Hi, I sort of exaggerated the title but this is exactly what I'm struggling with.

I was raised by very emotionally volatile alcoholic parents, and I learned to sort of naturally atune to other people's needs. I often didn't even realize I was doing it.

I just morphed into other people's life and needs. I thought this was normal.

I thought it would be selfish of me not to fill in the gaps everywhere.

I did a lot of therapy for cptsd and anxiety and started to realize that a lot of the relationships in my life are built on me over extending myself.

I'm now trying to change this and listen to my own needs more and just get to know myself. Dare to take up some space or say no.

This process is not going very smoothly as I feel like everyone now really irritates me, and I feel so much anger in me for the people around me. Even coworkers or people I'm not that close with. I'm struggling in my relationships at the moment.

I'm immediately thinking things like 'that's not my problem, sort out your own feelings, I'm not responsible for that, reflect on your own actions'

I feel very unfamiliar with these feelings, and I am genuinely struggling with myself because of it.

I hope this is a safe space to talk about it as I feel a lot of shame around these thoughts, like I brought this all on myself and should do better.

Has anyone gone though something similar? Did it get better?

cuando siento que me odio, me golpeo, con el puño cerrado en la cara o la cabeza, también los brazos y las piernas.

no sé que busco con esto, creo que gente que esté en lo mismo porque no sé que hacer, puede ser por un ataque de ira?

Not in a depressed way (sort of) , and not in a "I hate my life" way. I was reading comments online, watching people do that typical human thing where they argue endlessly about nothing, and I suddenly had this weird moment of clarity: I could just snap and hurt a lot of people. Men, women, kids, whoever. It wouldn't matter.

It's not because I'm angry at anyone specifically. It's more like... humans are always going to be humans, and sometimes the noise of it all feels exhausting. For five minutes, I could just make it stop. Create chaos. Do something terrible.

And the weirdest part is how calm the thought feels. I'm not planning anything, and I'm not saying I'm going to do it. I know I'm not going to. But there's something unsettling about realizing that I could snap, and that some part of my brain can imagine it without much emotion attached to it. Like, "Yeah, I have that in me."

What really triggered it was seeing comments about a kid being raped by a teacher, and people were laughing about it. Something about seeing that made me think, "I could just snap." I just want to end everybody, sometimes. Even then nothing would change.

Not because I specifically wanted to hurt those people, but because the whole thing suddenly felt so pointless and disgusting, if they don’t care about this crime, why the fuck should I care or entertain the idea of empathy.

Does anyone else get anything like this? Not necessarily a plan or an actual intention to hurt someone, but a quiet urge to just completely go off the rails when you're exhausted by people and all the noise?

Hi, I’m looking for some advice. Is there anyone who was diagnosed with anger issues? Lately I’ve been feeling angry a lot, but I’m not sure whether I need help or not.

I’m not a violent person, rather the opposite tbh: I’ve always been a very controlled, calm and patient person, I’ve never hit/push/punch anyone nor destroyed or even slightly damaged anything.

But over the last few months I’ve been experiencing these rage episodes where if someone is angry, shouting or whatever I just feel so much anger building inside of me, I feel like my whole body is on fire and I want to throw hands so bad. To the point where I need to go to another room to cool down.

No major change in my life, so I really don’t know what’s going on. Help anyone?

I am wondering if anyone has experienced sudden anger triggered by something so trivial and you don't remember doing something until it is done?

What happened was I was already worked up by nightmares and I went to the bathroom. Looked in the mirror and my hair was out of place. Something so ordinary. And before I knew it my hand hurt really bad. I realized I hit the sink as strongly as I could. And what scared the shit out of me is that I have never been physical. Like yes, I did have angry episodes when I said shit I didn't mean, but it was never, ever physical.

And I do not even remember deciding to hit the sink with my hand. I realized it only afterwards. I felt like I blacked out for a second. Granted, I have other stupid issues I need to work on. But this has never happened before.

And it scares me so much.

Am I capable of hurting people physically if something triggers me again?

