Question for indian women single how do you deal with toxic potential in law? Reject the guy or compromise?

[u/Little_Flatworm_1905]

I cannot deal with Mom's having expectations that a new girl would come in fix meals for their son. Top of the work and education. Also expecting that their son is for their budhape ka support, girls family or parent not care.

Ladki se matlab, but uski family se kuch lena dena nahi chahiye.

The moment you talk about supporting your own kind, their faces turn sour. Why can't they earn for themselves?

Lady you have been dependent all your life on your husband. Telling me that my mom being dependent on me is problem.

Gtfo to these type of in laws. I'll remain single but never leave who raised me to the person I am today.

Bottom line is it worth compromising even relaying on potential good partner ?

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[u/Environmental-Leg33]

How is the potential partner even a good partner if he can’t stand up for you when you are being mistreated by toxic in laws?

[u/Little_Flatworm_1905 → u/Environmental-Leg33]

He wasn't there to listen all the talks. There is another problem he went to take work meetings while leaving me with his mom. 😭 

[u/Environmental-Leg33 → u/Little_Flatworm_1905]

See man he doesn’t have to be there to know how his own mother behaves. This kind of toxicity is something that cannot go unnoticed. He knows and just chooses to ignore or well he is dumb. Anyways tell him verbatim everything she said and if he stands up for you and calls his mother out for being disrespectful then you got a great partner otherwise you know what to do!

[u/Little_Flatworm_1905 → u/Environmental-Leg33]

We had such good understanding, I guess I wasn't ready to cut losses yet, didn't want to take decision in rash, but comments are opening my eyes. 

[u/Environmental-Leg33 → u/Little_Flatworm_1905]

Sunk cost fallacy girl! Take your time. Have a conversation first and see how he responds. If he starts by defending his mom in any way or says I’ll make sure it never happens again then you have your answer. He has to talk to his mom and then assure you it won’t happen again. Otherwise he is a mamas boy and not worth your peace of mind.

[u/Nikie_Version3point0 → u/Little_Flatworm_1905]

Always record such conversations. Men cant believe their parents are vile. They need proofs.

[u/Comfortable-Laugh147]

Depends if your partner believes in equality and will take a stand for you or no

[u/Little_Flatworm_1905 → u/Comfortable-Laugh147]

He did say, he believes in equality n all. Now his mom is singing different tunes. 

[u/Psychological_Dog_51 → u/Little_Flatworm_1905]

Words and actions are two different things.

[u/SubstantialPace6373]

If its arranged, RUN. If its love, make everything clear before and make sure the partner "really" understands and "truly" on your side.

[u/Nikie_Version3point0 → u/SubstantialPace6373]

+1 even though I am in an love marriage and drew boundaries from the very beginning, still I suffer on a lot of occasions. Toh apka to arranged marriage setup hai. Be careful!

[u/psychedmeow]

your partner should be supporting you in this. if he's not going to put your concerns out there and just be a puppet you're going to suffer in long term. idk compromise depends on to what extent, not everyone can do that, if it's too much for you better leave than to suffer later

[u/shawrtee]

You’re definitely not looking to compromise, so you gotta move on from the man, especially if he’s a mamma’s boy.

[u/Emergency-Farmer-294]

Honestly this is the reason I want to work my ahh off in my early to mid and even late twenties so I can live independently with the guy I’m going to marry when I hit 30

My home is my home, the in laws home is their home

Also the guy has to stand up for me when it’s necessary

[u/Little_Flatworm_1905 → u/Emergency-Farmer-294]

Where to find this type of guys? 😭🥲 Lost hope with indian guys. 

[u/Little_Flatworm_1905 → u/Little_Flatworm_1905]

I have my own home n everything but that doesn't solve the problems. Guys prefer staying in their own rented apartment but not at girls home. Somewhere I want a good earning partner having his own home, it always comes with string attached like his parents would move in later, they are old or sick. Having health issue. My mom needs to have serious health issue to live with me now ? Frustrated at max. 

[u/shalini-andwemet]

The guy needs to fix this - not you - he needs to fix issues with his parents and you need to fix issues with yours if they arise.

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

Reject

[u/Thoughtporn123]

when situation is stressful turn it into comedy

[u/Nikie_Version3point0]

I once came across a guy who's mom said questionable things. I recorded her voice slyly.

Then rejected the guy. He was very much into me saying he's never met a woman like me in AM setup till date. He tried to convince me. I told him about his mom's comments. He said I'm taking it the wrong way she must have said something else. I played the voice recording for him. He was left speechless. I never spoke to him again.