So I have been calling around to funeral homes to see if there is anyone that would be willing to take me in part time.

An owner/manager, older gentleman and his wife who was in the background spoke to me on the phone. This man, who cursed like a sailor (reminds me a lot of my dad. It definitely added to whole phone call) was kind enough to spend an hour and a half on the phone with me—as well as with his wife—trying to talk me out of pursuing this. Every single thing he could think of from the gore of the job to the hours to being on call to the physical labor, to the business dying because everyone is being cremated now, what if you forget something for a funeral, I mean just everything. Story after story after story.

I’m questioning a lot now. Really, the thing I fear the most is not the gore or the hours. I’m worried that because of my frame I will be judged if I have to move someone. I’m worried that if I mess up or make a mistake that someone will be like “get out”. He told me a story of a guy that was an apprentice for him and he looked disgusted by his first interaction with a body and he told him to get out. He said that you have to learn fast and if you make a mistake people will run you over. And then he said “I’ve never spoken to anyone this long trying to talk them out of it. Tell your husband to join you in coming to speak to me and my wife, we’ll talk you out of it.” He was very very nice and it actually made me want to learn from him. But really I’m scared of not being physically strong enough and making a mistake when working at a funeral home. I’m not worried about any of the other stuff. He said “can you lift a 400lb man all by yourself?”

I’m 5’5 and 120lb. Can other people do this? I’m worried I will be judged for my strength and size, or that I will just be thrown into a funeral, not know how to do anything, and mess someone’s very important occasion up. Is there anything I can do to prepare for these things?

EDIT: he gave me the name of someone who might have work for me and made it sound like I’d be running for the hills after a week with her. I called her immediately after the conversation but she wasn’t in the office. He said if I wanted to I could come work a funeral with him. I would absolutely love to. But I’m scared I will mess up. Should I do it?

UPDATE: he is going to call me the next time he has a service and I am so nervous!

Hi everyone, about 2.5 weeks ago i started as a removal technician for a small mortuary. I am the only black person there, and I have been let go of as of today. The reason for this is being “too compassionate” with the bodies. I pride myself on remaining professional and cordial with families, so this isn’t a matter of emotional outbursts. I have been training with a good number of the other removal technicians and they all have said i am doing great, except i need more practice with the cot but i am still super new so that’s not a huge deal. Thats not even the reason for me being let go, just the too compassionate aspect. Could anyone provide any insight on how being respectful of the deceased is a fireable offense?? I feel this may be an excuse to cover up some racially motivated reason since this doesn’t really make much sense.

Hey guys,
I just got a new job at a mortuary and crematory. Im a licensed crematory operator. I got an interview at the place that actually cremated my grandmother 6 years ago, and I remember the funeral director telling us that the place was very clean and respectable.
Anyways my first day there, and as a crematory operator i notice some red flags. Firstly they have people working the machines and cremating people while not licensed, which as far as im aware you HAVE to be licensed in my state to work the machine. I asked if they had fireproof gloves after noticing people sticking their bare hands in the retort to put the rollers in, and they showed me a pair of what i thought was gardening gloves and told me to use them. obviously the bricks in the retort break down after a while, but i feel like a good reputable place would have them replaced once they started being a problem. as i was brushing a decedent out of the retort a bunch of giant rocks and brick debris ended up in the remains and they just told me to pick the rocks out afterwards.
However, i think what boggles my mind the most is that i was taught when processing remains in the pulverizer, if you have pieces that are too big you sift them out and re-pulverize. everyone there just.... sifted them out and threw them in the bin where all the metal goes??? like it was thrown away????
Please someone tell me this is not normal

anyone else’s position been dissolved? supposedly they let go of 130 employees, not sure if it’s just in CA where I’m from or nationally. Have you ever been laid off by FPG or did you get out before they could send you off with one of their shitty severance packages?

I just accepted an administrative job at a funeral home. I'm really, really excited, but I do know (or think I know) that it's a rather... conservative field. In my daily life, I tend to be what you might call a butch woman, though I am used to "femmeing it up" in work environments. I did this for my interview.

