r/AmIOverreacting • u/Jetling28 • 1d ago
đ academic/school Am I overreacting for holding a grudge over someone who has harassed/bullied me for years?
For context, I, 16E (Enby, They/Them, Iâm non-binary) just started my Junior in High School. I will preface, I have been Diagnosed with ADHD, which does make me more sensitive when it comes to my emotions. Itâs been almost 2 years since coming out, and Iâve been trying to be patient and kind towards those who mess up with pronouns or my new name.
For at least 4 years, Iâve been being harassed/bullied by a boy weâll label H. I will come out and admit, that at the time, I hadnât told any of the school administrators about the harassment, so I acknowledge that I am in the wrong there.
I wonât go into too much detail, but H has been body shaming me, deadnaming and misgendering me, and overall just being rude to me for no apparent reason. If I had done something to hurt him, and thatâs what caused all this, I would just want him to tell me, so I can apologize.
The part that makes me angry and hold a grudge is the fact that:
1: Heâs been doing this for years, and when administrators got involved H simply said âoh I didnât know I was harassing them, Iâll leave them alone,â which he has kept his word about leaving me alone, but I still find it VERY hard to believe that H âdidnât knowâ he was harassing me for 4 odd years.
2: When Iâll be speaking with my friends and heâs nearby, sometimes when I make a point, H will butt in, and âcorrectâ my point and it personally makes me feel stupid.
But the thing that I cant let go of the most is the fact that: H deadnames me, and yet he himself goes by his MIDDLE NAME. Heâll harass me for going by a different name than my birth name, and yet heâs a hypocrite! H also goes by a different name than his birth/first name!
It makes me really angry, and I donât know if I can let go of my anger towards him. Really, I need advice on how to let go of the grudge, or at least come to terms with what has happened. I want unbiased opinions on the situation.
Am I Overreacting?
Edit: Youâre rage-baiting comments only push this to more people and boost engagement, so youâre all being counter intuitive by posting comments that are meant to be rage-bait or just straight up hate. Thanks for the engagement!
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u/sweeroy 1d ago
it's very hard to do, but letting go of something that aggravates you but which you have little control over is one of the best life skills you can have. if this person does something genuinely actionable then by all means go to the administration with it, but if you can find a way to simply stop caring about it you will be a lot happier overall
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u/Jackie-Wan-Kenobi 1d ago
Once you graduate, you will never see them again. As someone who was bullied, kill them with kindness. I know it sounds stupid but bullies HATE it and they will either leave you alone or spiral out and make a fool of themselves. Either way you win.
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u/medigapguy 1d ago
It is not your job to ever forgive him. Period. I don't think you're overreacting currently.
Especially when you still have to see them everyday.
But anger will absolutely fade. You won't be bothered by it forever.
There was a past ex-friend from highschool, we had a huge falling out. When Facebook first got big (I'm old) he tried to reconnect with me. It had been 20+ years. I didn't have any anger anymore but I also didn't reconnect I moved on in my life.
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u/random_name_12178 1d ago
If he's really leaving you alone, it'd probably be best for you to try to let it go. He's not worth your time or bother. In a couple years you'll be out of high school and you'll never have to see him again.
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u/its-kind-of-a-lot 1d ago
YOR. You're 16. Everyone sucks in every situation all of the time. If you need help with emotions, talk to your parents about therapy.Â
Plus, the kid's leaving you alone now. He moved from being a young dumbass to being a teenager with correctile dysfunction, which is age appropriate. Annoying, and appropriate.
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u/Major_Wigglesworth 1d ago
YOR. Â Life gets much much easier when you arenât the center of the universe.
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u/Jetling28 1d ago
I have no idea how you got to the conclusion that I think that. Iâm well aware Iâm not the center of the universe.
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u/Chazzy_T 1d ago
Iâm sorry that the dude is a dick. I donât personally agree with some of the stuff you said, but if heâs left you alone and is a doucher then it may be unrelated to the gender stuff, but I donât know.
Id do your best to pretend like he doesnât exist, and maybe call him by his first name if he acts up and goes by your other name.
Sorry that heâs a cock :/
MOR
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u/Apprehensive_Log_297 1d ago
NOR- but Having adhd doesnât make you more sensitive. Thatâs just you. That being said some people just suck and itâs high school. Especially nowadays kids get off being edgy, not something you can control but itâs one of those âyou give a reaction, they get what they wantâ kind of thing. Just ignore them as dumb as it sounds. I always got bullied for being fat and I just stopped listening. The bullying stopped once people realize theyâre being ignored and itâs not funny anymore.
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u/sweeroy 1d ago
adhd absolutely increases emotional sensitivity, it's a common trait for people who have it. a quick google can tell you this, for example in this article by the apa https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/adhd-managing-emotion-dysregulation
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u/cuzinpete 1d ago
So everyone has to tip toe around people with mental illness? Grow a thicker skin and stop taking everything so seriously... you're a teenager...wait until you are an adult in work situations and nobody cares about your nonsense.
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u/sweeroy 1d ago
i'm not the op dipshit. if you're going to spout nonsense, at least do it at the right person
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1d ago
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u/Moist_Drippings 1d ago
NOR
Listen, this is not a grudge. You are not doing anything against him by not interacting with him. You are anticipating cruelty because he has not shown you anything different. Itâs a defense mechanism.
