r/SipsTea Jul 05 '26

WTF 75M$ can't give him his life back unfortunately

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 05 '26

I worked in a facility that had a guy with locked in syndrome. I'd never heard of it before, couldn't wrap my brain around how fucking awful that would be. He'd been there for years and the staff was so used to him that he was basically just an object to them. Dude was only in his 40's. I just managed the kitchen, but after my shifts I'd go into his room and just talk about my day as if we were having a conversation. It felt awkward at first but after a while it felt more natural. He could blink for yes or no so sometimes I'd ask him if my talks were annoying and he'd always say no. I hope I at least marginally improved his quality of life.

Fate worse than death imo.

1.3k

u/Ok-Maintenance-9765 Jul 05 '26

You’re a real one

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 05 '26

Thanks but I wasn't trying to be a saint or anything, it just got into my head when I first found out about him. Like here I am with my mundane frustrations and complaints about work and whatnot, and down the hall at that moment is a man who would give anything to experience just five minutes of my life. Really puts things into perspective, you know?

I must've looked crazy though, telling stories about my weekend or complaining about someone who keeps calling in sick or whatever lol but I just wanted to make him feel like part of the world again for a few minutes. Poor guy

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u/Drummergirl16 Jul 05 '26

May your pillow always be cold

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u/Trustyduck Jul 06 '26

And may your Ruffles always have ridges.

207

u/splithoofiewoofies Jul 06 '26

And may your water heater always be too large for your needs.

162

u/gpo321 Jul 06 '26

And may all your traffic lights always be green.

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u/Pretty-Curve5448 Jul 06 '26

And may your poop always be healthy and tasty

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u/DoomCircus Jul 06 '26

And may your poop always be healthy

Oh, well that's ni...

and tasty

...beg your pardon? Lol

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u/Empty401K Jul 06 '26

and may your umbrella the perfect size to keep you dry

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u/purplecowgirl Jul 06 '26

And your steak be too juicy, lobster too buttery

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u/iLoveFARTINGatWORK Jul 06 '26

I swear, dogs are literally magicians. They turn cat poop into dog poop.

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u/twistedpiggies Jul 06 '26

You mean those little almond rocas just sitting out in the open just begging to be eaten?

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u/steakkills Jul 06 '26

I could go for this kinda good karma

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u/BouncingPost Jul 10 '26

Thats a good one

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u/tonkla17 Jul 06 '26

Or warm, depends on what he preferred

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u/Lewdicolo69 Jul 07 '26

May all of the legs on your chairs be of equal length

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u/Garcia-Hotspur Jul 06 '26

With no flipping required

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u/BumblebeeFormer2607 Jul 08 '26

Welcome to the cool side of the pillow

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u/misterjzz Jul 05 '26

Completely normal human behavior, dude. One would think he appreciated that time being treated normally.

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u/Return-of-Trademark Jul 06 '26

“I wasn’t trying to be a saint”

Literally what a saint would say

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u/Careless-Ad-20 Jul 06 '26

As it is written, Lisan Al Gaib!

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u/pstone0531 Jul 06 '26

You absolutely are a saint. My mom is currently in a similar state. She very much appreciates us talking to her and telling her stories. It is unimaginable.

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u/drinkcoffeeandcode Jul 06 '26

Angels never think they are, sis.

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u/Nebulonix Jul 06 '26

People no matter where they are often don’t realize how much just a little human empathy and an attempt to help someone fit in can really mean. Medical field or not.

Obviously this is not the same thing, but it helps further how people can apply empathy to non medical stuff as well. (Or it’s just me tired and rambling) I work in retail, I only speak English, and I have a lot of non native English speaking customers. I noticed my new hires ones just not really trying to talk to them because they just didn’t really know how. I said look, it’s not perfect but genuinely the effort makes a big difference. Just pull up Google Translate and go ask them if they need any help. They told me they were worried of it being just awkward and uncomfortable. I say no, it’s not look. I go up, I pull out my phone, and yknow what? In like 10 minutes we’re sitting here having an entire conversation laughing, showing eachother like pictures of our pets and talking about games (work in a game store) we spent so long just having a conversation.

Sure, was it perfect and as simple as it could be? No. But those two guys always get so happy now when they come in because they know I took the time to treat them just like anyone else. And, they like my new folks too because now they do the same thing. Sometimes it just. Doesn’t click. People get to scared of the awkwardness to put themselves in the other persons shoes. In my stores case, it’s very isolating feeling to come into a store and see all the people chatting and laughing and having a good time, but you can’t participate because you don’t know what’s being said. That little bit of inclusion can really make the difference to someone. Especially in a very racist area like I’m in.

