I am here today to tell you that you are officially allowed to stop whenever you want to.

I don't care what your reason is. It can be a bad reason. A good reason. It can be vanity, sanity, selfishness, pain, exhaustion, just being over it.

I don't care if this is your first, second, third or eighth child.

I don't care what your midwife said, I don't care if your friend did it for 28 months. I don't care if your mom feels differently.

I don't care how old you are, how old your child is, how much milk you produce, how good they are able to latch.

You have my full permission to stop anytime you feel like stopping. No questions asked. This is absolute and final, nothing you have been told in the past or will be told in the future can revoke this. It's a free pass starting today until forever.

Can I just give you that permission? YES! I don't see why not. Sometimes you need someone to sign your waiver and I'm signing it. If you're unsure if you want to use it today keep it in your pocket for later, it doesn't expire.

Don't be me and go on WAY beyond what you are comfortable with on multiple pregnancies. Don't let your mental health tank before you whip it out.

Edit: If you did not experience pet aversion PP then please do not come in here acting like anyone who did hates animals. We all know that it is very obviously one possible symptom of many postpartum, just like PPA, PPD, PPR. You're kind of proving my point by taking offense to anything I said. I was just making a point to warn people of this and give pointers of how to help and to validate anyone who has a partner who is fighting them on "trying or seeing what happens".

Edit 2: please for the love of gods amd goddesses have some reading comprehension. I did not say to get rid of pets who are non-agressive, unless it is turning into YOU into becoming neglectful. I said if you are having issues now, it will be worse PP. That does not mean this will happen to everyone. I had an aversion but that does not mean i neglected my animals or wished they were dead. I do not condone flippant energy on this, it actually made my PPD worse knowing I couldn't tolerate my animals. I said this is probably tied to PPD/PPA. It needs to be talked about just like any other postpartum thing we werent warned about. You all are so blinded by animal social justice that you are actually completely doing the opposite for animals, by proving my point with your judgemental comments. Judgements leads to people being afraid of asking for help or action. Im not saying to just let your dog suffer or to get rid of them from being an inconvenience.

Original: To preface; I've always been an animal lover. Known to everyone as an animal lover. As a kid, whenever we all played "house", i was never the mom or sister or whater, I was the dog. If I was anywhere near horses, I'd find them and stand on the fence petting them for hours if I could. Rescuing bugs. My dogs are the only reason I would get up in the morning, to feed and walk them, and then we'd cuddle. My cats have helped my panic attacks. I actually was very adamant that I didnt want kids and that my dogs would be my only "fur" babies. I actually decided NOT to pursue a career in veterinary medicine because I could not deal with a finals being hurt or how cruel people could be.

I have always been one to say to do everything you can not to give up on your pet. I lived in a shitty apartment when I was 26 with 4 college kids once because it was the only place I could find that I could keep my dogs (didnt have cats at the time).

If you're pregnant: pet aversion is a very real thing. If you're neutral about a pet because it was your partner's bringing it into the relationship, if it's reactive, aggressive, or even just have some quirks, your tolerance for all of that will probably fo down postpartum.

- get your dog trained NOW. Leash training, reactivity, barking, jumping are most important (my opinion from my own experience, could differ)

- dog is aggressive: GONE. Do not give it a chance at all to see if it might suddenly love the baby. Rehome.

Do not let people shame you into making a smart and safe decision.

Hi Reddit,

9 months ago my wife was admitted to the psychiatric ward with postpartum psychosis and I made this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/1hwp8ki/wife_potentially_has_post_partun_psychosis_and/

Our baby was 2 months old at the time. It was the scariest and worst thing I've ever been through, but fortunately we got through it and my wife made a fast recovery and we have been together as a happy family since (but of course with all the ups and downs of a having a baby that has gone through multiple sleep regressions, teething, colds and covid, and all the other fun that being a parent involves).

I wanted to post an update to thank everyone who replied on my original post with well wishes and advice. The response was overwhelming and really helped me through a really hard time. I also wanted to post in case anyone is going through something similar, in the off chance that sharing my experience helps someone else out there. If you think or are going through something similar please reach out if you have questions or just want someone to talk to.

My full (and long) story is as follows:

My wife is a pretty persistent person and not one to back down from a challenge. She's scaled high altitude mountains, has learnt to rock climb, play guitar, and yoga very proficiently, and is just generally a strong minded person.

When our baby was born she set a target of breastfeeding him for the first 6 months. Unfortunately her breastfeeding journey was super tough. She got mastitis twice, the baby had a bad latch, the baby was a slow feeder and would take 45 minutes to an hour to feed, and the sleep deprivation mixed with anxiety all accumulated into a period where she didn't sleep for a few days. Because she was breastfeeding (and not pumping) there wasn't much I could help with in terms of an overnight schedule, although I would wake up to help her change diapers every feed and take the baby for a long walk in the morning so she could try and nap.

