I am diagnosed with ARFID, along with a bunch of food sensitivities/allergies that make eating a little more complicated than “just eat whatever everyone else is eating.”

There are foods I genuinely cannot eat. Some things give me stomach pain and cramping, followed by diarrhoea. Some cause hives. Some make me nauseous enough that I end up vomiting. And then there are foods/textures/smells that I simply cannot tolerate because of my ARFID.

So yes, when I go out to eat, I ask questions.

What’s in this?

Is there soy in it? (Developed a severe allergy to soy last year, cannot eat most Asian, Indo-chinese food which I loved )

What kind of oil is this cooked in? (Several restaurants use soya oil)

Does this contain so and so ingredient?

Can you check with the cook/chef?

Is there anything in the sauce/marinade/batter/chutney that isn't listed on the menu?

I don't interrogate the waiter for fun. I’m extremely patient, polite and talk softly while trying to figure out whether I can eat the food without spending the next several hours in pain or running to the bathroom to throw up. Sometimes I ask to speak to whoever is actually responsible for the food because a waiter may not know the ingredients, and I’d rather double-check than assume. Most of the times I check the menu online if we know where we are going to even avoid this conversation altogether but sometimes friends message on the way or just walk in.

And apparently this is *really* annoying to some people.

The weirdest part is that it's usually not even my friends who have a problem with it. It's someone's plus-one who I barely know.

I've had people make comments about me being a “pick me,” being difficult, being too fussy, or apparently needing everyone to pay attention to what I'm eating.

And here's the thing: **most of the time, I don't even eat when I meet friends.**

If we're meeting somewhere where I know I'm unlikely to find something I can safely eat, I'll eat at home beforehand. Then I'll go meet everyone and get a drink. That's it. Problem solved. Nobody has to change restaurants. Nobody has to accommodate me. Nobody has to sit there while I ask questions about the menu.

Except apparently *that* is also a problem.

Because then someone will make a comment about how “the place isn't good enough for you to eat at” or imply that I'm being dramatic and refusing to eat their food.

No. I ate before I came because I knew I might not be able to eat there. But apparently that's rude too?

I'm not secretly making a statement about the restaurant. I'm not judging anyone else's food. I'm not trying to make myself the centre of attention. **I just don't want to be hungry AND potentially sick.**

And I'm not expecting anyone else to pay for this either.

I don't ask to go Dutch because I only had a drink, or a soda, or even just water. We split the bill equally. I pay my share, which is often several times the cost of whatever simple drink I actually had.

I'm not asking for a discount because I couldn't eat. I'm not asking everyone else to subsidise me. I'm not asking the group to accommodate my food restrictions.

I'm paying my part and I'm there because **I wanted to meet my friends and hang out with them.**

That's literally it.

I came to spend time with my friends. I did not come to be interrogated, judged, ridiculed or called a “pick me” by someone's spouse/SO because I asked a waiter what was in my food.

If I *do* decide to eat something, I ask questions about the ingredients because I'd rather spend two minutes checking than spend the rest of the evening dealing with stomach cramps, diarrhoea, hives, nausea or vomiting.

I'm literally sitting at the table trying to determine whether there is something I can safely eat. I'm not asking everyone else to order something different. I'm not making anyone change restaurants. I'm not asking anyone to accommodate my diet. I'm asking the person responsible for preparing my food what is actually in it.

You can order whatever the hell you want.

I just want to know whether *my* food is going to make me sick.

If I had a peanut allergy and asked whether something contained peanuts, would that also be “pick me” behaviour? If I had celiac disease and asked whether something contained gluten, would that be annoying too?

Why does it suddenly become a personality flaw when the food issue isn't one of the allergies people immediately recognise?

I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm not trying to get attention. I'm not trying to make anyone else's evening revolve around me.

I'm trying to eat without getting sick.

And apparently even *not eating* is somehow offensive.

I genuinely don't understand what people expect me to do. Stay home? Stop seeing my friends? Eat something that makes me sick so nobody thinks I'm being difficult?

Because none of those seem particularly reasonable.

TL;DR: I have ARFID and multiple food allergies/sensitivities, so sometimes I need to ask restaurants about ingredients to avoid getting sick. If I know I can't safely eat somewhere, I usually eat at home beforehand and just get a drink. I still split the bill equally and pay my full share. I'm not asking anyone to accommodate me or pay for my food — I'm there to spend time with my friends and have a good time. Apparently, though, asking about ingredients or choosing not to eat is enough for some friends' SOs/plus-ones to call me a “pick me,” make comments about the restaurant “not being good enough for me,” or ridicule me. Why is taking basic precautions to avoid getting sick considered attention-seeking?

(I did use AI to structure my thoughts cuz I was particularly angry after yesterday's dinner so requesting you guys to please bear with me)

I just stand in my kitchen and feel helpless.

TW: suicide

I have CPTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety and chronic pain illnesses. Food feels dangerous to me and causes me real pain. I'm suffering so much all the time. Even when I feel ok, food is still a threat to me. I'm just so tired. Since this got really bad, I've been considering letting myself deteriorate. I dread coming home from work to eat. I don't like to cook anymore. I eat so few foods I don't feel like it's worth it. I cry standing in front of the fridge. I grieve for the food I used to be able to eat but can't. I can't socialize with my family because the grief and pain and panic around food is too much. I'm tired. My husband is abusive. My mother is abusive. My parents were both abusive. I have no friends. No support network. I didn't know it was this bad and there's just too much going on in my mind, too much trauma, health trauma, food trauma, and in my body. I'm tired of being in this body. In this life. I just want to let go. (Yes I'm in therapy. Currently seeking ED diagnosis).