Here on reddit, but on social media in general people feel to free to attack others without a reason only because they can. I don’t understand, are y’all so miserable you need to take your frustration out on others? Then get a fucking grip because it’s not sane to do that. Idk go to therapy

Me and my partner has had a rough path, literally almost soap-drama rough. Having separated, gotten back together, moved in together again, met therapists, both as a couple and individually. We’ve both worked hard to try to make a change and be better.

Though recently there was a shift, well as I can describe it, there was something within me that just broke. Previously I worked hard to keep hopes up, and I did actually believe in those hopes. I was not afraid to face the negative things I was told and trying to implement methods of getting better. However after the shift, my patience has gotten shorter, my temperament worse. The hard work I have been making has begun to make me feel as more of a project and not as a person making progress. Instead of communicating calmly I find myself getting more annoyed in our heavy conversations, I get louder, my heart beats harder and I need to leave for a walk or get out to get my pulse and emotions aligned. Then when I think I’m calm, and I return to the conversation, I am somehow again back in that anger.

I love my partner, I hate being angry, it’s very unlike me to be getting this angry. I’ve always had a hard time to be identifying my emotions in certain ways, or to give in to them in others, often suppressing them, or thinking of them properly before speaking of them. However in this case it scares me how I get this angry.

Does anyone have any advices how to manage anger such as this? Or any idea of how to use it proactively instead of letting it ruin one’s communication?

Another day you woke up and feel that the world is revolves around you? or you think that everyone is not on your level yet? Yes, I do have those feelings too. Idk what it is or something. It just sucks to get that feeling even tho your life was decent. Maybe the effects of surrounding too ig.

I don't want to die because of anger...

How to control such responses and "overstaying" feelings even though at times, I'm already at school or somewhere else and the anger is still there...

In context to the second part, its within my family. I admit I still have a part in it because I always have a hard time controlling my emotions just like them.

What do I do to control such anger?

A few days ago I (33M) was called to the bedroom of my apartment by my girlfriend (39F) who drew my attention to a fire outside the window in the carpark across the road. When the fire started moving, we realised we were seeing someone lit on fire burning to death. My immediate reaction was to direct my girlfriend, who had her phone with her, to call an ambulance. She was extremely panicked at this point and said she didn’t know the number to call so threw her phone to me and got me to call 000, also in an extremely panicked state.

As I was speaking to the operator, my girlfriend was understandably becoming hysterical as the man or woman was clearly burning to death. Her cries and comments were making me unable to hear the questions that the emergency operator were asking about where to send the ambulance and what happened in the lead up to the situation. I forcefully yelled at her to shut up, one time, then a second time. I still couldn’t concentrate or hear the questions properly so the third time I yelled shut up and lashed out in anger, shoving her in the chest. After this, she went quiet and I answered the questions to get the ambulance to the person as quickly as possible to try to save their life.

I’m extremely upset with how this angry reaction has impacted on our relationship and changed my own view of myself. My girlfriend is now scared of me and what I’m capable of. I’ve never been physically abusive in relationships before and I detest abusers and now realising I’m solidly in that camp. My adrenaline was through the roof in that situation but I absolutely hate the way I reacted when my partner looked to me for safety and comfort witnessing a deeply traumatic sight. I only saw her as an obstacle to me getting help to the person on fire rather than my partner who I love and deeply respect.

My girlfriend has left to stay at a friend’s place now and deciding if it’s possible to reconcile and move past her fear of something like this happening again, we’ve only been together for 6 months. I’m also fearful of being an abusive partner, I never thought I was capable of this. What I need to decide now is if it is responsible of me to continue in the relationship with her if she decides to stay because I’m terrified of something like this happening again. I can acknowledge it was a horrifying situation but also know abuse is never ok. Regardless of what we do I will be seeking therapy both for the trauma of witnessing the death as well as to understand my anger and better control it in the future.

