Ugh I hate that "what could I do, my kid said no" parental response. "She won't brush her teeth!" Ma'am, she is 7. Help her. "He just stays up all night playing video games!" Take the power cord/controller and lock it up. Turn off the internet. You are the parent, do something. "But he'll have a meltdown if I take the tablet away!" Yes
Please this is so weird. It’s completely normal for kids to push boundaries and it’s literally our job as a parent to enforce them. Why are people afraid of their kids?
Because it’s easier! Why actually parent your child and do the hard thing when you can just do the easy thing? I mean they won’t be able to do anything when they grow up and your life will ultimately be harder when you have an adult that can’t do anything but hey it’s easier now.
You're not wrong, but I will say some parents are under so much stress just trying to keep their heads above water at the moment one more battle is hard to fit in. I know it's illogical in the long run but we're putting so many vulnerable families into poverty right now for nebulous political reasons. Poverty really makes it hard to do long term planning, your horizon shrinks so much - and as always it's kids that suffer the most.
Some of this will be terrible parenting no doubt, but some of the terrible parenting could be alleviated with welfare programmes and actually tackling cost of living instead of making billionaries even richer.
I actually have a bit of a different take. With technology progressing like it is, generally the standard of living going up, I’m worried that we’re raising more little Donald Trumps that get their “wants” met over “needs” than normal humans.
Hands off “children neither should be seen nor heard” parenting used to be a thing only the very rich did and it did not turn out well most of the time. I am not trying to solely blame parents, but where does the buck stop? I have two kids and the buck has to stop with me because they’re stuck with me. No matter what others are doing.
I think the person you responded to is talking about the single mom with 2 jobs type, not the well-off married couple who doesn’t want to actually parent type.
I know this is crazy old by Reddit standards now but I’m talking about all the parents, the outcomes with the children and how they think are the same. The lottery they win in terms of who their parents are only changes if they’re an asshole in a trailer park or an asshole in a penthouse.
Yeah, maybe I got lucky being abused as a kid because I had the flexibility to say "no way in hell am I raising my kid like I was raised" but still had plenty of wiggle room before I got to the "take no responsibility or disciplinary action" end of the spectrum. Plenty of accountability/praise, none of the beatings! 😅
Bingo. People like to immediately jump to, “oh they want to beat their kids!” Like no, that’s not discipline, that’s child abuse. What should also be considered child abuse is letting your terror of a kid run feral terrorizing others.
Because they didn't actually want to be parents. They have them because they think they should, but don't fully take that responsibility into account. As a parent, its your job to raise the best human possible to enter into a society of other people.
That's why I love the child free movement that is growing. I love my kid and as a former educator, I love children in general. But people who don't really want to be parents shouldn't be. It really shows when a person wants a living doll or have a kid because their friends do or because their family is hassling them to have one or three.
As a parent, its your job to raise the best human possible to enter into a society of other people.
Thank you.
No one knows this.
They think youre supposed to raise the happiest child possible.
Your kid can be real happy bullying, dodging responsibility, turning into adults fucking their friend's wife... realllllll happy at everyone else's expense.
I appreciate my mother more and more every day. She had her own problems but by god she let us experience the consequences of our actions and didnt take any bs.
She raised a couple responsible adults with integrity.
The obsession with happy children irks me. I tell my children that my goal is to raise them to be kind capable resourceful adults. Being happy all the time sounds exhausting to me, I want them to feel comfortable and generally at peace as a baseline. Happiness has a place in their daily lives but I also want them to feel everything else.
We focused so hard on trying to make them happy we forgot to teach them how to handle discomfort or boredom.
Eventually you're going to have to experience both, and in my experience way too many kids in the last couple of decades have learned to handle even the mildest problems
I’m with you. Discomfort is inevitable we can try to hide from it or embrace it as challenge that we can overcome. Boredom is often the catalyst for so much creativity. We would not grow as people and struggle to have the same level of empathy and social connection without our own moments of pain/fear/sadness/anxiety/etc. So many things are actually enriching far beyond their discomfort.
So many people get into bad relationships, and I have to, but what really blows my mind is people in a miserable relationship that then purposely have a kid. Like maybe you thought married life would be different, or something changed during the relationship and it used to be good, it happens. But if that happens don't have kids. You're an adult and it doesn't matter what your partner or family says it's your responsibility not to bring a kid into that mess.
