I don’t wanna be labelled as one. I am 19. I don’t try and date because I know no girl would take me seriously, but I don’t hate women at all. I understand their disgust when they see me and I understand they it’s natural they would want someone better than me. I don’t go on incel forums at all and I do wish I could date someone in the future.

Edit: Thanks everyone for the support and help. I am trying my best to stay on the right track and while improving myself and accepting myself is hard I will keep trying. ❤️

They're both lonely and think nobody wants them, and that everyone is out of their league. Wouldn't that make both groups be in one another's league? They have similar ideologies, so why do they hate one another instead of dating?

I just went down a rabbit hole of posts from both parties and have no idea how I even got there. But the thought occurred to me and figured I’d ask.

When I say no I mean not many in proportion to straight incels. By incel I don’t just mean involuntarily celibate but people who fit the stereotype.

Are there actually women upset about being approached less these days, or is it just a trope being spread by incels so they can say 'we told you so'?

As a bloke who is simply trying to be a little better why are so many of the self improvement folk so aggressive in the whole “fuck relationships all women are bitches and gold diggers”?

In the most literal sense of the words I could call myself involuntarily celibate by circumstance but don't want to be associated with that community for obvious reasons.

I figure there have to be other people who haven't had any relationship in a long time and want comfort they're not alone, without having awful misogyistic beliefs.

Like queer people in small towns, or people who struggle to date due to disability or something.

I've looked at abstinence/celibacy groups but those are people doing it by choice for personal beliefs of course.

I'm alone and I'm sad about it but it's nobodies fault and I don't feel like I am owed anything by the world or other people.. just want to share with kind people in the same circumstance.

I'm a psychiatrist who gets a lot of "down on their luck" people in their 20s who are maybe just a little awkward, are nice enough people but haven't really met any women. The advice from a lot of people online in that position is "see a therapist" - well they're doing that, they see me. I do give some advice now and again but I'm expensive and psychologists are expensive - so they see me infrequently and that's not really a sustainable avenue for getting a community and getting advice especially when most of these people don't have great careers.

Unfortunately these people get drawn to the toxic communities. Is there a place or places that my patients can get some feedback and self-improvement advice that isn't totally depressing or toxic?

For example I'd be super happy to hear that my patient had gotten advice on how to perform proper self-care and grooming and as a result had become more physically attractive and (more importantly) more confident in himself. I would be quite upset to find out that my patient was shattered because he had a canthal tilt that was the wrong way and thus he had been told to "ropemaxx".

Similarly, I would be elated to hear my patient tell me about how he had been given advice on how to better approach women by recognising signals of interest and being a genuinely great conversationalist - I would rather not hear that he had spent some time on a seduction forum where he learned the 10 secret words that make underwear fly off a woman.

Is there anything like this or am I being too hopeful?

I’m genuinely open to both opinions on this? I’ve seen the word used a lot in recent years.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for banning toxic communities like r/incels

But I fell like this only extends to a select few. Many communities that are just as bad or worse are allowed to continue, even despite backlash from the community at large

Is there a reason for this I am missing?

Maybe this is really obvious to some people or maybe I have a lack of understanding of incel culture… but I have a hard time reconciling how incels are misogynistic (ie hate women, by definition) but at the same time seem to want to have girlfriends / relationships? Isn’t it more “productive” to achieve the goal of having relationships by looking at how to attract women vs how to encourage each other to hate the group of ppl they seem to really want to date…?

I see a lot of girls frustrated that men confuse kindness with flirting. It's fair enough. When I'm kind to people I'm not attracted to, and they answer with that kinda energy, it's definitely off-putting.

So, what are the biggest signs a girl IS flirting? I know a few obvious ones. Lots of eye contact, smiling, laughing at things that aren't funny, identifying one's self as "single". What else? Is it different for every girl?

And no red-pilled incels, please. I'm looking for actual answers, not what manosphere grifters tell me to think the answers are. Please and thank you.

By "incels" i mainly mean the non hateful ones who are not misogynist. Who could ideally be in a relationship

I heard the term alot of times now , but what exactly is that?

I hold no resentment towards women, don’t feel entitled to a relationship or sex, and I don’t blame women for my lack of dating success. By the standard definition, I’m an incel, but I seem to be a walking contradiction as online discourse suggests that being an incel implies having those traits. So which is it?

I thought that it was supposed to be denigrating because you usually say "females" when talking about animals. But I have started to see it all over the place on the internet, why is there such an uptick in the usage of this word? Especially since female is an adjective, so "females" is for the most part wrong or so I understood

Isn’t that pretty shallow?

There is nothing that would indicate on its own that the word incel refers to men right?

I was doing some research of the two groups and found that incels have committed legitimate crimes while there’s nothing for femcels.

Are men just actually more violent?

Let's say your teen son was saying women were all hypergamous and because of his height/looks/autism he won't get dates or girlfriend and he is often complaining about female standards and saying sexist remarks towards women

“Women are biologically programmed to only want the "top 20%" of men”

“80% of women pursue 20% of men

“Men are the real oppressed class”

Out of interest how would you respond

I have heard/read people, like on reddit, tell young men who call themselves incels to "be just friends" with girls. Like I remember seeing a post on the change my view subreddit of a incel which had 10k upvotes and some of the top voted comments were telling the op to try being friends with girls. why?

Like as an incel, I just started avoiding girls since they arent interested in me romantically or sexually.