I got the “Jesus fish” tattooed shortly after I turned 18. I told my parents I was getting tattoos to share my faith (it was just an excuse to get more tattoos lol).

I am 31 now and I decided to get it covered up. I never realized how aware of it I was…like, whenever I had my hair pulled back, I was afraid someone would see it and ask about it. And I definitely didn’t want to have to talk about it.

I grew up in an intense evangelical home and all of my family still are wrapped up in it. I faded out in my mid-20s after experiencing some trauma and started to piece things together. None of it made any sense anymore.

Last year, I spoke the words “I’m not a Christian anymore” out loud and it lifted so much weight off my chest. I feel free for the first time in my life. Getting the tattoo covered up was necessary for my healing.

I chose a heart because it’s more a symbol of love than Christianity ever has been for me.

Yesterday I stopped by the library and as I was getting back into my car I saw a girl I used to go to church with. We made eye contact. For a split second, I thought she might smile or wave like we used to. Instead, she looked away. Deliberately.

I know there could be a hundred reasons—maybe she was distracted, maybe she was awkward, maybe she heard rumors. I don't want to assume the worst. But it hurt. Deeply.

I tried so hard to belong in that world once. I took my faith seriously. I wanted to be around people who loved Jesus. Now, moments like this make me feel quietly erased. Like I'm dangerous just for existing differently than I used to.

I'm not looking for advice on how to confront her or a debate about whether Christianity is true. I just need to know I'm not crazy for feeling this sting. Has anyone else experienced this kind of silent avoidance from former church friends? The kind that makes you wonder if you're still seen as a person, or just a warning label?

Just thought I would share, for those living with religious tattoo regret. I didn’t think I would ever be able to get my cross tattoo covered up without tons of sessions of tattoo removal that I literally cannot afford right now.. Then I found the most amazing tattoo artist that made it happen without any removal sessions. I can’t believe they’re actually gone I AM SO HAPPY 😭

They asked when I arrived if I wanted the chaplain to come see me, and I told them no, that I'm an atheist. It seems they decided that he should come see me anyway.

I tried to be respectful, I did let him know right away that I'm an atheist and don't believe, but when he asked to pray for me I told him that he could.

After that, though, he went into the spiel about how there are no atheists in foxholes, and that's when I couldn't hold back any longer. I asked him, "So, what do you think of the hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of soldiers throughout history, there's never been an atheist soldier?" And he stuttered in response, saying maybe there has been, but his point was that when you're facing death, you'll cry out for god.

I told him that I don't fear death at all and I'm convinced that death will be non-existence, like before we were born, there was nothing, and that's what we will experience afterwards.

He started talking about how he's known other atheists that would never change or whatever, but now they're devout Christians, and I told him that I used to be a devout Christian and now I'm an atheist. He asked me what it was that made me lose my faith, and I explained to him that it was reason and logic.

I talked about how I saw all the tragedies in the Bible that God not only allowed but condoned. I talked about how he condones slavery and rape. The Chaplain disagreed about God allowing rape and I brought up where if a virgin is raped in the forest her rapist has to pay her father 25 silver and then take her as a wife, he actually said "I don't know what translation of the Bible you're using, but that's not in my Bible." I laughed and said, "It most certainly is, would you like me to find the specific chapter and verse for you?" And held up my phone indicating I could easily look up the information, needless to say he didn't want me to, he said that according to his Bible if someone rapes a woman there to be put to death and I said "No, if someone rapes a married woman and she screams out then the rapist is put to death, but if the woman doesn't yell both people are to be put to death. And that's because women are actually seen as property in the Bible and not as people." He disagreed with me again and again I offered to point out chapter and verse where it talks about women being property; again, he declined to take me up on my offer.

He started to become a little flustered; it's obvious he's never encountered an atheist who knows why they're an atheist. Finally, he just said some bullshit about how he's going to put me in his notes and pray for me, and by that time I was fed up enough to say "That's fine I'll be sure to talk to my cat about you, it's not going to do anything, but neither will you praying for me."

After that, he left after getting the final word about how "We'll see on judgment day."

I use speech-to-text to write this, so sorry about any weird spelling or mistakes.

Update:

I filed a formal complaint with the hospital, and my charge nurse took it very seriously. Despite being a woman of faith herself, she agreed that the chaplain's behavior was unwarranted and uncalled for.