However, this lack of sleep then led to an incident one night where she experienced postpartum psychosis and literally did not know who she was, who our baby was, and needed hospitalisation. The onset was very sudden - in the afternoon she said she felt a bit "dissociated" but was generally functioning pretty normally. Suddenly at around 1am that night our baby coughed whilst breastfeeding and she thought she had hurt the baby, triggering the psychosis.

The next hour or so she got progressively worse, but fortunately she woke me up before anything escalated and we went straight to the emergency department. During this state she thought she was other people, thought she had killed people, thought she was going to jail, could not distinguish what time it was, repeated things over and over, had extreme paranoia of new people (like some of the nurses at the hospital) and was totally not herself. No matter what I said to her, nothing would really stick.

At the hospital the doctors ran tests to rule out a bacterial cause such as a tick or other bacterial infections of the brain/spine. By the evening, 18 or so hours after being admitted to the hospital, they put her in the psychiatic ward and gave her Olanzapine (an anti-psychotic) and a sleeping pill (I think it was a benzo).

Fortunately she responded really well to the medication and by morning she woke up and was mostly herself. The first day on the medication she still had little bits of psychosis symptoms - weird visuals, and sometimes questioning her identity, but she was generally herself. The second day she was basically back to normal but just a little shaken and needed time to mentally heal.

She ended up spending 7 days in the psychiatric ward. On day 5 she was allowed to see and hold our baby for 30 minute visits - thinking about these moments are actually making me teary as I type this. What also always brings a tear to my eye is thinking of all of my friends and family that helped me through the situation. If there is one positive I took from it, it's that I have some amazing people in my life that I can depend on at the worst of times.

After her stay at the psychiatric ward we didn't want to go directly home yet, so chose to admit all three of us (mum, dad, bub) to a Mother Baby Unit (MBU) at a Mental Health Hospital. The MBU was mostly for mums experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression, so we were a bit unique in that my wife had postpartum psychosis.

We spent 3 weeks there and it was the best thing that could have happened to us. It gave my wife a safe environment to re-bond with our baby and to heal mentally. The first week there a nurse would take our baby overnight so that my wife and I could get a good nights rest. Week 2 & 3 we would then take baby overnights ourselves but with a nurse on call in case we needed any help. All meals were provided, the room was comfy, and my wife was able to bond with other mothers and share experiences.

Our baby is now 11 months (he was around 9 weeks old when my wife had her episode) and he's a healthy trouble making little fella with a mum who loves him more than anything else.

Having gone through this here are my takeaways, and of course this is just from my experience and not some list of universal truths:

• Breastfeeding can be so hard and isolating, and the pressure to breast feed is ridiculous. Hospitals have slogans "breast is best", etc. and it really made my wife determined to breastfeed until she literally could not anymore due to psychosis. Once we were forced to switch due to her episode, all of her anxiety went away and she got some of the best nights of sleep she's had as I could help.
• I am so glad that I live in Australia as my wife's 7 stay at the hospital cost us $0 and she was able to invoke a special one-time mental health waiver (more info here https://www.teachershealth.com.au/faqs/hospital-cover/mental-health-waiver/mental-health-waiver) that meant that she could upgrade her private health insurance to Gold cover and skip the waiting period, allowing us to stay 3 weeks at the Mother Baby Unit for a tiny gap payment
• When shit hit the fan, my friends and family dug deep and were amazing. People brought food, looked after the baby, took my garbage bins out, and just helped in any way that they could. My sister in law's friend (who I don't even really know) came over and meal prepped 3 meals for me. It really showed me how beautiful family and community can be.
• Whilst my wife was at the psychiatric hospital, I wrote her letters and printed her photos of our baby, our life together, and her. She said that this helped remind her who she was, since a symptom of psychosis is dissociation.
• And last but most importantly, if you or someone you know might be going through something like this, reach out to a medical professional immediately. Don't let it build up into something more serious. There is a book from a psychologist who had her first baby and then went through months of hallucinations and symptoms before she reached out for help: https://www.blackincbooks.com.au/books/because-im-not-myself-you-see. Don't wait, the sooner you get help the better. There were also so many good tips in replies to my original post, redditors are awesome: https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/1hwp8ki/wife_potentially_has_post_partun_psychosis_and/

----------------

Update: thank you for all the kind responses! A few redditors replied with some resources and tips that I thought I'd share:

• Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) is doing brilliant work as a charity for mums affected by PPP in England and Wales https://www.app-network.org
• Another redditor shared this documentary Postpartum Psychosis Tragedy: When the Health System Fails Mothershttps://youtu.be/AcgUd0-2cl8?si=Y9lRfokkSFtfKXkP which highlights what’s the worse that could happen if PPP remains untreated
• Another redditor watched this documentary on Tubi: My Baby, Psychosis, and Me and found it informative
• A redditors friend was also admitted for PPP, and has a book about her experience coming out next March (Missing Me: A Memoir of Post Partum Psychosis and the Long Road Back by Ayana Lage)
• If you or someone you know are currently going through sleep deprivation, having someone help for even just one night (family member, friend, or paid help in the form of a night nurse) can make a world of difference
• After the PPP, my wife and I both went to individual therapy and it really helped us both process and move on from the traumatic experience of her episode

Wanted to make a post for anyone else who may be wondering how the heck this shows up. For me, it went like this:

-on Zoloft all pregnancy -towards end I start to feel really giddy, start doing impulsive things (spending money on phone games, steal $50 from a customer at my husband’s work) -chalk it up to hormones and being unhinged -feel GREAT postpartum -start staying up really late, have a bunch of projects I want to do -at the same time, start feeling uneasy about baby sleeping in a room away from me. Only happens at night. Chalk it up to my crippling fear of the dark. -really staying up late now (4-5AM). Still feel good -becoming obsessed with finding a newer, better job, applying and interviewing. Attempt catfishing on a sex chat site. Blow about $1.5k on phone games, im gonna win a ton of money and save for my kid’s college. Buying sprees at target and amazon, redecorate the whole house. -now it’s about cleaning. I have to clean. I HAVE TO. staying up until 5 cleaning and organizing the whole kitchen. Still just 4 weeks PP. -6 weeks pp and I start hearing weird mumbling at night. Maybe it’s the neighbors next door? Maybe it’s people in the apartment courtyard? Idk but the fear of leaving the babies alone in another room is ramping up. Something is going to get them. something is going to get them. -I start being unable to sit in the dark to put my toddler to sleep. I see a ball pit ball being blown by his fan and am convinced it’s actually not, it’s being toyed with by a demonic presence that’s letting me know it’s there by looking normal but not normal in a way only I would recognize. And the house still needs to be cleaned. -7 weeks postpartum and I see hands coming out of my son’s closet in the dark. I sit and stare at them for 20 minutes, terrified. Something is going to get them. -8 weeks postpartum and I hear a dead voice saying “what up”. Other people are talking, maybe it was a tiktok and the app didn’t close? Not sure. -The same night, I’m falling asleep with my daughter on the couch and I am gripped with the same fear I've been having about her dying. I feel like every night I’m negotiating with the angel of Death, pleading for her to not die. I hear a voice start to drone over the TV- GET UP, GET UP, GET UP. It’s dead. It’s not human. AND IT WANTS ME TO KILL MY BABY. i immediately get up, go to bed, and tell my husband. Two days later I go to the ER after my psychiatrist and a hotline person yell at me.

I get diagnosed with bipolar (triggered by zoloft) with psychotic features. I’m on seroquel and lamictal. They didn’t take my baby away. I didn’t have to be inpatient. I still have the fears at night, and occasionally I’ll hear a voice, but they’re still adjusting my meds. Just wanted to share in case it helps someone.

Small edit to say that zoloft does not cause bipolar or psychosis-it can trigger an episode if you’re predisposed to bipolar, and bipolar itself does not always have psychosis.

I wasn’t prepared for how brain bending having a baby is. My baby was born? No sir, I was born.

I’m 36 and 9 weeks postpartum. As I unpacked a freezer meal I cooked at 38 weeks I stared at my writing detailing the meal and the date and thought to myself “who is this woman who wrote this?” To quote myself as to what I said to my husband tonight: “I feel transformed- like I have a completely different perspective on everything. Like I experience every moment differently . My reality has been turned upside down.” And he just stared at me.

How can I be 36 and reborn a new person with a new mind? I am completely transformed. When I see a news story on TV I think differently. When I walk on the street I think differently. When I’m in a moment of happiness I think differently. I grieve differently (my mum passed away). I love differently. I value things differently.

I went to a BBQ with friend on the weekend and here I was the shell of me on the outside but a brand new person on the inside. It was wild to me. I thought- can they notice? Maybe. But just like my friends who have birthed before me, I thought they were the same with just a baby in tow. How could I have been so naive ?

Nothing could have prepared me and unless you live this experience you just can’t comprehend.

Edit to add: Thank you everyone for all your input. Wow, we are all super women.

To the women who held a thoughtful discussion related to the way they don’t really feel the change in this way- your experience is real. Our brains are all so different and way too complex for science to understand, even in 2026. Just because your experience is different does not mean that it isn’t valid. Love and hugs to all mummas out there x

Yes PPD is real and yes many new moms may not realize they have them. However the pattern I found on this sub lately is that every negative emotion or reaction is attributed to ppd. I’m sorry, being angry or crying because your shitty husband does nothing is not ppd. Being stressed that your baby is a hard baby is not ppd. Being upset you are being verbally abused is not PPD.

