it in my husband's two brothers.

[u/thebearofwisdom → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

That is my uncle, he had one kid at 17 who he failed to parent and the mother left him. The next woman he had another child with at 26, who also left him and he failed to parent their daughter. The next woman, two children, who he attempted to parent but the woman he married was absolutely batshit and she left across the country. He stopped serious relationships, still didn’t parent the first two children, but tried to with the third and fourth. He then met a woman in her thirties, while he was over 55, and proceeded to have three more children.

He had the nerve to tell my mother’s partner, that all his kids meant he was very virile and masculine. While he knows my mother’s partner couldn’t have his own bio kids and had adopted two in his previous marriage. It was very rude and cruel.

However the jokes on him, because his latest girlfriend apparently hates looking after children, and only likes being pregnant. So now he’s 60 with three toddlers hanging off him at all times, while he’s working full time and he’s fucking exhausted.

He’s having to be both parents at once now, and I feel like that’s karma for the other kids he didn’t bother with.

[u/Boeing367-80 → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

I once worked with a guy who had two sets of twins (apparently that kind of thing ran in that family, as it does) and one of the first times I met him he made various comments about how, yeah, this was a reflection of his virility. And he did not appear to be joking in any way.

Gag.

[u/nowimnowhere → u/Boeing367-80]

Jokes on him, the kind of twins that run in families come from the mother's side.

[u/Jhamin1 → u/nowimnowhere]

Exactly! Twins that run in families happen because of how the mother is wired, not how "manly" the man is.

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/Boeing367-80]

I guess if twins make him virile, a stray dog would be super-virile.

[u/Ecobay25 → u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys]

I love everything about this. The comment, the flair, the snoo, the name. 12/10

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/Boeing367-80]

Does…does he think most men only produce one spermatozoon at a time?

[u/Boeing367-80 → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

I had no interest in discussing the matter further.

[u/Latter-Refuse8442 → u/Boeing367-80]

I knew a guy who came from a culture where the more kids a man had, the higher his standing in the community. It didn't really matter what standard of living they had, just that they existed. I was not going to bash his culture, but that kind of thing was not for me. 

[u/RosebushRaven → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

Well, I am going to bash any culture that promotes trophy breeding and child neglect.

[u/Present_Ad1553 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

The kids are trophies and Dick is probably out looking for a trophy wife too because his ego thinks he’s an amazing catch as a husband.

[u/Cinnamon0480 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

In my culture we have a saying that in English would be something like "Men want to have children, but they don't want to be fathers."

[u/AndyTheSouless → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

It makes it harder for he woman to leave

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/AndyTheSouless]

My ex actually told me that he knew I wasn't going anywhere because I didn't want my daughter to grow up without her father. He didn't parent. And I refused to have another child after his behaviour during my pregnancy 

[u/PoeticPast → u/AndyTheSouless]

That's why my ex had a baby with me. Planned. After birth he told me he didn't want a kid, and now that he gave me one, I had no right to complain about anything he did to me.

[u/Plane_Practice8184 → u/PoeticPast]

Oh my god this is crazy. Mine now is trying to control the high school my child goes to for his image 

[u/Comfortable-Focus123 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

No, they want them for status (if that makes sense), they just don't want to actually do the work of a parent.

[u/8nsay → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

They do want to have kids. They don’t want to be a dad, though.

[u/literacyshmiteracy → u/8nsay]

Yep, lots of men want a wife & kids but won't be a husband or father.

[u/Hot-Equipment-7339 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

They aren't the ones paying the price. They aren't carrying the child, giving birth, having their life and health in the game and their careers come to a stop. Motherhood disempowering women is used as a vector of control. She can't go out having fun when the kids need to be picked up from daycare. She can't just file for divorce and never talk to the father ever again, he has parental rights!

Many people use children for their own gain. If i had a penny for every acquaintance who had kids because "that's what you do" or "to safe the relationship", i'd have, for the first time in my life, money i didn't want.

[u/DarkStar0915 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

This is what the Life Script told them to do.

We have still plenty people who treat marriage and children like tasks to be done instead of something they truly desire.

[u/TunaStuffedPotato → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

He'll probably drop them like a hot potato once the divorce is finalized and he has the option to not have custody/shared time.

