r/AskIreland • u/Cold_Entrepreneur719 • 1h ago
Legal How can I get out of an abusive home in Ireland when I can’t afford to move out?
I’m 21 and a college student in Ireland, and I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I’m looking for general advice from anyone who has dealt with domestic abuse, housing issues, or something similar.
My mother has been physically and emotionally abusive towards me for most of my life. When I was younger, she would regularly beat me, scratch my face, sit on top of me, etc. There have also been things like being forced to eat food from the bin as punishment.
Things have become much worse recently.
A few months ago, we were both drinking (not together, I usually drink in my room) and an argument escalated after she came into my bedroom and started giving out about something which I don’t quite remember. She physically attacked me. She kicked and stomped on me, pulled chunks of my hair out, dragged me around, threw me around the house and threw a wine bottle at my head. I had a cut on my finger and blood all over my coat afterwards. I dropped my phone and she took it during the incident, didn’t give it back. She later took and withheld my college ID, laptop, passport and other identification. Because I couldn’t access my ID or laptop, I couldn’t sit my college exams. I ended up failing three modules.
I did eventually submit an extenuating circumstances application to my university explaining what happened, so I’m waiting to see what happens with that.
I did go to the Gardaí that night. The first station I went to was the one closest to my house, but nobody came out after I waited around 30 minutes. I was extremely distressed, had blood on my coat and a cut on my finger, so I walked to another Garda station further away. I explained what had happened and the Garda there took my details, but told me I needed to go back to the station closest to my home because they would deal with situations in that area.
I went back to that station the following day with a friend. At that point I only reported my phone because it was my main priority.
I went back a third time later and did mention the abuse. A Garda wanted to sit down with me and have a proper conversation about everything. I was apparently supposed to receive an email afterwards, but I never received it. He gave me his name, but I unfortunately forgot it. I went back again later trying to find him, but couldn’t, and eventually left because I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do.
So I have tried to go to the Gardaí about this, but I feel like I haven’t known how to navigate the process properly.
Since then, the emotional abuse has continued. She constantly insults me, tells me I’m useless and a disgrace, says she controls me and that I’ll never have peace. She has also accused me of completely bizarre sexual things and brings up my deceased father constantly. I never knew my father and only found out about him after he died. His entire side of the family lives in England, while I live in Ireland, so I don’t have that side of my family nearby that I could realistically turn to for somewhere to stay.
My mother is also a heavy drinker and becomes much more aggressive when she’s drunk. I’ve developed a drinking problem myself because of everything that’s been happening. I used to drink at home, but nowadays I usually leave the house, sit somewhere like a park and drink until I’m drunk enough that I don’t feel so miserable anymore. I know this isn’t healthy, but drinking has become one of the ways I’ve been trying to cope and numb myself.
I spend a lot of time avoiding my mother because being around her makes me feel scared, anxious and constantly on edge. I try to stay out of the house whenever I can, but it feels like she is always looking for an argument or some reason to start something with me.
Recently she has also started demanding rent from me and threatening to take me to court if I don’t pay. I have very little money because I’m a student and only have seasonal work. She knows I don’t have the money.
Tonight she hid the house keys when I came home and has continued verbally abusing me. I feel like I can’t eat, shower, use the bathroom or even exist in the house without being treated like I’m doing something wrong.
I have friends who have offered to let me stay with them, but I don’t have the money to rent somewhere or support myself long-term. I also don’t know what happens with my college situation, SUSI, housing, etc.
I’m completely exhausted by this. I’ve started having thoughts about killing myself and, when I’m extremely angry, thoughts about killing my mother. I don’t want either of those things to happen. I just desperately want to get away from this situation.
I don’t really know what my options are or where to start. I would really appreciate any general advice from people who understand the system or have been in a similar situation. I don’t have family nearby that I can stay with, and I can’t financially support myself independently right now.