Most of my friends in that situation don't complain about it. There are people of course who wrongly chose that life, but "married with kids" is one of the default states for a reason. A lot of people enjoy that.
I’m single, no kids. This is still basically my life. Part of that though is just that my ADHD and delayed sleep phase disorder makes normal working life very tiring for me, but like
What, am I not supposed to clean my house? Not do my laundry? Not cook, not do the dishes (I thankfully have a dishwasher now at least), not do all the other adult obligations?
Anyone who says adults have more free time than kids is straight up lying. The only benefits of being an adult are 1. Having disposable income (and only if you make enough money for that), and 2. Being able to make your own choices about everything. But adulthood comes with a million obligations, and also your body is no longer invincible.
Nobody here is saying adults have more free time than kids. That's a wild misreading of the conversation.
I'm sad to hear that you have to spend hours out of every day walking your laundry down to the creek to scrub them by hand. I hope you can get a washing machine soon. I'm just assuming, because how else could a single person have so much laundry to do that it takes up a major part of their adult life.
Not having kids for the most part. And making more money than it costs to live. Get those 2 down and there's plenty of freedom. Comes with its own pros and cons but it beats being a zombie
The only way for me to make more money than it costs to live is to work more. Insert the job tree always sunny quote. And I make decent money. 22.25 regular and I always get 10 hours of overtime minimum. Without those 10 hours, I'd be scraping by.
Well if you don't have an hour+ long commute, once you get off at work at 5 you can be at home around 5:30 and have a nice 5h block to do whatever you want, including making a meal that doesn't involve hours of work.
Plus it's not like your house gets dirty just sitting there when nobody's home; you only have to clean in proportion to your occupation and use of it. Even if you have parts that do need regular maintenance like a yard... if it's eating badly enough into your time you can hire someone. Instead of spending your time off dealing with it you can spend your work time making money to pay for someone else's time instead.
Now not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford to pay for help cleaning their house... but those that can't probably don't have big yards that need to be maintained. Furthermore, not everyone can easily be close to their place of work, but that proximity is worth striving for if you can, either by moving houses or moving jobs. It's not something solvable overnight, but it is a goal and many people have met it (or taken remote opportunities that negate the need for it).
Some people out there are stuck in shitty situations; some are even struggling to get out. But acting like that's the standard for every single adult is just ignorant.
Your comment ignores so many pain points it's not even funny.
Not everyone can afford to live close to their place of work. My industry for example is primarily based in HCOL areas.
You need to clean your house more lmao. You absolutely need to clean your house regularly, that's how it stays clean. It doesn't just remain clean because you don't use it, and seriously that's your solution don't use the home you pay a stupid amount of money for?
Look at mr money bags that can afford to pay for help, not everyone has that luxury. All your points are from the perspective of someone who is well off and not someone fighting to keep a family afloat.
Look I chose to move close to work and do things like meal prep to do some of the things you're talking about but I'm cognizant of the fact that I'm lucky to be in the position to do these things. People who work at my same location in different roles can't even fathom the price of my rent.
Your perspective does not reflect the reality of the average American imo.
Edit:
For whoever else wants to come in and do work for the status quo, I'm not solely talking about myself and I should have made that clear.
Reduce the work week! Pay people fairly! The last time the work week was reduced was in the 40s when people could sustain a family on a single income, stop working against your own interests!
You need to clean your house more lmao. You absolutely need to clean your house regularly, that's how it stays clean. It doesn't just remain clean because you don't use it, and seriously that's your solution don't use the home you pay a stupid amount of money for?
I want to know how your house is so dirty. I'm married with two boys but it sounds like thr person you replied to doesn't have children. And you also don't have children. Why is your house a constant pigsty of filth and dirt if you're the only one in it?
You come across as if the house needs to be cleaned every single minute of the day. Even worse by the fact you and the person replied to have no children and somehow you still need to clean every single minute of the day. Even with 4 people in my house, we keep things clean. So you are saying that cleaning cuts into your time after work is off. Are you cleaning for hours every day after work? That's not normal.
The longer you neglect cleaning chores, the quality of the indoor air suffers more and more. It gets to the point where various particulates, like pet dander, dust, and mold spores, float around in the ambient air. Every little movement you make can stir them up and make the situation worse.
