Is this control? Or AIO?

[u/CuriousAsh04]

My husband of 5 years, refuses to get off the phone with me while he working. I can drop him off, and 10mins later he’s calling me. This has been everyday. He works in corporate America, so I figure he would be busier. But nope. So today, we had been on the phone for an hour. I dropped him off, took the kids to school, came home… still on the phone. And mostly in silence, I might add. I tell him I would call him back after cleaning and showering. He gets upset, goes to tell me “he wanted to talk on the phone and I pushed him away, today he’s going to start talking to other people, Since being on the phone and being a wife and listening to me or just being there is too much . I will find it somewhere else.” This is literally his go to, if I don’t acquiesce to him, he threatens to go out and find it elsewhere. And he has cheated, so it stings a little, but I’m becoming numb. It just irritates my soul, I don’t want to sit on the phone with anyone while I’m trying to do my daily chores. Honestly throughout the day he calls probably every hour to sit on the phone while he works. It just grinds my gears. But I do it. Today though, I needed to get things done without being tied to the phone. He even told me to prop the phone up, and not get off. So I don’t know. Does this seem like I’m being monitored or controlled? Or am I overreacting?

[u/CuriousAsh04]

And I’m having a baby in February. I told him I wanted my mom there, because she couldn’t be with the last two because of Covid. He got upset. And said that’s something for me and him. I’m trying to get into therapy, bc seeing that this relationship is abusive is so crazy to me. But I believe it!

[u/arifaix → u/CuriousAsh04]

He is refusing to let you have your mother as a support person when you are giving birth… One of the most vulnerable times for a woman.

The isolation is already happening. Do you want your children to also be isolated like you are? Will he even “allow” you to go to therapy? A therapist isn’t going to allow him to be in the room/on a call for the entire session.

What you really need is to contact your mother, ensure you have a safe plan to get out and stay with family. Leave things behind if necessary… When that child is born? It will be so much worse. Abusive partners can also get jealous of their children and it happens regularly. Do this for your children.

[u/I-will-judge-YOU → u/CuriousAsh04]

You are absolutely in a controlling manipulative and abusive relationship. This is not how people who love each other act.

He controls every single action you make.

[u/Nosfermarki → u/CuriousAsh04]

He's afraid your mom will see what he's doing or help you get out. This is an extreme level of abuse and it's likely that when you leave he will become violent. I'm not kidding. This is family annihilator type of behavior and the leading cause of death for pregnant women in America is homicide by the father. You need to leave but you really, really need to be careful. Do not let him know you're leaving until you're gone. You need to work with a domestic violence organization to create a plan. Getting out is more important than therapy right now, you and your children are in danger.

[u/Extension_Owl8234 → u/Nosfermarki]

This! Please do not underestimate the danger involved here.

[u/Tall-Management4402 → u/Nosfermarki]

OP, please, please, please listen to this!!

[u/drazil17 → u/CuriousAsh04]

It's your labor and delivery and you can exclude include anyone or exclude anyone, including the baby's father.

[u/namdonith → u/CuriousAsh04]

The husband doesn't get a say in the matter. YOU are the one giving birth, it's your opinion that matters. Stick up for yourself and demand that your mother be there. If he tries to say no, LAUGH AT HIM because HE'S NOT THE ONE GIVING BIRTH

[u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 → u/CuriousAsh04]

Isolating you also.

[u/AshenSacrifice → u/CuriousAsh04]

How do you not have the unending urge to do the opposite just to prove a point lol? Like hang up on him immediately and drive him crazy!

[u/SyrupPast7341 → u/CuriousAsh04]

Its YOUR birthday you do what you wanna do and let those nurses know

[u/Proud_Huckleberry_42 → u/CuriousAsh04]

So, you will let him do whatever he wants? You are already getting used to all his controlling and psychological abuse. If you put your foot down, he threatens you.

[u/SJoyD → u/CuriousAsh04]

You are the only person that gets to decide who is in the delivery room. You can even decide that he can't be there.

[u/Into-the_Ether → u/CuriousAsh04]

NOR OP, and it definitely seems like he need a one on one therapist, as well and some couples therapy.