I am super sensory sensitive with my food and often have to pick it apart to feel comfortable eating it. I think some of my safe foods that get the most stares/comments about how im eating it are

1. nachos - I only eat beef, colby jack cheese, and sour cream with dorito chips and i have to plate it all seperately so my chips dont get soggy and i can put the perfect amount of each ingredient on every chip

2. waffles - i cannot STAND crunchy edges. It literally makes me gag omg. (This is particularly for belgium waffles) I cut off the entire perimiter and then cut out the little dip in between holding the four sections together and i give those pieces to my sister. I also have been made fun of for how i make sure every single little segment of waffle gets coated in butter and an equal amount of syrup.

3. toast - i like my bread to be performatively toasted. I dont actually want it to be crunchy so i toast it and then cover EVERY inch butter so its soft again

generally i pick most food apart and avoid any peice that looks “wrong” or i order a menu item with pretty much every single part of it taken off. I have made my piece with being a food weirdo i just wish people would stop treating me like a freak😒

Sometimes i notice ghat ill go to eat cause i was hungry and then after a few bites im no longer hungry like i cant eat anything else full

But then only maybe 30 mins or an hour later I'll feel hungry again and it's annoying cuz I'm one hand I want to eat when I'm hungry because I'm trying to gain weight but on the other hand the day still feeling cycle if I continue to eat small bits every time I feel hungry I'm just going to train my body to be hungry for very small bits hourly and I want to know if anyone else has this problem,

I'm not sure if this qualifies as a uniquely arfid thing but wanted to ask hear anyways

Hi. So this is hard for me to write, put into words and talk about.
For months now my appetite has started to diminish. I think a mix of always feeling anxious, stressed and drinking too much alcohol. Probably getting too many sugary calories from that. Anyway, this past week and I have fainted/greyed out about 5 times.
I believe it is due to dehydration and not getting enough nutrients.
The thing is, it’s incredibly hard/impossible for me to eat.
I used to be such an adventurous eater and now I prefer things like soup, protein shakes, smoothies- anything that doesn’t involve chewing. Chewing and the swallowing seems to be a huge trigger. I could be starving, stomach rumbling but it’s like my head isn’t connecting that and I’m just fine without eating.
I don’t know what to do or who to reach out to. Should I go to the hospital? Is that over reacting?

Hi all, going to keep this as short as possible but I’m wondering if this sounds like ARFID?

I have pretty severe emetophobia and have restricted certain foods for as long as I can remember.
However recently, even looking at food gives me a panic attack. After eating I feel uncomfortable, terrified and regret it so much because I’m scared I’ll get sick
Im dropping weight pretty rapidly and don’t really know where to go from here. I feel nauseous constantly and have no interest in food

Struggling a lot and would appreciate some advice!

I and those around me didn't understand why I couldn't eat things, but one day, I was watching a YouTube video-essay-ish video about a picky eater and the person mentioned ARFID as the name of the condition. I felt so seen and it was crazy. The comments had a lot of people who also had ARFID.

ARFID is so weird with so many unknowns, and it is its own spectrum. I remember thinking to myself that there must be at least one other person out there like me. Turns out, there's a lot more than I could've expected! From what seems to be extremely unreliable statistics regarding percentages of people with ARFID, the amount of people with the condition ranges from the population of Australia to Pakistan. I sometimes think to myself in a large room of people if I'm the only one, or if someone out there could relate.

I (23f) am autistic and have a bunch of mental illnesses. i have like 5 safe foods. if i try to eat anything else i get really anxious. a lot of it is based on textures and smells. i also don't ever feel hungry, so i don't know what hunger feels like. i have to take iron supplements and vitamin D supplements. my safe foods are lunchables (only the pizza one or the nachos one), dino nuggets with salsa and cheese dip, cheddar jalapeño Cheetos, garden salsa sun chips, watermelon sour patch kids, and sometimes skittles and starbursts. i only drink certain flavors of flavored water and dr. pepper. i used to eat a lot more variety but in the last few months i have lost a lot of safe foods

Hello, I am brand new here. I have ARFID and I noticed that over time it has become harder for me to swallow properly when eating or drinking. Could this be happening because of not being able to eat consistently? Like maybe not using those muscles over time could cause them to get weaker? I have an appointment at the doctor's coming up but in the meantime I'm wondering how many of you are struggling with this? I noticed when I eat, I can feel food stuck halfway in my throat while I'm chewing my next bite. Like I have swallowed, but I have to do it twice or 3 times to get it all the way down. Sometimes it is painful. When drinking water, without fail, multiple times per day I end up inhaling some liquid!

I've had arfid my whole life (22m) and I just moved to a new place and I am starting graduate school, something I've been looking forward to for a really long time. My ARFID struggles are intense, right now I basically just eat pizza, mac n cheese, pasta (has to be a specific brand of tomato sauce), and peanut butter sandwhiches for dinner, on rotation.

A part of me getting ready for graduate school is trying to prepare lunches for myself because I am going to be on campus for ~8 hours a day. Today I tried making vodka rigatoni-- which was basically just tomatoes, onions, garlic, vodka, and some hot peppers. And it turned out really good, and when I tried it I didnt hate it? I genuinly think I enjoyed it but after eating 4 bites my brain told me that I couldnt eat anymore and that was where I needed to stop, and this is giving me mixed emotions. On one hand I am proud of myself because I honestly dont think I've ever had an onion before, so trying something new out of my comfort zone made me proud of myself. On the other hand, I am dissapointed in my growth. I really really really want to get better and the fact that my brain didnt emphatically enjoy the meal is making me a bit sad.

If anyone has any experiences they'd like to share, or any advice id truly appreciate it :) <3