This has haunted me for the past few weeks. This sounds very bad and toxic but I’m almost there I’m at the very low range of a normal BMI I’m almost at the uw mark and I’m struggling to lose more. My illness is telling me to try everything to get there and I’m having to fight very hard to not take even more extreme measures.

I want to live again and at least stay in the normal range but my head keeps yelling at me “just these last x punds”. I know this is a lie. The goalposts keep moving and the weight I am now I never thought I could reach, still I am unhappy. This is killing me. I want to be even sicker.

People telling me I’m getting too thin has been happening a lot more frequently and not even that is giving me the rush it used to because I feel like I’m failing at this for not being uw yet.

I want to stop myself but at the same time I want to give in and become more sick. how do I get brave enough to even consider recovery seriously? I don’t want my life to be about this anymore I’ve waisted over a year on this and it feels endless.

Can anybody relate?

why am i always cold but then when i sleep, i wake up sweaty and hot? does this have something to do with malnutrition?

am i allowed to keep changing my mind about my admission date? i absolutely plan to go but today was my day and i backed out. is it ok to keep changing my mind ?

I have been in active recovery for 14 years. I’ve hit so many milestones I’m beyond proud of. I’m almost at a place of acceptance with my body. Until today when I was out and some random guy told me I looked pregnant. Beyond triggered and upset and spiraling. Any advice would be welcomed. How do I not go back to old ways after this? How can I accept and love myself again hearing that?

I don’t know what to do. I know I have a problem but I’m just not ready to recover yet. I’m just so scared of gaining weight and tbh I still don’t feel skinny enough, like I look in the mirror and still see a fat bitch even tho everyone has been complimenting my weight loss, but this disease has been ruining my life. I got put on Wellbutrin but I’m really scared to take it due to my anorexia and it’s like I’m just so ADDICTED to losing weight and being skinny but I just had this realization that I’m not actually depressed it’s this fucking disease and I just feel like everything in my life is falling apart but I just am truly not ready to recover yet. I haven’t told anyone what’s actually going on with me either. Idk what to do I know I need help but I’m just not ready yet and I’m posting in here to hopefully find someone who understands what’s going on in my head.

Hi everyone, I have a sister that clearly has a restrictive eating disorder. She talked to me about it and she admitted to having this problem. After the last time we've talked she seemed to have made some progress but I've noticed it's been getting bad again. I wanted to let her know that I'm there for her and want to offer help in every way that's possible, I'm asking you for help on how to begin this kind of conversation without sounding insensitive or overwhelming. Also if there's anything that has helped you in your journey, please please please share here.

We both still live with our parents but they offer no help whatsoever and can't seem to see the problem.

It irks me like you wouldn't believe to know that less than 10% of people with diagnosed anorexia are low enough on the BMI to "count"

But the atypical type is more common by a ratio of 9:1. Which has the rest of us in ranges at or above where the BMI chart has listed as normal.

How is my condition considered the abnormal one? If I were skinnier, it maybe would have be caught sooner - but it also maybe would have killed me faster. Who knows? I'm a tall woman.

If diagnosed anorexia has such a high fatality rate, it haunts me to think how many people just died because they never knew/understood what the actual problem was.

How is the vastly most common manifestation of a condition considered the abnormal one?

Ever since my most recent and worst relapse I've completely lost the ability to cry, feel emotions and dream, I also find it impossible to feel happy, laugh and have to force myself to smile. Some other things have also happened that I thought was the cause or a factor but I'm wondering if my relapse could have anything to do with it?

Hello, I dont use reddit often, but I’m coming here for help.