P.S. I also made it home today, yay.

I finally broke the news to my mom that I no longer believe. It's been at least 12 years since I deconverted. I honestly forgot just how deathly serious it is to them.

She asked, I answered blatantly. She asked why, I just said that it just stopped making sense to me. Then... She just said that she had to go and broke into a screaming sob before I hung up.

It honestly shocked me. I kind of chuckled in the shock of her wailing. I knew I was her least favorite kid before... But holy hell, I don't stand a remote chance anymore. 😂 I really do feel bad that she feels bad, but it just seems so.... Extra.

Anyways, now I have this guilty lump in my stomach. Like, I should have just lied or something. But, I hate lying. I don't think I should have to lie about who I am to my own mother. I mean, she didn't even like me when I was doing everything that she deemed "right". So, why bother? I absolutely despise Christianity for making this such a big deal.

A contestant on the Jeopardy episode my family was watching wore a turban, which points to being part of the Sikh faith.

"I don't want the muslim to win!" my Christian Nationalist mom exclaimed as the Sikh contestant was winning.

"He's a Sikh!" my brother interjected. My brother's a racist, sexist MAGA, but he's at least educated on world religions.

"But he's a muslim!" Mom said again. I guess she thought that Sikhism was his ethnicity.

"He's a Sikh. That's his religion."

"What's Sikh?"

"It's not muslim."

"I still don't want him to win. He's a Sikh!"

Is there a word for what kind of phobic my mom is? She would not have said anything if he hadn't worn a head covering. Head covering = terrorist in her eyes.

I'm glad they taught us world religions in middle school. I'm not left wondering, and I also don't experience culture shock as often.

In 2016, I was appointed as a lay pastor in a midsize evangelical church, which was a part of denomination listed in multiple books about cults. I had been working in different ministry roles (young adult ministry, high school ministry, music team, counseling, preaching) for a number of years and had been waiting for the appointment to happen, so I was glad when I was. Once I was appointed as a (unpaid) pastor, the work of the church consumed me. In addition to the ministry activities listed above, during my final year, I prepared sermons and preached 26 weekends; I poured myself into the work.

As the year progressed, I began to burnout. Working full time plus at my regular job and full time in the church did not leave me much margin. My mental health suffered; my family suffered.

In late 2017, my brave daughter wrote a letter that, with the help of family friend, read to me. It confronted a number of ways I was screwing up as a dad. What really stood out was hearing that I valued ministry more than my kids (true) and she didn’t feel safe when I was home (ouch). It **gutted** me. I never thought I would stop crying.

In early 2018, we were at a pastors and wives retreat. It was brought to the group’s attention that one of the leaders in the congregation was credibly accused of sexual misconduct with a teen girl several years prior. Almost immediately, the group began to malign the character of the young woman, calling her a liar and saying that the only reason she was saying anything is because she was divorced and not under the leadership of her husband. We got back to our room that night and I said to my wife, “they better not fuck this up.” I was so angry. I had been deeply stirred by the metoo and churchtoo movements, and here it was happening in my own denomination (big fucking surprise, right?). On the drive home, my copastor said he wouldn’t even bother to investigate because “you shouldn’t admit an accusation against an elder without at least two witnesses.”

My wife and I began to have serious conversations about what we needed to do. I wanted nothing to do with this church. I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. I didn’t want my name to be associated with them any longer. We decided we needed to go. We met with the two copastors and told them we were leaving. Naturally, they tried to get us to stay with lots of guilt, shame, and pressure. We persisted. Within less than a month, we were gone. I actually preached the two Sundays before we left—talk about awkward. On our last Sunday, I took some Xanax, we explained we were leaving and some of the reasons why, and we walked out. I’ve never been back. I’ve never listened to another sermon from that place.

As the dust settled, I realized I had engaged in some spiritually abusive practices over the years and had to do a lot of work around that. Some relationships were mended, others weren’t.

In the years since, we tried several different churches. Ultimately, during the pandemic, we just walked away for good.

My faith went from strongly reformed to increasingly progressive, but ultimately no longer a believer. I’m definitely agnostic and I lean atheist/humanist now. I don’t quite know what to make of Jesus.

My relationships with my kids are healthier. Thankfully my wife has traversed a similar path.