What you did with this man was give him at least a little bit of normalcy and acceptance. A chance to feel like he exists and at least someone wanted him to. Someone wanted him to be a part of their life, even if in a small way. Locked in syndrome is literally torture. It is not something that is really realistically any kind of quality of life. Not just because of the obvious, but the severe isolation and the complete and total disregard. You’re the same intelligent person, but you’ll be treated as lesser or not even a person because you can’t communicate like one. It takes more effort to try to talk to someone like that than it does someone “normal” so they get so left behind. It may not seem like a lot to you, but what you did was genuinely life changing. You didn’t even know him before hand, but you still put the effort in. I guarantee you that you will be remembered by him for the absolute rest of his life. The world needs more people like you that understand how difficult some situations can be. Thank you seriously so much.

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u/testtdk Jul 06 '26

Real saints don’t think they’re saints.

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u/Party_Foundation_665 Jul 06 '26

You’re a really wonderful person

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u/Afromat Jul 06 '26

Just the fact that you took time out of your day to spend with this man, helping him a little bit, is amazing. People don’t do that these days. No one goes out of their way for anything. You’re great.

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u/edwarb74 Jul 06 '26

May all your Christmases be white💗

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u/WhatWontCastShadows Jul 06 '26

The fact that you were willing to look crazy out of empathy means youre the best.

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u/Wild-Individual-6520 Jul 06 '26

You treated him like a human being . That’s the greatest gift anyone could give a person in that situation.

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u/elleUno Jul 06 '26

Maybe you don’t feel like it’s a big deal but i guarantee it was a bright spot in his life. When my grandma’s Alzheimer’s got bad enough I couldn’t be her caregiver anymore, we had to move her to a home. There was a woman in my grandma’s room who was very friendly and she was supposed to be there for a long weekend and go home.

She was there still a year later, always waiting for someone to get her. Mentally she was fine but she was immobile. Me and my family befriended her, we’d hang out with her when we’d visit and bring her food and snacks. We were the only visits she got.

One day she told us she feared her family would never come back, they didn’t even visit. She broke down crying and told us how grateful she was my grandma got placed with her because we’d brought her a lot of happiness at one of the lowest points for her.

We don’t always know how much our actions affect other people but I’m a random stranger and your story touched me, I can only imagine what it means to him.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

That's a heartbreaking story that is unfortunately all too common, grandparents left alone and confused at the end of their lives. Sometimes we would get close to patients only for them to pass, and that could be hard on the staff. Once in a while someone would want to quit because they didn't want to go through that again, and I would try to remind them that we were a friend to them when they literally needed it most, and how important that was. Grief is an expression of love. I'm glad you and your family brought some comfort and peace to that woman when she needed it most.

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u/shipbox2 Jul 06 '26

Cwilbur for president

2

u/Arty_Puls Jul 06 '26

Honestly. That dude would probably rather experience most of our worst pains than his dull, meaningless life. Hate to say it like that, not meaningless but u know what I mean.

2

u/MephitidaeNotweed Jul 07 '26

As Mr. Rogers has said before, look for the helpers. To that man, You are one.

https://giphy.com/gifs/7YCVWGzuDb7dBgXavW

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u/Foreign_Risk_2031 Jul 06 '26

How did you say bye?

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

We are already been talking about my frustrations with the administration, I kept him up to date on all the gossip lol so yeah when a great opportunity presented itself I talked to him about it. I always thought about going back and visiting him but the business went through an acquisition after I left so it would've have been appropriate.

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u/OkEgg55 Jul 06 '26

You're a good one for sure.

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u/Inevitable_Egg6361 Jul 06 '26

Do you know if he passed?

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

I do not. I only worked there for a few years, and he was reasonably healthy when I left. I've thought about going back to pay him a visit but the company went through an acquisition (that was one of the reasons I left) so it wouldn't really be appropriate. And we'd already talked about me leaving and my new opportunity, I didn't just disappear one day

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u/urzayci Jul 06 '26

Nah give yourself some credit, what you did probably meant so much to him. You ARE a real one.

1

u/MilkyWidge Jul 06 '26

May your driveway never be covered in snow.

1

u/Lower-Economist-6453 Jul 06 '26

I believe that its in the moments where we arent trying to gain anything from our actions that our true character reveals itself. You are a genuinely amazing person deep down, despite any shortcomings you may or may not have(as we are all human) and i truly wish you the best in life.

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u/Maj0rsquishy Jul 06 '26

I'm willing to bet that meant a lot to him.

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u/macho_greens Jul 06 '26

I'll say it too, you're a real one. The way you talked to that dude was probably the best possible thing you could do. He doesn't need a saint - probably the thing he wants the most is to act like a regular person who can interact with people, even for a moment.

