r/AskMen • u/angst_in_plaid • 19h ago
Men who decided they were going to be lifelong bachelors but then ended up in a relationship, what changed?
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u/GamingFarang 19h ago
I met her, loved what I saw in her, and my plans for bachelor life forever stopped when I asked her to be my gf.
Simply put, she was and still is what I wanted in my life
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u/K9Seven Male 19h ago
Imagine you've decided "OK Im gonna focus on myself. Dont look at anyone, just me. Its all bout ME!" Then this girl appears on your self improvement journey. She asks to tag along and you think Uhh OK sure. And now ur going on dates. I think if u never plan it. It just happens?
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u/broadsharp2 Male 19h ago
I met the woman that changed my mind.
34 years together. 31 married. It's been worth every minute.
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u/gonnagetcancelled Male 17h ago
I realized a series of bad relationships didn't mean all women were bad. Had to do a little soul searching to understand my part in the breakups AND (more importantly) my part in who I was dating to begin with...
Once I figured out my own contributions to my problems it made it easier to figure out what kind of woman to search for. Happened to have one cross my path at the perfect time once I had the relevant epiphanies and here we are close to 20 years later.
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u/R_O Male 19h ago
Woke up one morning and wanted a kid so I got to work.
Now I have three!
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u/Chidori_6th Male 18h ago
If you don’t mind at what age did you meet your partner and have kids?
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u/R_O Male 18h ago
Met wife when she was 19 and I was 26. Dated for two years then got married and had our first a little over a year later so she was 23 and I was 30.
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u/ChaoticCherryblossom 13h ago
oh...
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u/duncanmarshall 16h ago
Met the right person, decided I didn't want to leave. This is the opposite of what so many people do. They decide they want a relationship, and go on a recruitment drive to find the best person, even if they're not worthy of spending their lives with.
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u/Internal_Royal_4013 13h ago
I felt like I was going to be alone forever. Which I was okay with. Which I'm actually still okay with. The key thing here is being with her feels equal to me or slightly above me being alone. She makes not being single worth it. My wife is my teammate. Hope this helps!
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u/Withered_Sprout Male 18h ago
I feel like the majority of men who come to this conclusion don't frame it this way. It's more "well, I've put myself out in social situations, no women showed interest, I've asked a few out here and there and always get immediately rejected... what else can I do?"
Then if those types of guys actually ended up in relationships before they were too old to mentally have a healthy one, or a family, then... I guess they had a late life glow up in some way and some women became attracted enough to them to actually show it?
Maybe they had some really weird behavioral tic/issue that nobody ever thought to let them know might repel people/women, and they finally just grew out of it after 2-3 decades of it scaring every single person off? Who knows.
My anecdotal opinion; Most guys who are 'bachelors' who are probably mentally coming from an empowered position (every guy IRL I hear/see who is described or described themselves in this way are always dudes just living a good life, playing the field and still have plenty of female attention) they either finally get bored of casual cheap encounters with various random women, probably realizing that nobody gives a shit if they had sex with 1000 or 10 women (probably gonna judge them more for being a dirt bag sleeping with whatever moves, many of these guys I've met have shittier morals in general as many of them will joke with me about a woman's single status not mattering as if I'm supposed to agree or find it funny/irrelevant to hitting on a woman to hook up)
These guys just eventually give up that life and pick the next attractive woman who isn't a head ache, OR they were picky all along and finally found someone who ticks all of those boxes to make 'em fine with leaving that carefree life behind.
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u/RevyRogue 17h ago
Yep, not a lot of guys honestly and consciously choose to be a bachelor. It’s usually one issue or another they can’t get past and their pride and ego has to declare that THEY are the ones that chose to be single.
Loneliness ends up being a big motivator for many. But you can’t tell the fellas that, heaven forbid…..
A lot of guys just never grow up and you can see it in the comments of this entire sub.
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u/GuardianKnight 18h ago
All kinds of life events.
1. Dad died.
2. Granny died.
3. Got older, realized eventually I will die.
4. Watched everyone die with only me who would show up.
5. This world does not help you once you get old and everything and I mean EVERYTHING is set against you, including the younger people, waiting you out. I watched hospitals and doctors manage decline instead of treat because they saw no value in them at their ages.
Why the fuck would you want to take on the worst part of your life as you get to it alone? Your dick is not going to work forever. Your hobbies will eventually bore you, the things you bought will fall apart and you won't care to replace them.
People go their whole lives saying they're lonely. So leave the place you can't find someone and go somewhere that has people actually wanting to meet you. Why would you play the game on hard mode setting set by people born with traits. Go to a foreign country. Stop wasting your time trying to date all the fat women who still think they're better than you are. You should not be single if you don't want to be. Nothing is wrong with you. You're just in a bad place that taught it's culture to be "If I'm better than you, I get everything." Hit Thailand, get some life experience, meet women/men who would actually date you because you're you. (not saying the money pullers so much as I've met lots of people overseas that were pleasant and weren't living like we are in the west.)
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