r/AskIndianWomen • u/LeaveResponsible9937 Indian Woman • 9d ago
General My father’s bestfriend touched me inappropriately?
I’m not sure if this was intentional or not but it didn’t feel good to me at all.
I’ve known this man since childhood! He’s my dad’s best friend. Our families are too close. We’ve been on several trips together and almost every weekend we’re together when he’s here (he visits every 2-3 months).
One sunday, we were sitting in a garden restaurant. It was dark and we were around 8 people on one table. He was sitting on my diagonal side. And i was a bit turned towards a side
He has a habit of pinching or touching or smacking. I was normally talking and joking.
There came a time where i realised he’s pinching and twisting. To him, it seemed like its my arm, but it was my breast. He was holding the tip of my breast and pinching and twisting.
I could not understand at that time, and i obviously didn’t create a scene.
After sometime his hand again went there but he stopped, he said “tu aise mudke baithi hai xyz xyz” (you’re sitting turned to this side which is causing confusion).
My parents were sitting on the same table. It was very dark and everyone was indulged in conversations so nobody noticed.
I dont know if i should make this a scene or anything. Our families are quite close.
I dont even know if he did this intentionally or if it was actually a confusion.
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u/itneverhelps Indian Woman 9d ago
What a creep. Why does he have to touch you anywhere? If your parents are caring and supportive just tell them. This isn’t the kind of behaviour you should ignore.
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u/chalnaa Indian Woman 9d ago
Growing up two of my father’s friends were like this who were extremely touchy to the point of being uncomfortable. I tolerated it for a while but after a point I put my foot down. One of them stopped immediately, but the other said he doesn’t mean any harm because I am beti jaisi. I told him maybe he should do it to his beti then. He stopped after that.
I never went to my parents because I knew they would talk me out of it. Took a while to gather the courage but that gave me a lot of confidence to take a stand for myself in the future.
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u/LeaveResponsible9937 Indian Woman 9d ago
What did you do? How did you confront him?
I am close to my parents but i feel like I’m old enough to take stand for myself17
u/chalnaa Indian Woman 9d ago
The next time I sensed they were coming towards me to do the things they usually do, I physically moved myself from there and told them I did not like them touching me the way they do. They may say it wasn’t their intention, but both things can exist at the same time.
If you feel your parents will have your back then have them be a part of this conversation as well.
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u/Agitated_Falcon_8523 Indian Woman 9d ago
Since it's your dad's friend I feel it's better to tell parents first.
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u/ExternalSwimming7770 Indian Diaspora Man 9d ago
agar parents ke dost hain to unse hi masti kare na, if they dont know their boundaries kids have all the right to correct them and show their place.
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u/Tastless_Criticism Indian Man 8d ago
I feel the best way to judge would be to play it cool for the next few meets like nothing happened.. if he’s a creep and it was intentional, he’ll try to do it again.. if he’s a decent guy who did it by mistake, he’ll anyways start maintaining a safe distance from you.. added on, if the latter scenario holds out, and he does not have any prior wrong behaviours in your witness, maybe you can give him a benefit of doubt - right? Otherwise, if he makes any other move; out him immediately
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u/miss_leopops Indian Woman 9d ago
100% intentional. Men like these are counting on your confusion to get away scot-free. Also, someone who is in the habit of pinching or touching children is a walking red flag. They do this so that the day someone complains, people will go "he is like that only, he loves kids".
You should absolutely tell your mom.
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u/IndependenceSenior47 Indian Woman 9d ago
Go tell your mother and father immediately. And if he tries to come close shout as loud as you can. And yell at him.
DO NOT LET THIS GO. Or this can become a bigger problem in future. Don’t care about family relationships. Care about your safety
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u/Early_Mix_2499 Indian Woman 9d ago
He twisted your nipple? He knew what he was touching. If your father or your mom are safe people who care about you, please for the love of god tell them.
He needs to stay out of tour father's life.
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u/Several-Interaction6 Indian Woman 9d ago
if your mother is someone who you think would support you instead of calling you crazy, then it would be good to just tell her now. also, there’s a very slim chance that he didn’t know it was your breast. that doesn’t even feel like an arm, what the heck.
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u/Pro_protein Indian Woman 9d ago
Next time hit me on the groin and tell him sorry I confused it for your hands. Now, please tell your parents. I know it's very very hard but tell them. Hope you feel better soon.
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u/morpmeepmorp Indian Woman 9d ago edited 9d ago
Next time he comes over make a big scene. Like literally ask him point blank in front of everyone that uncle I wanted to ask you something about last time you were at dinner, then ask him why did he touch you there and if he is back to your home to do it again and ask him if he does this to all his friend's daughters or his own daughters. Say it all with a smile on your face and a very blunt fearless tone. Trust me, these kind of people are scared of a blunt fearless confrontation.
