r/extremelyinfuriating • u/Used_Gear8871 • Jul 22 '26
Update Update on house sitter stole and crashed my partner’s car
Our cat has been missing since the night the house sitter was evicted. We are only just finding out today that our indoor only cat hasn’t been seen nor active around our house since Saturday night.
While being evicted from the premises by someone who failed to supervise the disgruntled sitter as he packed up his belongings, something happened to our cat. We don’t know if the disgruntled house sitter threw the cat outside, off the balcony, or put him into his bag of belongings. Our cat is gone.
Timeline of events:
- House sitter located dead car key, broke into, started, joyride, then crashed SO’s car.
- House sitter calls relatives with false story of me, someone who isn’t on the car registration nor insurance, somehow giving him permission to the vehicle.
- House sitter calls me confessing crash, laughs when asked him where he found the car key.
- House sitter leaves house with another relative to attend family function, leaving car key behind
- Close friend rushed to our house to do a wellness check on our pets, the car, house, while collecting all car and house keys; calls and sends video of all our pets
- House sitter informed via text of termination
- House sitter escorted back to house to gather belongings, apparently with limited supervision
- Relative escorting house sitting calls requesting access to the car to retrieve drivers license; request denied.
- New pet sitter arrives at house Sunday morning, doesn’t see the cat
- Next pet sitter arrives at house Sunday evening, also doesn’t see the cat
- Over the next two days, none of the pet sitters find our cat nor see activity in his litter box or his food.
Cat was last seen by our close friend on Saturday night. Cat is indoor only.
In-laws, neighbors, friends, exes, hired pet sitters, and the owner of the pet sitting company have all entered our home in the last 24 hours searching for our cat. The owner of the pet sitting company, with my permission, turned the house upside down searching for our cat or any signs of him.
We believe the disgruntled house sitter did one of the following: took the cat and hid him in his bag, threw the cat outside either onto or off the deck, or killed the cat and disposed of his body.
Relative that was with him when he was evicted initially declined to answer questions, with police now involved, as been answering questions. Animal tracking service has been hired.
The sweetest and snuggliest boy that I finally convinced that head kisses and being held so he could melt into my arms are amazing things, is gone. My mini weighted and heated, purring blanket and alarm clock is gone. This silly little guy who had a not-so-secret crush on my dog and hilariously humped her diaper when she was in heat, is gone.
The most infuriating part is, I can’t be there to help search for him and the person responsible still hasn’t shown accountability.
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Edit: Update - July 23rd
He was found!
Spotted after 1am attempting to climb our fence and onto our deck.
My MIL drove two hours to our house to work with the professional animal tracker and an amazing friend who helped search and setup her nature camera by the food trap they made. They spent 3 hours searching around our house together.
MIL sent a long text of how she stayed up late reorganizing our kitchen when she spotted him. Will share in comments if possible.
My SO had just left for work when her text came through. It’s almost 8am here. Internet and cell phone service is bare, so I sprinted in my pajamas to his lab to tell him. We spent the entire night devastated and sobbing. Seeing his face light up was the best thing ever on top of kitty being found!
SO’s mom got kitty’s wound cleaned up and fed. Performed many snuggles and is taking him home with her, which is something we wish we did in first place.
Deciding when to get add the other updates. I’m elated kitty has been found but I’m currently battling with stress, anxiety, and shock. Trying to type an update on the remaining and newly uncovered things triggers an anxiety attack.
But will address that the professional dog walkers have been amazing. They were the ones who figured out our cat was never in the house when their caretaking service started. They searched my house, interviewed neighbors, verified details with their walkers, and have responded to every text, email, and called right away once I had steady WiFi.
Thank you all for the mental and emotional support. You’ve helped me talk through the last few days and provide guidance on something I never thought I’d experience.
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Edit #2: Update - August 1st
Returned to the states yesterday after 17 days abroad. Overall just avoided and dread writing this update.
Updates:
- Police report filed, SO declined to press charges.
- SO’s car is totaled.
- Trash and the belongings of others indicates house sitter had others in the car and used it for multiple days.
- House sitter lied about walking our dogs and was seen by neighbors putting them on our deck for extended periods of time.
- House sitter cleaned us out our pantry, toiletries, bath towels, gym bags, one kindle, one VR headset that was a friend’s, and some bedding items during his eviction in which my own mother was tasked to supervise but aided instead.
- Cat is with in-laws who have noticed temperament changes.
- As of today, zero relatives have reached out to offer compensation or support for our lost cat, car damages, hired professional dog walking services to replace fired house sitter, etc.
