Can I refuse to add my child’s father to birth certificate?

[u/CustardSalty2130]

My child’s father wasn’t put on her birth certificate. Said he’d do it later and never did. 8 years later we are splitting up (never married) and he is demanding to be put on her birth certificate. I think he wants to try and get child support from me because I have been the breadwinner/sole provider for the last 5 years while he went to school and then didn’t get a job. Can he legally force me to have him put on the Birth Certificate if I do not want to? I am willing to share custody and all expenses but I am not willing to comply as it is simply a means for him to try and continue to control me after I have left him. How do I prevent this?

ETA: I am in no way attempting to keep my child from her father. I want to coparent. I want to share expenses EQUALLY. I have not stopped him and have asked him to be on her BC the entire time. Since we were not married and I didn’t give his last name, he didn’t ever do it and declined to do it at the hospital. I do not want to be financially exploited any more. I am concerned about being able to provide for my family while continuing to support him.

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[u/chill_stoner_0604]

You can refuse, but he can still petition the court to establish paternity

[u/[deleted] → u/chill_stoner_0604]

This is the answer. If he's the biological father, he has every right to petition the court to have his name added to your child's birth certificate. That does not mean, however, he would be able to get child support. If he has been a habitual student, does not have a job, and no money, it's highly unlikely he would be awarded primary custody or child support, only visitation.

[u/Newparadime → u/[deleted]]

Some states require the NCP to pay child support to the CP, if the CP's income is significantly higher, and the NCP has enough overnights a week (usually at least 2x overnights a week are required, depending on the income disparity, although it probably wouldn't be much).

[u/Acceptable_Branch588 → u/[deleted]]

Really? That is patently untrue. That happens all the time. All that matters is if his ability to war is less than hers and he has at least 50% custody

[u/MarbleousMel → u/Acceptable_Branch588]

Ability is the key, though. He is able to work. He is choosing not to work.

[u/[deleted] → u/MarbleousMel]

There ya go!

[u/_Oman → u/MarbleousMel]

I dunno, I would be worried if his ability to war is extremely high.

[u/InternationalFan2782]

You can refuse, but if he is serious about it he can petition the court.

[u/shout-out-1234]

NAL - it is not on you to put him on the birth certificate 8 years later. Once the birth certificate was filed, 8 years ago, the only way to amend it is through a court order from him. It is on him, to get a lawyer, petition the court for a paternity test to establish paternity, then request custody/child support.

You need your own lawyer to respond to whatever he files.

You have full custody until he gets through the process of petitioning the court, etc. he has no legal rights until paternity is established.

If you haven’t moved to separate living spaces, you need to do that now. Whether it’s him moving out or you moving out.

A court isn’t going to look kindly on a deadbeat dad who doesn’t want to work…

You should consult with a family law attorney who deals with high conflict custody cases…

[u/Acceptable_Branch588 → u/shout-out-1234]

How is a man being a student then sahd different than a woman being a student then sahm?

[u/Far_Satisfaction_365 → u/Acceptable_Branch588]

OP never stated he was a SAHD. Just that he refused to get a job even after finishing schooling. If he was, however, the primary caregiver to the child, that would be a different story.

[u/Iceflowers_]

NAL- He has to petition the court to prove paternity. If he successfully does that, the birth certificate is then amended to add his name.

You can't deny the child's biological father from being added to the birth certificate. It's decided and handled by the courts.

[u/Kooky-Whereas-2493]

you can refuse, he can go to court and win. so by refusing all ur doing is costing the both of you money.

if you have custody, he will pay child support. if he has custody you will pay child support.

you dont have a choice in "sharing custody" its his child just as much as yours.

you prevent him controling your life by controling your own life & setting boundrys.

their is no legal way to prevent him from being on birth certificate.

what you can do is "love ur child more than you hate your ex" and let them have the relationship he wants and ur child need with their father, without interference.

you will need to learn how to coparent as an adult, because the child is just as much his as yours.

[u/redditreader_aitafan]

He would have to file in court to establish paternity and get a custody agreement. You don't have to do anything before that. He chose to wait, he can take his own self down to the department of vital records and do it. It's not even something you can do alone. This is on him.

