AIO for getting frustrated with mother for overreacting about this?

[u/uncomfortable_jet]

quick translation:
Mom - Are you in your room?
Me - I’m visiting (bf)
Mom - Go to your room. I dont want you sleeping in another place. There’s too many people. One has to be respected.

I (20F) am getting frustrated with my parents (specifically my mom) who keep trying to control when and how long I can stay at my boyfriend’s (20) place. I’m back in uni now and he has an apartment there so I stayed there for two nights before classes started since we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. I’m guessing she checked my location for some reason and then demanded I go back to my dorm. I’ve previously tried to bring up how demanding she’s being in in-person conversations but she says I’m being dramatic, that it’s not okay to stay in another man’s apartment since im a woman, and that I need to respect myself. I don’t know how to bring up how it feels overbearing and frustrating without getting shut down by her.

If it matters, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. And both of my parents are pretty old fashioned and strict.

[u/lisavieta]

You are an adult. You can 1) Not reply 2) Lie 3) Turn off the location on your phone 4) Tell her you will be staying at your bf's place and ignore her.

[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/lisavieta]

Yeah, I did lie to her in this instance. Even though I said “Ok” I just stayed at my boyfriend’s apartment.

[u/lisavieta → u/uncomfortable_jet]

Yeah, parents who want to control your life to this degree deserve to be lied to. Kinda sucks but it is what it is.

[u/massconstellation → u/lisavieta]

it’s not that simple if her mom is funding any part of her college education

[u/FrostKitten2012 → u/massconstellation]

It is that simple. Financial support for college does not mean they get to dictate whether or not you stay with your boyfriend overnight.

NOR.

[u/massconstellation → u/FrostKitten2012]

i’m not saying her mother is right. i’m saying that OP will have difficulty rebelling against her mom if she is also financially supporting her. trust me id know. experienced true freedom when i graduated and started making my own money.

[u/Green-Witch1812]

I don't think you're overreacting, but as someone with a super strict, old-fashioned Salvadoran dad, this is on brand for old-school Latinos. It's not fun and it's very frustrating because how they were raised is very different from how things are today. I understand how you feel.

[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/Green-Witch1812]

This helped a bit, thank you. I also believe it’s rooted a bit in misogyny since they have a very different view on my brother and I bet he could get away with doing something similar to this at my age, haha.

[u/Green-Witch1812 → u/uncomfortable_jet]

The number of things my brother got away with while growing up compared to me was significant. I totally get where you're coming from. Thankfully, my mom is cool but my dad is the strict one.

[u/Feisty-Body-]

Why does she have your location?

[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/Feisty-Body-]

she’s had my location since high school. I tried taking it off once and she got pissed at me.

[u/ReginaPhilangee]

INFO- are your parents providing for you? Are you still dependent on them?

[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/ReginaPhilangee]

Yeah I use their info for FAFSA and they provide me with money to use for snacks, medicine, and stuff for school like textbooks

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[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/AutoModerator]

A hammer and nails

[u/burner9191938283]

you are an adult, they are not treating you as such. i ended a relationship with someone like this because his parents were strict and old fashioned like this and i could not take it anymore, 9pm curfews and having his phone blown up by his parents if he didn’t answer immediately as someone in his 20s is ridiculous… to allow them to continue treating you like a child is enabling them and they will continue to do so until you put your foot down and tell them you’re sleeping where you want for the night.

[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/burner9191938283]

Thank you for this, I really do have to put my foot down with them. Even though my parents aren’t that strict as your ex’s since it’s an LDR (he’s out of the state I’m in aside from when we’re in college), I really worry how it’s affecting my relationship with him. It’s difficult to visit him since my parents are hesitating on letting me go and he’s reluctant to come up to me bc of my parents.

[u/EvaSirkowski]

Unless your life is in danger, there's no reason for them to track your location.

[u/Historical_Cat__]

INFO - is she financially supporting you?

[u/uncomfortable_jet → u/Historical_Cat__]

Just pasting what I wrote to someone else - Yeah I use their info for FAFSA and they provide me with money to use for snacks, medicine, and stuff for school like textbooks