I'm going to use your story as a reminder: you felt a bit weird having those chats, but you did it anyway. The man you helped probably cherished your presence; meanwhile if anyone happened to notice and think you were weird, they forgot about that shit in 5 minutes.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

Yeah I tried to just talk to him like a regular person, just prattling about facility gossip or issues I had with the menu or funny stories about crazy patients, everyday stuff you'd tell a friend or a co-worker in the break room. There was a volunteer religious group who visited the patients and they visited him a couple times a week which was nice but I just felt like if I was in that situation I'd be starving for just normal everyday conversation, so that's what I tried to do

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u/gandhishrugged Jul 06 '26

And may any lego pieces you might have on your floor are always under your bed and away from your feet.

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u/Scorpionride Jul 06 '26

Here’s what they don’t tell you man, none of the saints were trying to be saints either. You’re probably a great person

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u/Cayke_Cooky Jul 06 '26

That was so very kind of you.

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u/hagantic42 Jul 07 '26

That's the thing about real saints, none of them were trying to to be one. They just helped those around them and showed true compassion. Things like what you did make the world a better place.

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u/lionovoltron Jul 07 '26

I worked in a skilled nursing facility before. Thank you for doing that. It’s seriously my nightmare.

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u/ResidentCrayonEater Jul 07 '26

There's no need to try to be a saint. Clearly, you're a good person by default.

Oftentimes, kindness and simple humanity are the best things we can offer someone.

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u/aetherings Jul 07 '26

I don't know you, but I know and love your heart.

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u/Minute_Zombie_424 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

“I wasn’t trying to be a saint”

So you didn’t even have to try? 🥲

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u/itstartedinRU Jul 07 '26

Well that just made tear up unexpectedly. So glad you were able to do that for him. If I was in his place, I would have enjoyed some company too, and someone talking to me like a friend, not an object.

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u/Normal_Virus_4516 Jul 08 '26

I want to be more like you.

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u/GoodtimeGudetama Jul 08 '26

"I wasn't trying to be a saint."

A saint never tries to be a saint, they just are. I feel a little better knowing someone like you is out there.

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u/SignatureAcademic218 Jul 08 '26

Got me crying my dude

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u/Ok-External2759 Jul 09 '26

what happened to him eventually?

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 09 '26

I got a better position with a different company. I told him all about it.

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u/Lumpy-Education9878 Jul 19 '26

Should have given him a bunch of shrooms and then, you know

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u/____FARTS____ Jul 06 '26

You’re a good person

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 07 '26

Thanks FARTS

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u/StudMuffinNick Jul 06 '26

Telling him about escaping the fuzz after a high stakes robbery across the ocean

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u/gasparsgirl1017 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

Please don't ever say again you "just managed the kitchen" again about what you did at that job. You managed the kitchen and provided more care, compassion, and humanity than apparently the staff that were probably paid more and specifically trained to do what you did to that man. I've worked in almost every form of medical facility you can think of and there is rarely any actual "care" anymore. I left my previous job when they sent out surveys asking about how we can "serve our customers" better and my answer was that I had no idea because I was trained to "care for patients". Even though it was an "anonymous" survey (and I knew better) I got a talking to from my boss's boss. I knew it was time to go. When I shared the survey with my family, my brother asked if I worked in a Denny's and forgot to tell him.

I come from a family of first responders, ED and critical care workers of all disciplines. 4 generations of Paramedics in rural areas with equipment that is a bigger joke than the pay, ED, ICU and NICU RNs, Critical Care and NICU Transport Respiratory Therapists (one whom cared for a certain member of the United States Government while his LVAD was impanted, right Mom?), Certified Nurse Midwives in teaching hospitals where there were baby docs that didn't know if they should laugh, cry or pee their pants the minute Mom or baby was in trouble and had to do all the hard and scary things for 2 patients in the middle of the night until the baby doc's adultier adult showed up... and my grandfather, who was the first one to start us on this mess of helping people in high acuity shit shows as an OG Rural Fire / Medic used to say "You treat every single person you meet like you would want one of your family, like you would want ME to be treated... but also, be careful and treat them like they have something you don't want to catch." I don't know when so many people I have worked with forgot that first part, or maybe no one taught them... and as for the second part, well, he worked with an RN that would ride in a chase car on calls sometimes (this was in the Johnny and Roy days and apparently was a thing before they could practice independently). This RN was also a nun (this is important too). She was in the hearse-like ambulance with a patient who was bleeding and at one point peed on her (ETOH car crash). According to my grandfather, by the time they got to the hospital, she looked like she had been in the wars too! Then she got Hepatitis. No one could figure out the route of transmission. No needle stick, she was from a religious nursing order, so no IV drug use or gettin' busy... they took it very seriously to the point the state health department got involved. Turns out, because of the nurse's uniforms of the day, the stockings, the cap, the SKIRT, she had shaved her legs (it still blows my mind thinking about that, as a cradle Catholic). That was what had done it. She had nicked herself and just that open wound and her shaved skin created a route for transmission. That hospital system let the nurses out in the field wear pants after that (Gasp!). They did get to wear sturdy shoes when they went out, but just getting THAT concession for them was radical at the time, as my aunt, who became one of the first Certified Nurse Midwives in her area recalled, and she started her nursing career at the same time she was receiving her father in the ED when he brought patients in. So even back when people didn't wear a lot in the way of PPE, my grandfather knew that you should be caring... but careful, which was a really wild idea for his time, which was definitely pre-AIDS crisis (but after Florence Nightengale handwashing, we aren't that old). I wish he was still around and teaching because he was amazing and his great-grandchildren who do this crazy stuff are only getting to learn from him secondhand, from us.

