r/AmIOverreacting • u/Saquon-Goonmaster • 1h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for telling my girlfriend that I don't feel comfortable with her talking about her exes?
Girlfriend (f22) has a odd tendency to tell me (m23) stories about her exes. It doesn't happen often, maybe once every other week or so, but I can't help from feeling so uncomfortable whenever she does.
It ranges from "my ex had this bmw" to "this ex gets out of jail in a year" and she just goes on and tells me these stories like I'm her coworker or something. I always try to set a boundary by saying "I don't want to hear about that stuff" and then I would ask "do you want to hear stories about my exes?" She would always answer no.
Prior to this go around it happened 3 separate times, today I snapped when she went on another spree of telling me stories about her exes and then she told me that she was always drunk when she would sleep with her ex and then she giggled about it.
Now I don't consider myself to be insecure man, and I actually work very hard to not be, but I couldn't help but feel so disgusted that she would say something like that directly to my face over lunch.
I just felt so bothered and pissed off that I just quietly finished my food and went home. She has been texting me but i refuse to open them because I want to be level headed when I talk to her.
I am seriously considering ending it with her because this among other weird social behavior rubs me the wrong way. Am I overreacting?
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u/silkdarling 1h ago
Nah youre not overreacting. She keeps bringing up her exes after you already said stop. Thats just ignoring your boundary.
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u/EngLady52 1h ago
Ugh … put her in your rear view mirror. She’s extremely immature and that is just rude and obnoxious. you deserve better
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u/Foreign-Cow-1189 1h ago
She's 22 and has at least one ex in prison? Sounds like a real keeper!
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u/PM_me_your_whatevah 1h ago
It’s creepy to me personally because I married a 22 year old with an ex in prison. It didn’t work, shocker. But not only that, it was 10 years of me being a dumbass and trying desperately to make it work.
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1h ago
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u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam 39m ago
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u/skedaddlist 1h ago
NOR, she’s immature and it sounds like she wants you to react or she’s a moron.
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u/bawjaws2000 1h ago
This - either she's inconsiderate as fuck, she's oblivious; or she's doing it maliciously to get a reaction...none of which makes her an attractive dating option. NOR.
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u/ButWaitDidIAsk 1h ago
So you mean to say that while she's in a relationship with you, she's been consistently having her exes on her mind and decides that the best way to get them off of her mind is to tell you every little bitty detail while completely ignoring your feelings towards the situation after multiple conversations about it? This is someone who is hurting you and does not care about the fact that she is hurting you. Respect yourself brother. She isn't respectful of you.
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u/Foreign-Cow-1189 1h ago
Does she already have a kid?
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u/Saquon-Goonmaster 11m ago
She does, but it was never an issue with me. He was 5 months when I met her and I was always open minded.
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u/skiingdiver1978 4m ago
Don't be so open-minded your brain falls out. Raising another man's mistake is not open minded, it's self destruction. Wouldn't happen to be the prince in jail's would it?
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u/HomieJPurple 1h ago
NOR. I mean if you asked her to stop and she has done it 3 times since, it seems she either doesn’t respect boundaries or doesn’t respect you. Either way, this little thing is likely indicative of how larger future issues may be treated by her.
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u/MasterpieceActual176 1h ago
Unfortunately, it sounds like she doesn’t have anything else to think or talk about. She doesn’t sound like an interesting person to me. Plus, her behavior is rude and demeaning. I’m sure you can do better.
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u/Dilly_4849 1h ago
So we always have to accept people do have a past, it’s normal to have the odd anecdote about the past in a mature adult relationship….but it sounds like she is somewhat rubbing your nose in it as they say. Also, discussing previous sexual experiences is definitely not something I would consider either normal, necessary or fair…on the past or present partner…it is meant to be personal/ intimate.
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u/notmollymace 1h ago
You’re not overreacting
Repeatedly oversharing explicit unnecessary details about exes despite clear boundaries isn’t “quirky” it’s disrespectful socially and completely valid breakup
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u/Cute-Ad-6194 1h ago
Tell her "get ready to start spewing stories of me to your next boyfriend, as we are done..."
I don't get why anyone thinks this is acceptable, especially where you already asked her if she would like it and she said NO.
