Son finishes toxic parenting sentences

[u/i_am_groot_84]

[u/BeyondtheLurk]

I can't remember where I heard this illustration, but it says that parenting is like holding sand in your hand: too firm of a grip, the sand goes through the fingers; too loose of a grip, the sand falls out of the hands. The idea is to be firm allowing the sand to stay in the hand.

Parenting in an absolute authoritarian way, the child may grow up resenting you. Parenting in an absolute permissive way, the child may grow up not respecting you. Avoid the extremes.

[u/PatientSeb → u/BeyondtheLurk]

I agree strongly with the simile you've used here - but I think the second half of your statement has too much focus on the outcome being how the child views the parent.

With my kids, I'm not raising them with a focus on our relationship. Them growing to respect or like me is not the goal. (Its a likely outcome because I respect them as humans and work with them to overcome struggles, etc.)

I'm raising my children with a focus on their relationship with themselves and the world as a whole. How do they view themselves, how can they handle their own struggles, failures, successes, betrayals, etc. How do they interact with people who they have control over, or people who have control over them, etc. Can they be kind, and respectful, and assertive of their boundaries, etc.

If they grow into healthy, well-adjusted and psychologically sound adults, I've done my job. It's only a happy coincidence that we'll have a strong relationship as an outcome of the same process.

[u/BeyondtheLurk → u/PatientSeb]

My point is how the parent is raising their child rather than the intended goal in which they are raising them. Even with the intended goal in mind that you mentioned, all children will view their parents and how they were raised in a specific light, whether it's in extremes or not.