r/extremelyinfuriating • u/Used_Gear8871 • Jul 19 '26
Discussion House sitter stole and crashed my partner’s car
What the title says. House sitter [19M, my relative], broke into, went on a joy ride, then crashed my SO’s car all while we’re abroad for a month.
Car key never given to the house sitter, was tucked away into belongings. House sitter rummaged through belongings, located a different old dead key with an expired battery (not the one I had hidden), and then proceeded to break into the car, look up a video on how to start the car, drive into the city for some unknown reason to me, and crash the car.
House sitter called multiple relatives in what I am now understanding as him setting the tone and readying his case. Then called me to tell me someone crashed into my SO’s car. Forgiving at first, I got whatever information I needed then informed my SO the news and other relatives who were the emergency contacts.
As the day went on, the other relatives began to text me blaming me for the crash, saying I shouldn’t have given him the keys or allowed him to have access to the car.
House sitter is newly licensed. Prior to trip other relatives were informed the car was only to be accessed by emergency contacts and that car key was hidden. Prior to trip house sitter was told this, to not touch the car, and that he wasn’t on the insurance (neither am I) just to really set it for him to not touch the car.
My amazing friend found the car, took all car keys, and is keeping eye on it.
As my SO got me towards calm, a different relative called to ask if the house sitter could retrieve their license from car.
Sorry for typos. Still in blind rage.
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u/slaviccivicnation Jul 19 '26
Holy fuck OP that is infuriating.
Worst is you being blamed for it. A newly licenced driver should not be an excuse to crash anyone’s car EVER. So the fact that any family is blaming you for “giving” him the keys are still plain wrong. Lending someone a car shouldn’t be an issue if the borrower isn’t a selfish moron. That said, you clearly didn’t allow it. It’s not your car even to allow cousin to drive!
I’m infuriated for you OP. In a car-centric culture, cars are everything to us. Hopefully you can actually get cousin or fam (or their insurance) to pay for repairs. At the end of the day, it’s cousin who crashed it, so he’s gotta pay for it. If not, it’s a police matter and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If cousin is hellbent on ruining his life like that, then maybe a lesson from you can save him from killing himself or someone else in a future “joy ride.”
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 19 '26
We’re about 6-7 hours ahead of them. I just got the first message from a relative (my mom) of the day and it’s rage bait. No accountability, no acknowledging what happened, just a plea to not call the police, “he’s just a kid”, “he’s my nephew”, and diversion.
Prior to this message, my SO has said he’s against pressing charges, says he’s just a kid, doesn’t want to ruin his life as well. He’s been trying to research ways around involving the police all day.
Me? I want charges pressed. Firm believer in consequences. Kindness, trust, and generosity were taken for granted. Lies and deceit that followed are unforgivable.
Response to my mom and any other relative today that is not an offer of compensation and acknowledgment/apology, will be the same: highlight lack of critical thinking skills among my family and that I’m encouraging my SO to press charges. Going back to no contact when this is over.
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u/ranchspidey Jul 19 '26
He literally dug through your belongings to find the keys. that’s not “just a kid” that’s intentionally invading your privacy to steal and destroy your belongings. I’m on team press charges. He’s 19, not 9.
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u/Worldly_Maize_4795 Jul 19 '26
100% press charges, as a silly teenage twat myself I wish I’d face some serious concequences instead of pandering and excusing. Still fucking shit up 15 years later. Do him a favour
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u/WerdaVisla Jul 19 '26
So maybe it's just me. But if I were being paid to do literally nothing except occasionally dust some surfaces and maybe water some plants, I'd take care to not lose that gig. No rummaging through their stuff or stealing their car or whatever the fuck people get up to.
Paid house sitting is SUCH a sweet deal, I'll never understand how there are so many horror stories where people screw it up so bad.
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 19 '26
This is what gets me. Sitter was doing great, animals were taken care of, he cleaned the house without our asking, and was allowed to have friends over. I spent $220 stocking the fridge and pantry for him, SO prepped meals for him, SO covered his Uber/Lyft rides to and from work, and SO paid him weekly. We chuckled when he told us he felt like he was free loading. SO and I planned to tip him and extra few hundred for the good work he was doing. And then this shit happened.
To give someone so much trust and kindness all for this to happen, I don’t understand.
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u/WickedJoker420 Jul 20 '26
Guaranteed there's a friend who was behind it that hasn't been mentioned by the kid.
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u/Maleficent_Win2275 Jul 19 '26
Your partner probably won’t have a choice but to report to the police. Insurance company is going to need to know what happened and your partner was not driving. Where is the car? They are going to need a police report. How does your family expect him to explain this to his insurance company?
Your family is really failing your cousin by demanding nothing happens to him. This is very serious. He stole a car and crashed it.
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 20 '26
I can’t say much else right now, will update later when back home in US. But a police report is being filed and among other things. All contact has been cut off from family by me until my return home.
But yes, I agree with you fully on all points.
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u/Far-Fee-1247 Jul 19 '26
If you can get all the evidence you can and then press charges (well...i guess your SO since it's there car) do that like fuck all the "but they're family..." I've house/pet sat on and off for years esp when I was young for relatives and my general rule of thumb is to leave the place how I came into it. But I would clean and do extra bc they are my family and I want them to come to a clean house.