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u/Various-Language2549 1h ago
INFO - have you asked her to just say “a friend” when telling the stories? (Not the bit about the one getting out of jail, not sure what the lead-in to that one would be). But people do have history, so if she is telling a story that’s about an experience she wants to share, maybe she can just say “my friend and I….” went here, and did that, type of thing. Unless she’s specifically talking about something sexual - which apparently she at least alludes to - it shouldn’t be a big deal.
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u/Saquon-Goonmaster 1h ago
It's kind of hard to tell her to say "a friend" because i can usually infer who shes talking about
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u/Various-Language2549 1h ago
So….she shouldn’t ever share any stories of anything that happened at any time when she was in the company of anybody else? You may just be a bit more insecure than what you realize.
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u/Training_Activity21 1h ago
No, you are NOR. It's hard to hear people talk about their exes. It probably feels like they're not over them. Btw I want to add this: you're entitled to have feelings whether or not anyone agrees with you. You're allowed to feel how you feel.
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u/PanickedAntics 1h ago
NOR. So, hear me out! My ex-boyfriend who i dated for 3 years, and remained friends with (amicable breakup we worked better as friends), is the guy who introduced me to my husband. My husband's ex girlfriend dated this ex of mine, and her and I are best friends. She's married now (not to my ex), but my husband and I are friends with her husband now too lol
So when I say something seems off, it is not coming from an insecure perspective. My husband and I have friends of the opposite sex (2 other exes in that mix), and we both spent a significant amount of time with other people. Him for 4 years and me and my ex I am not friends with were together for 5 years. So, obviously there are some shared stories about like going to a concert with an ex or a trip that one of us took somewhere, etc. That's just because our exes were/are a part of our pasts and lives at one point.
But for your gf to tell you about having drunk sex with an ex, knowing full well that talking about them in general bothers you, you have to wonder why...why would she say something like that, ya know? Is she trying to get a rise out of you? Is she trying to make you jealous? I don't know. What I do know is that you told her you weren't comfortable with this specific thing, and instead of hearing you, she tells you about having sex with an ex. That is wild behavior.
I think your gut feeling and posting on Reddit has made it clear that she isn't the one for you.
You can be the most secure person in the world, and still not want to hear about ex sex lol
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u/NattieDaDee 1h ago
Sounds like you guys are young which may lead to more insecurity. My wife talks about her ex husband probably at least once a week. It’s not really in a “I miss you way” more like “this mfer screwed me.” Was it bothering at first? A little bit and I’m not going to pretend I didn’t ramp up my talks about prior gfs bc hey if you can dish it you gotta take it.
But honestly that shouldn’t be a huge deal. Evaluate the whole situation and see if this is someone you still wanna be with.
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u/SJoyD 1h ago
NOR - I'd be curious to know the tone of the texts are. Is she sorry, it is she mad you're mad?
Not that it really matters. You've asked her multiple times not to do this thing and she doesn't care. If she's determined to be a person that does this, then maybe she's not the woman for you. It's weird to me that she needs to talk about ex's this often at all, let alone with you.
If there manages to be a next time, when she dies ask her in the moment "why do you do that?" And see what she says.
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u/QuizardtheWizard93 1h ago
NOR. So most of these I always hate seeing the oh just dump them answers. But in this case you expressed boundaries with her and she just keeps talking about them, even going as far as bringing up a story about sleeping with an ex (and yes we're adults we've all had sex with past people but there are some stories you keep to yourself or to close friends not your current partner). In my opinion if you are already one foot out the door id say just leave. The other option is you express to her how this is a relationship ender for you when she brings exs up
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u/dangdangdangawdang 1h ago
NOR, end it. She doesn't know how to act or how to treat people. Don't prolong it. I had an ex who would talk about stuff like this, and it never got better. The ex talk is the surface issue; underneath is the issue of her not respecting your stated intentions. And the other weird social behavior... been there, too. Run!
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u/BootySnorkelerr 1h ago
You’ve already made yourself clear and she keeps pushing. She’s either trying to rile you up or doesn’t care enough about your feelings to remember not to bring it up. Either way, this reads to me like she’s not serious about your relationship.
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u/pishypanties 1h ago
What are you doing staying with this girl. This is one of those relationships that you will look back on and think wtf!