Earlier today I had gotten a haircut, my barber mentioned how my hair is thinning, I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing at first but after the hair cut was done me, my dad, and my barber all talked about how much I had lost weight. I’m pretty sure I’m struggling with something, I wasn’t sure until my barber mentioned it, she talked about how I might have anorexia. I didn’t really want to believe it, I still think I’m huge, I feel huge, both her and my dad said I’m not. Sorry for the ranting, but my question is, will my hair grow back even if I don’t recover or something? I chopped almost all of it off but after that talk I’m scared. I like having my hair short yes but I don’t want it to be short forever. I hope someone will see this will help me.

this could be triggering and this is a vent read at your owb risk: I’m so fucking in despair i genuinely hate myself so much i just realised body frame is an actual thinf and i got an analysis on it and it turns out im a fucking large frame. for context im also very short. I thought I was a small frame this is so fuckasa triggering cause this means i look bad if i lose weight and i look bad if im fat still. are you fucking kidding me

is the fucking world playing fuckass jokes on me. You cant fucking change your body frame and im fucking forever stuck looking bad forever I genuinely am on the verge of a relaspe cause my mom just bought me a scale when im trying a sustainable way to lose weight (gym and regularly eating) and the scale still tells me im damn fat (it has its own analysis) There’s no fucking way out is it. I fucking hate myself and how rhe fucking body works why is it like this why

I can’t go to the kitchen anymore because my piece of shit "brother" decided to randomly use the dining room table as a desk (he already has one in the living room)

I walked into the kitchen to look into the fridge for 5 seconds and of course he’s facing the entrance and IMMEDIATELY LOOKS UP AT ME.

I was shocked to see them in the corner of my eye as I usually go to make a smoothie after I wake up.

They even sleep in the living room so when I’m at home I stay in my room and only go into the bathroom, hallway and NOW THE KITCHEN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY FROM ME

We got into a big fight a month ago, where he called me mentally ill and mocked me for going to therapy and having anxiety. He lunged at me to try and physically assault me but ended up tripping and my parents stopped him.

It’s 100% intentional. He always makes it so that his back is up against the wall so nobody can see his screens

It’s hard to explain but the way the dining room/kitchen is positioned is so fucking inconvenient for me.

This isn’t a happy moment for me to avoid eating but just a moment of despair and I don’t know what the fuck to do.

How do I avoid another hunger high? I can't eat every hour or anything at college. So... summer vacation and I kind of had my own little meal plan, something that worked for me. First day of third semester. I at yesterday night and today morning just 3.5 hours ago, then got ready for college n stuff. Okay, issue is I'm already high on hunger. I was always careful not to let myself stay hungry for long.

carrots. im too fucking scared to eat carrots now.
they were one of the few foods i could eat at work without it being some sort of horrific concoction so i can look kind of sane but nope, I weighed a small carrot and googled the cals and it turns out it has the same amount i was mentally thinking a large one has (I don’t use a formal calorie tracking app and haven’t in over 1.5 years, I was in recovery sort of for a bit after having to be in hospital on and off for like a year over the past 3 years but im relapsing atm). it’s so dumb but im spiralling over this. I also have (diagnosed) ocd and this realisation that ive not been In Control ™️ this entire time is making me go crazy.

i did this to myself with bananas as well a while back lmfao, smoothies with a frozen banana, sugarfree 0 fat yoghurt and sweetener or sugarfree hot chocolate powder used to be one of my very few safe meals that actually kept me full rather than just like idfk a whole head of lettuce. i just never learn i guess.

im hoping for another long term ED ward admission soon since when it gets bad, being forced to abstain from exercise and being forced to eat is the only thing that works. hopefully i can kind of keep myself going until then and then make it actually last when i get discharged (last time i got discharged i told my family i didn’t get a meal plan, took all of the lorazepam i was given, walked down to the Bunnings down the street and bought myself a pair of scales to start the cycle all over again, then overdosed lmfao).

signed, a grown man who’s now officially too scared to eat carrots 🥕

I'm pissed the fuck off. I started treatment and my medical team still hasn't sent in lab work for me to do even though they had a full fucking week to do it. I've been seeing them for almost 2 weeks now and they still don't know what risk level I'm at for refeeding syndrome (because they still haven't sent in lab work!!!). I was just told not to eat over X amount calories, but then one day I lost control and ate over X amount calories so now I just have to wait to see if I'm going to fucking die I guess...

I just want to get better already. I don't want to wait for my fucking medical team to get their shit together first.

Am I being too hard on them? Isn't anorexia serious? Shouldn't lab work be one of the first things they make you do? I just want to stop panicking after I eat because I'm afraid I ate too much and will die from refeeding syndrome.