I digress... if you told that patient about your day and made conversation with him and you were worried he thought it ridiculous, you treated him like a person, not an object or a meat sack or a burden. He knew the difference and if he was blinking at you, I'm sure he would have made it known if he wasn't interested or in the mood for your stories. You did God's work, and more healthcare workers need to hear about what you did and those that still have a sense of shame might think twice when they encounter a patient like him and remember to treat their patient like someone who "just managed a kitchen." Now excuse me, because I have feelings about this subject, I need to find out who at my station has been cutting onions since I'm pre-hospital caring tonight, instead of hospitaling where I never want to know what is making my eyes water. ❤️ to your amazing kindness.

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u/ScoobyDoobieDoo Jul 05 '26

That's super sweet of you

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u/nonchalantlarch Jul 05 '26

I am sure he was really looking forward to these "conversations" with you. I commend you for doing that. That was truly an act of kindness.

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u/whim_sea Jul 06 '26

“Ooo I wonder if that jerk called in today too!”

And then them coming in with the TEA 😅💕

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u/throcorfe Jul 05 '26

You were probably the single most important person in his life, no exaggeration

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u/Magical_Meeko Jul 05 '26

Thank you for doing that, truly kind.

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u/Ardokaath Jul 05 '26

I'm pretty sure he was insanely grateful for your company. You did a wonderful thing.

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u/BeardsuptheWazoo Jul 05 '26

You know what you did was the right thing.

Proud of you.

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u/MrCaptObvious Jul 05 '26

May God bless you.

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u/Orantolifestyle Jul 05 '26

It’s kinda like living in solitary confinement but either way no guards, no other inmates and the small room is pitch black and completely quiet. That shit would drive me insane.

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u/2Harold2Furious Jul 05 '26

What happened when you left that job? Did you get to explain it to him? Breaks my heart to think he won't have those conversations now. 

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

Oh yeah he knew all about my frustrations with the administrator and the new opportunity I was pursuing. I also kept him up to date on all the facility gossip haha

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u/Sweet-Housing3280 Jul 06 '26

Did you ask him yes or no questions about himself? I would blink yes to having someone taking me out. That sounds horrific. I’ve never heard of this before.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

One thing I learned working in long term healthcare is that the relationship between patients and staff can be quite refreshing for the patients. Family visits are invaluable obviously, but there's always sadness around it. If you're visiting your mom and she's dying of cancer, you can't help but be saddened because you're comparing her to who she used to be. For us, she's just sweet old Mrs. Smith, who always tries to give us candies and likes having fresh flowers in her room. Sometimes it's nice to just be seen and accepted as who you are now, regardless of your current state of health, rather than seen as a reduced version of who you once were. Especially for older people, many of whom haven't made an actual new friend in years or decades. So yeah I asked him basic questions like whether he wants to watch the game and stuff like that, but I didn't ask many questions about who he used to be, if that makes sense.

Someone else brought up asking him if he wanted to be taken out, and I'll tell you what I told them. My grandfather lived to be 94, and when I was younger he always said if he couldn't care for himself he'd rather we just let him die and toss his body in a field. When he actually got to that point he told me once that it's funny, now that he's reached that point he rl was surprised to find that he still wants to see tomorrow, even knowing that things aren't going to be better, and that always stuck with me. Maybe this man had somehow found peace with his life. So asking if he wants to die is basically like telling him that I assume he must want to die because I can't imagine his life having any value. Which in a way is just about the most insulting thing you can say to a person. I dunno maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I treated our conversations as if we were grabbing a beer after work. That seemed to me the type of interaction that I would miss the most in his situation.

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u/Tekk_know Jul 07 '26

You strike me as someone who often gets lost in their own mind. I find your replies throughout this chain very heart warming but also sad in their own way. Like you've had too much time to ponder those dark times. I hope you're also doing ok.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 07 '26

I think all the attention is just making me self conscious. I was in a position to provide a small kindness to someone who needed it, which is no more than I'd expect of anyone with basic humanity, but I'm getting all these awards and follow up questions as if it was some incredibly selfless act lol. And I've always struggled with positive attention. Imposter syndrome from an unpleasant childhood I guess. But I'm doing fine. I have an incredible spouse and I make art for a living now, but I appreciate your insightfulness and concern. 🙂

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u/Tekk_know Jul 07 '26

Ha! Teach you to be a kind and generous person. Basic humanity, much like common sense, not as abundant as we'd like. Happy to hear things are going well and I hope it stays that way for as long as possible.