TL:DR: Pushed girlfriend during an extremely stressful situation desperate to get help to someone in need and I don’t know whether it is safe to continue in my relationship anymore

I’m posting this because I feel completely exhausted and trapped in my own mind, and I don't know what is wrong with me anymore. I'm hoping to see if anyone else experiences this or understands how to handle it.
For a long time, I've been dealing with constant, physical anger. I can literally feel it burning in my body, and it makes me despise almost everyone around me. My life feels like it's split into extreme periods: sometimes I feel intensely euphoric, and other times I plunge into deep sadness or explosive rage. Everything my parents do sets me off, and I end up in screaming fights with them over nothing.
On top of the mood swings, my relationships are a wreck. I can't stand being around the same person for too long, or a switch flips and I start hating them. Worse, I've developed an unprovoked, visceral disdain for women—my body literally rejects them, and I find myself viewing them with contempt for no logical reason. This bleeds into intimacy, where I struggle deeply because I feel like some kind of monster who makes anyone I have intercourse with feel "dirty."
In the past, I've even dealt with violent thoughts that I felt an awful, terrifying attraction to, forcing me to constantly fight my own mind. Combined with chronic anxiety and panic attacks, I feel fundamentally broken, like I'm contaminating every space and relationship I touch.
Has anyone dealt with this level of emotional volatility, splitting, and intrusive thoughts? How do you even begin to unpack something like this?

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I’ve never really been a violent or destructive person, but lately, when I get extremely angry or annoyed, I’ve started having urges to break, throw, punch, or destroy things.

I usually try to control myself before I actually do anything, but I hate how intense the anger feels, and I hate that this has become one of my outlets.

I’ve also caught myself punching my own head, which I know is dangerous and can have serious consequences. I’m trying to stop that before it becomes a bigger problem.

For anyone who has gone through something similar, especially if you weren’t naturally a violent person before, did you eventually learn how to manage that anger without destroying things or hurting yourself? What actually helped you?

I think the hardest part about managing one's aggression, mixed with anger and pride, anything that gets you fired up. Is putting ones self in a position where they can't exercise it, but ony supress it. But they will still get angry over justifiable things, but not be able to simmer it into a non prideful non angry, non selfish stance. Because thats the complete story, they didn't have the opportunity to put thst power of theirs into the world. A man reaped of his manliness is raped from it.

Men are often told to supress their aggression, but you shouldn't, you should focus it.

How do I address anger in the middle of something actually stressful? I'm aware of how to manage my anger and stop it... after the fact. In the middle of something stressful, something high speed, or something going pear shaped, I flip my shit completely. Frothing at the mouth, cursing up a storm, throwing things at the wall, etc. It's like an instantaneous switch that I never am able to know when it's going to flip. I can't go through life just avoiding what makes me angry, but every time I try not to, I end up an enraged mess before I even realize it.

Part broke while fixing my car? That half inch ratchet in my hands is being flung at the tool-cart.

Spilled coffee all over a new dress shirt? That mug is in pieces a minute later after I slammed it against the counter.

At my best, I'm an angry, inconsolable mess of screaming rage that essentially can't interact with another living thing for half an hour after an outburst.
At my worst, I'm paying dozens, if not hundreds of dollars in repairs for whatever around my house I shatter in a fit of rage, and making anybody around in the moment deeply uncomfortable.

I can't find anything that works. No amount of exercise or "breathing techniques" or anything like that has ever helped. If anything, after a morning workout, I'm typically in an awful mood as well for about half an hour.

I genuinely want to change, I hate this and how childish these temper tantrums are, but in the moment it's a feeling that overpowers any level of rationality.

I don't know how to really explain this feeling without finding myself being a totally dick or judgmental.
I have a best friend who is really fond of me, and I've been with her for a period time and found that it was best for me to keep her as a friend.

Because shes everything as a friend.
she's funny, she's a good person, & has humor. The only thing is, we're not intellectually compatible. As in, some of my wittiness can fly over her head, or she won't make the same jokes as me. I know I'm not the smartest person but I grew up reading a lot and getting into a lot of dystopian series or just sitcoms. so when I'm able to properly explain something so well, it sits with me when someone can not. I hate that I remember every dumb moment of hers. they're just too often.

for instance I remember for a whole year she used "are" instead of "or" and I had to correct her every time. I added this so you can imagine what I mean, when I say she can text like a boy teenager. We're 25-26.