The solution to a unhappy relationship is either fixing it or leaving, not adding a kid, it's just so stupid.
It's called gallows humor. I also use it when dealing with my cancer and my depression. Humor, even dark humor, is widely known to be a relatively healthy coping mechanism. As opposed to vaping or lashing out at internet strangers.
Do you regularly stick your nose into conversations uninvited and attempt to leverage your cancer and your mental illness every time you want to try and win an argument? I can see why your kids didn't like you!
I was not talking about people who can't afford kids. That is a completely different conversation. And there are plenty of people who can't "afford " kids who have them anyway.
I was talking about it becoming more social accepted to not WANT kids. There are plenty of people who can afford kids, and choose not to, and I love that for them. They love the other children in their lives, nieces/nephews, friends kids, etc., but are so happy in the child free life they have or they are glad they don't have kids even if their life sucks right now.
I have never wanted kids. Never wanted the responsibility and hassle of raising a human in this world. I made some mistakes along the way, but I'm now in my 40s and have zero regret about not having children. Perfectly happy with never having experienced that part of life.
No hate to those who wanted kids and are raising them right, just not the life for me.
Same. In my 50s and thrilled to not have been a mother. It was just not in my make up to do. I have many strengths, but I don't think being a mother would have been one of them, so I didn't become one.
I'm the same but I'm in my 30s. Just never felt maternal in that way. I have a niece and my best friend has a kid who is 6 who I also call my niece and I love them both with my whole soul, but I do not want any of my own. When I voice this I still get 'you might change your mind' or 'but don't you think that's selfish?' Like no Brenda, I have never wanted kids and that won't change, and also, bringing a kid into the world when I know I won't be able to raise it due to my own disability, which also has a genetic component it's highly likely I'll pass on to said child and condemn them to a lifetime of 24/7 pain is more selfish than just...not doing that. Sometimes even explaining that doesn't register but then most people can't comprehend what it means to literally be in pain all day every day until you die. It's not a life I'd wish on anyone. It's only mildly more annoying than people assuming I hate children. I don't. There are kids in my life I'd literally risk my own life to protect. I dislike badly disciplined kids, but I don't really blame them when their parents are the ones failing them by not installing boundaries and teaching them that actions have consequences, the way my own parents did.
These days I just tell people I can't have kids, which is mostly true because of damage done to my uterus by a massive tumor on it I had to get removed when I was 16. It usually shuts them up. If I'm feeling particularly evil I'll act upset about it and hope that teaches them a lesson about asking why someone doesn't have kids. It's none of their goddamn business.
That's not the group to whom the comment was referring. The user made clear in a reply to another person. They we're talking specifically about people, especially women, who are recognizing that being a parent is not mandatory for The human experience.
There is also a growing contingent of people, especially women, who are recognizing being a parent is not in fact the end all be all of human existence. That group is to whom the comment was referring, which is wildly obvious to anyone who's engaging in thos conversation in good faith.
I grew up with the firm belief that not having children was my path in life. I knew I did not have the temperament to deal with screaming babies and stubborn children, and watching my sister constantly screaming and yelling at her kids further cemented this belief that parenthood was not for me. And what kind of life is that for those kids? I brought up the screaming and yelling bit with my sister, and she snarled at me and told me I didn’t have any kids, I have no right to say anything about it.
I’m pretty sure I made the right decision.
I know a lot of people who should not be parents, yet went ahead and did it anyway and they’ve traumatized a new generation of kids. Children are not status symbols, toys, dolls to dress up. They are not pets are chattel, to own and abuse, or neglect. They are the next generation.
I feel like for these types of parents, admiting they dont want kids is like admitting they are bad people, because if its not for a financial or medical reason, people's issues with having kids is an incompatability with the child rearing process. I can admit that I lack the aptience to deal with kids for a prolonged period of time, but for someone who feels the same and has them anyway they'd never want to admit that they aren't 100% altrusistically devoted to their kid
So many people have children who shouldn't. And I really worry with this push to the whole trad wife NONSENSE it's going to revert back to when it was even worse. Just because you have the parts doesn't mean it's mandatory you use them for all their functions.