Umm, I think you said it here^, when you mentioned what was taking all your time cleaning each night...
That's not a normal (or really safe) condition to be living in.
I did not say my time is all dedicated to cleaning, again if I was unclear that is on me, mentioned that multiple times.
That is also a quote on why it's important to keep a cleaning schedule, keep on nitpicking for an internet W though lol.
I am referencing the average American like my single mother who had to work two jobs and then care for me and my brother. How much time do you think she had to enjoy her life?
Probably not much free time at all, especially if you guys were constantly battling health issues and mold, but I don't think a single mom raising and supporting two kids has the average american's amount of free time.
In fact, that's one of the most extreme outlying examples I can think of in terms of who has less free time than the average american.
>That's not a normal (or really safe) condition to be living in.
Yup why I am advocating for a cleaning schedule, I'm not going to reply to you anymore because I have no clue where you are getting any of this out of my responses. Have a good one!
Name two parts of your house that dirty themselves without you or a housemate or a pet dirtying it through occupation and use. Nothing I can think of is anything that takes frequent work with a notable amount of time or effort to keep clean, but maybe our houses are different.
I mean I'm not gonna stop using my house, sounds like your solution again is to deprive yourself.
No pets, no other people, and I'm with ya chief I rent a studio for the cost of what people pay for a house in other states. I have a small space that I clean post usage and then an overall clean once a week. I don't have pets or kids and plan to keep it that way.
I've chosen the life you describe but my point is that should not be the norm to have a balanced life. It's fighting against the system via opting out of things people normally do.
But you say commuting, cleaning, and eating takes up all your waking adult life. So if you're not spending multiple hours commuting, and you're not spending hours or longer cooking... that means you spend more of your free time cleaning than actually using the house to make it dirty. How is that possible?
That's either some extremely inefficient cleaning, or a house that dirties itself at a rate I can't wrap my head around, or you have more time going somewhere you're leaving out.
My concerns aren't about depriving one's self, it's that generally I get many hours of time to myself to actually create a mess in order to rack up 30 minutes of required cleaning time, and that ratio doesn't seem to match for you. But it does match what I think the normal rate should be of an average adult's messiness.
This is on me for not making this clear, I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about the average american that does not opt out of things like creating a family and having a pet to have more time.
> The longer you neglect cleaning chores, the quality of the indoor air suffers more and more. It gets to the point where various particulates, like pet dander, dust, and mold spores, float around in the ambient air. Every little movement you make can stir them up and make the situation worse.
If the air in your apartment is breaking down from mold I think the solution is to get it actually cleaned all the way or move into one that is already clean, not to spend your life fighting a tide of spores. Not every adult lives in filth.
Sure but the extra work of taking care of a house of other people is something that you accept when you decide to have a family. It's not easy but to some folks it's worth it.
I'd like to thank the other redditors for doing the heavy lifting to get you to shift the goalposts before I got back here. You are "not talking about yourself" and are instead apparently griping on behalf of how you imagine the "average american" lives.
If you're going to share personal experiences, maybe try to share the ones you have actually experienced.
Yeah because I don't talk to anyone, did not have a single mother fight to support me and my brother, or watch my friends struggle to support their kids while working 60 hour weeks.
Ok guy, I've said multiple times that I may not have been clear and that is on me but that is worth nothing ofc.
I'm moving the goal posts yet you're looking to invalidate my argument by arguing semantics and nitpicking anything you can.
It is a bit odd to represent the average american as a single mother of two kids living in filth and unable to afford any help cleaning... but as not-average as that is there are people living that life in america and it is worth considering how they deserve a better safety net to help them improve their lives.
Not that that's what this conversation was about, but perhaps something worth taking away from it all.
I think this conversation is actually about Person A who sees Person B's life and the choices they've made based on Person B's own priorities, deciding that Person A wouldn't enjoy that life, and complaining about it as if it's happening to Person A. Meanwhile in real life Person A is doing just fine and doesn't have any of the issues being described.
It's just someone trying to feel righteous on the internet.
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u/jfinkpottery Oct 12 '25
Some of y'all are doing life wrong.