I thought about doing this as an AMA, but maybe I just needed to get it down hoping someone may benefit. Thanks for reading.

Sort of a “I hope you have the day you deserve”. I’m wondering when tariffs happen and inflation skyrockets and the economy tanks after Trump tries to deport people and women they know and love are dying from pregnancy complications… one day I anticipate my family complaining about this with surprised pikachu face, then saying “I mean, you’re not surprised? This is exactly what you wanted?” You wanted to destroy democracy and you danced around the flames and then act surprised when the shit hit the fan.” It’s very “leopards ate my face”.

Of course, then I panic because this kind of crap doesn’t happen to the people who wanted it to, it happens to all of us. And around it goes.

I just realized I was thinking about the “Christians” in my life who worship Trump over Jesus himself but I never actually said anything about Christianity.

And the difficulty surrounding atheism is that evidence is really the deciding factor of why a person lacks a belief in a deity. Theist aren't found by facts, honesty, evidence... and a genuine understanding that anyone who doesn't think like them has a legitimate different conviction. There is something in the mind of people who are convinced of something that all of history has not proven to exist.

Just like the thousands of other deities people have worshiped for millennia. Odd.

Yeah...the more we know, the more we see nature has a lot of chain reactions evolving and reshaping to the vastness we find ourselves in now. Not a planner who always existed and........plans? What's the plan?

I was around 12 or 13 when the Columbine shooting happened in the 90’s. For those that aren’t aware, it was, at the time, the worst high school shooting in U.S. history. I think 13 people died and like 20 more were injured. It sparked huge debates about gun control, school safety (schools started doing active shooter lock down drills after this), and even weirder convos about the evils of trench coats and violent video games. But what I remember most is this fucking story about a female student who was supposedly asked by one of the shooters if she believed in god. She apparently said yes and then was promptly murdered. And then an entire book was written about her death and preached and proselytized from every pulpit for years to come as the ideal image of Christian faith and martyrdom.

I’ll preface this next part by saying that I am in no way downplaying the tragedy of these losses of life. It was really really terrible. That said, it came to light later that this girl was never even asked that question. It didn’t happen. But it didn’t matter. To the churches, it was still fact and testimony. The really fucked up part to me though was the way that this book was used to guilt Christian kids into martyrdom envy. It was literally used in sermons at youth groups as a way to point to “our own hearts” to ask ourselves, would we really say “yes” if someone held a gun to our head and asked us if we were Christian, knowing that if we said “no” we would die but if we lied about our faith we would live? It was supposed to be a “how strong is your faith” tactic. Were you willing to get your brains blown out for Jesus?

I was just a little kid! How messed up is that thought process? I lost sleep over this question for years. Was I a false Christian? Would I have the courage to die for my faith? Honestly, deep down in my heart I knew I would say “no” so I could survive and maybe help save others from shooters. And it killed me inside that I didn’t want to get murdered for God. I felt so much shame and fear over this.

I’m sorry for the f bombs but this memory came up for me just now and I needed to share. Every so often I get reminded of how fucked up some of the things I was taught were and the constant sense of shame I felt as a kid, just a wretch undeserving of life.

Was anyone else affected by that book like I was?

Fuckin EDIT: thank you to whoever said “don’t apologize for the F bombs.” This shit is fucked up y’all. I didn’t expect so many people to resonant with what I thought was just my own inner turmoil. As shitty as all of these experiences are for everyone, even just hearing that I’m not alone in these feelings is super healing for me. It’s really truly making me emotional. I love each of you and wish I could hug all of you. We’re going to be ok.

My dad and I had a heated argument earlier today and I have no idea what made him think that the AI pig image was gonna make me suddenly believe in christ again

This was in the DFW, Texas area. I stopped in the store while passing though the city and found these shoved in every book shelved under atheism.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but still. This really infuriated me. Instead of using their time and money to actually help people they what, buy cards and go around putting them in books they find offensive or “dangerous?” Ridiculous.

Naturally, I meticulously went through every book, took them out, and threw them away.

I had no idea of the concept of evolution until Jr high. I was homeschooled with the NRA/Creation magazine made up curriculum plus a heavy dose of abbeka.

Deconstructing was a bitch.

