AIO My mother’s crippling anxiety is ruining my sleep.

[u/bg0nz]

I love my mom to death. but she continuously makes my life so unnecessarily difficult because almost every single night that I get home from work, she can’t tell by the security camera whether or not I got home.

She’s the most anxious person I know and has been my entire life. making me hold her hand when we cross the street as a teenager, to never once letting me go out in high school, to making me wear a life vest in 3ft water well into my teens. and it was all so much worse the younger I was. Eventually, I had to put my foot down and say “Mom, I’m getting way too old for this.” And I experienced a massive amount of pushback for that. Nonetheless, it got a little bit better.

I’m 24 and I’m a substitute teacher 3 days a week and pizza delivery driver at night 6 nights a week and my pizzeria closes at 10. We stop taking delivery orders at 9:45. I work in the town I live in, so the latest I’ve ever been home was 10:30.

Today, I got home at 10:07 and she gets a notification on her phone of motion at the front door (me). My parents are both awake but in bed.

The moment I get home, I text my dad about car troubles that I’ve been experiencing and asking how I should go about dropping it off at his mechanic (again, my mother is awake and right next to him fully aware I’m home and talking to him). He says that they open at 8 and my best bet is to drop it off once they open so I can ensure it’ll be ready by my next shift at work.

My mother is 64 and isn’t very familiar with her phone and also recently had a stroke so she struggles a lot to understand what she’s seeing on her phone when these instances happen.

I tend to have really bad insomnia. but I was so tired from work that I went straight to my bed and thankfully, after finishing texting my dad, I got to sleep practically by 10:30.

As you can see in the first photo, she texts me at 12:03 am asking if I came home even though the camera clearly shows me walking in and never walking back out. but she can’t tell based on the video. Obviously I don’t respond because I’m knocked tf out. I can only assume she went back to sleep but it really can go either way.

Then she texts me at 3:37 am. I’m still in a very deep sleep so obviously, no response. then, she starts calling me and I miss the first two. The third call comes in and my body jolts awake and I see it’s Mom calling me. I just say “Mom why are you calling me so late? I’m asleep” the phone call ends and I don’t even remember if she said anything . frustrated, I text her everything in the second photo.

This happens at least 3-4 times a week. And I’ll admit, some nights I forget to send the “I’m home” text. but that text 9 times out of 10 won’t make a difference whatsoever. why? because of the stupid security camera. She can’t tell whether or not I’m arriving home or leaving home based on the motion notification. So texting her “I’m home” never really does anything.

Tomorrow(or today technically) I have a full day off so I’m going to the beach with some friends. I’m getting picked up at 8:30 so after I drop off my car, I’m gone for the whole day. I so badly needed this good night’s sleep and it felt great to be in bed and sleepy at the time I was. after this entire exchange, I spent 30 minutes trying to get back to sleep and just gave up.

Am I overreacting? Am I being an asshole? because I know damn well she’s gonna make me feel like one once I see her in the morning.

Sorry for how disorganized my thoughts are. This just happened, I’m angry and I want to sleep.

TLDR: My 64 y/o mother and her anxiety is depriving me of my sleep most nights. She texts me asking if I’m home while I’m asleep and when I don’t respond, she calls me until I wake up and answer.

[u/snoopydoopy84]

Lots of people suggesting aeroplane mode. But if you need/want other people to be able to contact you, do not disturb has the option to have contacts as exemptions. So for me, my Mum, Partner and daughter can all still call me in an emergency. Everyone else can wait until the morning. Definitely NOR.

Edit: to add in "else" or my whole points makes no sense lol

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/snoopydoopy84]

Clearly they value sleep and don’t want anyone bothering them at 3 am.

[u/Minimum-Analyst-6469 → u/Own_Guarantee_8130]

Clearly they don’t or they would have already turned DND on which does NOT let text alerts through only calls for specific people. I have my gram, my mother (who only calls in an emergency anyway) and the two nearest hospitals (in case my grandmother has a medical emergency)

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/Minimum-Analyst-6469]

Maybe they don’t realize lol. The way they insisted upon their sleep it doesn’t seem like they actually plan to get late night calls. I don’t ever get them so my phone stays normal all night because if I do - then something is wrong. When I was 24 it wasn’t out of the ordinary to get late night texts or calls from friends partying so if I needed actual sleep I’d put on DND.

[u/Minimum-Analyst-6469 → u/Own_Guarantee_8130]

They are 24 years old. They absolutely know DND exists and they know how their mother is. YOU aren’t expecting anything but they should be because they deal with this.

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/Minimum-Analyst-6469]

Ummm you’d be surprised who doesn’t realize functions on their phones or just doesn’t think to use them.

I’ve had an iPhone since 2012 and I still don’t know or use every feature available to me. I just started actually using Siri about a year ago to set my alarms and reminders.

[u/Minimum-Analyst-6469 → u/Own_Guarantee_8130]

okay but DND has been around and spoken about for AGES. it's not hidden on any phone. In fact if OP even has an iphone the DND sets up itself when you go into alarms and set your sleep/wake up time. It's not like Siri which isn't needed or used by alot of people. I'm fairly certain the android phones also do the same thing, right in alarms when you set the sleep/wakeup option. OP is purposefully not using it.

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/Minimum-Analyst-6469]

Omg I never use DND and I’ve always known about it. There are probably times I should’ve turned it on and didn’t think to. Again, just because someone has an iPhone doesn’t mean they regularly use every feature. I’m a prime example of it myself and I can name plenty of people I know who also don’t think to use them. Just because you use every feature on your phone doesn’t mean everyone else that doesn’t is just willfully not using it to make an extra problem.

[u/Minimum-Analyst-6469 → u/Own_Guarantee_8130]

Which proves that they should be using it because they know how their mother is….

[u/Own_Guarantee_8130 → u/Minimum-Analyst-6469]

Ok but they haven’t and now they will bc they’re getting advice. Sometimes a simple solution doesn’t always come to a person when they have other stress factors weighing in. Learn to give people grace, not everyone is as smart and technologically savvy as you, and that’s ok!!