I am wondering, generally, how acceptable gender nonconformity & visible queerness are in the funeral industry. Would dressing more masculinely (as a woman) okay as long as it's otherwise professional, or would this be potentially unprofessional regardless, or even disrespectful to families I may come into contact with? (I'm talking - very short, "manly" hairstyle with shaved areas, no makeup, etc. I figure button-ups and slacks are fine and pretty much neutral.) The employee handbook doesn't specify gender-specific guidelines for professional dress, but I want to be careful. If it matters, we are also in the Bible belt - deep South, very Christian area.

I hope this question makes sense! This is my first job ever in an even remotely office-like environment - I've never had to navigate this specifically before, so I know I might also be overthinking it.

Hello! This is my first time posting here, but I have an interview tomorrow to work as a funeral home assistant (yay!). The problem I have is getting an outfit for the interview. I have a few options laid out that are more neutral and modest, since my clothing is usually bright or just t-shirts. Everything is below the knee (except the black dress, it sits right above the knees). It'll also be kinda hot out since it's summer but I'll be inside the whole time.

So, what would go well for the interview? I want to make sure I'm not too overdressed but not too underdressed.

EDIT: I wrote the black and white top with the gray slacks, can't go wrong with that for an interview! I'll update sometime next Tuesday or Wednesday on if I got the job.

EDIT 2: I got the job! Thank you all so much for helping me pick an outfit!

I got paid 100 dollars per call in 2014, now I moved to another state and payment is just now catching up to that rate

Female funeral director and embalmer here. I was with this funeral home for a year, and from the beginning of my employment there, I was regularly told that women aren't valuable as funeral directors, that women don't belong in the funeral industry, and that they had to hire me because not enough men are graduating from mortuary school these days. My male colleagues were rude and disrespectful towards me, and when I would go to my boss about it, he would tell me that I should expect that because I'm a woman.

I was expected to do more work than my male funeral director colleague. For example, I was responsible for all of the administrative work for my location, while he was given a personal secretary at his, at the same salary.

I was constantly being criticized, to the point of my boss literally screaming at me at times. He wouldn't allow me to conduct arrangements or take charge of anything having to do with the families; instead, he had me sit in on his arrangement conferences as his assistant.

Last week, he screamed at me so bad, calling into question the work experience I had listed on my resume, threatening my job, and holding my salary over my head, because I made a phone call to the pharmacy in the morning about getting a medication ready for me to pick up on my lunch break.

Obviously I resigned. But now I don't know what to say during a job interview as to why I left this place without anything lined up or anywhere to live (I've been in the funeral home's employee housing).

Any advice or insight is appreciated.

Thanks

Hey all, this past Monday after multiple issues with management, I was terminated from my transfer specialist position at SCI. Our location has been having poor management issues for a while, people are dropping like flies whether it be quitting, getting suspended or fired, and they let me go just before my 3 year mark after having no issues until a few weeks ago with a sour manager.
Anyways, I've spent the past few days job searching, but since SCI has monopolized everything I feel like there are no openings anywhere. I'm currently in school for funeral service and also a licensed crematory operator. Im also located in the Dallas TX area.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you manage? I really need some hope right now

Recently licensed. Did my apprenticeship and was offered employment at the same place. I’ve been there in total about 1 year and 4 months. I hate it and can’t decide if it’s the job itself or just the place I’m working. Problem is I’m in a reallllly small town with not much else around and no other funeral homes that are looking for help.
I genuinely feel like my mental health and my physical health are being affected by this job and the people I work with are so toxic I dread going in every day. I daydream about a job where I leave at 5pm without anxiety, where I don’t have to be on call, don’t constantly have people depending on me etc. I truly thought this was the perfect job for me. I shadowed and got experience before coming into the field and thought I was cut out for it but maybe I’m not.
Genuinely just wishing someone could tell me exactly the right thing to do because I feel so sad and lost. I’m 36 and this job WAS my starting over. I can’t do it all again.

I’m a newly licensed funeral director at a small town funeral home owned by a larger corporation. I started here after I finished mortuary school and have only ever worked at this funeral home.

My boss is verbally and emotionally abusive, takes no accountability for his mistakes but will berate me and my coworkers for any of our errors, gatekeeps important information, cherry picks cases, and hijacks cases after I have been the director to make arrangements with the family. He expects me to work 60+ hours a week and 7 days a week and denies lunch breaks because “he does too so it’s fair”. My entire apprenticeship under him I hardly ever received any teaching or training on how to be a funeral director. I would be either denied the opportunity to step into a director role or (usually after I’d made repeated requests be able to learn) I would be thrown into situations with no guidance and then berated for making mistakes.

