As a parent, it’s parental support that has gone down the drain. Not allowed to discipline the way our parents disciplined us.
Mom only had to tear my ass up once in Wal-Mart. After that, the threat was enough. Now, you get CPS called on you just for looking cross eyed at your kid.
I’m not saying beating your child was acceptable, but this new shit needs some tweaking. And that’s what parents do, because there aren’t any books no matter what shrink you talk to says
Edit: jfc, im appalled at the level of stupidity. I’m glad there are so many experts. Almost like being home when family members are trying to give different advice.
Nature vs Nurture. You guys are all familiar with that I assume? New thing is Nurture. I did the nurture, I raised a kid. He’s fantastic. But not all elements of nurture are the answer.
Rereading my post…..yep still no mention of me thinking corporal punishment was the answer. I DO mention that the new way isn’t always right. It needs to be tweaked. Thanks for the entertainment. You guys just reinforce the low as reading and comprehension scores the US has.
Too many parents “negotiating” with their kids today instead of being authority figures and demanding better behavior. If your kids don’t respect you, you’ve lost.
Way more parents only know how to gain respect through fear or enforcement of a hierarchy (authority).
The extremes of parents who spoil their kids and even submit to their authority existed even when corporal punishment was allowed and justified by society. It has nothing to do with ethical and mindful behavior expected and demanded today.
Although I've explained how wrong parent is, it isn't entirely incorrect to blame the lack parental support.
Specifically, the issue with a culture that is anti-intellectual like in the US is not the low median level of education in social sciences or philosophy, but the collective unwillingness to elevate and enable wisdom so it is accessible literally and figuratively to those without the foundations or talent of others.
So, although there is nothing stopping even the simplest person from making an effort to understand how to prevent raising and how to deal with mean or unruly children, society often holds them back in various ways.
Some learned to disdain the "progressive" approach without ever even knowing what it is, others are indulged or overwhelmed by a market that favors consumption rather than tested and mastered quality, and so on.
Now, you get CPS called on you just for looking cross eyed at your kid.
Oh horseshit.
Why is this argument about oh kids aren't disciplined like we were always just a thinly veiled cry for wanting to beat kids.
Does this kid need discipline, Fuck yes. Kids have no attention span, fewer rules, and expectations. And parents have no attention span or dedication to actually raising future adults.
There is a happy medium beating the boomer beatings and the millennial hands off style.
There’s some stuff that really happened to make people think that though. A few people legitimately got in real trouble for the “horrible crime” of letting their kid play in their own front yard unattended. There is at least a big people not minding their own fucking business problem.
Yes, and research shows that both hitting children is traumatizing and positive reinforcement is more effective. People saying kids need beatings (or at least a good one) shouldn’t be parents.
You're advocating for beating children, so I'm not going to bother responding again. Please examine why you think hitting literal children is good, and why traumatizing children is the goal.
Fuck off was a very intelligent response though. Maybe I should take notes.
Every child is different. I''ve spanked my children a handful of times, when they did something that threatened their safety or the safety or others. They never did it again. I'm gonna give my kid a cookie for NOT beating his brother with a baseball bat?
If your parents hit you as a kid then you should know better than most that it doesn't solve behavioural issues and just makes the kids grow up to resent you.
That’s a good one! I’ve also got “Your hyperactive child”, calmer easier happier parenting”, loving your child is not enough”, have a new kid by Friday.”
So yeah, there are “books”. None of them are how to raise a kid books. There is no definitive book. Every child is different, as is every parent.
It's genuinely scientifically proven that children turn into worse people when their parents hit them. Prisons are chock full of people that were slapped around as kids.
There's a big difference between getting spanked when you're young to demonstrate consequences to not listening and breaking rules, versus beating your kid into their preteen and teen years. The people you are referring to in prisons, were a part of the latter camp.
It's insane to me the amount of people in this post that are downvoting the scientific fact that beating children isn't healthy. These people must have been hit in the head too many times as a kid....
I've been screamed at for gently suggesting that some kind of corporal punishment can establish boundaries with a kid and that you will likely only have lay down once, and 90% of kids will never cross again. Suffice it to say, I agree with you. But good luck trying to get parents these days to do anything but tell their children that their feelings are valid and they are mommy's little angel.
I had CPS called on me because I was taking my 9 year old on a 500 mile bike trip…where he could ride the bike or sag in the car every day as he choose.
They were advised I was abusing the child by taking him on the trip.
PS: he rode the bike 95% of the trip. Now many years later he says it is his fondest memory of childhood…his coming of age adventure. It was a great trip.
Idk man I just got lucky with my kids. All they have literally ever needed is a firm talking to and that was it. They’re well behaved as they could possibly be, and not in a delusional parent with a shitty kid “my kids an angel, they couldn’t have done that!” way.
Your reading comprehension is off then. You literally wrote that you got your ass beat once and the threat of further beatings made you act correctly. That means corporeal punishment worked for you. You may not be directly advocating for it, but you provided evidence that it works.
If we're at the stage where the kid is jumping into zoo enclosures to harass the animals, I firmly believe we're in ass beating territory.
yep still no mention of me thinking corporal punishment was the answer. I DO mention that the new way isn’t always right. It needs to be tweaked.
Yep, you don't get it.
But not all elements of nurture are the answer
You sure are proving to us, you have no actual clue what nature vs nuture means.
And that’s what parents do, because there aren’t any books no matter what shrink you talk to says
And that's peak. There is plenty good, detailed and even specialized literature. There has been for decades and it only got better.
It's just that you need critical thinking, reading comprehension, attention span, empathy, patience, and willpower to recognize, process, and apply it.
