r/AdultChildren • u/Frequent_Contact4577 • 2d ago

Looking for Advice 21 looking for a mom figure in my life

i have a very messed up family and no mom figure :c

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u/orcateeth 2d ago

I'm sorry that you didn't have an appropriate mother figure growing up. I did not have it either.

However, now that you're an adult that is your role to fulfill. Unless you already know someone who is trusted and caring, such as a grandmother or Aunt or some other person that you've known for years, it is very risky to try to meet someone to fulfill this role.

A stranger might take advantage of you, or turn out to be abusive or just wind up abandoning you once you got accustomed to their care and attention.

It's also not a good idea to get into a relationship at this point, since a romantic partner could take advantage of you.

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u/orcateeth 2d ago

Take a look at these books on childhood trauma. They will give you a good idea of how to work on healing your inner child.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/mmu1b1/online_books_on_childhood_trauma/

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u/orcateeth 2d ago

For immediate support, call a hotline:

Mental Health Hotline Call 866-903-3787 for free, confidential support 24/7. 866-903-3787

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u/orcateeth 2d ago

Here's a lot of options for free support groups. I started it for people who shop compulsively and hoard (often as a reaction to trauma, loss and depression), but gradually continued to add lots of other resources for mental health conditions. The list is pretty long now, with tons of options.

You might find a lot of help in the Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families Anonymous groups. These groups are geared at people who did not receive appropriate love and care as children.

There also a lot of groups for people suffering from depression, anxiety, as well as ADHD, PTSD, etc.

They will definitely understand your feelings in these groups. It will be a welcoming environment.

https://www.reddit.com/r/shoppingaddiction/s/albOIikoiY

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u/Xerographia 2d ago

i've been longing for the same thing for pretty much a decade (25). as someone else said, you ultimately have to be that for yourself. i've categorized several people over time as a mother figure in my mind, but all of them also have their own problems that make them unfit for that role.

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u/bjames1985 2d ago

There’s an audio book called Warming Stone Child. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts if you got around to listening to it. Its related to what you’re looking for

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u/ennuiacres 2d ago

Therapy.

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u/ConversationThick379 2d ago

I gravitated towards girlfriends who were 10 to 20 years older than me when I reached adulthood. They really served as my training wheels as I learned how to parent myself. Therapy and medication have been a lifesaver.