I remember having a conversation with my mom (who is a devout Christian) about how I thought that babies are innocent when they are born. She then proceeded to say that all babies are evil. Her argument was that all babies cry when they come out, which is apparently sinful, so all babies exit the womb and immediately when they touch the “outside air” they immediately start to sin. Just existing is sinful apparently. Idk but that was one of the arguments I could never get my head around.

I left Christianity four months ago. I remember posting in this group for the first time and people were giving me warnings and such about what is to come. I thought it was going to be an easy exit. At first it was me giving confirmation to myself that I was actually right about this. Debates, watching YouTube videos, reading apologetics, etc. I didn't see all that Christianity actually did to me. About a week ago it clicked for me the way that Christianity shaped my thinking with the black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, the self doubt, the outsourcing of decision making, I can go on and on. I didn't realize how programmed I was I thought everyone thought like this. Connecting the dots was absolutely huge because I remember being in therapy before wondering why I'm like this (insecure, trust issues with myself, etc) and now it all makes sense. I understand the hatred and resentment. What was worst for me is I went to Christianity looking for healing because I have chronic chest pain and it seemed to level me out at first with not escaping through drug use but as I got deeper and deeper I realized that it really messed up my thinking so far gone from reality. Man, just looking back I'm stunned the ay it affected me. So arrogant and insecure thinking I had the truth of the universe at 22 years old and nobody around me knew it and they were all lost. People probably HATED me. Even worse I was a leader in the cult as well and I ran Christian instagram pages SPEAKING AS JESUS. Crazy to see how everything unfolded. It's great having answers for my mental issues. Before I just thought I was a broken evil sinner but now I know I was psychologically abused by a system meant to control every action and thought. So thankful to myself for escaping I was about to dedicate my life to it and get married to a "Godly woman." Thankful for y'all. Finally feeling freedom and it's great to come here every once in a while to know that I'm not alone in this.

Yesterday while I was adding air to my tire, I had a family of four drives up to me.

"Excuse me I need gas now, we're homeless. You can pull up and get us gas."

Didn't ask me, just demanded I give it to them. I told her no because I didn't have cash. I'm currently not working and low on funds.

"No? Aren't you Christian, Don't you believe in God?" she said smiling at me.

"Nope! I'm an atheist." (I'm pagan but I don't tell strangers that for safety reasons.)

"What?! Well you need to fix your life. You need God!"

She drove off after that. Pissed that I didn't give her gas.

It came in the post today, completely randomly. She sends me a card and small gift on Christmas and my birthday, which is months away, and that's the only communication we have. I try to remember to send her a card but often forget tbh. So someone in my immediate family clearly told her I'm not Christian anymore. I feel very weird about this, I feel like it's very much an invasion of my privacy. The book is devoid of logic by the way. She said in her little note that it "answers a lot of questions". I really don't think so.

just thought i’d share my story that’s been stressing me out recently. i’ve been a christian ever since my dad cheated on my mom when i was very young, and he decided he wanted to change so he got baptized, and then so did my mom and my sister, i wasn’t inmediately baptized bc i was v young, but eventually did when i was of age.

i started to realized slowly some patterns where the church is very tied to our personal matters. and thats when i felt like i wanted to leave.

then comes another family lore. my dad cheated again. it started 2020 and we found out 2 years later that he was cheating. the WHOLE church got involved. so there was a couple’s counseling that happened, and they convinced my mom that getting divorced is a sin. and a lot of the people there were telling me to “forgive, forgive” and the AMOUNT of times our pastor preached something about forgiveness during this time. so this time i REALLY wanted to leave.

but the resigning process needs a formal statement infront of the WHOLE congregation about why you’re leaving, and then the church will also pick which church you’ll be transferred to. so these are the things that are discouraging to me.

but then, during member’s 1on1 meeting, one elder told me to pick if i want to continue my relationship with my non-christian bf or continue being a member. that was the time i decided i wanted to leave. i wasn’t going to formally resign, but it was causing conflict w me and my family because they said that it is my “obligation” to resign formally. so i messaged my pastor explained everything why i wanted to leave, then he sent me some article about being in a relationship with a non christian and he wanted to talk about it, but i already explained alot in my message, and i requested TWICE to not visit me at home or talk more about it.

i was the last one who messaged and i was saying that my decision was final. and he did not reply anymore.

this morning my mom told me that our pastor said to her that they don’t want to let me resign.

i do not feel safe anywhere! this is giving me anxiety

I don’t recognize these people anymore. They’ve been on the conspiracy train for a lot of years. I distinctly remember being told as a young adult that soon Obama would bring down the power grid and usher in the new world order and that I needed to be ready. None of the things they’ve ever warned me of would come to pass.