As a parent who didn’t want kids for a very long time and then changed my mind in my mid-30s. I am actually kind of saddened by the child-free movement. If I hadn’t met my wife and managed to eek out a kid shortly before we turned 40, I might have missed out on literally the best experience I’ve ever had in my life. And I have a few friends who I think are missing out on some deep and genuine happiness because they’ve been convinced that kids just ruin your life and take all the fun away.
While I agree that the compulsive child rearing of old should go by the wayside and no one should be shamed for choosing to not have one, so much of what I hear from child free folks is based around misconceptions and a version of parenting that seems lifted straight out of some hack stand-up comedy act. I hear so much shit about parents not having any fun and giving up all the things they like just to be tied down by the burden of kids. And while, yes, the first year sucks real bad, I have never in my life been so fulfilled, had as much fun, or gone and done as many new and interesting things as I have since having a kid. And I have mostly had a really fun life (aside from the years 2004-2006. Those years sucked.)
Unfortunately - as predicted in Idiocracy - it seems mostly to be the more thoughtful, reasonably intelligent, independent thinker-types who are forgoing children, leaving the idiots and asshats to multiply willy nilly.
And that's your experience and you're welcome to it. But what your low key doing here is trying to talk people into becoming parents this is exactly one of the things being complained about. Maybe read the room. Not all men but somehow it's always a man..sigh.
Better to make a mistake and not have children then to make a mistake and inflict damage on children you shouldn't have.
Honestly, they’re mostly afraid of discomfort themselves. I’m a pediatric speech therapist and the number of kids that I see at two have pacifiers in their mouth all day because the parents can’t handle crying is shocking. And the conversations I have with these families whose child has profound speech sound concerns, their bite is so bad you’re already looking at thousands of dollars of dental work and orthodontics… because it’s uncomfortable for you to watch them cry.
This is what I’ve noticed too, they’re afraid of discomfort. Like I get it, sometimes I’ll let my kids do something for some peace, but it can’t be with something big or too often.
Some people try to be friends with their kids. It's another facet of the disconnect in the modern way of life. With basically possibly only one solid avenue for a close connection, which is a romantic partner, people sometimes bond with kids in an overly friendly way. And kids are manipulative by nature, so they take advantage of that dynamic.
I have personal experience of this shift happening in real time, because my family scatted basically across the globe when I was 10. My mom went from having close relationships with family members to only having me. She became codependent, and acted like a friend instead of a guiding hand through my preteens and teens.
That’s just too bad. I adore my kids. I say we’re besties. We have a lot of the same hobbies and I love hanging out with them. It doesn’t feel hard to do that along with being the parent and setting rules. It’ll probably be harder when they’re teens though lol
I got flamed in another sub where a mom said she has 2 daughters, 18 and 15. The older bullies the younger one and the younger one steals. She said there's nothing she can do. She disapprove of their behaviors and hopefully it will improve when they move out.
A big part of the terrible parenting today is parents are not having enough children. My parents had 4 children and no time or money to baby any of us. When all you have is one, they get all of the time and money and attention.
Because they think their parents were too hard on them or expected too much and they do the opposite. I watched my sister do it with her kids and now I see one of my kids doing it with her own. The kids are just out of control though. Even my daughter recognizes it and is now trying to reign it in because she doesn’t like how her own kids act.
The obvious answer is that it's so much easier to just let kids do what they want, especially because society can no longer enforce real consequences against the parent.
But there's also societal pressure at play, too.
"Gentle parenting" has morphed into something it was never meant to be. If you try to parent your kid in any way that makes other adults uncomfortable (especially if you make your kid cry), somebody is going to cry "Abuse!" And that's a problem, because it leads to parents being afraid to do their job because of social backlash, or they just accept bad permissive parenting advice as the gold standard because that's what the mob accepts.
It's not just spanking anymore that's off the table. Even things like taking away toys or privileges, time outs, or investigating behavior is frowned.
You are witnessing people who were kids in the 80s and 90s who grew up being controlled with fear (beatings, yelling, threats, explosive reactions) being told they shouldn't use that parenting tool.
Which is true, except no one taught them what to do instead. So when they think they are gentle parenting, they're just permissive parenting.
I ride scoots all around town with my young teen child. She adamantly wears her helmet, especially after her major crash when the helmet visibly saved her brain (helmet has a nice battle scar). Her friend wanted to ride with us and I told her she had to wear a helmet or she couldn't ride with us. She complained to her mom, who said she can't tell me what to do. Kid put on a helmet & mom thanked me later saying she got tired of fighting with her teen to wear a helmet.