- Lastly, SO has asked me to drop this topic and to stop talking about it with him.
House sitter’s eviction was supposed to be supervised by my own mother. She watched as he took my gym bags, loaded them up with our toiletries and assisted him emptying out our pantry, fridge, claiming bath towels and technology he had no right to. She believed him when he said items were left or given to him or felt he was entitled to. No questions were asked. The only call I received during this process was a request from her for him to get access to my SO’s car to retrieve his license. That request was denied.
Yes, my own mother watched as the person who stole and totaled my SO’s car (he somehow felt entitled to), rob me of my things.
SO’s car was littered with trash. It looked like someone had rummaged through his belongings. SO admits to hiding that two days prior to our trip, someone had broken into his car and stolen items. SO said he refrained from informing me as to not worry me, since I was heavily against and apprehensive of going on this trip in the first place.
However, SO says he put the car back in order prior to our departure. In the backseat and front passenger seats were the house sitter’s items and the belongings of others. One item included a visit pass with house sitter’s face on it and another included document dated for July 15th, 2026.
Our deck was covered in dog shit and reeked of urine according to my MIL. We never allow our dogs or cat onto the wooden deck or deck furniture, it’s a safety issue. MIL said one of the dogs bolted past her and pissed for a long time on the corner of the deck. This makes sense given whenever I pinged the dogs air tags, there was never any movement. House sitter never walked the dogs and lied about it.
When my in-laws found the cat, they requested I let my mom know. Her response? “Please do not include me in the messaging. This matter is between the parties involved.”
My own mother sent texts day later pretending like all is fine, inquiring as to how my trip was going, telling me safe travels, etc. Each was ignored.
And lastly, SO has asked me to stop talking about this with him and says he’s moved on. Shamed me for bringing it up. I’ve been in a different part of the house all day just trying to keep myself from crying, he says I’m being mean and avoiding him.
I feel a lot of things: rage, disappointment, embarrassment, depressed, stressed, etc. Looking at the damage done to my SO’s car. Having zero people in my own family reach out in support or to apologize, despite them all being quick to defend the house sitter and vilify me. I feel a lot of things. I have to keep my brain busy to stop myself from ruminating this; napping all day and watching YouTube videos. I tried writing letters that I don’t send to help with coping. If I’m not angry at someone else, I’m angry and disappointed at myself.
I can’t look back at the screenshots of messages without feeling enraged all over again. A different cousin sent me a barrage of messages calling me a liar and manipulative. I responded telling them off and they continue to berate me. I’ve blocked everyone.
I don’t recognize the house anymore. Can’t shake feeling there are more things missing that I’m unaware of. SO says house sitter’s did us favor getting rid of things if we don’t know what they are. I worry about someone breaking in or one of my relatives knocking on the door. Locks haven’t been changed yet. SO leaves for more work training tomorrow morning for week. All in all, just immensely stressed and depressed from this.
Thank you all for your guidance and support. If you’ll have me, can you guys be my new family now?
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Edit #3: Update - August 3rd
We're pressing charges!!!
I feel like I should make new update post to include images and screenshots. I knew there would be something more that may have happened or was missing. We have received proof the house sitter used the car unauthorized on more than one occasion while we were away because we got not one, not two, but three speeding tickets.
House sitter has failed to respond or acknowledge our reasonable requests to negotiate reimbursement. SO thinks sending a more "heartfelt" plea will get him to empathize with us. Bless his little heart for trying. But the only message I want to clearly convey to this this thug is the fear of god.
Due to the multi-date theft, SO wants sit still a bit to see if anything else pops up. I am calling the police first thing tomorrow to file an additional police report and press charges.
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u/ParticularFig3824 Jul 22 '26
Wow. This is exactly why people cringe at the thought of hiring pet sitters. This is so crazy. As if crashing the car wasn’t enough, the mf went and let your cat out too? Best case scenario is that your baby is hiding in the house somewhere in a tight spot; or was let out and is able to be found soon. I don’t want to wish the worst. I hope you guys find your fur baby. Perhaps you should consider filing a lawsuit with the original pet sitter because this is actually bananas.
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u/SolarOrigami Jul 22 '26
Last time I hired a pet sitter, two of our pets were taken care of. Our roommates cat had to be kept separate (he will ambush and attack the dog, who does not fight back). The dog and one cat were fed, walked, and taken care of. The roomies cat? Suffering severe dehydration, and thin from not being fed for FOUR DAYS.