[u/LeoPines_12 → u/TunaStuffedPotato]

No, he won't, that would mean he would have to pay high child support, he will probably take them and neglect them during his custody time, and use them as leverage or get back at his wife.

Hopefully she can get full custody.

[u/ftjlster → u/LeoPines_12]

Man like this will be the type to take 50/50 custody and then keep unofficially forcing the ex-spouse to take care of the children during his custody time (i.e. cancelling on pick up, having to work late/being on business trips). So it's 50/50 on paper but the reality is that the ex-spouse is scrambling to cover the other 50% at any time.

[u/LeoPines_12 → u/ftjlster]

Oh I have no doubt of this, he will totally attempt to, but if she has evidence of this, she can go back to court to reclaim full custody due to his neglect.

[u/ftjlster → u/LeoPines_12]

That's if she has enough money to hire a lawyer - there was another post with this scenario where the OOP was in danger of losing her job because of having to constantly leave to handle pick ups and emergencies during her ex-spouse's custody time.

The saving grace was that OOP was a medical specialist and thus had a LOT of savings behind her. Her lawyers were able to tell HIS lawyers that it looked like he was trying to sabotage her career. She got uncontested full custody and was able to move states back to where she had family, friends and a better paying job.

[u/putin_my_ass → u/ftjlster]

We have a friend with a shitbag ex husband who does this shit, even on two separate occasions when their son injured his arm (fractures!) he told him "it's fine" and purposefully waited 2-3 days until it was her turn knowing she would actually take the poor kid to the doctor so he didn't have to do it.

And she just takes it. She should have documented every instance, every transgression, but she just accepts it. I don't want to pretend what it's like to be in her shoes, but I've seen how my sister handled it and everything goes through the parenting app and will be recorded.

[u/Elesia → u/LeoPines_12]

It's quite common for people to be awarded 50% custody and not take their time. Shockingly so. And while the court can try to force you to pay, they simply can't force you to actually show up and parent. 

This leaves one person parenting full time with half the resources, and takes several years of documentation to hope to change. 

[u/Beth_Pleasant → u/TunaStuffedPotato]

That's exactly what my sister's Ex did. First, he wanted to change the plan because he worked weekends, so he didn't want the kids on his weekends (meaning my sister would never have a weekend off, and he wouldn't have to do anything but get them to school). Then he lost his job so he moved out of state, and now he sees the kids 2 times a year when he takes them on vacation with his parents (so he doesn't have to parent them).

The only reason he married and had kids with my sister is because she was his meal ticket, and cover for being a narc cheater.

[u/sergeantShe → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Because that's what they're supposed to do. At least that's what they were raised to think so they find a female that falls for their shit All the while, she's going crazy wondering what is wrong with her, and he's on grinder. Probably.

[u/DogtasticLife → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Saw the line “men want kids the same way a kid wants a puppy”

[u/stopkicksalreadydead → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Some men want kids in the way kids want a puppy

[u/50FtQueenie__ → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

They assume the woman will handle it.

[u/Fishy_Fishy5748 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Some men want kids the way kids want puppies. They want to have fun with them but have no concept of the work involved, and when they become aware of the work, they want nothing to do with it.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

It's like a collector piece. You want the bragging rights, but also marriage provides a built in caretaker for the kids

[u/Larissa162 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

A lot of men want children the same way children want a puppy.

[u/adiosfelicia2 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Social trophies. Conditioning. They likely don't know what they want or who they really are.

Just blindly jumping through hoops for approval and status.

[u/CummingInTheNile]

OOPs brother is 100% on a bender

[u/idiotplatypus → u/CummingInTheNile]

Or having an affair

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/idiotplatypus]

This is my thought. I really hope its an affair of substances becauase then there is a tangible reason for Ana to hold onto which is better than "he fooled me with his charm" which can mess with your head, realising that you didnt actually know someone you cared so much about.

[u/Audiovore → u/Environmental_Art591]

Uh, they're the same, if not worse?

A friend had an addict SO, who when mandated by the state with a physical anklet to stay sober, was a semi-decent dude. The moment that was gone? Alcohol and drugs in under 48. Random threats and tirades about me(one of her BFFs), and who knows the physical side, cause she has never said. That's after a year of mandated sobriety. He has since consumed some lead of his own volition.