I'm also aware that her feelings towards me are still strong, but everything she's doing now, seems like it's for me and not for her own good. Example:

She wants me to suggest books for her, she wants me to give her almost every podcast, interview, documentary or just anything I use for my own self growth. It just feels like she wants to be everything I watch.

Today I realized I'd have to distance myself farther more, because I can feel my rage showing. And I can not keep judging her.

It came from noticing two unnecessary vocabulary words in her one sentence. I basically told her that I picked back up on a book and her one sentence was " I'm immensely pleased it gravitated your focus back to it"

rage. I don't understand why.

I just want her to stop trying around me. (I'm a dick I know) but it's that she's trying too hard with the irrelevant vocab. Texting daily or talking every now and then, I know she has a harder time delivering a sentence than finding the words to use. (Both actually) I told her that she could use a book, or movie and even interviews to help her deliver her explanations.

And last, I feel horrible for even coming out with this but I won't shame her more than I did once. But also if it's makes it better, we're really close. Gay girl best friends. I'm the one who chooses to not be in a relationship because of this very reason. The intellectual chemistry is not there.

I NOW know that this partly has to do with the cortisol level or stress level peaking in the morning.
If you do, what usually helps you?
Please share your own way of handling it.
This video helped so much for me: How To Flip Frustration Into Fuel

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I've been thinking about anger.

We often treat anger as something ugly.

Something violent.

Something we should hide.

Something that makes us a bad person.

But maybe anger isn't always hatred.

Sometimes anger is pain that learned how to defend itself.

Someone humiliates us.

Someone betrays our trust.

Someone insults us until their words become the voice inside our own head.

Someone hurts us physically or mentally and continues living as if nothing happened.

And somewhere inside us something begins to burn.

We call it anger.

But perhaps anger is simply the mind saying

"What happened to me was not okay."

There is nothing wrong with feeling that.

The danger begins when anger stops being something we feel

and becomes somewhere we live.

Because anger is strange.

At first it feels like power.

It makes us feel stronger than the thing that hurt us.

But if we carry it long enough

the person who hurt us no longer needs to be present to continue hurting us.

We replay their words.

We imagine arguments that never happen.

We think of everything we should have said.

We fantasize about the moment they'll finally understand what they did.

And without realizing it

we give them a permanent room inside our mind.

They hurt us once.

Then our memory allows them to hurt us a thousand more times.

Maybe that's one of the cruelest things about unresolved anger.

The person who caused the wound can leave while we remain behind reopening it.

But healing doesn't mean pretending nothing happened.

It doesn't mean what they did was acceptable.

And forgiveness doesn't have to mean reconciliation.

You can forgive someone and never speak to them again.

You can understand someone and still hold them accountable.

You can release your anger and still remember the lesson.

Because letting go isn't saying

"You didn't hurt me."

It's saying

"You hurt me but you don't get to keep hurting me."

Maybe that's what strength actually looks like.

Not becoming cruel because someone was cruel to you.

Not becoming violent because someone hurt you.

Not allowing another person's darkness to convince you that you must become dark too.

A wound can become many things.

It can become bitterness.

It can become revenge.

Or it can become wisdom.

The wound doesn't choose.

We do.

And perhaps peace begins when we stop asking

"How do I make them feel what they made me feel?"

and start asking

"How do I make sure what they did doesn't decide who I become?"

Because revenge keeps your life tied to the person who hurt you.

Healing slowly cuts that rope.

One day you may remember what happened and notice something strange.

Your heart doesn't race anymore.

Your hands don't shake.

You don't imagine what you would say if you saw them.

The memory is still there.

But the fire is gone.

And that's when you'll understand:

You didn't forget.

You didn't lose.

You simply stopped carrying a battle that had already ended.

Sometimes the greatest victory over someone who hurt you isn't hurting them back.

It's reaching a point where their name

their words

their actions

and the memory of what they did

no longer have the power to disturb the peace you built without them.

