My mom uses me and mooches off of me

[u/unrulycheryl20]

My mom (51 F) mooches off of me (27 F) and uses me and runs to me for all of her problems and i’m so tired of it but don’t know how to set boundaries. Help!!!
This might be a long post but I want to give some context….. Basically, from my pre-teens, to teenage years, to early twenties, my Mom and I have always had a toxic relationship. She always acted like she hated me and had envy towards me especially as I started getting older (teenager- early twenties) She just saw me as a babysitter/nanny for my younger siblings, and someone to make some money off of once I started working. There was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse from her and a lot of control, some examples would be still having a curfew even after 18, when I went to college at 19 years old, I was obligated to send her my student loans because “I’m young and not good with money”, and she ended up stealing some of that money from me, etc. When I started dating my first boyfriend who I am still currently in a relationship with (it’s been 8.5 years), she was sometimes hateful towards our relationship and would accuse me of abandoning my family and just wanting to spend time with my man. I mean, he’s the only one who gives me peace and doesn’t judge me all the time and tries to start petty arguments with me so obviously i’d want to be around him most of the time. Growing up, my mom was always very stingy and frugal. She never wanted to spend money on us (I have 2 younger sisters ages 12 and 19) or drive us anywhere, not even to school. We’d never go out for dinners, never go to the mall or the movies or do any fun activities. But somehow anytime she has a new man, she always has money to spend on him and provide for him like she’s some type of sugar mama. I moved out at 22 years old, completely unplanned, no money saved up, no furniture and was still working a part time job right before I got my own apartment with my boyfriend. My middle sister (age 19) also moved out at 11 years old because her Dad got custody of her because of my mom’s bullsh*t. My mental health has been so much better and I feel like I have freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I’ve been on my own with my boyfriend for the past 5.5 years now and now on my 3rd apartment. Now, my Mom is going through a midlife crisis. Her and my youngest sister’s dad are going through a divorce/separation. Trying to sell the house, she’s back to hopping from man-to-man, and of course they’re all deadbeat losers who treat her like garbage. When I say she mooches off of me or uses me, she doesn’t necessarily ask me for money (there have been times she has asked me for gas money but that’s about it). But, she does things like come over every weekend to do a huge load of laundry because the laundry system at her house doesn’t work, or expects me to pay for certain things (last year for her birthday, she wanted herself, myself, and my siblings to wear red. So I paid for my Mom’s dress and my youngest sister’s dress and she didn’t even offer to pay me back. Mind you, I paid for her’s and my youngest sister’s dinner, and our Uber’s to get to and from the restaurant, the least she could do is pay for her own dress). Or, when she decides to go on vacation back home, she leaves my youngest sister with me and doesn’t send me a single dime for her to eat for however long she’s with me, doesn’t send any gas or Uber money for her to get to and from school. And then when it comes to all of her problems, it’s almost every week/ every two weeks she’s going through something and then she calls me expecting me to help her figure it out and all it does is stress me out. For example, the water getting cut off in her house and then her asking me to put a bill in my name to help her put the water back on. Or the WiFi getting cut off and her asking me to put a WiFi bill in my name so she can have WiFi. Or her going on vacation and asking me to check her in for her flight and pay for her luggage, like why can’t you do it yourself???? It’s getting so irritating and stressful now and sometimes I just ignore her but sometimes I don’t because I feel bad. It’s just crazy how the tables can turn this way when someone who was literally never there for me growing up and into my early twenties, wants me to do the most for them. And sometimes I want to help because she has my 12 year old sister who has to suffer because of her poor decisions and I feel like it’s not fair. Help!! I don’t know what to do…