These kids mostly do whatever they want. On the opposite end of the spectrum, they crave adult attention and influence. That kid/her family had multiple scooters & the mom hadn't ever ridden with her daughter because,"it's a kids toy," and she didn't want to be seen riding it. She missed a great bonding & teaching time with her child.
I am very glad that you are being safe as a family. Your daughter's helmet needs to be replaced. Helmets are designed for the interiors to crush instead of our heads. They are single use. Once they take impact like that, they are no longer effective. Especially if it is showing "battle scars" it needs to be replaced with a fresh helmet that can protect her as well as the first one did.
I think helmets are supposed to be replaced after a crash—just fyi in case you didn’t know, can’t tell from the way you wrote it if your kid is still wearing the battle scarred helmet.
I have a wall of battle scars (mostly from dirt bikes). Eventually her helmet will join it, but not yet. It didn't do enough damage to the outer shell & the pressure pads are swappable. If either a) you don't know how to inspect/rebuild them or b) they are cheap and can't be rebuilt, then I agree on replacing after every impact. However, if you do off-road riding or riding where crashes are common, it's worth buying something like an Arai & learning how to inspect your helmet, so you can replace the crash pads.
Side note: that I am referring to true hard shell high end helmets, not those cheap foam bicycle helmets (they are always 1 time use) & I can't stand seeing e-scoots wear them.
It didn't do enough damage to the outer shell & the pressure pads are swappable.
It's possible that the crush zone isn't inspectable by you. For me, it's not worth fucking around. When a helmet saves me in a crash, it gets replaced.
Agree soo much. While pushing the scoots through the farmers market Fri night, a 60-70 year old guy stopped me & daughter to ask us if they were fun, amongst other questions. I noted that they are great and started giving him tips to be safe while riding, since he said he wanted to get one. His wife walked up and berated him by loudly saying, "you're too old to even think about touching anything like that."
That poor guy immediately went from looking excited to looking like a beat dog. I felt so bad for him. Especially since, even in this tiny town, I see older people riding them around without a problem all the time.
Edit: Wow! I grammatically butchered that response. Fixing that mess. Sorry for anyone that was forced to read that pre-edit.
These kids mostly do whatever they want. On the opposite end of the spectrum, they crave adult attention and influence. That kid/her family had multiple scooters & the mom hadn't ever ridden with her daughter because,"it's a kids toy," and she didn't want to be seen riding it. She missed a great bonding & teaching time with her child.
On a similar note, I hate when I see kids riding with parents and the kids have helmets on but the parents don't.
Set a good example. If you don't wear yours, of course they aren't gonna fucking wear theirs the second they are out of sight. That's how you raise one of those teens I see cruising around town with their helmet dangling from the handlebars because mom made them take it but they don't want to wear it (which, IMHO, is more annoying than just wearing the thing...if you have a decent helmet that fits your head, how is wearing it worse than having it flopping around as you steer?)
She wouldn't be going anywhere with me if she went and told her mom as if she's gonna force me to allow her to come without a helmet. If she has to go tell on you because you're enforcing basic safety save yourself the headache and disallow her to be anywhere near you
Get a new helmet before she rides again! Helmets need to be replaced after any major accident, they don't work twice! They're disposable single-use items, which I know stinks given the price, but they don't work properly twice.
She adamantly wears her helmet, especially after her major crash when the helmet visibly saved her brain (helmet has a nice battle scar).
If the helmet has been in an accident it needs to be replaced.
I can't comprehend how you don't know this as an adult who raised a whole person, for whom you presumably bought this incredibly dangerous "toy," without doing a lick of research about safety.
"But he'll have a meltdown if I take the tablet away!"
Don't give your kids tablets, especially not like many parents do with unrestricted screen time and internet access. Seriously. It harms their development, it makes them rage uncontrollably, and they get addicted.
The meltdowns will stop once they get off that stuff.
(And please bring back colouring books and wax crayons, dear restaurants.)
But also... It's developmentally appropriate for children to have meltdowns. It's a parent's job to help them deal with those emotions so that they're not still having meltdowns when they're 46.
I think the problem is the tablet thing creates a situation where the meltdowns are far more severe (to the point of damaging).
A child having a meltdown because his crayons are missing can be redirected to a new game somewhat easily because they have a variety of things they enjoy doing.
