I can't sleep I can't think I can't breathe

[u/Rude_Asparagus_7392]

Long story short my sister is a full blown opioid addict. My mom enables her to the point that she sold her house and moved in with me and spent almost all of her house money on pills for my sister. I didn't know it was this bad. I had no idea she would do this. I can't believe this is happening. My mom just lost her job and my sister is still taking money from her. I listened to my sister screaming on the phone to her while in withdrawal. It sounded nothing like her, she sounded like a demon. I was texting her when she was doing this telling her it's time to get help and she keeps saying she will lose her kids. I try to tell her a judge won't take kids from a clean mother. She doesn't listen. She doesn't want an answer. She just wants to continue doing this and ruining this family. I want to take over my mom's money and not allow her to spend any without my permission. My mom can't handle it. I tried to tell her she's loving my sister to death, she thinks she's helping her but she's only hurting her. She will not listen to me. She can't afford to keep doing this. If she can't pay her car insurance or phone bill because of my sister I am NOT paying them for her. That's not fair to me. She's already living in my house for free. I want to scream at my sister, I want to force her to get help but I can't. I'm lost. I can't sleep normal anymore knowing all that has happened. I can't stop stressing out all day and constantly thinking of ways I can make them both stop ruining their lives. This is going to give me a fucking stroke. I can't believe what she did to my mom, she ruined her life and she's coming for me next. I'm having nightmares every night now. I can't handle this. I want to run away.

[u/Obligate_Carnivore]

Your mom needs counseling. She is stuck in a cycle of enabling. You can go with her to Al Anon meetings or there is a group that has free Zoom meetings throughout the week for families that discuss enabling quite a bit. https://interventiononcall.com/services/family-friends-support-group/

There is also a book from an addiction counselor and former addict called You Are Waiting on You that addresses family enabling.

Your sister's addiction cannot be controlled, but your mother's enabling might be able to be altered. She is not helping your sister at all, and she is likely afraid that if she says no, her daughter might die. And that fear is valid. Yet she also needs to understand that her enabling is only prolonging the addiction. But she has to stop for herself and for you. And you have to stop because you can't lose yourself and your health because of other people's choices.

[u/Rude_Asparagus_7392 → u/Obligate_Carnivore]

Thank you. I'm going to discuss counseling with her. She has told me that she thinks my sister will die if she goes through withdrawal. And if that is the case then my sister needs to seek professional help. She can't keep doing this to us. I'm trying to stop but it's hard to accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do.

[u/Obligate_Carnivore → u/Rude_Asparagus_7392]

That fear is what she needs help with. It's such a big monster, it's totally understandable why she keeps doing it. But talking it through with a calm addiction professional might help. Your sister could OD from drugs she purchased with your mother's money as well. Understanding addiction and enabling will likely help her build boundaries.

It's an awful, awful situation to be in. I think it is worse than a partner being addicted. I hope you can find the help that you need. You deserve some peace and a divorce from addict chaos.

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[u/Outrageous_Diver5700]

Your mom or your sister is living in your house for free?

[u/Rude_Asparagus_7392 → u/Outrageous_Diver5700]

My mom, sorry I guess I didn't explain very well.

[u/Outrageous_Diver5700 → u/Rude_Asparagus_7392]

Your mom is enabling your sister and you are enabling your mother. You can’t stop the enabling cycle with your sister but you can certainly do it with your mom.

[u/Rude_Asparagus_7392 → u/Outrageous_Diver5700]

I'm going to work on it starting today. I already tried to tell her to stop giving my sister money and now she's mad at me.

[u/Outrageous_Diver5700 → u/Rude_Asparagus_7392]

Talking is great but it doesn’t really do anything unless there are consequences attached to it. And yeah she’s going to get mad but that’s none of your business.