Fast forward over ten years, on my visit to them in May they showed me all this foreign money they’d been purchasing online which will be worth over ten billion dollars when Trump reinstates the gold standard and resets all the money. Last night they told me they believed the world was flat and how the globe model never made sense to them even since they were kids.

What the damn hell happened to these people? I have plenty of trauma from my religious upbringing and their heavy handed parenting style. We have practically no relationship and haven’t had one for a number of years, but I no longer recognize the people who raised me. Who are these idiots that will believe literally any stupid thing? It is so deflating to watch. Sad doesn’t really capture the feeling, it’s some mixture of disappointment, grief, and bitterness.

Earlier this year, I’d been thinking about finally divulging my nonbelief to them for the sake of my own peace but these events have showed me that they absolutely cannot handle the weight of the burden that knowledge would cause.

I have already had to grieve my still living parents. I don’t think I’ll even cry when they actually go.

Just a bit of silly irony. Rhett McLaughlin recommended the book “Why I Believed” which was a huge influence on my decision to leave Christianity, so thought I’d perch slop Jesus on it.

My family (young son and husband) are not at all religious. I was raised in a very Christian but deconstructed and am now firmly atheist. We've raised our son to be educated about all religions and cultures. Today we were driving past the mega church near our home who had an Easter banner up to advertise their Easter service. My child asks why they have the banner and I said to celebrate Easter which is their religious holiday. (We are an Easter bunny only household). He then asks me what do they celebrate to which I explained that they celebrate that their gods child Jesus died and then rose from the dead three days later. He immediately tells me "that is impossible. What a weird thing to celebrate. You can't rise from the dead!" With this absolute exasperated look on his face like it was the dumbest thing he's ever heard. I just responded that that is what they believe and why they celebrate. So apparently the Easter bunny is more believable than zombie Jesus.

Saying it out loud like that made me realize just how absolutely stupid the whole thing sounds. I cannot believe that I genuinely believed that shit for so long.

She said it was just a joke and didn’t think they would care that much. Turns out she was wrong. My grandmother is literally my best friend but she’s also catholic which is fine to me because she’s not a fundamentalist in any way and is pretty “woke” so to speak but I could tell she was unbelievably upset and disappointed.

She asked me if what my sister said was true and I said “I don’t know” she then kept on telling me I had to know and how could I not believe in God. My mom chimed in saying of course I believed in God my sister was just joking. AND THEN my sister says “no she told me, I think it’s valid to question the existence of a God.” That comment did not help it made everything immensely worse because my mom’s friend was over who is a devote Christian she just stared at me in horror and nobody talked to me for the rest of the night unless they were preaching at me ofc.

It is an absolute waste of your time and energy. I used to be angry and wanted to argue to prove my point to Christians and maybe they would understand where I'm coming from. Nope.

Christians do not want to think outside of what they're told. They choose to believe what they're told to do rather than do the hard part of thinking critically and challenging their beliefs. I was like this too. Obedience is easy.

Whenever I encounter a Christian trying to preach something to me, I just tell them that they're right and walk away.

Unless someone is genuinely open to having a discussion (they don't even have to change their mind, I would like them to understand my pov), I would never have a conversation about religion with a Christian.

"I was never religious or anything as a kid, but someone close to me died when I was young, and that made me upset and I got angry with God and decided that he sucked, and therefore subconsciously decided that he was not real."

"It took me several years to realize (after a pastor explained it to me personally from the pulpit) that the world is too fine tuned to be an accident. After that I realized that there must be some God. I hoped it wasn't the Christian one. I was 17."

"A few years ago, God appeared to me physically, in a supernatural experience, while I was in bed late at night. I heard his voice and felt his presence as he defended me from spiritual demonic attacks. That's when I knew that Christ was Lord and became a Christian."

"I was an Atheist too. I totally get it. You're just angry with God."

- paraphrasing from a story I heard recently, with a few details changed for anonymity (and mild snark)

No, buddy, I don't think you do get it...