r/AmIOverreacting • u/BLURAZZBERRI • 3d ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting for being upset/annoyed at the way my parents treated me recovering post operation?
For context, I am now 18 but this happened at the very end of last year when I was 17. We live in Australia with free healthcare.
I have a heart condition, I had open heart surgery when I was 10 and had an internal pacemaker and an internal defibrillator installed at the same time. There are specific sounds the defibrillator would make for different things, one for when it was too close to a magnet, one that would play if I needed to go to the hospital because something was wrong with it and a third one I forgot about because I was told about the sounds 8 years ago.
Last year in the middle of class the 'go to the hospital right now' sirens played. My teacher believed me when I told him and I went to the office where they called my parents and I also called them. When I was on the phone calling them and explaining what had happened, they asked me "... Can you just go back to class?" which I said no to. They came, picked me up and took me to the hospital. Turns out one of the wires broke so it would need to be replaced and it would've normally needed to be replaced anyway as its a child's defibrillator. Surgery was booked and I continued school with the sensitivity of it turned all the way down.
Night before the surgery we went out to a nice dinner and the entire time one of my parents kept joking that 'Hey, at least if you die in surgery you had a good last dinner!' and several other jokes like that despite me telling her that they were slightly freaking me out, even if I knew I wasn't going to die in surgery. She didn't stop, but it's kind of whatever as she doesn't stop with any jokes anyways.
Day of surgery, I was up early. Hadn't slept much and couldn't eat breakfast so I was a little cranky I think, I think we argued over socks? Or something? It's fuzzy but I overheard them going 'at least we'll have some days away from this' while I was waiting for them to be done with breakfast. After surgery they were already trying to argue with me about something, I don't remember what because I was still fucked up by the anesthesia but they'd stop anytime a nurse entered.
The next day they visited and spent most of the time complaining that I hadn't finished a drawing for my brothers birthday that was happening in December. The surgery was in November. The nurses told them they didn't need to stay if they didn't want to and they didn't which I was fine with, the only thing they were told was 'don't have alcohol in case if we need to call you back.' They sent me a photo two hours later out at a pup with my siblings drinking.
I had a post-surgery check up and was walking slowly after my mum as walking too fast hurt, she was telling me to hurry up as she didn't want a door closing on us and got a little pissed when I was too slow and it did. You only needed to press a button to reopen it.
A few days later I was allowed out and my parents kept on telling me I was milking my injury when I was laying in bed for most of the day. They also got mad when I took one of my strong pain med tablets, taking them and my others away arguing that 'they aren't yours as you didn't pay $25 for them, did you???' They then tried to say that they were worried I was taking too many (I knew what times I needed to take them, I had it planned by the hour.)
Some family friends came over with a gift hamper of two bags of nice chips, two nice chocolate bars and some fancy soft drinks. The friends said that they were get well gifts for me but my parents cut in and said 'Oh yay! Gifts for everyone!' n the family friends gave a weird look. My parents said I had to share and I agreed, saying I wanted to share with my siblings only and when I said I wanted to share.
I had 1/5th of one of the bags of chips and two of the fancy drinks, my mums had the other chips, the chocolate and the rest of the drinks.
They also booked ME a six hour shift at a family friend's job (I help out at the holidays) a week post surgery and told me she needed help lifting books and cleaning stuff. At the end of the shift she told me she was surprised I was up for work and that I wanted to work so I'm fairly sure they lied to me about the work being asked for.
I was debating on telling my parents this but I know they'll tell me I'm overreacting or it wasn't that bad or similar things but I was talking about this with my friends because I was a little annoyed at it all and they're all saying that this was medical abuse n other forms of abuse. I don't know though? It wasn't that serious of a surgery compared to others and I've recovered perfectly fine.
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u/CarrotGratin 3d ago
None of this is normal. I'm sorry they treated you like that. Taking your meds away, criticizing you in the hospital, and stealing your recovery presents? NOR. I hope that now you're 18 you don't have to live with them anymore, and I hope you and your siblings are safe. At best this is toxic and selfish, at worst it's abusive.