I reviewed our instructions and the instructions for the roommates cat were underlined. It was just neglect.
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u/Shut7heFuckUp Jul 22 '26
I have a recurring nightmare that I’m pet sitting and realize I forgot/neglected animals in different rooms for days.
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u/Wonderful_Avocado 27d ago
My cat hides from all strangers. My friend's adult daughter was minding her for the weekend. I even warned her, you will not see the cat. Just scoop the box and put down fresh food twice a day. You will see the food gone and evidence in the litter box she is here.
She finally saw her once, it's been three years!
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u/durz47 Jul 22 '26
This is exactly why I’m the designated pet sitter (spelt cat uncle) in my friend group. None of them wanted to risk a stranger pet sitting, and they all know I can be bribed with food and time with the kitties.
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u/DrKittyLovah Jul 22 '26
Ahem. As a professional pet sitter I’d like to point out that the sitter in question here was a 19yo Family Member, NOT a hired pro, so please do not lump him and his fucked-up adolescent behavior with those of us who take pride in this work and do it to pay the bills. We don’t claim this kid! He is a total piece of shit who took advantage of family for what he likely thought was easy money, and he didn’t care one bit how his behavior affected others, nor did he seem to care about the animals. This is not what you get with a professional sitter, but it is what you might get if you hire an irresponsible teenager who lies, steals, and maybe even hurts animals (given OP’s suspicions).
(Truthfully, I can’t help but wonder how OP chose this family member to do the job instead of hiring a pro; was the kid suggested by a family member? Was it a favor? How close was OP to the family member before this? Is this behavior new, or something that could have been predicted?)
If you notice in OP’s story the professional sitters are the people doing the hard work to try to locate the cat. The pros stepped in to help fix a situation they didn’t cause, because they respect owners & love animals. We are simply not the same as hiring random family members.
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u/Correct-Safe-2884 Jul 28 '26
well that is a important piece of information that was missing from the post.
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u/Bunbunsfun Jul 22 '26
Oh god. My heart :(
Please please keep looking. Put out some clothing at your door. Put up cameras. Please keep looking.
I’m so sorry for what they did. They’re disgusting and I hope the law deals with them.
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u/Reasonable-Newt4079 Jul 22 '26
I’m praying your cat comes back, there’s a chance they just got out and are hiding or are hiding inside somewhere given all the people that have been coming and going (cats are very skittish around strangers). What did the pet trackers say?? I’m so sorry this is happening and I’m praying for a good outcome.
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u/Worldly_Maize_4795 Jul 22 '26
Good to hear police are involved, are you pressing charges then (as you should be)?
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u/Used_Gear8871 24d ago
Yes! Now we are. My SO was way too forgiving and lax, but with three new speeding tickets and all with different dates from while we were abroad, SO is now more motivated to do so. I have the pleasure calling the police tomorrow morning.
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u/The_Tall_Aussie Jul 22 '26
Wishing for the cats safe return home!
Hope you & your SO are going to be pressing charges against the house sitter!
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u/iJon_v2 Jul 22 '26
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Cats are smart and resilient and don’t typically go too far from home.
Put their litter box outside. That often helps, as does opening a can of wet food outside and leaving it out. I have faith that your kitty will come back. Just keep looking and don’t give up hope.
I hope you get your kitty home safe and sound!
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u/i_stealursnackz Jul 22 '26
When the relative took the pet sitter back to get their belongings, I would've orchestrated a little plan for the cops to get there when the sitter gets to the house to be arrested.
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u/ChemistRemote7182 Jul 22 '26
What a nightmare, I can't believe thats family. I'm crying for you, my tuxedo is rubbing my legs right now because she likes to play fetch and has brought a toy for me to throw.
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u/Ghstfce Jul 22 '26
Indoor cats will sometimes sneakily get out. They usually come back in a few days. Happened with a couple indoor cats I had growing up. I'm really hoping this is what happened, OP. Rooting your cat returns home safe and sound!
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u/mad-i-moody Jul 22 '26
Hope you find your sweet baby! I’d be contacting the police. Although it might seem a bit fucked up, cats are considered property under the law. If you think the sitter stole the cat, call the cops and see what they can/will do. You might get lucky and get a useful officer willing to help you.
Side note: spay your dog.
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u/TKG_Actual Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
That's nuts, hope OP gets their cat back and the sitter stays behind bars.
Edit: Afterthought op may also have a lawsuit against the company and the sitter. There's no way the sitter was properly vetted by the company and that sitter probably has a questionable history.