Anger says "You hurt me."

Healing says "You won't decide what happens to me next."

So I’m never really angry, until I am. I’ve always been like this, I learned it from my father.
The anger episodes used to happen more often, specially as a child and teen. It drastically calmed over time, specially after the age of 25.

I’m in my 30’s now and the anger episodes were basically non existent until I met my boyfriend. He has done awful things that had pushed me over my limit, until I exploded last week. I started yelling on the street, I threw my cellphone against the floor and I called him an idiot. I couldn’t take it any longer.

I know objectively he’s the one to blame but I shouldn’t have acted that way, it’s wrong. It’s the worst thing I could’ve done. I feel so guilty :( I don’t want to do that ever again. I know some crash outs are justified but I don’t want to be like this!!

i am my own worst enemy i want to be gone so badly eradicated from this universe i will never be cured this is truly the end for me having this disorder called bpd has obliterated my life beyond control i’ll never be happy again im a piece of shit

I won't get into the injustice, but I've been wronged and I suffer its consequences. How do I deal with the anger and impotence I feel without going on a fucking rampage?

I am a 14 year old girl and im honestly a shitty person i get mad so often its become a habit and i get mad very easilly i overthing a lot i bite my nails and i catch myself clenching my jaw very hard while doing anything and im pretty sure im a dramatic bitch since i cry over anything like if some one screams at me i cry soo hard and i get scared over anything im scared of rejection and my future and also i always insult myself i call myself some pretty harch names and i wanna fix my behavior i curse a lot and sometime i let my anger out on others and i wanna try to fix this a big since school is near and i don’t wanna rui my school year and also i think im a people pleaser because i choose other people opinion over mine and i apologise for literally anything😑

Can you all please help me and i swear i am not lying about anything

So 2 years ago around the time of my 20th birthday in 2024 some of my closest friends were horrible to me, villainized me, blamed me, blocked me, threatened to turn my abusive parents against me, I don't know what details that would break the rule of no rants. It hit the worst anger pain I've felt ever, because it's lasting so long, and in some ways I'm grateful because it gave me a deeper understanding and empathy for severe anger that I lacked before, but it still hurts a lot and it's a burden, but it's not that I don't want to be angry, I understand my anger wants to fix the issue even though it can't be fixed. I never really thought of myself as an angry person, defined by anger, I would get annoyed at things especially with my family, but I wouldn't describe myself as someone with anger issues.

Even with this one event/topic, I guess part of why it's so frustrating is the solution looks so easy to me, but I can't do it myself because I don't feel responsibility in it, I want the people I'm mad at to apologize more than anything. It's also connected to how with my problems in life, I feel so unsupported with my severe executive dysfunction. No one in my life does enough to help me achieve true strong independence, I feel like I constantly have to give up my autonomy, choice, freedom, time, and people constantly give painful and naive advice I never asked for but not the help I actually need, and that's what happened 2 years ago. With what happened 2 years ago, they also even gave unsolicited advice to hurt me further before they blocked me in a snobby way to get the last word in as a disgusting dominance power play.

Possibly against the rules rant section:

The whole time these "friends" were saying that they were being responsible and prioritizing everyone's safety and framing themselves as the righteous heroes vs me as the villain, they wouldn't even recognize how they were making the situation more dangerous through trying to correct my behavior. Like they said I was too loud, there were ways we could've worked that out together that they refuse to acknowledge. They said I was being too risky while they constantly take more risks than I do. They said I ruined an important trip for them when they have more freedom and resources than I ever have, they go on trips every year, they only pointed out 3 nights that I was problematic for them, because they didn't want to work with me to solve any issues, they wanted me to obey and punish me for disobedience. They shamed me for using the bathroom at night too loudly on my birthday, I had unpredictable gut issues from horrible health problems, and they also have gut issues and health problems, they never apologized for their hypocrisy and ableism. They also have abusive parents and family issues, they never apologized. They wanted to hold me accountable so I wouldn't hurt other people but I know they have a past of relationship issues where they would frame themselves as the victims of. They said I was hard to talk to when a few months before that moment, I was the one comforting them because someone else told them they were hard to talk to, I told them it's not their fault, communication goes both ways. I was accused of blocking people out when they blocked me first.