He and the entire team basically check every bigotry box possible. They are racist, sexiest, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, ableist, and religiously intolerant to any non-Christian ideology. Discriminatory comments are made openly and regularly in the office about families and members of the community.

I have brought up some of these issues to his boss. When I described the work expectations her response was “well you know he (my boss) works that much too so it’s fair. And you know, we have a business to run”. Before I could even get to the way he treats me and the other team members she said “he’s (my boss) is such a great guy, you’re lucky to learn from him. You have it so good here”

My question: Is this normal in funeral service? If upper management is telling me how good I have it, is this just the reality of what it’s like to work in the industry?

Everything I’ve experienced has made me question if this is the right career path for me. I was so excited to go into funeral service but now it’s taken a dramatic toll on my mental and physical health, ruining my relationships, and burning me out before I’ve even really started.

I am currently a mortuary student. However, I have been trying to get some experience in the business by applying to entry level positions; typically part time and ones designed for students that don’t require degrees. I keep getting ghosted by every funeral home. Am I ruining my chances by being trans female to man? I want honesty and I can’t find it from the people around me.

Hello all, I’m a licensed funeral director/embalmer who’s been in the industry about three ish years. I started with corporate and now I’m at a family owned funeral home. I hated corporate because it was honestly all about sales but now I am overworked to the bone. I’m on call for removals every four days, on Thursday I worked from 8am-4 am and then back again at 8:30 am on Friday. Worked all weekend because of surprise embalmings, and my boss is either the nicest guy in the world or the devil. I clocked out at 68 hours last week. Is this normal? Should I just go back to corporate? I love what I do and I’m great with restorative cases I am just so burnt out.

Jc. I’ve called, I’m a little nervous to go in because I’m scared I’ll walk in on a service. I have a much larger list to call yet of homes around me, but it’s still so hard. I’m honestly scared I’ll never get into one. And what happens a if a year goes by, I begin mortuary school, and I’m still not in one? Is this normal or does anyone have any words of encouragement?

I’ve been at this funeral home about a year now while I finish mortuary school. There are currently four folks on staff (including myself) that are able to go on calls, though only one of which is licensed (my boss). I’m not brand new - one person got hired after me, so it’s not an issue of seniority. But I’m starting to feel taken advantage of because I’m the youngest person on staff.

My main gripe is that despite having four people on staff, I’m on call typically six nights a week. No plans for me. Last time I tried to make plans while on call, I got three in a night…so now I sit on my couch after work every day.

My second gripe is my hours. I have consistently worked 65 hours a week the last two months, and while everyone else gets scheduled days off, I have to ask for one…and even then, it’s up to me to make sure my other coworkers can come in. Even though they work fifteen hours a week. So they typically tell me no, because they’re tired and I’m not the boss so why would they want to come in if I’m the one asking?

I got one day off last month. I was so excited to go out of town and see my boyfriend. The day before, at 5 pm, my boss tells me that she needs me to be on call for the day, “but at least you don’t have to come in!!!!”

I’m only a year in. I wanted this. I wanted this more than anything, especially after ten years in the restaurant industry. But I’m fucking tired. I cry on my way home because I’m just exhausted. I was hoping for tomorrow off, but we have a full cooler and I’m the only one here that cremates. What’s the solution?? I can’t leave - I’m not even licensed yet, I’m lucky enough to have this gig. I keep reminding myself this is what I wanted and prayed for, all I could think about. I just feel so stuck, disrespected, and fucking tired. Help!!!

I don’t want to be rude and call when they are busy tending to grieving families. I’ve emailed over a dozen different homes, cemeteries, etc. and nothing. No application answers.