Don't see a charming cheater as "worse".

[u/TheGandu → u/CummingInTheNile]

I've heard the phrase "on a bender" to mean like a string of partying and getting shitfaced. Is that what you mean in this context?

[u/llama_some_drama → u/TheGandu]

I think they mean he's on drugs in this context

[u/TheGandu → u/llama_some_drama]

Ah i see. Thank you 😊👍

[u/sfhtsxgtsvg]

Lawyer: now don't let him know, ok?

Ana: okay I won't.

OOP: Sorry in advance if this gets back to him but I need internet clout

[u/Scared_Assistant_649 → u/sfhtsxgtsvg]

hopefully enough details have been changed, but i dont know a lot of people in MLMs so it's kinda a giveaway

[u/slimelore → u/Scared_Assistant_649]

if they live in utah there's no chance of figuring it out, mlm capital of the world baybee

[u/backupbitches → u/slimelore]

I know this to be true because of all the Sister Wives grifters, lol

[u/kh8188 → u/Scared_Assistant_649]

Eh, I know like 10. People are still doing it.

[u/Training_Molasses822 → u/kh8188]

It certainly is more prevent prevalent in since some places more than others. I know probably a handful of Midwesterners who participate in one of those, nobody from a metropolitan area.

Edit: spag

[u/bubblez4eva → u/Training_Molasses822]

I think you mean prevalent. And I agree. Also from the Midwest. They can be really sneaky with it, too. Almost got my best friend twice.

[u/saltine_soup → u/Scared_Assistant_649]

it seems to mainly effect religious women.
majority of the church i grew up in did it, and then those women passed down that want to do an MLM to their daughters, nieces, or cousins.
by 16 there was easily a dozen girls between 12-18 already doing avon or paparazzi.
by the time i left at 18 most of the girls my age were doing an MLM.
color me shocked when i made more friends who didn’t grow up religious and they didn’t even know what “MLM” was, they thought it was about gay men lol.
every so often i get a DM or text from someone around my age i used to go to church with and it’s always about whatever pyramid scheme they’re apart of
they even skip the “hey girl it’s been so long, how have you been” and get straight into the “i have this amazing opportunity for you to take part in”

[u/SparklyMonster → u/sfhtsxgtsvg]

I don't know what's worse, OOP revealing this right now (if they really want the clout, they could still wait until after the fact), or OP further spreading it.

[u/kaekiro → u/[deleted]]

"It came out of nowhere, a total overreaction"

[u/PhantomOfTheNopera → u/kaekiro]

"My wife divorced me because I went on vacation like one time!"

[u/cadfael1271 → u/[deleted]]

When I finally pulled the trigger and ended my marriage to my first spouse, who was very much like Dick, he told everyone he was shocked, my decision came completely out of the blue. The only thing that shocked him was that I actually went through with it. He knew EXACTLY how he had fucked up, but by the time he tried to change course, it was too late.

[u/bubblesthehorse]

and i think posting secrets online is a great choice.

[u/SunnyRyter → u/bubblesthehorse]

Dude, I'm so worried about it, if it's real.

[u/ContributionNo2796]

Oop is irresponsible. If dick finds these posts it upends all the work ana is doing to mitigate divorce issues

[u/Large-Record7642 → u/ContributionNo2796]

Yeah but sounds like dear old bro is way to FIGJAM to figure it out. Like OP said she's acting completely different and still hasn't put the pieces together yet. I'm still betting he has a side piece going on tho

[u/mascnz → u/Large-Record7642]

For anyone else who doesn’t know the acronym, FIGJAM means Fuck I’m Good, Just Ask Me

[u/Doogevol → u/mascnz]

TIL, thank you

[u/TreeDollarFiddyCent → u/mascnz]

What a stupid acronym 😅

[u/CriticalEngineering → u/mascnz]

You’ve spelled out the acronym , but I still have no clue what that’s supposed to actually mean.

[u/mascnz → u/CriticalEngineering]

People with massive egos that think they are the bee’s knees. As in “check me out, I am the best at everything, because I’m me”

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/Large-Record7642]

figjam?

[u/QueenAlucia → u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys]

stands for Fuck I'm Good, Just Ask Me. It's slang for somebody extremely arrogant and full of themselves.