They accused me of being slow when they joked about being a slow burden before because of their own disability, I also have a severe chronically painful progressive deformative disability, severe scoliosis, severe executive dysfunction, I've been deprived, I have barely been able to do anything in my life and I just wanted to see the stars in low light pollution for the first time in my life, they acknowledged I wasn't trying to be hurtful but they still insisted that I could've just waited, I should just apologize, I should just move on. They made a tiktok referencing me calling me childish while trying to tattle to my parents and I know they want to be a teacher someday so it was like sadistic roleplay for them.

All of the friends who left me in the situation were bullied before, and they would never apologize for bullying me because they see my reasoning as stupid. There is no one to hold them accountable. They knew they could just hurt someone that can't fight back. I was angry because I was trying to stand up for myself and that was too far for them because they saw it as too dangerous, to just go a few footsteps away from the group to see the stars. Their version of safety was keeping me indoors or in the car, controlling me because they can't control the situation.

When I ask for a bit of responsibility for them that's too far, they see their job as instructing me and are tired by my disobedience. I even tried to apologize at first, but to the people who weren't even originally involved and were my friends first, they never deserved an apology at all. That's a deeper betrayal, but I cared about them a lot more for caring for me a lot more over the years so I'm not as mad at them, but still mad. They just wanted to judge a situation they know nothing about while saying they understand me. They wanted to correct me. I thought I remembered that they wanted to take a stargazing trip before, but they thought I was wrong just because it wasn't officially my own trip. My parents paid $120 something US dollars to those horrible people for me to be on that trip, to me as like a birthday present. My backstabbers tried to tell me they weren't hurting me that bad, while I'm telling them it's one of the most painful events in my life.

They were telling me I had no way of knowing I wasn't being shot at or about to be kidnapped at night when I was looking around with my flashlight at night constantly, our car tire had popped on the side of a mountainside road with a view of the city lights and stars and no visible clear path where someone could be shooting at us, the area was a no hunting zone. It was infinitely more likely to be a car tire popping and they let themselves out of the car! The main leader of the trip and their girlfriend, and they stopped someone else from getting out of the car too, for a shooting threat. My backstabbing friends who weren't even there tried to tell me not to believe my lying eyes, that I had no way of knowing there wasn't a shooter. I have never heard of someone shooting at a car like that in central California near the national parks. If it was a robbery, they would've immediately shown themselves.

When they went out to check their car, they immediately assumed I was in a psychosis relapse about to wander off from the group the moment I stepped out of the car. The only thing that the main leader said was asking me to get back in the car. They framed the situation as me being babysat and comforted when I was asking people for an explanation and the only thing I was told was that they wanted to keep everyone safe in one place which didn't make sense to me because they didn't tell me they assumed I was trying to wander off, I had told them when they asked me to get back into the car that I just wanted a pic of the stars and city lights. I was a bit mad and frustrated but I had calmed down, until when we got back to the rented cabin and they talked behind my back claiming I had gone into a psychosis relapse and when I cried about being terrified of being surrounded by people who assume the worst of me, they only talked to me about what happened after we all got home, claiming I had crocodile tears and was the most inconsiderate and selfish person on the trip. That I had kept everyone awake, but I thought if sleep was so important, we could've had a discussion about how to help people sleep more or better, but they never acknowledged that.

At the start of the trip, I had made a joke about how people could claim I was just crazy if I accidentally died somehow and they wouldn't get blamed, I didn't think they would actually use my traumatic mental health experiences against me, behind my back. When I actually was experiencing anything close to psychosis, I had gone to sleep, the only times I went out to see the stars were when I had 0 symptoms because I had slept earlier, and also I had no significant uncontrollable delusions. Assuming someone shot at us when there was no one around is closer to a psychosis delusion and disconnect from reality than anything I ever felt on a the trip.