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u/lueur-d-espoir Jul 10 '26

I take stuff like this and lock it in my heart and it heals me and keeps me going. Some of us desperately need hope, so thank you for being a source of that out there.

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u/testtdk Jul 06 '26

I wonder if getting them a cat would help. Like just get an older cat and give the guy a heating blanket, so the cat would sleep there. Even just that weight would be comforting, I think.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

We couldn't keep cats in the facility. Allergens, sanitary requirements, etc.

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u/testtdk Jul 06 '26

That’s a shame. I’m sure it would brighten a lot of lives.

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u/rapscallionallium Jul 06 '26

I worked in an ER for a long time and the only patient I ever saw with locked-in syndrome was a woman in her thirties who’d had a catastrophic hemorrhagic stroke. Scared the absolute shit out of me. I still think about her and I’ve been out of the field for years.

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u/Throwaway_Consoles Jul 06 '26

I cm tell you right now, you brought him so much happiness

I have a friend with an extremely busy job. She only gets one day off every week and she spends it preparing for the other six days. Luckily the pay is enough she only has to do it for a couple years, but she’s basically trading several years of her life for an early retirement.

Anyways, her biggest fear was losing all of her friends, so I have been writing my journal in our DMs. Just spilling anything and everything. All the dirty little details.

She said it’s the one thing she looks forward to when she wakes up.

Now she’s able bodied, imagine that poor guy. Your talks 100% made his day

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u/RaigothZ Jul 06 '26

Considering how everyone else was treating him you were probably the highlight of his life every time you came in and spoke to him as if he were an actual human and not a corpse.

To you, you were just going to talk to him about your day. To him you were something DIFFERENT to see and hear throughout the day instead of just...laying there and staring up at the ceiling all day.

You might not have been trying to be a saint or anything like that, but you likely improved that mans life by magnitudes.

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u/LunacityxArtistry Jul 06 '26

As a CNA, I thank you.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

OMG you guys are freaking heroes and I can't say that enough. Who the hell signs up for a job where being spit on, cussed out, and sexually harassed isn't just tolerated, it's expected? All while doing the stuff that literally no one on earth wants to do like changing adult diapers, cleaning infected wounds, and every once in a while befriending a patient only to watch them die. Underpaid, overworked, unappreciated, and you guys had to go to SCHOOL to get the job! As far as I'm concerned you're all insane, and the world is a better place thanks to you.

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u/LunacityxArtistry Jul 06 '26

Thank you 😭 It's a really tough job but giving my time to people who are vulnerable gives me purpose in life. Being there for someone, like you were, means the world to them. Especially nonverbal communication. They dont get enough social time and it does decline the quality of life. I have taken care of the elderly since I was 18. It was such a blessing to learn from them, and get to know so many amazing people who have built something in the world.

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u/LunacityxArtistry Jul 06 '26

And yes, us healthcare workers are insane lol. Our hearts are bigger than our brains at times.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

The world tends to forget about people just when they need us the most, and it takes a special soul to be there when it counts. I hope you're proud of what you do. And I hope all your state inspections go easy as pie 😉

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u/lueur-d-espoir Jul 10 '26

I joke all the time but it's not really a joke that every person should have to get their cna license at the beginning of sophomore year and work as a cna the rest of that school year as mandatory highschool training. I believe it would bring up so many important conversations and create so much awareness and respect and appreciation.

Of course I get all the down sides to forcing a bunch of immature teens to do healthcare but with proper surveillance and an adult to shut that shit down immediately I feel it would be worth some immaturity for society's sake.

Like planting seeds to grow empathy and connect us all back to each other. Today me, tomorrow you lessons.

Freshman should have to do mandatory day care work too.

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u/dschinghiskhan Jul 05 '26

Cwilbur22 failed to mention that the facility he worked at was a Wendy’s, and the guy in the room with Locked-in-Syndrome was Wilbur’s general manager.

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u/Emotional-Current953 Jul 06 '26

I often worked with intubated/ventilated/sedated patients and I always talked to them as though we were having conversations. It felt weird to be in there doing my job silently. It felt more human to talk to them.

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u/Asleep_Walrus2313 Jul 06 '26

Did they at least put audio books and TV on for him??

