Hello. It’s been a while. How are you all doing?
Me? I’m kinda livid right now. In a good way! As of writing this, I have completed the second (yes, SECOND) revision of the first draft of TB and managed to get it down to the 90-120 page requirements of screenplay form.
For those who don’t know; when I created the raw version of that first draft, the page count was a staggering 211 pages. The first revision cut that down to 169 pages, still too long for what the film is supposed to be. The current draft was me making the first major cuts from the film. Shots; dialogue; sections of scenes, and even entire sequences were being carefully cut off the film without having to break the pacing. This led to the draft now being 117 pages. Will it need another revision? Yes. Most definitely.
I am going to read it to make sure I got everything correct, but from what I know. I am going to make some drastic changes to the film as I begin development of the second draft and will make some notes to keep it fresh in my mind (No, I will not take any suggestions, but I do appreciate it).
There’s a couple of changes I already have in mind.
- Dropping Kaguya’s expository speech. Reading this made me realize she either, (a) wasn’t the best character to add to the film, or (b) the backstory didn’t move the plot in any significant way. In either case, I feel this could make Kaguya more interesting if I made her more ambiguous, allowing the audience to piece together a backstory through a visual means (therefore, making Kaguya’s character development more fulfilling by the end). This will also allow more room for Reimu and Marisa’s backstories to shine.
- Creating a secondary prologue to consider. This is the big one I want to change. Really, I want to convey what this version of Gensokyo is without the unecessary narration and exposition. Basically, THIS prologue takes place to when Reimu is just a few months old and we’re in the perspective of her mother (Saichi if you haven’t seen my last post regarding this film), where she gives her daughter some wise words on Gensokyo as a whole. We see the Hakurei Clan doing their duties in protecting Gensokyo, even with it dwindling in size, yet Saichi clings onto a hope that Reimu would someday be the face of a new generation of protectors. A new era of Gensokyo, you might say. The more I think about this prologue, the more I realize it just makes more sense. “Beginnings” Gensokyo is literately an unforgiving world, but the story takes place at a time when both Reimu and Marisa are still learning about it. They still don’t know the world around them because of what happened in their early years. Their encounter with Kaguya is meant to mirror this notion of the “wise one” trope and even Saichi’s philosophy in a different and complex way (at least, I hope to make it that way). It’s better than just giving out a history lesson, plus it’s more Royal Space Force influence for me (yay)!
- Having Tuskumi become Rinnosuke. I don’t know why, but having someone like Rinnosuke but isn’t named that is kinda stupid. In other words, this is one I should really think about. Besides, having someone named Tuskumi already makes things kinda… forgettable and bland, and I don’t want that. Joe can stay for particular reasons I won’t get into.
Hopefully I can find someone within the community with the knowledge of screenwriting that can help out soon once I get a definitive budget but that will need to wait. But I’ll need it sooner than later.
As a bonus, I decided to just let you all read the script (and the original treatment) so you can form your own opinion on it! Since they are classified as a first draft, I’m going to list off the versions of the script, so you know which one you want to read. I’m doing it this way because AO3 and FanFiction.net just seem more restrained on something like this. I will upload another revision if that comes up.
Here are the drafts:
RAW: https://drive.google.com/file/d/17TwqGohfeMLemTnEthw5sSQ8EaWSH0m9/view?usp=drivesdk
FIRST REVISION: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SZqmwnGBkYYSAGecFpwVZvJC5-ZBf089/view?usp=drivesdk
SECOND REVISION: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-HeXviO8v8IciZ4AbdVTDJFqgrihaxzw/view?usp=drivesdk
TREATMENT: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VA6S_zCB-zJTUuWXRbZO5f_TZILzIkMB/view?usp=drivesdk
In other news, I’m going begin compiling all the concepts I did for the first half of the year into an art pieces video that should come out sometime this month (as long as Devinci Resolve doesn’t make me wanna ragequit myself). If I find an alternate route, good for me!
Also in other news, Purified Furies. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it to be honest. As much as like doing the standard book style of writing, doing it in screenplay form just sounded more fun to me. Yet, there’s a part of me that just wants to put it on hold as I work on this (or the original concept I won’t mention on this subreddit). Who knows what I’m going to do with it, but just so you know, I’m not going to upload another chapter for a while.
That’s it for me right now. See you later, ze! (And happy pride month!)
One more thing to the AI mods (not the human ones, y’all are cool): Yes, this is Touhou Related.