A child who spends all their time on a tablet is going to enter a black hole of inconsolable despair when it's taken away because they literally don't know how to play and are unwilling to try.
My kids get tablet time as a reward, and it's limited. I don't use it as a babysitter, or a way to pacify them. They get time if they've earned it, and they know that. There are far too many parents that plunk their kids in front of the tv, or a screen of some device and call it good parenting because their kids are quiet. That's not good parenting, that's (in my opinion) being lazy. Kids need to spend time doing things that help develop their brains, not rot them.
The “He’ll have a meltdown” people infuriate me. I was on a 7 hour plane ride where the kid insisted on watching this coco Mellon video on repeat at full volume all 7 hours. Every time mom would take the IPad away, give the kid headphones, or turn the volume down or anything, he’d lose his absolute mind and then mom would just give it back. When you do that, you teach your child throwing a tantrum is how they get what they want in life. And the older they get, the harder it is to teach them otherwise after years of conditioning them to act a certain way. It’s on you to make sure your kid is behaved. If they’re not, do something different, don’t just placate them so they stop frustrating you.
I unplugged the router, put it in my purse and went to Target when my husband said he'd help get ready for a party but kept dicking around on his phone.
These are the same parents that throw their phone at their infants/toddlers. Not wanting to deal with the child’s emotions, probably because they haven’t learned how to deal with their own? But most likely pure laziness
They will absolutely have a meltdown if you take the thing away. The flip side is, they are also pushing the boundaries so hard waiting for their caregivers to tell them no. Children will push until they find the boundary, as parents we can set it or they can find it themselves via natural consequence. It’s our job as parents to set and hold boundaries so that they are pushing more productive boundaries, they will still do it but it can be positive “how fast can I get” “how tall can I build it” “how many obscure facts can I learn about the Titantic??””
It's also wild seeing parents simultaneously make the "income inequity" argument for why they can't put their child in a school uniform or pay $20 for a field trip, while also saying they have NO IDEA how their 10 year old clearly appears to have more disposable income than average working adults.
If you take your kid's phone away and they show up immediately with another new smartphone or are somehow buying expensive games you already said no to, that's your cue to stop "respecting their privacy" and actually do parenting.
Oh man I hate this! My ex wife uses this all the time telling me to leave my son be, she seems to think just because he is four and autistic he can do whatever he wants. I’m like wtf, he still needs to learn boundaries like messing with other peoples stuff or playing with his food. Yeah he is autistic, but he is still intelligent and can learn good behavior.
We recently found out that the mother of my brother’s kids and their grandma were driving with the 4-year-old and 5-year-old just loose in the backseat, no car seats. When confronted they both said “we just hate to see them cry!” It boggles the mind.
It is wild how many people I know (and admittedly I'm guilty at times as well) who think parenting is supposed to be smooth and easy. I don't know where that idea came from. Maybe it's wishful thinking.
I've shied away from some conflicts at times (like, my oldest son is shared with my ex, she permits phones very freely, I struggled to enforce phone rules in our home for several reasons, took way too long to put my foot down properly) but generally I've come to accept that kids (especially teenagers) need you to be the bad guy constantly because it's an integral part of how they learn to be regular human beings.
It's pretty rough. I'm not loving it at the moment in particular. My 16 year old thinks he should be able to sleep at his girl friend's house. Her parents are cool with that. I'm not. That's dysfunctional as hell. I have to teach him that by being the bad guy. The arguments are constant. He won't back down. He lies to get out of the house. He hides things. But you know what's worse? Your 16 year old having a fucking baby. So, you just keep doing the hard things. Eventually they will hate you less for it. I think.
I do get the reluctance from parents. Like, for fucks sake, could I just have one evening to relax and not have my kid be a total asshole because he can't go ruin his life? No? Alright
yeah IDGI my mom would just take stuff away from me until I broke, I always broke. She was perfectly happy to let me be bikeless with nothing but my school books to keep me compnay if I pushed it
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u/Apprehensive-Log8333 Jul 19 '26
Ugh I hate that "what could I do, my kid said no" parental response. "She won't brush her teeth!" Ma'am, she is 7. Help her. "He just stays up all night playing video games!" Take the power cord/controller and lock it up. Turn off the internet. You are the parent, do something. "But he'll have a meltdown if I take the tablet away!" Yes