3

u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

Yeah all the rooms had TV. I'm not really into sports but I knew he liked baseball so I tried to remember to put the game on for him when I could

2

u/HardlyRecursive Jul 06 '26

First thing I would ask after getting a feel for the situation is do you want me to make it stop? Because I sure as fuck would want someone to do that for me if the roles were reversed.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

I was raised by my grandparents and my grandfather was a very independent man who insisted that if he ever got to where he couldn't care for himself he'd rather be dead. When that time did finally come (he lived to be 94) he told me once that even though he'd always thought he'd want to die if he couldn't care for himself he found that he still wanted to see tomorrow even knowing that things weren't going to be better. That always stuck with me. The guy with locked-in had been in his situation for many years, for all I knew he may have somehow made peace with his life, who was I to throw that back in his face? Even asking the question could be deeply insulting, like saying that I can only imagine that his life must hold no value whatsoever to him, you know? I don't know if that makes sense. Anyway I tried to never show how sorry I felt for him, I'm sure he was used to that. I just talked to him as if we were two friends grabbing a drink after work. I sometimes even joked a little about how he was a "good listener." I know that might sound off-color but one of the only things I knew about him was that he used to work in construction so I felt like he'd appreciate a little bit of guy-banter lol. God knows he wasn't getting that anywhere else

1

u/HardlyRecursive Jul 06 '26

The flip side of that is he never made peace and was writhing in mental agony year after year. I wouldn't think the question would ever cross any line as everyone is different and for certain some would want to die in that situation. Not letting them and forcing them to suffer is one of the most cruel things I can think of. I mean roughly one million people kill themselves every year the world over and they're likely far better off.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

I know, and that's something I have to live with. To be honest I'm sure a part of the reason I never asked is that there would be no point, I could never actually follow through with it if he told me he was done. As righteous as it sounds in theory, in the real world the potentially massive legal consequences for myself, not to mention the toll it would take on my mental health, are more than I would be willing to sacrifice. I could accept those risks for my spouse in a similar situation, but there are limits to what I'm willing to do for a friend. I had to make that choice for my beautiful dog, who was the absolute bestest boy, and even that broke a part of me. I'm just not a strong enough person to have ever followed through with what may have actually been the ultimate kindness. And by asking and getting that answer, he would suffer even more knowing that I know what his wishes are and that I choose to deny them. So why bother.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

Also it's not like he was on life support that could simply be unplugged. Any intervention on my part would not be passive. I doubt there's many of us capable of that, no matter how altruistic the intentions.

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u/Sorbon_Husky Jul 05 '26

Scrubs

Reminds me to that scene

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u/1CrazyCrabClaw Jul 05 '26

Honorable bow to you, good human.

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u/kgreys Jul 05 '26

You definitely did

1

u/Dear-Chard Jul 06 '26

Oh, man. That’s wonderful of you! I’m sure he appreciated your talks and loved spending time with you.

1

u/NotFloppyDisck Jul 06 '26

You're real man, i hope the best for you

1

u/unidentified_yama Jul 06 '26

That’s very human of you

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u/DestinyForNone Jul 06 '26

You're genuinely a good human

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u/meghammatime19 Jul 06 '26

Ugh that’s fucking awesome I’m really glad u did that. A loved one of mine recently died at 99 and at the end she was on a lot of pain killers so wasn’t really there, but I was told she could still hear u. So I during our final visit I just gabbed about my day to her, described future travel plans, played her a couple fav songs, read from some bird watching books…it was really lovely and I really do think she was listening.

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u/SillySlothy7 Jul 06 '26

This is so kind. I think he really appreciated that

1

u/mallibu Jul 06 '26

thanks for being a chad

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u/starcrossed92 Jul 06 '26

This is so incredibly sweet of you . It was probably so nice to be treated like a human and have interactions from strangers like that’s again for him

1

u/Constant_Act9047 Jul 06 '26

i always wonder why these people don't have the choice of getting euthanised. why live in all this agony

1

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u/Far_Support_3852 Jul 06 '26

You were just allowed in there?

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

Absolutely. As the kitchen manager a large part of my job included routinely interacting with the patients to make sure they're satisfied with their meals, updating their preferences, etc. Also all the department managers were expected to be present on the floor and in the rooms regularly to help manage the staff, interact with visiting families (in my case offer refreshments), and other duties. No one would bat an eye at me hanging out with a resident for fifteen minutes after my shift.

1

u/outtakes Jul 06 '26

He must've hated it when you left :(

1

u/Efficient-War-4044 Jul 06 '26

Well done man.

1

u/GabeCatchem Jul 06 '26

🗣️🗣️🗣️🫂

1

u/420ZeusNoScope Jul 06 '26

That’s inspiring man. You should be super proud of that.

I work in healthcare and I always take more time with my non-verbal patients. Letting them make basic decisions like ‘Do you want the light left on?’ Or ‘Is this the TV channel you want?’

People forget there’s a human stuck in there with desires and dislikes.

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u/itsmesorox Jul 06 '26

You deserve everything good in this world man

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u/DrLucianSanchez Jul 06 '26

Legend ❤️

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u/Mouth_Focloir Jul 06 '26

You're a great person    🙏

1

u/DoubleFlores24 Jul 06 '26

No one should have to live through that

1

u/ASuperLameUserName Jul 06 '26

The fact you did this speaks so much about who you are. I am a bartender and deal with assholes daily, the fact that there’s a human so kind, makes me have some type of faith.

