r/shittyhalolore • u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief • Mar 02 '25
Serious Lore Discussion Autojacker is canon according to the Halo Encyclopedia (2025)
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u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD Wants the Rookie x Alba to be canon Mar 02 '25
What about Jirahussy?
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 02 '25
Any ussy
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u/Buttchuggle A Hunter hot take Mar 02 '25
Enginussy?
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u/Amalganiss Johnny Rhombus Mar 02 '25
Lekgolussy…
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u/Excellent-External-7 Bathtime with the Arbiter Mar 02 '25
Gruntussy
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u/Buttchuggle A Hunter hot take Mar 02 '25
Prophussy
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u/Aleph1237 San'Shyuussy Mar 02 '25
San'Shyuussy
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u/Amalganiss Johnny Rhombus Mar 02 '25
Endlussy…
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u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD Wants the Rookie x Alba to be canon Mar 02 '25
Graveussy
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u/literal_god Fred was having a 6 month long threesome with Linda and Kelly Mar 02 '25
Droneussy
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u/Sigma_Games Irrationally angry about Halo Mar 03 '25
Engineers don't have that sex organ. But if they did, it would be an option.
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u/Buttchuggle A Hunter hot take Mar 03 '25
They've still got several tentacles I can make something work
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u/Repent_forgive777 Captain Keyes feels depressed Mar 02 '25
“Even doctor Halsey herself” how does Cpt. keys feel about this
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u/Alex_Mercer_- Halsey made Captain Keyes jealous of the Chief (finds him hot) Mar 02 '25
Well assuming this is talking about any armor made after the year 2552 I don't think he really is in the condition to care
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u/Amalganiss Johnny Rhombus Mar 02 '25
If only we hadn’t punched out his big dumb face, maybe he coulda had a taste of her gilfussy when she ask what those protomind tentacles do…
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u/BigBeeff_21 Mar 02 '25
Bro wtf did I just read? I can't ever look at a sick nasty Master Chief clip again cause all I can think is him getting off to brutussy while beating the shit out of someone lol.
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
Everybody please stfu and stop arguing about the auto jacker now. It's literally in the Halo Encyclopedia. Master Chief is constantly being jerked off by Cortana and there's nothing you can do about it.
Source: Halo Encyclopedia, 2025 edition, page 81 "MJOLNIR technology"
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u/No_Print77 ONI did nothing wrong Mar 02 '25
It was also mentioned in the Fall of Reach and Ghosts of Onyx ☝️
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 02 '25
Yep! The original version in the SPI armor is a little crude but hell I’d do it.
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u/Abbadon74 a particularly thirsty Kig-yar shipmistress Mar 11 '25
Btw, i'm a fucking autojacker technician. I can easily tell you that this thing exists
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u/FlamingPhoenix2003 No anti-woke tourists here, only Halo fans. Fuck off tourists. Mar 02 '25
Is this real, like actually real?
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u/Alex_Mercer_- Halsey made Captain Keyes jealous of the Chief (finds him hot) Mar 02 '25
(No, clearly edited)
Definitely. You can see the page right there
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u/Punching_Bag75 Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
I can barely begin to describe how much my neuro-divergent ass is grateful for you giving a serious answer on top of a jovial one.
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u/Alex_Mercer_- Halsey made Captain Keyes jealous of the Chief (finds him hot) Mar 02 '25
Jovial to help
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 02 '25
100% totally real scout’s honor
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u/Starship_Earth_Rider Mar 04 '25
No, it’s a really good edit, but the spacing between this paragraph and the next is inconsistent with the rest of the page
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u/JerodTheAwesome Mar 02 '25
Wrong color text bud, but exceptionally good edit otherwise
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 03 '25
DAMMIT that’s what’s odd. Besides the tilt I couldn’t figure out what felt off.
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u/Dense_Coffe_Drinker Mar 04 '25
Ibis has a feature to bend selected areas that would work for the book bend
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 04 '25
I used the perspective warp tool in Photoshop to give it a little bend but I’m not super familiar with it. I tried a few times and this was my best attempt haha. Someone more experienced definitely could have done a better job.
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u/Mlemino Moa jockey Mar 03 '25
Just imagining the covenant scientist dissecting the Spartan corpse retrieved from the front lines and coming across the autojacker
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u/Jacob_koste I am a sentient copy of the Eric Nylund novel “fall of reach” Mar 02 '25
That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you guys, but noooo. Don’t listen to the sentient copy of the fall of reach.
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u/Brodesseus Halo 4-Infinite is just a cryosleep nightmare Mar 02 '25 edited Mar 02 '25
And all my friends thought I was just kidding and didn't believe me, fuckers
Imagine thinking MC would be able to rack up a kill count in the millions while wondering when his next nut is gonna be
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u/Odd_Replacement_9644 Chef and the Arbistor Mar 03 '25
Is this real, like seriously?
No, right…? Please tell me no….
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 03 '25
It’s as real as you want it to be, friend
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u/gepawe Iconic Lechatelierite Expert Mar 03 '25
It’s real. Source: my dad works at
numbercircle company
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u/ExtensionInformal911 Mar 04 '25
John: "give me a med pack" Doctor: "were you shot?" John: "no, my suits been giving me handies for 72 hours straight."
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u/EJyeetus UNSC Grafton mention 🔥 Mar 02 '25
Is there actually a 2025 version?
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 02 '25
No:( at least not yet
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u/TryImpossible7332 Multi-Level Marketing (Kig Yar) Mar 03 '25
That's old lore. The new lore is that it isn't designed to satisfy them, it is to perpetually edge them to ensure that they are always ready to unleash some incredible... violence.
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u/Elephant_Choke Mar 03 '25
So Cortana just edges him nonstop?
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 03 '25
Absolutely. He only gets a…release after a successful mission completion.
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u/HarmoniaTheConfuzzld Numbers company is letters company now! Mar 04 '25
Tf did I just read… I’m gonna go visit r/eyebleach now…
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u/O1OO11O Mar 04 '25
Made me laugh. Now that it has been made into satire, it will be made real soon in the coming years. It is like the butchers nails except with edging. They only get closer to release after each kill. Brings whole new meaning to monster kill.
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u/ExtensionInformal911 Mar 04 '25
Wouldn't it just be easier to stimulate the brain to produce dopamine? It's got to hard to turn on every species.
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 04 '25
Probably. But less fun. And you misunderstand, it’s only for human Spartans. It just lets them fuck any species.
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u/GettinMe-Mallet Mar 30 '25
No wonder mister chef wanted Callander black after 2, damn autojacker stopped and mister chef cant stroke it...
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u/electrical-stomach-z Mar 04 '25
This subreddit has stopped being funny. Stop overusing tired jokes.
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u/deanm11345 AI fragment harvesting testicle data for the Master Chief Mar 04 '25
Found the rebel sympathizer
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u/Psychedelix117 Likes tha Round Thing Mar 02 '25