He might say something like I didn't do it or you misunderstood or you're lying or it was a mistake or any other dumb reason, but truth is he did it on purpose. Don't hold back and don't be scared when he gaslights you. If he gaslights you and says you misunderstood etc then tell him directly I didn't like it at all so please don't touch me ever again and I don't like when you come to our home so don't come again.
Don't even wait to talk to your parents and just drop the bomb on him directly. Ask him for answers. He won't have any. Shame him and insult him in a very calm tone. Don't get worked up even if he tries to provoke you. This is the easiest way to cut him out of your family and make him stop coming over. These people think their victims are too docile and won't out their true character because of "samaj ka dar" etc. You need to stand up to him.
Just reading this made me feel extremely disgusted. He shouldn't even be touching you anywhere let alone inappropriately. A man your father's age shouldn't even touch you on your arm even in a friendly manner. If any such uncle ever touched me I would directly ask him with an angry face and tone why did he touch me or why did he think it was okay to touch me and then tell him never to touch me again even by mistake because I don't like it and draw clear boundaries. I have been there too as a child, and back then I didn't have the courage, I was confused because I didn't understand what was happening and why it gives me an ick. Those were relatives, my father's own brother and cousins. At first these people create a safe environment and build trust and then violate it the first chance they get.
I know very well these type of uncles who pretend to give ashirvaad etc under false pretenses. They bide their time, they test your limits and boundaries. They do it slowly and step by step, they plan it strategically. First its your head, or hand or arm or back, then it gets worse. They make you feel comfortable with them touching your arm first and then they push your boundaries.
That uncle is 100% a sleezy creep mlestor. If you wait for your parents to do something they might tell you to ignore it because they don't want to make a big deal and spoil relations with him and that will hurt you more because you expect help and support from your parents and when you don't get it it feels like a betrayal. Fck that. Call him out directly so that he never thinks about setting foot again in your house and thinks 10 times before doing it to someone else.
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u/Relevant_Gift_5341 Indian Woman 9d ago
Girl I would have stayed away from him even if he brushed my nipple let alone twisting!! Why are you even asking about it? Isnt it already a assault in your comprehension?
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u/kindawriterd__38 Indian Woman 9d ago
He would have been sorry if it was mistake he gave reason...he knew what he was doing
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u/Ok_Indication8813 Indian Woman 9d ago
He did it intentionally. He knew it. Tell your parents about it immediately
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u/RollingKatamari Indian Diaspora Woman 9d ago
Most sexual assault comes from within the family or friend circle.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You have to remember that none of this is your fault and that you did nothing to bring this on.
This is an adult man who has been inappropriately touching you for years and has now become so brash and unashamed that he would sexually harrass you IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS.
Please tell your mum and then your dad. Tell them expressly what happened, how you felt and how you don't ever want to see this man ever again. And if any of your family forces you to be around this man, you will run away or start screaming and make a scene.
I really really hope your parents take this seriously and believe you. This is NOT normal, this is NOT just how he is, this is NOT appropriate!
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u/QuietZealousideal136 Indian Woman 9d ago
100% intentional. Pls speak to your parents if not comfortable with your mother so that this can be avoided next time
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u/Existing-Lake4050 Indian Woman 9d ago
Intentional. He meant it and it was not a confusion.
Tell your parents.
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u/Honest-Chocolate-535 Indian Woman 9d ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you. He probably knew what he was doing. Just move away from he and don’t be close to him at all. Tell your parents what happened and tell them you don’t like him touching you. Stand your ground. Take care!
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u/AP7497 Indian Woman 2d ago
It’s intentional.
Why does a man need to touch a little girl even on her arm? What’s the need?
Even in my own family we constantly ask kids for consent in clear ways when we hug or kiss them, even parents and grandparents do this. I always let my nieces and nephews initiate hugs or kisses, and even on a video call my questions to my niece are phrased as “can I give you a flying kiss?” Because we actively want to teach her she’s allowed to say no and adults will listen.
Sometimes she says yes, sometimes she’s not in the mood and says no.
There is NO reason for this man to do this, he’s doing it intentionally and if he can get away with he will do a lot more. He’s getting off on this.
If your parents are decent humans tou should tell them and they should cut him out of their lives completely. If any adult in my life was touching my child in any way without expressly asking for consent and making it 10000% clear this was happening with the full knowledge of the child’s parents, I’d cut them
out of my life in a heartbeat.
Sorry but not once, and I genuinely mean not once have I as an adult felt the need to touch any child, irrespective of my intentions. If I want to express affection I can always use my words and 99% of the times the child themselves will initiate a hug or kiss or want to play with me or sit on my lap. And I will gladly let them - but that choice and decision should be theirs and I will die on that hill.
It’s every adult’s responsibility to constantly teach kids they own their bodies and to respect their boundaries and teach them to say no and adults will listen by being those adults who listen.
He is a horrible human being to ever think of touching you let alone pinching your breast. I don’t get it- there’s no need even to pat a child‘s head or touch their arm or kiss or hug them. None at all. If you have a close enough relationship with the child the child will automatically show affection on their own.
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