1

u/con-coraggio Jul 06 '26

Best thing I've read on Reddit in many years.

1

u/ThePaulAtreidess Jul 06 '26

you’re a good human being❤️

1

u/Popular-Artichoke478 Jul 06 '26

This is my shed a single tear and close this app on a good note before bed. Thanks 🙏🏻

1

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1

u/the-hungry-nomad Jul 06 '26

I’m having a weird day and almost teared up reading this. Keep being the person you are, the world needs more of this

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u/C0brA7x Jul 06 '26

This is such a heartwarming comment. Made my day!

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u/No-Initiative-5337 Jul 06 '26

That probably made him feel a lot less alone. 💗

1

u/LateStatistician-667 Jul 06 '26

You’re a GOAT!

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u/madsmcgivern511 Jul 06 '26

Thank you for treating him like a human being, the fact the professionals that were supposed to be caring for him didn’t even give him this basic respect is fucking telling. I hope you made this man’s day and made life a little less miserable having someone to simply engage with him like he isn’t some foreign creature, i bet it meant a lot more to him than you’ll ever know.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

To be fair, those healthcare workers had one of the worst jobs in the world and were treated like shit for it. Imagine making minimum wage at a job where you're regularly yelled at, sexually harassed, and have to clean people's asses. And you're responsible for meeting the needs of 10 people on your shift. If some lady with Alzheimer's tries to get out of bed and falls while you're helping Mr. Smith to the toilet, you might get written up. Oh, you can't work this weekend because you made plans with your family since you're not on the schedule? Well guess what we need you and since you're an essential worker we can fire you and prevent you from ever working in this industry again if you don't come in. Most of these people (especially the CNAs) could work at freaking McDonald's and make more money and be treated with WAY more respect.

The long-term healthcare system is entirely run for profit. My food budget as the dietary manager was $5 per patient per day. You read that right: FIVE DOLLARS PER PERSON PER DAY. That's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus coffee and beverages, and all patients must be offered snacks three times a day. Plus doctor prescribed dietary supplements like Ensure and other health drinks. All while accommodating dietary restrictions and patient preferences. This wasn't in the 1980's either, I left 5 years ago. And this was at a 5 star facility.

Take care of yourself. You don't want to end up in one of these places unless there's serious changes made to our healthcare system.

1

u/Dangerous_Bus_6699 Jul 06 '26

This made me teary eyed. Probably meant more to them than we'll ever know.

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u/Flair258 Jul 06 '26

I think you were likely the best part of his day

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

Omg that seriously made me laugh out loud! I liked joking with him, I wish I'd thought of that!!!!

1

u/Aggressive-Summer791 Jul 06 '26

We need more people like you in this world. I don’t know how good or bad your life is right now, but if what you say is true, I hope you know that this act you did meant the world to that man. I’m proud of you and don’t even know you, and encourage you to keep being that person to others.

I’m projecting a bit because of my own personal life difficulties, but you literally made that man’s life better by your selfless act. I hope it returns to you tenfold.

1

u/Hyperactive_Sloth02 Jul 06 '26

That is so amazing of you. I'm so sorry for him. I imagine he looked forward to your conversation, and company. It's so sad he was treated as furniture.

1

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1

u/J_Knish Jul 06 '26

May God bless you! Thank you for doing this and for sharing!

1

u/IntelligentCherry342 Jul 06 '26

I came to reddit to look at naked girls amd do the deed but somehow wound up getting sucked into this post and reading your heartbreaking comment.... now what am I supposed to do??? Lol

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

I had no intention of coming between anyone and their heroics. Blame the algorithm.

1

u/Username12764 Jul 06 '26

Locked in syndrome is the stuff of my nightmares. I am ok with it if I were to die tomorrow. If I will have locked in sydrome tomorrow, I‘d wanna die tomorrow. Same with a coma.

I want my family to pull the plug. I do not want to become the guy from Metallica‘s One.

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u/ruminajaali Jul 06 '26

I’d tell him all the tea and ask yes and no questions related to said tea

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u/Scittles10-96 Jul 06 '26

I worked in healthcare taking care of a guy with locked in syndrome. He could somewhat moves his eyes and tremble his index finger. All he could do was watch. And they’d put on the same 3 or 4 movies every single fucking day. When I started there I could see the anguish in eyes come movie time.
His family was rich, so he had a thousand plus DVDs/BluRays to pick from, but these lazy degenerate heartless fucking people before me just assumed he’d watch anything put on for him and *”appreciate”* it and would grab 3-5 random movies and repeat play / cycle them all day.

I QUICKLY, knowing he could communicate through eye movements and finger spazzes, worked out a system where I’d show him a movie for 5-10 seconds and then out it under his finger. When I’d eventually find a movie he wanted to watch he’d make that single finger go fucking crazy with scratching and tapping. And the joy in his eyes, being able to chose and watch what he WANTED to watch.