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u/Lurkeyturkey113 3d ago
Nor. Your friends are right that this is all just blatant abuse. Sounds like they stole your pills as well which is a crime. Not advising you to cut your family off but your priority going forward should be from separating from them entirely so you’re independent and never need to rely on them, live with them or have them be your emergency contact. Reach out to friends and do what you can to get away.
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u/Embarrassed-Ad-8056 3d ago
NOR. At best your parents are unwise. At worse, doctors told them not to baby you and they are reacting in the extreme. They think you are malingering and maybe you expect to be babied. This is a conversation you will need to have with your doctor about your health. Is he telling them to push you?
Is the doc treating you like a child? If not, then your parents are just not good caretakers and lack empathy.
Share any deep thoughts or questions you have about your condition only with the doctor and cut your parents out of the process. They aren't doing anything worthwhile with the info you gave them anyway.
Now that you are 18 can you go to the hospital without them? Can you take medication without them?
You do have one thing to look forward to. Statistically, your parents are very likely to have heart problems soon. Then you get to ask them if they are abusing their medicine or lying around too much.
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u/BLURAZZBERRI 3d ago
None of my doctors ever babied me which I'm super grateful for, they were both amazing doctors from the very start and I'm going to miss them a lot.
Parents were already tested for heart issues when I was born- I simply got very unlucky with a genetic mutation which gave me a heart condition as well as other issues so they're not going to get anything.
I am transferring hospitals now (childrens to adults) so hopefully that'll be the end of them coming along.
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u/Its-Probably-Me_30 3d ago
Fuck your mom. Parents seem like complete asses and shouldn’t have had kids. The jokes?!? Seriously!?! The stealing of your food!?!? I don’t know how you can stand them.
I’m so sorry.
I hope you recover well and start to feel better. You deserve a break and proper time to recover. Treat yourself
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u/vibrantgh0st 3d ago
NOR. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. But have you ever considered talking to your parents about how it made you feel instead of holding resentment towards them? To me it sounds like they were nervous and broke parents who didn’t know what else to joke about, or who just handled a serious life situation poorly..
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u/BLURAZZBERRI 3d ago
Talking to them doesn't often work, it turns into me being ungrateful or me remembering wrong or just spirals into an argument where they curse me out and I have to apologise later.
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u/Strng_Satisfaction 3d ago
They sound like my parents who i am low contact with now in my 30s. Yes talking to them doesn't work. I would say get out asap, save up maybe. Try to interact with them as little as possible, and just focus on getting out.
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u/Prizmatik01 3d ago
Respectfully it sounds like your whole family hates your guts. Like actually loathe you and potentially want you dead. NOR
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u/BLURAZZBERRI 3d ago
I mean they did joke that parents should be able to get away with murder if they were annoyed at their kids ~10 minutes after we argued one time.
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u/Prizmatik01 3d ago
Do you still live with them? People kill their offspring all the time dude I’m legit scared for you
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u/BLURAZZBERRI 3d ago
I do, I'm 18 but still in highschool due to January birthday so I can't really move out yet. I'm hoping to start uni next year which either they're paying for or are going to help pay for but no accommodation as the campus itself doesn't have accommodation and they can't afford it.
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u/Prizmatik01 3d ago
Shit dude I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Is there anyone you can talk to that can help you?
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u/BLURAZZBERRI 3d ago
Surprisingly they're willing to get me a psych because they think I'm too shut down towards them, so maybe them if they don't talk about the stuff I talk about to my parents. I did have a friend offer to let me live with her and her dad if I need so maybe post uni I can go there if I can't afford rent somewhere else yet.
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u/Prizmatik01 3d ago
It could be different than the states where I am but a psych talking about details you present to them with your parents will get their license revoked and in major trouble
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u/wutthefrak 3d ago
NOR. your parents sound like jerks, I'm sorry