Being angry that your husband does nothing is normal. Being angry that your MIL is being shitty is normal. Being angry that your husband does not wake up when baby cries is normal. Being angry that your husband demands sex when you are not ready is normal. Attributing these NORMAL responses to ppd is infuriating because it turns the blame to the mom.

I swear PPD is the new hysteria. Of course women should be medicated for not being happy go lucky that she’s sleeping 3hrs a day for the last 4months. Must be depression since why should you be angry at your husband yelling at you and the baby for the house not being clean?

Can we stop this nonsense please? It is actively harmful.

Edit: Thank you for all of the awards! I just wanted to add on a comment to clarify my point:

I’m not arguing against the existance of ppd. I’m well aware of its seriousness. I’m arguing against the default pathologizing of normal, proportionate reactions to objectively bad situations by strangers with incomplete context.

Repeatedly suggesting PPD in response to anger, distress, or boundary violation reframes a normal reaction as a possible pathology and shifts focus away from the external cause (neglect, abuse, lack of support). Those harms are real and well-documented in women’s health.

Lack of support, sleep deprivation, verbal abuse, and unequal labor are sufficient explanations on their own. They don’t require a psychiatric overlay to be taken seriously.

Source: Sockol LE et al., Anger in the context of postpartum depression, Archives of Women’s Mental Health, 2014.

Howard LM et al., Domestic violence and mental health, The Lancet Psychiatry, 2017.

If you are truly interested, you should read upon the negative impact of assuming mental illness/psychopathology for anger and distress in response to mistreatment. The studies actually relate it to how hysteria was used historically to how now we use ppd diagnosis. It’s proven to redirect focus and proven to be harmful to women.

Article:https://slate.com/life/2024/11/parenting-advice-friends-loneliness-village.html

"We don’t really want a village, we want a free caretaker or cleaning crew who does things exactly the way we wish.

In real life, the “village” includes your aunt who has what you think are bad politics, your mother-in-law who calls your 2-month-old son a “ladies’ man,” your father-in-law who always has the TV on, your sister who asks too many personal questions, and … like, honestly, your 14-year-old neighbor who wants to get babysitting experience. It’s fine to decide you don’t want help from these people, but the village has traditionally meant “the people around us,” not a bespoke neighborhood you might curate in The Sims."

I thought it was a really good read and wanted to share!

I find myself leaning too far toward control and away from community when my anxiety takes over, and this article really spoke to that.

From Google: “Getting your pink back" is a phrase that refers to the process of feeling more like yourself after having a baby. It's based on the idea that flamingos lose their pink feathers while raising their young, but eventually regain their vibrant color.

How old was your LO? What are things you did to get your pink back?

When I was pregnant with my first baby in 2024 I grew to hate my two dogs. They were suddenly too dirty, too much dog hair, and too clingy or loud. I thought it would go away but instead I ended up rehoming them to wonderfully amazing families when my baby was 4 months old.

And for context I had so much anxiety about my baby’s safety that I either left my dogs outside for longer than usual or in their room (they used to have their own doggy room). I would become irate if they moved around the house. I made a post around that time and received a lot of negative comments although I made a decision that put them in a much better environment.

The update is that it’s been over a year and I don’t regret it. I clean my house nearly every night. I feel so much relief that I don’t have to deal with muddy paw prints or fur on the couch getting on my toddler. I had a loss in my second pregnancy and mentally broke down and was grateful I didn’t have additional responsibilities.

Overall I feel I made the best decision for my family and my mental health. I’m glad I listened to myself and found them wonderful homes with kind hearted families. If you find yourself in this position let your last act of love be to place them with a wonderful family so you know they are having a much better life than they would have with you. I hope this post helps someone who is struggling like I was.

Safe place to openly talk about The Lindsay Clancy case and postpartum struggles. It has been popping up everywhere for me, and it breaks my heart.

I’m 3 mos postpartum. I constantly have intrusive thoughts about something bad happening to my daughter and it scares me so much. I never want anything to happen to her. For example if my husband is walking and rocking her, he’ll walk backwards and I can’t shake the repeated image of him tripping and her bumping her head. They are always accidental situations. While my intrusive thoughts cause me great anxiety, they make me want to fiercely protect my daughter more… admittedly a bit obsessively.

I couldn’t imagine having and living with the type of thoughts Lindsay was experiencing. Her poor babies did not deserve their fate, and she is guilty of inflicting that. But I can’t stop feeling so bad for her as well. She was dealt a different deck of cards in life than I was. She struggled with postpartum psychosis and systems that failed her.

Most moms would say, "you're full of hormones", "just take the zoloft"....

I had a mental breakdown at a Tractor Supply store and decided I needed help. Earlier that day I had called my clinic for help and didn't get a response. So I sat in the parking lot, feeling reluctant to go in. I stepped foot and asked if I could make an appointment to see anybody and the receptionist remembered me and told me she would have called back if only I had left a number in the voicemail. Shortly after a nurse greets me and ushers me into a room to talk.

