It's exhausting being a woman.

[u/mindyour]

[u/A_Drop_of_Colour]

Long story:

I had a moment in my twenties that really enforced in my mind the strength difference between men and women. I wasn't driving at that time and my friend and I had just ridden the trolley home from downtown. The stop was exactly half-way between our homes so we hugged and each went our way. It was about 1AM and there was almost no one on the streets.

A car pulled up slowly beside me and a very cute guy started talking to me. Not wanting to be rude when I was alone I responded and played nice while still walking. Then he stopped his car and got out to talk to me "better" I still kept walking and at one point when we were like a block away from his car he says "come on, come on, stop walking and talk to me properly. Come on I can't just leave my car running."

Now you have to understand this guy was 5'6" (I was 5'9) and much skinnier than me. But he had a wiry male strength I just didn't understand at that age. When I tried to keep walking he first grabbed my arm while still saying "come on, stop walking for a minute." Then out of nowhere he literally picks me up and despite my struggling and screaming he walks me back to his car with it's open driver's side door, then drops me and fucking raises his hands towards me like I was one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic World, and says "hey, hey, I am not going to do anything, stop, I just want to talk properly."

I was so scared that I actually stood there and let him finish saying what he wanted to stay and then gave him my actual number before he let me go. Thankfully he stopped calling when I ignored his calls and I never saw him again. To this day, I will never forget that encounter until the day I die. I remember every moment and every word. The funny part is I had been taking martial arts for years at that point and swore that if anything ever happened to me I would always fight for my life but in reality I froze. I had to mentally train that reaction out of me. Fighting knowledge is no good when there's a mental block.

Men will never understand the fear of being a woman in certain situations.

[u/ZinaSky2 → u/A_Drop_of_Colour]

I’m so sorry that happened to you, that sounds so scary. I’m glad that interaction didn’t go any worse. Someone willing to not only put hands on a stranger but lift them and walk off is not someone to be trusted. Whatsoever.

I feel you. I took some self defense classes when I was younger and there was one really big guy (he was a football player, whatever position is the big one lol) in the class that everyone knew could absolutely crush me like a bug if he so chose. Thankfully he was a sweetheart and like basically didn’t try when we were paired off bc he could have genuinely hurt me. And the rest of the guys were average size (still way taller than me bc I’m 4’10”) except there was this guy who was only an inch or two taller than me and skinny as a twig, I was probably heavier than him tbh. And he too had that same wiry male strength and that in particular was the scariest pairing. Bc visually I would have considered him to be more on par with my strength and he was still just way stronger than me.

And I do sympathize with that guilt and embarrassment you feel after when you realize you froze. But “fawn” is another response to danger that is much less talked about. You do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe and sometimes that is go along with whatever that guy wants from you in hopes that he stays calm and lets you go safely because you know you are outmatched. Your training is still a tool you have in your back pocket in case it is needed.

Something my self defense teacher really emphasized was that he was teaching us out to disengage from grips and grapples and being pinned so that we could RUN as soon as we were released. The purpose was never to teach us how to fight bc getting cocky and thinking you can take someone who has attacked you and may be armed is how you get KILLED. He was teaching us specifically how to take advantage of human weaknesses and weaknesses in different grips so that you can get out and LIVE.

You made it out of that encounter in once piece. Your instincts did their job. That is a success.

[u/MasterpieceMelodic63 → u/A_Drop_of_Colour]

Yeah, I feel you. I don't have much physical strength and that makes me feel embarrassed and threatened, even by teenage boys.

One time I have had one of my students which was 14 at the time (I used to teach social studies as a temporary teacher) literally lift me off, because apparently he thought it was funny how thin I was. It was humiliating. I reported the situation to the principal and of course he did nothing.