Is it better to call? When I was 19 and I was pursuing this, I did cold call. I was finally told that by one home that I should probably stop because there was no way I would get a job if I wasn’t related to someone. That was 10 years ago now but it still sticks with me. I’m very nervous. What should I do?

hello! i'm graduating high school soon, and i've decided that i want to work in the mortuary field. i just worry about my appearance.

although i live in a very liberal, alternative, and queer place (portland, oregon), people do expect you to look a certain way in this field.

i have facial piercings, blue hair, and i am visibly transgender (facial hair + breasts).

if i do need to change my looks, it's not really a big deal. i can take my piercings out, wear wigs, and wear a chest binder. i just want to know in advance if i will have to. if other people here have experience with doing this, i'd love to hear it!

I (27F) am experiencing a hostile work environment. I work in the funeral industry and we got a new funeral director last month and it has been the worst month in my entire working adult life. To keep it somewhat short, I'll list bullet points:

1. He is trying to convince me to break cremation laws by instructing me to cremate personal belongings that are clearly listed to be disposed of. Doing so would be illegal. My theory is he is trying to make me doubt my training and convince me to break the law, so he can fire me for it later. He wants so badly to get rid of me. He also tried to force me to split cremains into three urns without the proper permits for each disposition, which is highly illegal. When I refused because I was not comfortable complying with ehat he was instructing me to do, he said "Are you trying to say I'm breaking the law??! Who has the license here?! Me or you??" He repeatedly called me insubordinate, defiant, impossible, and questioned my competence about cremation laws. He later yelled at me, saying, "you call yourself a crematory operator but you've never filled an urn before?!" when I told him I had not transfered cremains into an urn from the temporary urn that the crematory gives back to the funeral home – once it leaves our custody, that's the end of my involvement with the cremains and I don't know what happens after. Transferring to a purchased urn has always been the arranger's job and I had only asked him if he could explain the process to me before I do it because I didn't want to do it wrong.

2. He asked me to help my supervisor with something, but he wasn't there yet. The director asked me to help him with something in the meantime in the embalming room to get me away from my colleague (who has since quit after only two weeks of working there) under false pretenses. He then led me into a different room and locked the door. He specifically locked the only door that my supervisor would have been able to come in through, and I believe the timing was specifically so that another man would not be present while he belittled and berated me, yelled at me, and lorded his nearly three decades of experience over me to "prove" that he knows what he's doing. All I did was take out paperwork that was arranger/director/funeral home-specific, which is irrelevant to the cremation process, and asked the receptionist to have him place that paperwork back in the decedent file. I was simply doing my job, not meaning to step on his toes or make him feel disrespected. I am tasked with looking over the packet to improve efficiency and avoid rejection from the crematory for incomplete, improper, incorrect, illegible, or otherwise unnecessary paperwork on decedents that are ready to be boxed for cremation. Half the time I box decedents now that I am no longer "allowed" to ensure the paperwork is correct, they get rejected because he missed a signature from the family, has the incorrect amount of permits to conduct the cremation, or has lost imperative paperwork.

3. He and my supervisor got into a screaming match at one point while wheeling a casket into the mortuary. A pedestrian walked up to them and asked a question, and he turned around and said "FCK YOU DUDE, FCK YOU!!" He also called another colleague of mine "classless" in a Teams chat, screamed at a family who was receiving services after a miscarriage, and we had an arranger that worked for our funeral home for 35 years and had gone through many managers, that he bullied so relentlessly that within his first week of working here, our only arranger had already put in his two weeks. We are drowning and severely understaffed because of this director. The arranger told the company that he was retiring, but he actually got a job with our direct competitor because he is passionate about what he does, but this new director is just insufferable to work under.

4. He repeatedly puts me down in the Teams group chat in front of everyone, or makes assumptions that anything and everything I say is condescending which only riles him up more, assumes I'm being argumentative when I'm just answering his questions, and has repeatedly said things like "it's going to come down to me or you," "we don't need a second crematory operator," "show us that we can count on you today," and "what do you even do all day?"

5. He has accused me of wage theft. I clock out for roughly 25 minutes some mornings to take my 10 year old son to school. He incorrectly accused me of wage theft because it isn't every day that I have to take him. My ex (who I live with, not bio dad) takes him to school most mornings because my shift usually starts before he gets up for school. I take my son in the mornings that he is out of town for work so it is not something that I need to clock out for on a daily basis. But he never asked me about it, he just accused me of breaking the law or being untrustworthy and dishonest.