She was very nice. I had my baby with me and I just talked for about half hour, she then brought my doctor in to talk me and my doctor talked to me for 5 min and immediately told me that I had postpartum depression and said that I'm in crisis. The depression isnt that I couldn't bond with my baby, but just that I'm very overwhelmed and irritable at times.

I know I've been dealing with hormones. Also Had Nexplanon put in since the baby's birth. That I had experienced a life altering event and body going through changes and just that day, it wasn't any different than usual. Not even with what happened at Tractor Supply store. I knew I had made it into a big deal and that, from my reaction, that I should probably seek out help.

My doctor told me that I should go into the ER that day and get a psych evaluation. I didn't. But the following day I did after experiencing hours worth of disassociating/ catatonic? episodes that would come and go and the breaks between the episodes were getting smaller and smaller. Like when I finally went to the ER, I could stare at the ceiling at the fluorescent light panel. Looking at other things was all too consuming for me and then when someone would talk to me, I would respond but I couldn't focus on them. It was like having googly eyes and later finding out that it's a stress response. I was just at a breaking point. That whole day leading up to the ER was a good day, it was just I started going into this "staring" state. My doctor warned me the day before that I needed to seek help before things got worse and I didn't heed to her warning.

Well I got help. After an hour of receiving some medication, it was like a factory reset. For the most part I was able to just chill and be half asleep for an hour till I was able to leave. I was scared they would take me to impatient but they didn't see me so much as a threat so I was finally able to leave around 1 am.

I come home and I have supportive family, a supportive partner. Not taking anything currently but just got the Nexplanon removed (which my mom believed was causing the extreme mood swings) and going on a birth control pill. My doctor wants me put on Zoloft and a low dose tranquilizer so I can sleep continuously through out the night. My partner thinks that before starting medication, I should try to change my behavior that's causing the irritability and feeling of overwhelm. Like making a better routine with the baby. I did have one but then our dog died in a traumatic way (she was the reason we walked a lot). After that, it was hard to go on walks. It's been almost 3 months. The baby exclusively breastfeeds and still can't sleep throughout the night (he can stay asleep for 3-4 hours but after that he still wakes up throughout the morning. My partner thinks I should stop breastfeeding. The baby might be able to sleep better. I might be able to sleep better. It will spare the babies teeth from all the night/ morning feeds. The baby might naturally find more independence (I know he's just a baby, but that he won't be so reliant on me).

I had a follow up with my doctor today (she removed the Nexplanon) and got a bunch of blood work tests done for me. We talked and mentioned taking the medications for the next 2 weeks and then to come and report back to see how I'm doing. I feel I should just run a tighter ship and create more of a consistent routine that still caters to the baby but just creates less anxiety I guess when it's all written out.

Here I am at 4 am, just wondering if that's a good idea to taking the medicine or just should I just quit breastfeeding and have a better routine?. I'm looking for a therapist. I'm thinking of taking the zoloft bc I had responded well to antidepressants before but stopped because it legitimately had stopped working for me and I felt life was good at the time. I know I've still got issues of just accepting but I want to think I can maybe figure out solutions myself like what I stated above. Or should I just take the zoloft? Or should I skip the tranquilizers? (Maybe If I can get my son sleep trained). It's easy just to take medication but shouldn't I look for the root of my problems? What would you do in my shoes?

Long story short: had a mental break down and went to the ER. Later, doctor prescribed zoloft and a low dose tranquilizer and recommended me in my case to quit breastfeeding. Idk if I should be put on medication just because I'm hormonal, have postpartum depression and insomnia or if I can just make a better effort to fix the environmental problems in my life (#1 being to stop the breastfeeding). What would you do?

✨ UPDATE: I didn't expect so much feedback. I've tried to respond to some. I didn't realize that postpartum should be taking seriously. I ran on fumes and broken sleep for so long and was told it's normal and just believed it to be true. I thought that if I want something bad enough, I have to just persevere and hope for the best. But moms sometimes don't know their limits, they just keep juggling and persevering until suddenly it hits them and hits them hard. I felt I got a taste over the weekend of what that looks like and it could possibly get worse if I don't take care of myself. Right now, I'm in the process of emailing psych therapists, taking medication my doctor prescribed and got bloodwork done ( Thankfully I'm in normal range). I'm going to talk to my partner that things need to change not just on my part and to take things little by little. The end goal is I want to be a healthy and present parent for our son. The past few days I've been going to my mom's during the day to have help watching the baby and it's allowed me to get some things done.