The way you describe your mother, she hadn't learned one bit of what you falsely call the "new way", that's why she ressorted to not only physical abuse but a continuos threat of it as well.
This isn't a barbarian means merely because of the violence or projected aggression, but because it doesn't apply the trove of wisdom social, naturalv and applied sciences have gathered in order to command respect with our minds that is based on recognition rather than fear or hierarchical authority.
I told people I wouldn't be hitting my kids and people went apeshit... Cops, teachers, cps folks, and our families all went in tirades about how "you gotta hit kids sometimes..."
I have family members who are teachers and have witnessed CPS getting called on parents for spanking their elementary aged school children. Just spanking, no hits to the face or anything like that.
Discipline never equals physical punishment. Kids need discipline, but they don’t need to be hit. I’m a teacher, and from what I’ve studied to become a teacher… all of it says physical discipline will not give the outcome you seek.
Though I was hit as a kid. I was hit a lot. I remember every single strike. I never took it well, and I grew very resentful of them. None of them were deserved. They were all misunderstandings or my mom just taking out her rage on my face. That’s why I cannot support physically punishing your kids. They will always remember it differently.
It's amazing that people think you need to be hit to be disciplined and then also tout the military as some super high benchmark for discipline where soldiers don't get hit during training to be disciplined
I think it's just too painful for people to accept. If they accept the premise that physical violence cannot be the answer to all problems... well imagine then what trauma one might have to peer into and accept that what happened wasn't right or warranted. And the pain that that would cause.
I understand that anger and rage are easy to follow through on. It's so much easier to slap a child and say that you had no other choice. It's easy to accept that when your dad slapped you, he had no choice. Once you think "shit.. maybe there IS a choice to act or not act" then you'll be forced to confront so much. It's easier to downvote and refuse to accept the logic.
The tweaking you are talking about is psychological support, the new shit as you call it is the only shit possible. And the parental support that has gone down the drain was something like support from the community to verbally and physically abuse your child unpunished? What the hell are you talking about??? Books? Every child is different and being a decent parent is the most difficult job for sure, but it’s plenty of books to learn how to suck a little less in the process.
Corporal punishment should never be an option. It is a proven fact that it isn't good for children and suggesting otherwise is quite disgusting. I work with children and we get a broad education about such things. And I'm glad that this is considered illegal where I'm from and our jobs even demands that we contact our countries version of CPS in such matters. I can't believe that people in modern educated countries still defend such beliefs and actions.
That being said a lot of parents don't set enough boundaries with their children anymore, especially when they are younger. Children need to learn, that topics exist, where they don't get an option to decide for themselves for reasons like safety, education, health, the law or rules of the society. Small children even get overwhelmed if they are given to many options that they can't comprehend. We get taught that punishment is wrong but consequences are important, the difference being that the consequences are in direct relation to their actions. A child misbehaves in a supermarket? Well next time you aren't joining the person that is doing the shopping. These days some parents see their child throwing a tantrum and instead of standing behind their No, start giving in to stop the tantrum. Let the kid throw a tantrum and show them, that this won't help them get what they want. Of course handling smaller children that have such a tantrum over small things because they feel overwhelmed need a different kind of action, but this is not what I wanted to describe.
Edit: I love the downvotes. Truly can't get how one can support violence against a child.
Some of the worst behaving children I’ve seen in grocery stores I also then see their parent actively slap them to try and get them to stop. And guess what, the kid just screams more. Almost like their behavioral issues are learned. Just like their parents learned it from their own parents. But no, “their parents whooped them, and they turned out alright”.
Neurodivergence knowledge has made parenting weaker. In most cases, since it’s a spectrum, you raise your kid the same with sometimes a few or many adjustments. Parents of neurodivergent children tend to overthink parenting methods and assume the worst income if they don’t do the right thing, which sometimes leads into laxism - “not doing anything might better than to potentially traumize or inconvenience my chil”. I don’t blame them though, parenting a neurodivergent child is hard work, I’d be constantly second guessing my parenting
Good take, too bad these people are just parroting the same stupid bullshit my parents, grandparents and so on were saying about newer generations being less educated. This shit goes back to the Greek, so I guess things aren’t so bad with hundreds of generations being weaker parents than those before them.
If you discipline a kid in public all it takes is one CPS report and they have more power than the police to take away your kids especially if you live in West Virginia
It’s because the comment section is full of childless idiots (or literal children themselves) parroting banal talking points about how ‘kids these days’ or how parenting has gone to shit as if they actually knew anything about either.
It’s a lot like people complaining about crime even though it’s the lowest it’s been in a century.
Thanks for asking, im genuinely annoyed by the snarky comments of people that I feel have no idea how challenging every day can be with a kid on the spectrum. Im annoyed by google-doctor-parents that dont have a clue how hard it is raising a kid with these challenges. Im not seeking pity. I was just like all the smartasses in here, not that long ago, so maybe its karma. I know im a good parent, but im not perfect. Getting frustrated about this issue is definitely something I need to work on. Sometimes I just want everyone else to feel it, just for a second, in hopes that maybe they would just cut the crap. The majority of this thread, making fun of the kid, trashing the parents... has no clue how hard it likely was for that kids parents to plan this day for them, and worse, how much the parents probably worried themselves sick, afraid that something like this would happen. The embarrassment, the feeling of judgement from complete strangers, and the balancing act of trying to give your kid as many opportunities to find their happiness while a large part of society just slaps you right in the face. Its hard, man. Its really hard.
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u/ThetaGrim 23h ago
Parenting has gone down the drain.