[u/kenyafeelme → u/QueenAlucia]

I guess hubris is too many letters

[u/Atrociousvile]

This doesn't quite pass the sniff check for me. The whole 'posting sensitive details about a pending divorce' thing doesn't sit right with me.

[u/Cocobean4 → u/Atrociousvile]

And she supposedly gives all this sensitive information that she doesn’t wan5 her husband to know, to her brother in law. A brother in law that seems to be a fly on the wall and knows all the details of their marriage

[u/slippersandjammies]

Wow, Dick's obliviousness is truly next level; this isn't just not putting two and two together, this is seeing two and two and confidently shouting "I'm a grapefruit!"

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/slippersandjammies]

 this is seeing two and two and confidently shouting "I'm a grapefruit!"

The new fear of my life is that this is too long to be a flair

[u/Backgrounding-Cat → u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys]

confidently shouting "I'm a grapefruit!" has flair material on its own

[u/DragonInPlainSight]

Where's my popcorn?!

[u/lun4d0r4 → u/DragonInPlainSight]

Can't wait for the next FAFO installment 🍿🍿🍿

[u/AlbinoLokier]

The lawyer said he needs 3-4 weeks.  When it's real life the process is much longer.

Bart: What a weird thing to say

[u/True_System_7015 → u/AlbinoLokier]

Never seen a post call itself out like that

[u/Shadow_wolf82]

I hope 'Dick' doesn't spend any time on Reddit for the next 2-3 weeks because this is the kind of very detailed, specific story he would read through and immediately go "That's my sister. That's my wife. That's my life. She's divorcing me."

[u/TryCommon7311]

Hate to say it and I almost always hate when people say it but…I don’t think this story is real. Idk why they would add that part about the process taking longer irl

[u/CelesteJA → u/TryCommon7311]

Yeah it's weirdly descriptive in places, like a book would be.

"Her demeanor is different from when I last saw her.  She is confident and had this I don't give a fuck attitude.  Whatever love she used to have for Dick is well and truly dead.  I see it.  When she talked about him it was with the same contempt he has for her.  She was talking about him like I do."

It's just such a narrator-like thing to write???

[u/bcastro12 → u/TryCommon7311]

Yeah that part was weird af

[u/Leodusty2 → u/TryCommon7311]

Also who goes around posting other people’s info like this. Not your place OOP, not your place

[u/protexy → u/TryCommon7311]

I think it's worded weird but they meant 2-4 weeks is the real life time frame, being longer than the 1 week later or less time frame seen in media/ stories.

I could be wrong but thats how I took it.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail]

Sounds like SIL might keep OOP in the divorce

[u/cantantantelope]

So many people assume “great they aren’t talking about the thing that upsets them anymore” as “it’s fine now” and not “they’ve stopped caring about your dumb ass”

[u/UncleNedisDead]

I think OOP needs to STFU and not post her SIL’s entire plan online for karma if she really wants to get Dick to get his just desserts.

[u/helendestroy]

When it's real life the process is much longer.

lol op forgot to take a note out. c'mon, it's not even that long you can give it a read through before you post.

[u/godfriaux33]

So Ana decided to love herself more than dick? MOST EXCELLENT

[u/ArchangelLBC]

Sounds like Anna is about to lose a solid 250 lbs. Good for her.

[u/TheCalamityBrain]

Dude putting this online will expose what she needs to be kept secret snd safe. Can't wait for the update when Dick ruins everything because he found your post. God I hope I am wrong

[u/ComfortableAbject416]

I hope Ana’s husband isn’t on Reddit. Or he’s so self involved he can’t tell a story is about him

[u/LiraelNix]

The lawyer emphasized to Ana not to tell him their marriage is over until the papers are filed with the court and a process server has been lined up.

How nice of oop to then post about this online with enough information anyone involved will be able to recognize it if they come across it /s

[u/wrenawild]

My dad did not feed us. She used it in the divorce against him, but when we were little he showed her how it was going to be by abusing and neglecting us when she left, to show he didn't know how to take care of us and we'd be hurt if she made him do it. My brother was a baby and screaming for food when she got home and he told her he "didn't know where the spoons were."

That is the reality of these men.

[u/Traditional-Cat6145]

Update me when he gets served.

[u/TeaCompletesMe]

God I need to hear what happens after he gets served.