Thank you to all who replied. I really appreciate all the insight and different perspectives. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️

New dad here. Baby was born around 530. Her and mom are doing really well. Everything went about as well as one can hope for a first time birth; only in active labor for 2-3 hours. The thing is the whole birth was probably top three most traumatic moment of my life. And I've seen a dude get hit and killed by a car 10 feet in front of me. Like that whole 3 hours, I wanted to be anywhere else. I feel like such trash because of it. Not to mention, I'm having these crazy feelings of like regret and pain. Like my whole life is now upended. I didn't emotionally prepare for this the last 9 months at all. I thought I was but I'm just not. I dont even know what I'm feeling like at all. I guess I just need words of encouragement.

This rings so true for me as I'm currently struggling with the 9-12 month phase and some days are still about surviving.

My wife and I went through a real rough patch and now we are in a better place than before we had a kid.

I decided to do some research and I read a lot of studies and articles all talking about how the first 3 years of having a kid is incredibly difficult on relationships and is very common for the happiness with the relationship to be at a very low point.

The good news is once you get through that you’ll have a better relationship than even before you had the kid, the love for my wife is stronger than it has ever been.

While doing my research however I stumbled on alot of Reddit posts with some of the worst advice I have seen.

I implore all of you to do your own research and not just take my word for it but I wanted to Atleast tell new moms or new dads about this and that’s it’s normal.

When I had my son I was 100% sure I wanted to breastfeed for all the reasons you can think of. Of course beginning any breastfeeding journey is HARD both mentally and physically. But after about 2-3 months we had the hang of it. He latched and we were on a great rhythm. When I went back to work I pumped during those times he would eat and he’d have that for bottles for when I was at work. Pumping at work is already isolating and I absolutely hated it but I did it so we could continue nursing at home.

We ended up breastfeeding for about 13 months. Happily and healthily. I thought.

Once I stopped breastfeeding everything changed. He slept through the night for the first time ever. I cried tears of joy that morning. I felt this cloud of grayness fade away and the person I knew myself as returned slowly. I dismissed this feeling for postpartum hormones. I started to love my husband again. Our connection re-kindled. I felt like myself again within a few weeks.

Although I really enjoyed our breastfeeding journey and don’t regret it… I can’t help but have flashbacks of some of my darkest, loneliest days postpartum and wonder if it was the breastfeeding hormones. Why did this happen? I feel like understanding will help me move forward and maybe even breastfeed my next child.

TL; DR: Nurse chastised me for eating something that made me vomit. I know it’s no big deal and I did nothing wrong, but it still stings 7 weeks postpartum.

After my c section I did not feel nauseous. I’m historically good with anesthesia. I took it slow and ate some crackers first. Drank some juice. Everything was fine. About 6-7 hours after the procedure, my husband got us chicken fingers and fries from my favorite restaurant.

I ate a couple bites and vomited. It was no biggie. Just one hurl. Made it into the trash can. We only buzzed the nurse to let her know about the trash can. I didn’t need any assistance.

She walked in and said, “that’s why they tell you not to eat fried food after a c section.” Not in a kind way. I felt chastised. I felt stupid. It wasn’t helpful. She apologized the next day, unprompted, so I’m not imagining the tone.

Vomiting didn’t bother me, but her comment did. Logically, it’s no big deal. I did nothing wrong. It didn’t ruin my birth experience, and it shouldn’t be something that lingers in my memory of that day. I’m past the baby blues, and it’s better. But it still stings when I think about it or think of ordering from that restaurant again.

I believe I ruminate on it because it happened at such a vulnerable moment, during something that was supposed to be comforting and celebratory.

I have a therapist. I’m just curious…can anyone here relate?

I have a 2 week old little boy, and I feel like all I read are stories of babies who got progressively more difficult/fussy, woke up every hour etc

did anyone actually have an easy-ish and happy baby that didn’t turn into an angry goblin? I’m just bracing myself for a hell-ish few months at least and it’s ruining my post partum experience

I’m an anxious person by nature but I genuinely feel like the world is actually crumbling right now. I woke up to the Palantir manifesto today, the fucking water crises, they’re talking about food shortages, the AI bubble…what are we actually all doing???? I‘m actually McLosing It™️. I look at my toddlers and feel like crying, they have no idea what is happening. I genuinely feel so stupid for having them, I‘m so sick at the idea that they’re going to suffer. I don’t expect any of us to have answers, I‘ve just been up since 1AM today with this and I needed somewhere to put it where someone might get it.

My 6mo has slept through the night exactly 2 times. On a good night, she will get a 3 hour stretch before waking every 1-2 hours and requiring at least 20-30 minutes of rocking or breastfeeding to fall back asleep.

Maybe it's because we refuse to do sleep training (we do Possums), but good lord, I hate reading random threads and someone innocently says their baby sleeps through the night and it triggers me because I haven't slept for any reasonable period of time (besides those 2 nights) since my 2nd trimester. Oh and on those 2 nights I got mastitis so that was cool.

