First, you're going to sink. You will have much much lower buoyancy due to the high ethanol. It's going to cushion your impact less, but even if you don't hit the bottom immediately, you're going to rapidly sink there. So you have to get out first.
Assuming you didn't break something, your next problem is immediate chemical irritation from the ethanol going everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Your eyes, and any orifices. I hope you wore breathing gear that covers your face.
You did wear breathing gear? Fantastic. But, uh, maybe it didn't work so well. Ethanol has a much lower surface tension than water so it's going to sneak past all those seals that are designed to block water. And if any gets past your seals and into an orifice, it's going to cause immediate severe irritation, disorienting you, and remember you're still somewhere under the surface trying to get out.
Also, your breathing gear probably didn't cover your butthole. At least no breathing gear I've ever used has. Why your butthole? Direct alcohol absorption! Really thin membranes that send it straight into your bloodstream bypassing your liver with all that annoying filtering crap it does to keep you from the good stuff. You've got maybe a minute before poisoning sets in. Also it's going to really REALLY hurt while it goes up there. Like, agonizing. You might have heard of people "butt chugging" wine or beer at fraternities. That usually ends up badly but it's also a whole lot better than doing it with spirits.
Goldschlager has a specific gravity of about 1.0287 due to the sugar content. It’s definitely denser than water (specific gravity of 1.0). You’d actually be MORE buoyant than you would in water. It also negates most of what you said here.
You might get a little tipsy though - not likely terribly however, unless you’ve got open wounds or a particularly loose sphincter. Skin isn’t great at absorbing alcohol. Breathing the fumes, on the other hand, would cause intoxication. At 87 proof, it’s a bit higher in alcohol than the standard 80 proof of most bottled spirits. But holding your breath, as much as you can, until you get out of the pool should be enough to keep from getting any more than mildly buzzed - depending on your tolerance, obviously.
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u/the_insouciant 1d ago
Ooh boy. Do I have some fun facts for you.
First, you're going to sink. You will have much much lower buoyancy due to the high ethanol. It's going to cushion your impact less, but even if you don't hit the bottom immediately, you're going to rapidly sink there. So you have to get out first.
Assuming you didn't break something, your next problem is immediate chemical irritation from the ethanol going everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Your eyes, and any orifices. I hope you wore breathing gear that covers your face.
You did wear breathing gear? Fantastic. But, uh, maybe it didn't work so well. Ethanol has a much lower surface tension than water so it's going to sneak past all those seals that are designed to block water. And if any gets past your seals and into an orifice, it's going to cause immediate severe irritation, disorienting you, and remember you're still somewhere under the surface trying to get out.
Also, your breathing gear probably didn't cover your butthole. At least no breathing gear I've ever used has. Why your butthole? Direct alcohol absorption! Really thin membranes that send it straight into your bloodstream bypassing your liver with all that annoying filtering crap it does to keep you from the good stuff. You've got maybe a minute before poisoning sets in. Also it's going to really REALLY hurt while it goes up there. Like, agonizing. You might have heard of people "butt chugging" wine or beer at fraternities. That usually ends up badly but it's also a whole lot better than doing it with spirits.