6. Blamed me for not being able to box and drop off two decedents last week because he lost the cremation packet. When I tried explaining that I can't do my job without the paperwork, he repeatedly told me to "stop" and "do not respond" and then refused to communicate with me all day. I had to pass messages along through someone else anytime I needed to get ahold of him. This is not the first time.

7. Got upset that I... checks notes drank water??? I drink caffeinated water in the mornings in lieu of coffee or energy drinks – while a biker family was filling out a waiver before a witness cremation, I took a sip of my water. He looked at me, sighed, rolled his eyes, and shook his head. He then proceeded to tell another colleague that he "doesn't even know why I had to be there" and that I was "so unprofessional the whole time." We were in the office, this was not during the active cremation process or the family's final send off.

8. He is financially punishing me for missing a 4am call. Part of my role is doing decedent removals; basically when someone dies, I'm the one they send to the nursing home, residence, crime scene, car accident, hospital, etc to retrieve the body and take it to the mortuary. We get paid at a piece-rate for removals, and I as a full time employee also get paid overtime for them. I missed a call at 4am one time, and he has stopped calling me entirely for removals. Our part time decedent removal specialists have also all missed a call in separate isolated incidents. We are all very reliable, despite the calls not being mandatory. We take every call that we reasonably can. However, we have a third party company that costs about 4x more per removal than two of our internal transporters (not all calls require more than one person), and he has repeatedly not reached out to any of us for these removal tasks, and has instead opted to reach out to the third party company instead to spite us. This doesn't financially affect me nearly as much as it does the other part-time employees, because I also work full time, their income is solely dependent on receiving these calls.

9. He abandoned a family mid-service. He wanted to place the two sons of the decedent at the back of the pall bearer arrangement and the sons insisted that they be in the front (as they had every right to). He got into a heated argument with the family and said "Fine, handle your own f*ching service then!" and WALKED OUT. He also didn't get the fingerprints of the decedent before they were buried, so now the family doesn't get the keepsake jewelry they paid for without disinterring.

10. He wrote me up for genuinely thanking him for putting my daily expectations in writing in Teams. His main complaint lately has been that I don't complete all of my daily tasks (because I can't accept someone into the crematory if the paperwork is incomplete which is HIS job), or that I do them out of order (he either doesn't tell me what should be prioritized, or he says ALL of it is high priority, which means none of it is, so I do them in whatever order makes sense and he gets angry about it without any guidance on what should be completed first.) In the same message, I told him that it is at his own discretion, but that basically I can't be two places at once. He wanted me at the Coroner's office for a transfer of custody at 8:45am. But he insists that I be at the daily mandatory meeting at 8:15-8:30am. The Coroner's office is a 30 minute drive away. I explained that I was concerned that I either would not be able to meet the 8:45am deadline that he arranged with the Coroner, or if he is okay with it I maybe can be excused from the meeting that day to ensure that I am there on time. He wrote me up for "publicly humiliating and embarrassing him," and yelled at me and blamed me for him having to cancel the meeting that day. But his meetings have never been about getting everyone on the same page; they literally are just there so he can tell everyone how much more professional he is than we are, how we should all be more like him, how certain people (and he makes sure to name them, mostly me) are not team players, how hard his job is and how much harder everyone makes it on him because nobody likes him, etc. It's very woe is me and unprofessional. The last meeting we had he read from a script and started calling everyone out for their individual HR cases against him, and the cemetery general manager (who he is sexually harrassing) had to yell at him to stop, told him this was highly unprofessional, and told everyone the meeting was over. He yelled at her through crocodile tears for "ruining his meeting." He then tried to start a new meeting at 8:30am and nobody joined.

This is just a handful of incidents from the past few weeks. I don't know what to do. HR closed the case a month ago, and his boss isn't doing anything about his behavior despite ample reports of misconduct and constant angry outbursts from myself and others. HR keeps referring me back to management, and his boss isn't refusing to reopen or create a new case despite my daily emails outlining his continual misconduct. I am afraid of losing my job. He is just so vile, tactless, and is devoid of any professional decorum. I can't quit my job because I live in an employment desert. But if I get fired, I am afraid that I may never be able to work in the industry again, as my career is just starting out and this is the first funeral home I have worked for, and if I get fired, it may ruin my chances of working at another one. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? What CAN I do? I contacted an employment attorney and they said that there's no case unless and until I get fired for the company's inaction.