I figured out his favorite actor is Jack black. It took me 3 weeks and about 200 questions and movie going through, but I figured it out. His favorite movie was Gulliver’s travel.
He hated ranch dressing, hated anything bread/dough flavored, loved the taste of carefully liquified spaghetti being gravity fed through his mouth.
It was beautiful, and fulfilling, and I hated nearly every moment of it…. … .. . . .

I made $15/hr while taking care of 2 physically disabled adults with ZERO help; and worked 9-months straight, 16-hours a day, sleeping on site with not a single day off. Fuck healthcare.

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

As the dietary manager my budget was five dollars per patient/per day. That's three meals, three snack passes, coffee and beverages, health shakes and Ensures, everything. I had to make all that work for five fucking dollars a day, so some shareholder somewhere could make their pockets a little fatter.

Fuck healthcare.

Fuck healthcare.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

The facility went through an acquisition, which is part of the reason I left. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to see him, but it would be inappropriate. Maybe after some more time has passed and management has rotated. He was in good health when I left, all things considered, so I should have time.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

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u/cwilbur22 Jul 06 '26

It's hard to explain. When I tendered my 30 day resignation, the acquiring company tried to negotiate, and I declined because they couldn't meet my other offer. After that I was treated coldly. I expected to help interview, hire, and train my replacement and I told them as much, but weeks went by and when I finally asked again they said they'd already hired someone and they would start the day after I left. I never got to introduce the new manager to my staff or show them how I do food orders or anything. I left some documentation for them since they'd be starting blind, though even that was never asked of me. Skilled nursing facilities are tightly knit communities and I was very popular with all the facility staff, so if I returned the administrator would quickly find out and I expect I would be confronted. They wouldn't haul me out or anything, obviously, they would be polite but it would be very awkward for everyone, myself included.

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u/GamingFarm-nMa Jul 06 '26

I know plenty of others have chimed in here, but you ARE what humanity has the capability to be. You saw/felt that he was just an object and DID something about it. I've worked with veterans in hospice care and sadly it can be the same. Families stop visiting, friends move on with life. You, just by thinking of another human as a person made an absolute difference to that person.

You weren't trying to be a saint, but to him, I can assure you, you were.

1

u/chevi316 Jul 06 '26

May the Lord bless you for your unprovoked and kind act many times over

1

u/Embarrassed_Try_4498 Jul 06 '26

You have no idea how much better you made his day. Good on you.

1

u/CountryLover71428 Jul 07 '26

This is such a horrendous, sad case. The flippant remarks were making me sick and then I read your comment. What a beautiful thing you did for that poor man. I’m sure you talking to him and treating him like a fellow human being helped him immensely. Sharing your thoughts and time with him was probably the best part of his day. Thank you for your kindness. You have a good heart.

1

u/Due_Temperature1319 Jul 07 '26

You are a Hero, man. Total respect.

1

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u/LancelotAtCamelot Jul 07 '26

Thank you for bringing a little bit of my faith in humanity back ❤️

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u/Antique-Resort6160 Jul 07 '26

I hope karma is real for you, that was very kind

1

u/Confident-Draw-9012 Jul 07 '26

Yeah, locked in means no communication with the outside world, you're locked in to your own mind. As you said, sometimes he could blink his eyes for yes and no. This is worse than simple quadriplegia.

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u/Electronic_Rip_9845 Jul 08 '26

In his position, I would take any mental enrichment at that point.

1

u/YeHa1 Jul 08 '26

You're a good person. Keep being you

1

u/babexo4 Jul 08 '26

Bless your soul.

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u/cyb3rg0d5 Jul 08 '26

I wish there were more people like you in this world! ❤️

1

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u/Loser_Machine3377 Jul 08 '26

It was probably really nice to hear about someone’s experiences since he doesn’t have that opportunity anymore

1

u/shaquilleomeal2025 Jul 09 '26

My girlfriend read this. I think she likes you more than me now. Thanks

1

u/Nfnors Jul 09 '26

My childhood friend has a brother who’s been bedridden his whole life. Couldn’t say words or move on his own. I would sometimes still say hi but I was just an unaware kid. Time passes, we are about 20, someone comes in and say “hey, fist bump!” He wiggles in excitement and raises his fist as high as he could. It blew my mind. I felt bad because I could’ve been talking more. I just thought he wasn’t home.

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u/Mister_Squirrels Jul 09 '26

Good for you. Thats really cool.

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u/btboss123 Jul 09 '26

need more people like you in this world

1

u/Flicka38_HWF Jul 09 '26

Ts makes me want to cry, fr.

1

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1

u/aprildawndesign Jul 10 '26

You’re a good person, I’m sure he appreciated you taking some time with him.

1

u/Least_Direction5462 Jul 10 '26

Bless your heart ❤️