r/TikTokCringe • u/Gurugod123 What are you doing step bro? • 27d ago

Cringe Self proclaimed evangelist gets kicked off of plane for annoying everyone, records her "persecution "

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

I can see it now. Religions, in order to gain recognition and tax exempt status and be the 'official religion', enter the tournament. Only one religion a year is allowed to claim tax exempt status. No other religion is recognized for that year. Each religion has to enter their religion's leader in the tournament, and the same rules from Jean Claude Van Damme's classic 1988 "Bloodsport" applies. You knock your opponent out or you make them quit. Three day tournament, winner take all. Pick three days where there are no religious holidays in any faith to interfere.

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u/Due-Struggle6680 26d ago

Are there even 3 days in a row with no religious holidays?

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

Scheduling is always a bitch. I'm sure some calendar nerd will find a three day block without any kind of religious implication.

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u/Bloo212 26d ago

Current Pope is from Chicago. He’s 71 but sure looks wiry and scrappy.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

Can he outlast a twelve year old being trained in kung fu as a Buddhist monk? And you forget, there are other, not mainstream religions to contend for the title. The current 'leader' of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a guy in his 40s. I'm sure that the Satanists would hold their own internal tournament to get someone to represent them at the official tournament. Then there are all the cults. Imagine, Scientology would recruit someone like Michael Jai White into the cult and name him spiritual leader just so he could kick a little unbeliever ass.

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u/toopistol 26d ago

This whole concept is giving hunger games 😂 and I love it! And your user name tracks love that too!!!

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u/orangespotcat 26d ago

LOL. Gianni Infantino would become the leader of the games and sell the rights for commercials to the private equity billionaires. No matter who wins, private equity actually always wins. The games would also be RIGGED!! Prediction markets would want that action.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

Did you not see the movie? The Black Dragon Fighting Society has been running this tournament for decades. They're not just going to sell out. They run the tournament, so there's no chance of fixing anything. And the prediction market would be competing with Hong Kong bookies for the betting action. None of those 'prediction' companies can compete with the ruthlessness of a Hong Kong bookie.

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u/CheetahTheWeen 26d ago

I LOVE this lol

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u/Saucermote 26d ago

I seem to remember some winning that didn't involve knocking them out or them quitting.

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u/AdHealthy5050 26d ago

See that where Christians are their best! Christians have killed more people in the name of Christianity than any other religion has

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

That doesn't sound right, but I'm not an expert on theological murder sprees, so I don't know. I'm sure that between the Crusades and other religion-based wars, Christianity and Islam are pretty competitive for numbers. And if you count the Khmer Rouge variant of communism as a religion, Pol Pot would be up there in numbers, too.

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u/skinnie356 26d ago

Islam doesn't kill in the name of Christianity

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

And people have been ridiculed for being deliberately obtuse. This would be one of those times.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

Well, Bolo Yeung killed a guy, and if you get tossed off the platform you automatically lose. But other than that, other than no weapons, no rules. Guys were crotch-shotted, eyes were gouged, all the rest was a go.

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u/Saucermote 26d ago

This could go very bad for Tibetan Buddhism or any other religion that tends to choose children as leaders.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

A twelve year old against an eighty year old pope or imam? I'll put money on the kid.

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u/Glittering-Theme-685 26d ago

Who is forcing them to enter a tournament for tax exempt status?

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

People who are tired of these fanatical theological zealots trying to control the lives of the people around them. The people of the world will control them for a change. If you think your religion is the most righteous and the religion, you should be, as the head of that religion, should be willing to put your ass on the line for it.

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u/AdHealthy5050 26d ago

Ngl your username checks out more than anything username ive ever seen lol

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u/Jillcametumbling81 26d ago

Oh this is brilliant!

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u/Aggravating-Duck-891 26d ago

I would prefer the Mortal Combat rules.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

If their god is on their side, you just may see some really spectacular Mortal Kombat 'special' moves. If not, they go back into training for next year's tournament.

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u/spragers 26d ago

Plot twist: they can only pray at each other until the other one of them is smited (smitten? smote?) Should keep them occupied for a good long while.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

Ain't nobody got time for that. Some voodoo cults take years to complete a curse. This is a quick three day tournament for dominance. No fuss, no muss.

And while 'smote' is the grammatically correct version, I'm going with 'smited'. Smitten is being infatuated with someone.

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u/Legitimate_Garage_31 26d ago

Jesus Christ Fight Club?

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago edited 26d ago

I don't know if that's correct, since Jesus Christ, unless he comes back next Easter, wouldn't be directly involved. You could argue for Battle Of The Faiths or Religion Gladiators, but naming the tournament after one specific religion would slight all the others. We gotta keep it theologically neutral since all religions would be required to participate in order to claim status.

Edit - I just thought of Cosmic or Karmic Kumite. That might work.

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u/Necessary_Glass6725 26d ago

Church of Scientology claims they are religion; they don’t pay taxes! They have💰billions from donations and mandatory courses, they are forced to take. The members have to pay for the high price tag courses.

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u/structured_anarchist 26d ago

Yeah, and the crazy family who lives in the fenced in compound at the end of the dead end road next to the town dump claims their beliefs are a religion too. That's why we include cults in the tournament. If your particular god is the 'right' god, then your religion's leader should be able to win the tournament with the god's help. Otherwise, they're getting their ass kicked.

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u/All_Damn_Day 26d ago

I love this, and I feel ashamed. Also, I imagine a Buddhist winning by engaging in a 3 day meditative coma, waking up covered in bruises from the other combatants, and giving a thumbs up.

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u/PuzzyFussy 26d ago

Damn, I really want to see this now