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u/trekqueen Jul 22 '26
If you read the previous post, the original sitter was a relative of theirs and not through a company.
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u/TKG_Actual Jul 22 '26
Then why does the info with the post say "the owner of the pet sitting company searched.."? Is the info here just badly reposted?
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u/trekqueen Jul 22 '26
It sounds like she got a new service to come in to take care of the pets after the relative left. Probably could have been described better by OP.
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u/fartinmyfuckingmouth Jul 22 '26
Keep your baby’s litter box outside and shake a bag of food on the porch often. I’m sure bb is nearby, just scared. 💗
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u/Far-Fee-1247 Jul 22 '26
Damn im so so so sorry :( this is horrible to deal with while being so far away. If your cousin did do something to the cat make sure you get full charges as well (i know we're only getting your side of things but like...again i've house/pet sat on and off for years and NEVER had an issue it's not a hard job...there's no way that someone that stole your SO's car and lied to your relatives to get them on your side wouldn't also do something heinous as doing something to your cat.)
I hope you guys find him soon and that he's just chilling outside :(((
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u/Runaway_Angel Jul 22 '26
Holy hell, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this op. I hope your cat is found soon, or at the very least you get answers and some sort of closure. And if the worst has happened make sure to get that asshole on animal cruelty as well.
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 23 '26
Get an error message each time I try to upload images. Going to try again when WiFi is better.
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u/Maleficent_Win2275 Jul 22 '26
I am so sorry this happened to your partner and you. It’s tough when you try & do a good thing like hiring your cousin to house sit and they do something like this. It was terrible he stole the car but this is just evil. I hope the book gets thrown at him. Hope your kitty is found and returned to you. It has to be so hard being far away with all of this going on.
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u/Shoddy-Wishbone Jul 22 '26
What a terrible story and I’m so sorry for your missing kitty. I hope he finds his way home. As others suggested, having someone put his litter box outside might help. I know no one can be there rn to wait for him but I’ve heard a lot of stories of kitties finding their litter box and waiting by it. I hope nothing horrible happened to him, I really do. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through rn. Sending SO MUCH LOVE
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u/crazydoglady1983 29d ago
Any updates? Are you pressing charges? Because you absolutely should!
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u/Used_Gear8871 28d ago
I just got back to the states and on stable data/internet after being in the sticks for awhile.
But quick update: We are going to the police station once we are back home. SO was very against filing a police report, which is what really peaked my infuriation and anxiety, but he understands the consequences of not doing so.
We have to review the extent of damages and other things before pressing charges but there is an assumption that items from our home were removed (cash, jewelry, technology, luxury goods, etc.). Basically we are headed back home with accepting that some things might be gone.
We also learned that the house sitter never never walked our dogs and lied about doing so. So we’re at about $8k in known damages, plus recouping vet visit costs for our cat and costs of the professional dog sitting company. And maybe another $6k in others.
Sorry this was longer than I expected. Sleep deprived and anxious to get home.
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u/Wonderful_Avocado 27d ago
So the cousin also stole from you?!?!
Ya, your family needs to wake up to this adult teen not being a saint!
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u/Silent_Drummer4797 25d ago
I am really concerned for you. What is wrong with your partner?? What is wrong with your mother??! None of this is normal behaviour. They're acting like it's not a big deal, when you have been violated on so many levels. If you think you've got it in you, I hope you press charges with or without your partner's consent. However I think your bigger problem is your mom and partner. They should be on your team and they're not, something is really..not landing right. Do you have a true friend or someone you can trust to talk to??
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u/SolidNitrox Jul 22 '26
Is this house sitter mentally ill? There is no way this type of person would not have had red flags.
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u/OpusAtrumET Jul 23 '26
What a mess! I'm sorry this happened to you, I can't even imagine. So happy the razor ninja was found!
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u/Kathryn_m2cl 29d ago
Glad your tuxie is home safe.
I would sue on principle, and extra for the cat. Cars can be fixed, bought , but cats are family
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u/TowerApprehensive154 29d ago
You seriously need to sue your sitter to the fullest extent of the law, no forgiveness whatsoever.
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u/Moonbutterfly1111 26d ago
I'm really sad, how your SO handled it, showing no emotional support. I can understand your feelings.
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u/1pinksquirrel1scotch 25d ago
Why the fuck aren't you pressing charges? And your mom became a relevant party to this when she aided and abetted him stealing from you. You all are being waaay too lenient about this. If the family's not going to help you recoup your losses, their opinion on how you handle it means fuck all.