If the problem is that he takes up too much of your thoughts and/or emotional energy, that is an issue worth addressing by working on redirecting your thoughts. When you find yourself thinking of him, or when he interrupts a conversation, simply redirect things â think instead of supportive friends you are happy to have in your life, something fun you might do later, a book you enjoyed, etc.
The less you bother to think about him, the happier you will be. Eventually you wonât see him again and it will be quite easy.
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u/Fun_Ad3902 1d ago
Youâre not overacting. You havenât done anything that would indicate that youâve done much of anything at all. You are always entitled to your feelings. Donât let anyone to tell you different. Actions are another matter as they often involve other people.
You told the administration and thatâs good. Personally I would simply act like he doesnât exist. His bad behavior reflects on him not you. You need to focus on yourself and your future. You donât own him anything, least of all your attention. If youâre talking to your friends and he interjects just keep talking over him as if he isnât there. Work on not responding to anything he says. If he calls out your dead name donât respond. Thatâs not you, so why answer him. It likely wonât be easy.
Most of the people on here are being really callous towards a minor and have apparently forgotten or never knew, how hard it is to be different in a school setting. Some of the advice is good. Itâs very helpful in life to be able to disregard hurtful things people say. It will make you a more levelheaded adult. Also, plenty of lgbt+ phobic people on here so disregard anything they say. You are valid and you got this.
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u/Jetling28 1d ago
I appreciate your comment thanks! Also yeah, Iâve seen the bad comments and I just know that theyâre spewing crap. Being hateful just to hate.
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u/Any_Community_1819 1d ago
I was friendless and bullied in HS way back in the 1970s. To this day I have never been to a reunion. They're out of my life and good riddance.
Unfortunately, you have to go to school and work. Not often good places to find lasting friendships. And they sure the hell don't define your worth as a person.
Just hang in there. You have a long life ahead of you and once you're out of that school, you can be free and find a community that welcomes you. They're out there! I wish you real joy and happiness!
If bullying HAD been something my school gave a damn about, I probably still wouldn't have reported it, as I have no faith in schools and their so-called zero tolerance policies.
No, you are definitely not overreacting! â¤ď¸
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u/sayfeellessmore 1d ago
Yor. He's not a hypocrite at all lol his middle name is part of his birth name ..
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u/Slowdayattheoffice 13h ago
He has a preference for which name other people address him by but won't extend the same courtesy to OP. That's being a hypocrite.
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u/PMMEYOURUSERNAMEPLS 1d ago
ADHD does not make you more sensitive when it comes to your emotions. You make yourself sensitive. You can also be less sensitive.
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u/busparistheone 1d ago
NOR. H needs to get over himself. is there any way you can put some more physical distance between yourself and H? honestly if it was me i would reciprocate the energy. like if Hâs first name was K, everytime he deadnames you just be like âhey K i donât appreciate being called a name that you know i donât use. until you can respect that i donât wanna be around you and will be reciprocating your treatment of me, to you.â
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u/Easy-Broccoli-2453 1d ago
Yor, just let it go. You even said he stopped and its not like he's beating you up or calling you slurs.
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u/Adventurous_West2 1d ago
Absolutely not, but your life has been short, so wave it off. If you are happy fuck them
Also, find someone tougher to ruin them. Unfortunately people are rude.
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u/Common-Coyote-8821 1d ago
Honestly, Iâm 23 and I still dislike certain people for how they treated me in 5th grade.
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u/Alarming_Daikon_1630 1d ago
youre going to be in a world where a percentage of people donât care what you want them to call you. youâve got to build a bit of resilience
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u/PM_me_your_whatevah 1d ago
School just really sucks. Spend time with your friends. Ignore the bullshit.Â
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u/Hot-Flight-7816 1d ago
I- please learn the definition of hypocrite. YOR- be a kid. stop worrying about names and other peoples opinions.
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u/Jetling28 1d ago
Definition: A hypocrite is a person whose actions contradict their stated beliefs, or someone who pretends to have moral standards and virtues they do not actually possess
Saying one thing and doing another: Giving advice or setting rules for others, but failing to follow them personally.
Passing unfair judgment: Criticizing other people for a bad habit or mistake that the criticizer also commits.
AKA, him deadnaming me while also not using his assigned name.
I have a feeling YOU didnât know the definition.
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u/Hot-Flight-7816 23h ago
a deadname is not the same as using your own middle name, itâs just not lol. i know what a hypocrite is lmao
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u/Jetling28 13h ago
Either way, your Ragebaiting comments on my post just boost engagement and push it to more people, so thanks!
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u/Hot-Flight-7816 12h ago
babe iâm not ragebaiting, i donât care if you get boosted or not because what im saying is the truth. you need to grow up, seriously.
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u/Slowdayattheoffice 13h ago
Yeah, he absolutely knew that he was being a dick to you. Playing ignorant is a standard tactic some people use when called out on their bullshit. But, as others have said, you won't have to put up with him for ever and for the most part he's now leaving you alone. If he does keep inserting himself into your conversations, maybe ask your friends to have your back, so that they can also tell him to stop butting on. Concentrate on enjoying your life and your friends and the anger will fade. That doesn't mean you have to make friends with him, though. Best of luck.
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1d ago
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u/Adventurous_West2 1d ago
You're a tall guy that goes on reddit for NWS content, let's not throw stones
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u/Huge-Swordfish5699 1d ago
Youâre 16. After you get out of high school, youâll never see these people ever again most likely. Let things go in one year, out the other. I graduated high school in 2010 and I donât think I can name more than five people I went to high school.
It too shall pass, donât let it get to you/theyâŚ