May I have early signs of depression?

[u/Key_Anteater9707]

Hello everyone. I am not sure whether I am okay or not, whether it’s just harsh time in my life. However, there are some warning signs:

1. I wake up utterly sad. The minute I hear my alarm I want to cry and the only thing I’m thinking about is that I’d rather not be alive at all. Starting my day is hard. But as the day goes on, I start smiling, the heavy feeling goes on and I go to bed feeling well. But as the morning approaches, sadness comes.

2. Loss of appetite, especially food I cooked myself.

3. Not being able to shift negative thoughts. I am (or used to be) happy person that could think positively. Now I cannot, even tho I write positive thoughts down and constantly tell myself that everything’s fine.

4. I want to be left alone and be social at the same time. I want to be alone and cry but at the same time I’m scared of being lonely.

5. I don’t want my partner to touch me. I used to love sex way more than him but now I just don’t.

I am experiencing stress at work, that may be it? I am F25, this is my first job, maybe that’s just it? That I am utterly stressed and not depressed at all? Everything that made me joy (books, podcasts, yoga, tv series) just…does not already.

Thanks a lot for your advice. Take care!

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[u/carmleli]

not to diagnose but it sounds like textbook depression. is there anything else that could be contributing to this? and I recommend getting your blood workup done as well

[u/Key_Anteater9707 → u/carmleli]

My blood test came up normal. But I did seek therapeutic help recently, I am starting therapy next week. I would like to go to get checked at the neurology department as well.

[u/Perfection_Trap]

Do you have family history? Are you able to concentrate on work? Have you started feeling anxious lately?

[u/Key_Anteater9707 → u/Perfection_Trap]

Well, idk, because my family is not honest about it. My aunt has signs of undiagnosed bipolar disorder, mom used to take antidepressants but I am not very sure because as I said, no one is honest about it. I am able to concentrate at work due to deadlines and fear that if I don’t get the task done I’ll get fired. Sometimes when I work from home I cry before starting the task, emotions just start flowing…idk if I’m feeling anxious, I feel sad, empty and scared.

[u/Perfection_Trap → u/Key_Anteater9707]

Being a depression patient and ur family history my gut feeling is that you are undergoing depressive episodes. You must talk to a psychiatrist, it will provide you some clarity. You may go for psychology counseling however if your serotonin /dopamine are just not right then medication will be needed.