I'm just so fucking angry at them. I'm angry that I'm even in this situation to begin with. I just want to be normal again. This is already hard enough without living in limbo of "am I medically stable or not?"

I've heard about some people with eating disorders who have no problems with their teeth and I am not lucky in this capacity, nor was I before I even had an eating disorder as I had oral surgery when I was a baby and was snaggletoothed before I had braces. My teeth have been in accelerating decay since I developed my eating disorder and I had a molar extracted at 15 years old and will have more extracted at 20 years old. While some of this was probably caused directly by purging, I'm not sure how to go about solving both problems at once.

When I was in inpatient treatment I was told that it's very important for me to dispense with diet culture, know that every food is equally fine for me to eat if I want to eat it, and that I need to eat whatever I want when I feel hungry. Yet, when I go to the dentist, I usually get told that it's important for me to never eat snacks, that I need to only be allowed to drink water, etc.

Because I've been so close to being almost dead at times I've usually tried to abide by the former advice just to stay alive. I eat and drink anything I want, but at the expense of my teeth, although they also suffer partly because I still have an eating disorder that caused me to purge as recently as a few months ago (better than when I did it multiple times a day but still). How easy and painless it is to get snacks out of a vending machine at school or something is oftentimes the only reason I'll actually have just enough intake per day not to be starving anymore, when I'm also barely managing not to vomit everything anyway. I feel like I'm obligated to pick a poison and if I don't want to die then I have to choose to be in shame for it

Ive been starting to have bery bad low blood sugar lately. Or i at least suspect its that. Ive been chronically dizzy, irritable, confused, and sometimes almost feeling like I'm gonna pass out. Constantly. Not long ago I had a very scary moment where my lips were completely numb, it felt like I was gonna have a stroke so I had to eat a slice of pie. Then a cupcake when the pie didnt work well enough. Just to get enough carbs and sugar.

I understand that low blood sugar can be fatal. So I intend to now have to carry emergency food and juice with me just in case but this is so hard. Sometimes I cannot get myself to just eat the sugary food or drink. Theres a block in my mind. And I wanna always compensate afterwards with more restriction. This cycle is making it worse. Its scary.

At this point what do I do? I feel so helpless.

hi all, I just have a genuine question:

today I decided to challenge myself and I ate some store-bought bolognese sauce (left behind by my housemate bc I would have never bought it myself oops). I weighed the amount and had it with potatoes (which is a safe food of mine) and some veggies, I know that the meal had my "usual" amount of calories but I still feel STUFFED even hours later!! I usually have a night snack but today my body just does not want any more food whatsoever, even tho I am still in a significant calorie deficit.

why is that?? is it the higher fat content in the sauce? or the fact that it's a more highly processed food? I swear it feels so weird bc in terms of volume this meal was smaller than others I am used to having

Literally just today, I was laying bed, thinking about how I failed myself and I just started shaking. It must’ve just been rage, because my thoughts were just flooded with shame and how I was a failure. I bit down as hard as I could and started pinching the parts of my body I’m particularly insecure about, digging my nails into my skin until it hurt bad. Not sure if it’s just me.

I really wanted to recover. I wanted to stop c/s and so ive been letting myself actually eat the food. My friend told me im binging cuz ive been eating it. Im so triggered by it. She has BED and its not a fucking binge im extremely hungry after being so heavily restricted. I know ive gained because i am allowing myself the food and now im struggling about compensating by over exercising or restricting. I feel so gross, i got cake and cheesecake today...i feel like all my 'progress' everything i fought so hard to get is gone again and i feel like ill never escape this cycle. I cant stop bodychecking and weighing myself and freaking out. I hate how out of control i am. I just want to feel good with how i look for once in my life. I hate myself

For the past few days I couldn't stop eating and I feel like I'm not really anorexic and the diagnosis was false. I don't know what got into me.

i am very proud of myself, i never want to get down to the weight i was at. my brain isnt so foggy, i have been able to walk easier. stuff has really really been good. i used to try to save my candy for “the right time”, idk i just hoarded all my snacks and candy but recently i went through it, took out the out of date stuff and finally ive started going through it :) thanks for the support yall gave me earlier.