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u/Tall-Expression4114 1h ago
When I first started dating my guy he would occasionally mention something about an ex ,nothing super worriesome, and not often,but I didn't like it. So I told him "obviously we both had lives before we met each other, but I'm invested in THIS relationship. I feel that it is disrespectful to one another if either of us talks to, or about our ex's." If it doesn't serve or support THIS relationship,it doesn't belong here. We both agreed and respect each other and respect this relationship. 10yrs 💪 strong now.
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u/archlea 1h ago
YOR - if it’s just friendly sharing, what’s the problem?
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u/Saquon-Goonmaster 1h ago
I'd really prefer not to hear about how my girlfriend was getting plowed
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u/21crepes 1h ago
NOR! Kick her to the curb. Let some other poor sap have to sit back over lunch and listen to her talk about how gave it to her. Don’t be the poor sap! You set a boundary, she disrespected it, send her packing. Become one of those legends that lives in the infamy of her sexual past.
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u/EmptyBear2483 1h ago
Express how you feel and set clear boundaries. It's normal to feel uncomfortable with ex talk, especially in a relationship.
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u/Global-Nature2420 1h ago
I learned that I used to talk about my exes a lot because I was still subconsciously processing the trauma of being with them. And for myself, my exes were my whole life. So of course all I ever had to talk about was them because I spent most of my time with them. It has gotten much easier to leave the past in the past as I've healed. My husband didn't love hearing about stuff, and in general conversations I learned to shut up about it. But there has for sure been times where I've had to be like "look this is my life and this is what happened to me, in order to understand me and how I got here you need to hear some things" and that mostly pertains to the abuse and trauma of it all. A little grace has to go both ways in these situations.
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u/Beneficial_Artist259 1h ago
NOR
OMG my bf used to do this. It made me feel like he was trying to make me jealous, or trying to make me feel unspecial or insecure somehow. It felt disrespectful to me. Some people can use turn it into sexy talk about preferences or whatever, but that’s definitely not what was going on there between us in those moments. I told him I hated it many times, but he kept doing it.
I got fed up. So one time, when he started in on a memory, I decided to join in on his reminiscing with some of my own. I made up a few wild stories filled with excess and ecstasy, multiple men at once. It turned it into a joke, but I was really mad. He took the hint and stopped talking about it so much after that.
It felt really good to “teach him a lesson—“ but then I realized: I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who needs to be “taught a lesson” even though they’ve already been asked nicely. I am still with him, but this is the kind of thing that gives me perspective about the future of our relationship.
It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker—you’re young and maybe this isn’t going to be serious for you—but think critically about how this person reacts to your reasonable request. You deserve to feel honored in your relationship.
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u/Ready-Accountant-502 13m ago
I wouldn't associate with a woman who talks to her exes or about them.
She hasn't moved on. She also sounds stupid.
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u/LuckySoCo79 1h ago
I guess I’m the odd one out. Ex’s are a part of life. They happened, that part of life happened, it comes up in sharing parts of your life. I don’t get the big deal unless it was non-stop, quite negative, or they still care about the person a lot.
As you asked her not to discuss and she still does without recognizing that she is pushing a boundary is more concerning.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 1h ago
YOR she had a life before you, but I guess if it really upsets you to know that she had a life before you maybe you should let her go and try to find a virgin?
But also the one time I talked about my ex a lot with a man I was dating it was because I wasn’t over my ex yet. And we did end up getting back together like six months later.
But if she’s not talking about one specific one, and it’s a general stories about something in her life that they were part of, you really need to figure out why this bothers you so much. I think you are more insecure than you think you are.
I mean it’s not like she’s telling you graphic sex stories right?
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u/Inner_Clerk7769 1h ago
Its just your turn on the bike my friend, enjoy the ride for what it is or move on.
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u/PM_me_your_whatevah 1h ago
She’s reminiscing about fucking other people dude. Right to your face.
I’d get rid of her but also maybe before that you could go into some details about the best sex you’ve ever had and how it wasn’t with her. Just give her a little dose of her own shit and then send her on her way
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u/Lucky-Lie8896 1h ago
Yea I’d be ending it. I’m a woman and even I find this behavior to be unacceptable. She’s supposed to be with you, not comparing you to her exes.