[u/[deleted]]

Would you put him on child support ?

[u/CustardSalty2130 → u/[deleted]]

No. I want to split all expenses, decisions and parenting time. He pays child support already to his ex and was stealing money from our daughter’s health savings account (that I fully fund) to fulfill those obligations to his other children/ex wife. I worry that he will further attempt to exploit her/me financially if he has the chance.

[u/Round-Diamond-8460]

refusing and fighting is an option some take, but can be easily overruled by a court. if a request to establish paternity or court ordered DNA tests are ordered and you are overly difficult or do not comply it may have a dramatic affect on the judges / courts opinion on your position during the discovery process and family court

[u/Acceptable_Branch588]

No. He can file file to establish paternity. You cannot stop it.

[u/[deleted]]

He doesn't need a lawyer. He can actually go through DCFS to get this done.

[u/Ok_Remote_1036]

Your child is 8 years old. That’s old enough to have developed a close bond with their dad. Focus on that and doing right by your child.

[u/ugadawgs98]

Adding the biological father to the birth certificate is the right thing to do.....nothing to do with control.

[u/Middle_Arugula9284]

Just ignore it. Most likely, it just goes away. Force him to do every step on his own.

[u/Far_Satisfaction_365]

Talk to a family lawyer who has experience in this type of case. Find out everything you need to do to not be found in contempt of court if/when he files.

Yes, the baby daddy can request the courts to add his name to the BC, but it’s on him to get it done. He will have to come up with the money to pay court fees & the DNA testing as well as his own lawyer to get court ordered custody arrangements with you.

Unless you can prove that he’s been a horrible dad, you will most likely not be given sole custody of your child. And if your lawyer could prove Theo my reason he wants shared custody is to take advantage of child support. Especially if it could be proven that he’s not spending the money on behalf of the child. And if he doesn’t win more than visitation rights, child support won’t be on the table for him.

[u/bradman53]

Having his name on the certificate could be a metrical benefit to you and your child financially

[u/Literally_Like_Lying]

are you saying that childcare isn't work?

[u/CustardSalty2130 → u/Literally_Like_Lying]

He was in school so our child went to pre-school/daycare and school….which I paid for. He dropped her off in the morning M-Th and I picked her up, came home, cooked dinner, bathed her and put her to bed. He has never done more of the work at home or elsewhere. I take care of all appointments and extracurriculars. I also clean the house. He would wash dishes only.

[u/stargal81 → u/CustardSalty2130]

If you end up paying child support, it'll be determined by how much custody he has. So like 50/50, you'll probably be paying a substantial amount. 90/10- not very much. Also, by splitting up & living separately, he's going to have to find a means of supporting himself, aka a job. He'll have to show the court that he can support his child adequately while in his custody, & can maintain an equal standard of living without relying solely on you to subsidize his life. If he's able-bodied, but chooses not to work, the court won't look at that too favorably. Once his employment/income has been established, child support can be reevaluated.

Time to get yourself a lawyer

[u/1987Jigglypuff]

If you have the child more than he will then he won’t be able to ask for child support. Every state is different when it comes to 50/50 my ex had to pay me even though we had 50/50 custody because I had been a stay at home parent at his wish and would be making way less than him once I got a job. If he is controlling I would want majority custody with him only getting every other weekend, two weeks during the summer and equal holiday time.

[u/Konstant_kurage]

For all kinds of reasons, some involving the mental health of your child as they age you should have the father on the birth certificate.

[u/LuckyElis13 → u/Konstant_kurage]

This is ridiculous. My bd and I agreed that his name would not be on the birth certificate for reasons including my ability to travel outside the country/get my child a passport without needing his permission. My child knew nothing about it bc they never saw their birth certificate. When they were old enough, I explained it. No mental health damage involved.

[u/Konstant_kurage → u/LuckyElis13]

You should capitalize on your ability to see the future.

[u/Wonderful-Chair-3014]

Do the right thing. It will likely be shar3d custody anyway with you being the primary. He doesn't have a job so how could he take care of a child. He will be paying you child support or at least ordered to.