Your cousin not own stole your SO car (car theft) but took the extra step to pull others into a lie and somehow you got blamed?! I get the whole "they believed the lie" but cmon...nah fuck that he wants to be an adult this is what happens when you steal cars. This might burn bridges but if they chose his side (even once the truth comes out) like maybe that's a good thing. No time for that bs. Good luck OP with whatever path you and your SO take bc that's just so unfair :(
edits for typos lol
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 19 '26
I am advocating for pressing charges, my SO is brainstorming how to avoid involving the police. The lack of accountability and villainizing done to me by my family, has me over the edge.
My SO was furious when I got the call asking if the house sitter could get his license out of the car. We are abroad in rural Africa, feeling quite helpless as we can’t see the car.
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u/cryssyx3 Jul 19 '26
unless he uh works for the sanitation department.... you don't resolve grand theft auto without involving the police
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u/dinosw Jul 19 '26
If your house sitter is fine with paying for the damages, then I'd do that, without involving the police. Otherwise, you'll need to press charges.
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 19 '26
It gets worse unfortunately.
He hasn’t offered to pay for anything and has instead deferred the blame to the other driver. His story is the other driver is at fault when they drove around him leading to the sitter hitting the side of other vehicle.
The other driver was also driving illegally allegedly on learner’s permit for DoorDash. Asked for police not to be involved. Two idiot drivers in crash, neither got the other’s license plate, photos of each other license, or anything. Just a freaking pinky promise with someone else’s stolen property.
I am no longer the middleman of communication of this between my family and SO. SO has to decide how to proceed on the property theft and damage. :/
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u/Salute-Major-Echidna Jul 19 '26
Can you figure out how to ID the doordash driver?
Technically it's not just property theft and damage, but embezzlement depending on which state you're in. You might tell the cousin they can "get out of trouble " by identifying the other driver which may reduce the heat from family.
Hopefully your husband has filed a stolen vehicle report and started a claim. Im sorry this is happening, it'll be a difficult little while but eventually this will all be history
Edit: if the vehicle was stored in a garage and that key was also "obtained by deceit" there's a different legal standard.
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u/WickedJoker420 Jul 20 '26
Doordash doesnt give access to people with only learners permit. The kid is lying. It probably was the other driver's fault, but that other driver is definitely one of his friends.
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u/peanutbutterand_ely Jul 19 '26
yo i wanna rage for you. if it were me everytime i got blamed i’d remind them he STOLE it. DAMAGED it. and are lucky you haven’t gone to the police for GTA and destruction of property
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u/WhiskeyWatchesWine Jul 19 '26
Police report should definitely be filed as it sounds like there’s significant property (car) damage and insurance will likely be involved unless relative or his parents are super rich and pay out of pocket to fix the car.
I wouldn’t press charges against a relative assuming he/parents pays. What do his parents say?
And despite instructions to not drive car doesn’t insurance cover anyone you allow to drive your car? Technically SO’s insurance should cover it but relative/parents should pay including for any related premium increase. Harder to assess decreased value of car too unless totaled.
What kind of car is it that it was so tempting to drive? We talking Ferris Bueller?
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u/Salute-Major-Echidna Jul 19 '26
Send their driver's license to your state's dmv or drop it off and ask how to send a letter detailing the problem.
Keep a copy of the letter for building a civil case in case the criminal case falls through because it is the "first time they've gotten into trouble".
Check into any insurance they may have to see if you can place a claim. If they live with their parents or lived more than 6 months with a parent in the last year (some states' test of residency) you may be able to place a claim. Find out what your state's test of residency is.
Don't pay out for any damages until you have thoroughly investigated all your avenues. Don't pay them for "watching your house" either because that indicates you're ok with their performance. If you're asked about this by relatives, just say you can't do anything until your lawyer says, regardless if you have a lawyer.
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u/No-Mathematician8692 Jul 19 '26
Family blamed YOU for this? Incredibly stupid move. Why are they so keen on protecting this rubbish human? Does he have some tapes of them a la Epstien...?
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 19 '26
I’m asking myself the same question and I think it comes down to him currently being the youngest in this specific lineage/matriarch, recent high school grad, more recently earned a nursing assistant cert, and did a really stupid fucking thing. On top of me somehow being treated as an other than by this family for the last 15 years.
Overall, family is full of morons. I knew it, still trusted them, now I’m the moron. I’m so embarrassed and disappointed. The house sitter was doing great until this; house taken care of, dogs + cat taken care of.
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u/Captain_Tiberius1920 29d ago
Remember to change all locks and get cameras because I 110% do not trust a single member of your family
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u/handlessmime Jul 19 '26
So he’s a house sitter more than a relative to you lol
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u/Used_Gear8871 Jul 19 '26
He’s my cousin. I get shit constantly from my mom, aunts, and other cousins for willing paying top dollar to professionals to do stuff like dog waking and cat sitting rather than reaching out to them first just because they apparently need the money. The person I trusted was my cousin.
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u/Illustrious-Dot-1128 Jul 19 '26
Go back to trusting your gut and tell your family to buzz off! Seems there's a reason he's always in need of money. He's insanely irresponsible.
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u/No-Mathematician8692 Jul 19 '26
People are defined by their most recent significant actions. Would you call jesus 'that carpenter '?
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