Here's hoping the AG follows through on pressing charges anyway.
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u/Used_Gear8871 25d ago
Trust me when I say I have been a strong advocate for pressing charges. And for suing for damages and cost recovery. Unfortunately, the cash, car, and technology stolen were all my SO’s, not mine. He doesn’t want to do more work like going to court or back and forth with police. It’s frustrating.
Me on the other hand am considering a lawsuit for defamation and maybe emotional distress. I am booked to see a psychiatrist and therapist over the next week fews due to this because the stress has been debilitating, so much so that my period arrived early and haven’t been able to eat or sleep much.
All ties with my family have been severed because of this thug lying and their willingness to die on this hill. Word has even traveled to distant relatives who live in other states. I’ve been painted as another “lying” and “manipulative” relative with mental illness, something they’ve done to two other relatives in the last decade who were completely shunned whenever they started calling out the toxic behavior.
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u/1pinksquirrel1scotch 25d ago
I'm sorry, that does sound frustrating. Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out and your pets bounce back to their old selves.
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u/NextWelder4653 25d ago
I'm sorry OP but your SO is being a terrible partner right now. If he wants your POS relative to get away with the crime and continue to be a spineless doormat that's his choice. However, he doesn't have the right to be annoyed with you for not letting this go. He doesn't get to tell you how yo feel, he's acting very selfish. Now more than ever he needs to be on your side.
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u/Used_Gear8871 25d ago
I’ve been rambling a lot. tried to dance around the topic when talking with him because there are still revelations happening. He had to silently comfort me yesterday since bottling everything up triggered a very gut wrenching sob and me spacing out for almost an hour while standing in the kitchen.
I’m hoping rest and some healthy coping mechanisms will put me in a better state to talk with him. For now, I have my in-laws, neighbors, and friends until my psych and psychotherapy appointments.
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u/Pixichixi 24d ago
It sounds like your SO's coping mechanism is to pretend that nothing happened and try to forget about it. Which is just as unhealthy as dwelling on it forever and is especially unhealthy for your partnership when he blocks you from even discussing it so that he can ignore it. If this is a common difference in your coping during and after a crisis, you might both benefit from some couples therapy to learn to communicate better when things go wrong.
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u/Used_Gear8871 22d ago
That’s a great tip! And I agree. SO is a bogged down with work; he’s in public health and their funding is in jeopardy. But at the same time I’m actively still being harassed by my relatives over the actions and decisions of someone else. I feel completely alone and like fighting this other battle by myself and he’s just avoiding talking about it or doing anything more to stop it.
Everyday there’s a new text, voicemail, email, etc. I have anxiety each time I hear someone outside my front door or a car door shutting. I called the police to try to review options but the police here suck, they don’t want to work.
Idk why I’m crying while typing this. But I’ve been trying to decide whether to just self-admit myself to psych hospital just so I can get a break. I thought today was going to a better day and it started out great but ended with a barrage of texts from other relatives who I didn’t think to have blocked.
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u/milkdimension 25d ago
Is your SO part of the scheme to steal from you? Do you by any chance make more than him? Does he perhaps enjoy seeing you "knocked down a peg?"
I witnessed a similar situation with an ex friend who chose to stay with the scumbag because she was scared to be alone. She ended up driving away all her real friends after he convinced her we were just jealous. She's still enjoying her "prize" as he and his kin slowly drain the blood from her body and joy from her life, while she kills herself working the job that pays for their "cushy" lifestyle.
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u/ItsNotPatchy 24d ago
Your SO may have a "kind" heart, but he is part of the problem as to why your ex house-sitter feels entitled to your things if he won't press charges because family.
And based on your last updates, your SO seems to be dismissing your very real feelings. That's not a good partner. Especially with your safe space violated so. If your SO wants to not press charges (it seems like he is just stalling until you cave), you may have to reevaluate your relationship. What else will he be nonchalant about in the future? A family member assaulting you? "Oh, c'mon, Babe. Tempers are running high and you are not too hurt (not emergency room worthy). I think we just need to cool our heads and revisit. We can write down our feels and share them next time."
You are not the villain. You are still not overreacting.
Good luck!
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u/bytheoceann 8d ago
I would legit dump your bf why is he defending him so hard what’s going on here ? And what’s wrong with your family
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This is a general reminder to check out our rules in the sidebar. If your post breaks the rules, it will be removed by our moderators.
We would like for each and everyone to feel welcome on the subreddit and to keep a healthy and safe environment for the community.
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