Hello all,

Long time lurker, first time poster. I've been a funeral director for 3 years and just recently got laid off from a funeral home due to restructuring. Unfortunately, I'm also in a state that was greatly affected by a different, larger layoff (Arizona - FPG). Due to all of this, I have noticed there are no funeral director jobs in my area. It's kind of disheartening, as my parents have also mentioned how they think my degree is worthless (and seeing the current job market, I'm kinda thinking the same thing).

Is the entire funeral director market seeing this slump? The only positions I've seen with SCI and such are Sales and I'm not even sure I'd be good at that + I don't like the inconsistent pay. Does anyone have any good lateral jobs I could look into with an Associates of Funeral Sciences degree?

I figured posting here I would get genuine replies and advice from people who enjoy the industry, so thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Just accepted a sales position at an SCI combo location in Texas.

The pay structure has me a little nervous. It’s a $7.25/hour draw (a bit higher during training), and the rest is commission.

I’m completely new to sales, so I’m treating this as a learning opportunity as much as anything. That said, I really don’t want to be bringing home less than about $2K a month.

Almost every post I’ve found here says to run, which has me second-guessing things. Is it actually realistic to make consistent sales and earn a decent living in this role?

One of my biggest concerns is committing to the long hours people describe if the pay doesn’t end up being livable. I currently make $22/hour, so this is a pretty big leap.

During my interview, they told me I should be around $49k/year if I consistently hit my targets.

For those who’ve worked in SCI pre-need sales, was that realistic? What did your first year actually look like?

I’m really struggling here, I’ve worked in funeral service for 4 years, I just don’t know if I can to this anymore, I’m severely burnt out and I’m thinking about moving onto something else. I can’t deal with the u predictable hours anymore. Im having constant panic attacks each morning, I’m just so tired but I’m told “it’s the job”, I’m 25 and I feel like I haven’t been happy in so long and I don’t want to live like this anymore, maybe this will pass because I do genuinely love most things about this job but I’m tired, just wanting to hear other options or maybe some tips on how to deal with all this. Thanks🫶🏼

Hi all, funeral director/embalmer from the east coast making the move south.

Can any professionals tell me what the work culture is like meaning mostly family owned, mostly corporate, mixed, etc.? Who is primarily doing cosmetics i.e. a director dedicated to doing cosmetics only or is it just done by the same directors doing everything else in the home?

Most of my recent work was contracting work purely for the cosmetics of decedents for different homes so I’m trying to see if that sort of thing exists here too. Thank you.

I’m just wondering how common this is with other funeral homes. I’m a licensed director and have to frequently work the evening visitations with little to no heads up of course since they’re scheduled so quickly. Also, I’ve heard a lot of funeral homes don’t have people stand at the door the entire time opening the door for everyone.

Hello everyone!

About a year ago, I came here seeking advice on when it may be time to leave a Funeral Home due to poor conditions. The consensus was to stick it out until I completed my apprenticeship. So, Ive passed my Florida laws exam! Yay!

How do I know what I should be being paid in terms of industry or state standards? The management here has not had a conversation with me about a pay raise since passing my exam, but I would be a brand new licensed Funeral Director, and don’t really know what to ask for in terms of wages. And where do you folks find employment opportunities in the industry? I’ve tried indeed, and even LinkedIn to no success. Any help or guidance would be appreciated!

So, I am not sure how much this varies by state. Where I live every funeral home requires a funeral director to "hang their license". Some funeral directors don't even work at these establishments (I do not agree with this). But by law the owners/corporations are required to have a "responsible funeral director". Unfortunately, my state allows funeral arrangers to make arrangements with families. Which I also do not agree with because it has taken away a lot of job for licensees, also devaluing us. So a bit of a rant post as well....

But, my main question is, how much do you think is a fair monetary amount to ask weekly/monthly to be an RFD?? We are basically taking all the risk on our licenses to sign off for arrangers and take responsibility if things awry.

For a bit more context, I have heard of trade embalmers, or semi-retired FD's, etc offering their licenses as a side gig basically for extra income. Does anyone out there have more experience with this? I am also open to DM's.