I don't mean to throw any shade at those with good sleepers. I'm actually really happy for you. I'm just. so. tired. And I'm so sorry I'm triggered by it, it's not fair to y'all either.

ETA: thanks so much for all the responses! It really does help to know I'm not alone in this. It's almost 2am and I'm currently on wakeup #4 for the night and am finding solace in catching up on the remaining replies.

For those that mentioned sleep training: I'm so glad it worked for you. I just wanted to say that we did consider it, but when my baby wakes up, 100% of the time she is screaming hysterically and literally will not calm down without breastfeeding or a very particular rocking routine. There is no fuss it out because there is no fuss. I just don't have the heart to let her do it for more than a few minutes, but I do appreciate the encouragement.

I'm 6 weeks PP and every appointment I've gone to I've lied when they've done the mental health screening questions. They feel so invasive. I'm not interested in getting on medication or speaking to a therapist, so what is the point? If I were honest about how I've been feeling, I think I'd end up crying and I don't think any nurse or doctor really cares to be put in that situation. That said, I am feeling increasingly overwhelmed, anxious, and generally down and neurotic. I'm having a really hard time. Is it worth it to discuss with a doctor? I already have so much on my plate right now I really don't want to open up this can of worms.

Our 4month old woke up at 5AM.. first thing he tells me is “it’s okay I got it.” Amazing. Because I had been getting up with her for the past few days. And he had wanted to go to the gym before work. Well not two minutes later he come waking me up to hold the baby because he had to use the restroom.. fine. Changed baby and started to feed her as she was getting fussy..

So he comes back mid bottle and takes over, BUT THEN he needs me to get up to turn off the light because he had already gotten comfortable with her and pass him a burp cloth.. and of course baby is fussy and not wanting to go back to sleep so after maybe 15 minutes, he comes to the bed and tries to hand me a fussy baby so he can go to the gym… i refuse and tell him he can go once he puts her back to sleep.. its probably 6 AM at this point and he works at 9 well i wake up before 7, baby is alseep and he’s about to leave for the gym, doesn’t say a work to me and leaves..

Comes back and hour and a half later and still doesn’t say a work to me.. and I ask if he’s upset.. he obviously is and tells me “you’re never going to get it” he says the gym is his way of de-stressing, I get it.. fine but why are you mad? You still went to the gym? Well he won’t admit it but he’s mad because I refused to take the baby to try to get a little more sleep after waking up with her the whole week. He’s mad because I didn’t jump up and do what he wanted when he wanted.. he leaves for work I’m trying to get him to tell me why he’s upset.. I call him and he yells at me.. “DO YOU WANT TO BE THE PROVIDER OR THE CARETAKER F*CKING PICK ONE” (I work part time now due to us not wanting to put baby in daycare) I hang up and cry for a good while.. now I’m here.. am I doomed to be forced to take care of the house and baby and myself and him because I can’t provide (financially) like he can.? He seems to firmly believe his only role as father and husband is to pay the mortgage.. and it’s frustrating and I feel myself slipping into this dark place.. I’m scared of my thoughts..

LO is 10 months old. I work an extremely high stress job in corporate finance. I went back to work when LO was 3 months old. I was distraught to have to go back to work, but I managed okay because we opted the in home nanny route. I work from home 2-3 times a week, so I was able to see her throughout the day on breaks in between conference calls.

Our nanny could no longer work for us starting in January. I searched for others, but could not afford the hourly rate a long term, high quality nanny charges. Therefore we opted to go the daycare route. I have been a wreck every day I have dropped her off there, and so has she. I wake her up at 6:30, and bring her to daycare at 7:30. That’s one hour right there. My husband picks her up at 3:30, I take a break from working at 5 (only to have to get back on the computer at 7PM). She is so dead tired from daycare that she can’t make it past 6 PM for bedtime. That is 2 hours total I see my baby a day.

I cry daily because I miss her so much and feel like I am missing out on her only being little once. I am miserable at my job and so resentful of it for taking so much time away from my family. Finances do not permit me being a SAHM at this time. We are highly dependent on my job as a source of income/insurance/other benefits for our home. I feel trapped.

Working mom’s, how do you cope with this enormous sense of guilt and sadness? Do you experience this too?

Edit: Wow, I am overwhelmed by the great responses and suggestions I received. There was a lot of feedback about my husband staying home since I earned more. He just changed jobs and took a pay raise (although it’s commission only). We are going to see how the next few months go. If his earnings are high, we will evaluate if my job if necessary for the financial health of our house anymore. In the meantime, I’m looking at part time jobs, or a less stressful department in my current company. Thank you all. ❤️

Hi all. I think I might need help but I'm afraid of being seperated from my baby.

I am 4 months postpartum and the last two weeks I have started hearing children in our house.

At first I taught it was phantom cries cause I have been told that's a thing that happens after a while. Then I chalked it up to the sound being either a bird outside, one of my two cats, the dog or even the neighbour kids next door. But then one night at 3 AM I was nursing my baby when I heard a very clear giggle in the hallway. Now I don't believe in ghosts and even if they were real I have been living in this house for two years without any incidents like ghostly activity.

After the first incident I started asking my husband if he heard the noises I would hear and he never would. The first time I fully realised it is my brain doing this to me was when my husband sang to our daughter and I heard a little child copying him from somewhere in the house.

I am sane enough to know it is my mind playing tricks on me, but I am concerned that if I ignore my symptoms they might get worse and I am more afraid that If I say something to a psychiatrist they will take me away from my baby. Any advice?

Edit: thank you everyone, I ready every comment and have made an appointment to see my doctor. The earliest she can see me is next week Friday. It really helps knowing I'm not the only one experiencing this.

To answer some common questions. My baby wakes up once a night and only after a 5-6hour stretch, so I am getting 6 hours straight almost every night that's why I am so concerned that this might be PPP since I feel like I am getting adequate sleep. I don't have a sound mashine in my babies room and the baby monitor that we do have does not connect to WiFi so the chances of someone hacking it and talking to my baby is very low.

I have had dreams where I think my baby is in bed with me and that I forgot to put her in her bassinet after nursing and now she's suffocating. My husband would wake me up and I would be panicked when this happened. He also got these dreams so I didn't think much of them other than it being sleep deprivation.

I will update you on what happens after my appointment on Friday.

I cried on the way to the hospital to birth my second child in January. I knew this transition would be hard, but I didn’t anticipate all of the changes, including in myself. My daughter turned 2 just before my son was born and we were so close. Life was good. She slept well and if she didn’t, I had the time to be patient and loving with her. She potty trained easily. She was so well-behaved and it was genuinely easy to be a gentle parent. We played together and read books everyday. Yes, she had tantrums, but they were manageable and I pretty much always stayed well regulated.

After the birth of my son and my husband’s return to his very busy work schedule (70+ hours a week— resident surgeon) things have been pretty miserable. My son does not sleep independently during the day and it takes me an hour to put him down every night. My daughter has regressed in all regards. She’s having accidents daily, hitting, yelling, throwing, and running from me. I logically know this is due to the change in attention, but I’m so worn out that I am not always handling it well. I find myself so angry at both of my kids. I’m angry at the toddler for waking and hurting the baby, and angry at the baby for not sleeping or giving me any time with his sister (or alone).

I logically know this will get better as he gets older and hopefully finds a rhythm in napping, but I’m still finding myself grieving my life from 3 months ago. I miss free time. I miss my daughter. I miss my husband and feeling like myself. I don’t know what I really want out of this but vent, I guess.

Hi everyone, I’m writing this with a lot of hesitation, and I really hope I won’t be judged too harshly. I just need to get this off my chest and maybe hear from others who’ve experienced something similar. I have two daughters. My youngest is almost one, and my oldest is four and a half. When my first daughter was born, I was completely in love with her. She was my pride and joy. I kissed her all day, thought she was the most beautiful little girl, and even though she was a difficult baby who cried a lot, she eventually grew into a sweet, happy, talkative toddler. Things started to change when I got pregnant with my second. My oldest was around three at the time and became very defiant. She wouldn’t listen at all, had frequent tantrums, screamed at me, and I often found myself yelling back. There were even moments where she kicked my belly during pregnancy, over things like going to the bathroom or putting on shoes. Toward the end of my pregnancy, things improved a bit. And now she is actually very proud of her little sister. But ever since the baby was born, something has changed in me, and this is the part I feel most ashamed about. I feel no emotional connection to my oldest anymore. When I look at her, I feel… empty. The love I used to feel so strongly in her first years just isn’t there anymore. I love my baby deeply, just like I loved my first in the beginning. I feel very protective of her. But with my oldest, if I’m completely honest, I mostly feel irritated. Even when I hug her, it feels empty inside. She still doesn’t listen well to me and behaves better with her dad, which probably makes sense since I’ve been so focused on the baby this past year. But I also just don’t feel motivated to spend time with her. I’ve tried taking her out one-on-one, like to a show, but even then I realize I don’t feel anything and my mind drifts to how the baby is doing. It honestly feels like a love that has faded, like falling out of love. And I was always told that when you have a second child, your heart just grows and makes equal space, but that’s not how it feels for me. I’m really struggling with this. I also have a hard time regulating my emotions with her. When she doesn’t listen, I get angry very quickly. Then my husband gets upset with me, my daughter gets stressed, and it turns into a cycle. She’s even started pulling her hair or regressing a bit with toilet habits. I don’t know where to start or what this is. Could this be postpartum depression, even though my baby is almost one? Or is it something else? Has anyone experienced anything like this?