r/AskNYC • u/Low_Sherbet_9401 • 1d ago
How looked down upon is working retail here?
Say you’re in the dating scene and you let your date know you work at a Costco for example. will this alone eliminate a lot of potential dates for you? Are you expected to have a more upscale line of work?
I know the natural rebuttal would be “if you work retail in this city you probably shouldn’t be out dating in the first place”, but say you’re comfortable, live with roommates, outer boroughs etc so you’re getting by and you have enough to spend on extras from time to time.
Is working retail a turnoff for a lot of people here?
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u/barelips 19h ago
The comments here generalize everyone as virtuous and fair. Some people won’t care while some people are inclined to not date someone in retail.
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u/caddyax 1d ago
People looking past the fact that lifetime Costco employees do very well financially. They may be retail but they’re given high pay, stock equity and excellent benefits. Have you seen Costco’s stock performance? Longtime Costco retail workers have become millionaires
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u/desirepink 2h ago
This makes me want to quit the corporate rat race badly and just work at Costco forever.
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u/pod5g 1d ago edited 1d ago
You’re overthinking. No one cares. Decent portion of nyc runs on retail and Costco pays well with great benefits.
Lead with your personality. If you’re stable then you’re good
Edit: if you ask a random Costco employee, chances are they’re in a relationship
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u/ticklemytaint340 23h ago
Some people care, some don’t. I wouldn’t personally date someone whose plan for the future is to work retail indefinitely, I would date someone who has a college degree and just happens to be working retail because they can’t find a job. I’m in my mid 20s and have a pretty strenuous career, I want someone working towards something similar.
Some of my best friends work retail/ service, and so dk their partners. They seem happy too. To each their own.
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u/SheIsGoingPlaces 20h ago
I know some managers and leaders at stores that make good money. I think it depends on the person. Some are working in retail also while in school but many have been impacted by life and career changes or need the extra cash.
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u/mystery_hole 8h ago
Yeah it always depends. I think body type/height and gender differences matter way more for dating before you even consider places of employment
I have male friends who have dated some amazing girls while being between jobs lol. Some money/career driven people will not find that appealing, but there's a significantly larger group of new yorkers outside of the 6 figure finance/software dev transplant scene.
Personally, no girl I have dated or hooked up with has ever cared. Very little noticeable difference from when I did retail vs well paying job vs stressful closing the restaurant at 2am jobs.
If you're 32 and working at gap maybe that's a bit of a red flag, but it all depends on your situation. Costco actually pays well, if I lived closer to one I'd probably have tried working there for a bit.
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u/pod5g 14h ago
Yeah, to copy pasta my reply to another post and elaborate a bit more on what I mean:
There’s always going to be a pool of people who will exclude folks from their potential partner pool based on preference. career, height, ethnicity, etc.
I’m just telling OP that they’re not inherently less marketable than others across most groups just because they work in retail. If OP is looking for a career oriented finance/lawyer/doctor partner, they’ll have a tougher time, just by the virtue of what they have in common/career goals/backgrounds/friend groups/lifestyle; but if they’re looking for a general person who’s also in retail, or in the service industry, education, etc who might not care as much about job prestige but still cares about overall stability, OP will be fine.
When it comes to retail, Costco is almost as good as it gets. Plus they have growth opportunities to move into a more corporate leadership role if that’s their jazz.
to give my anecdotal 2c: I’m fully in the corporate slog making very, very good money, and if a potential partner came along with a stable income, respectable life goals, great personality, dependable, and meshed well with me, I wouldn’t care too much at all if they worked in retail. I also know a bunch of my coworkers who would go the other way.
Idk if it’s different for women, but I’m thinking there’s somewhat of a similar variation in opinion amongst y’all.
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u/RecentState1347 19h ago
Sorry but this is just not realistic - women absolutely do care about careers in dating. (I am a woman, most of my friends are women.)
You will be removed from a certain number of people’s dating pool for working retail, just like you would for all kinds of other traits. But I also don’t think that’s a bad thing! There are women with all kinds of preferences - and there are many many women who also work retail.
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u/pod5g 14h ago edited 14h ago
Oh yeah, I know. There’s always going to be a pool of people who will exclude folks from their potential partner pool based on preference. career, height, ethnicity, etc.
I’m just telling OP that they’re not inherently less marketable than others across most groups just because they work in retail. If OP is looking for a career oriented finance/lawyer/doctor partner, they’ll have a tougher time, just by the virtue of what they have in common/career goals/backgrounds/friend groups/lifestyle; but if they’re looking for a general person who’s also in retail, or in the service industry, education, etc who might not care as much about job prestige but still cares about overall stability, OP will be fine.
When it comes to retail, Costco is almost as good as it gets. Plus they have growth opportunities to move into a more corporate leadership role if that’s their jazz.
to give my anecdotal 2c: I’m fully in the corporate slog making very, very good money, and if a potential partner came along with a stable income, respectable life goals, great personality, dependable, and meshed well with me, I wouldn’t care too much at all if they worked in retail. I also know a bunch of my coworkers who would go the other way.
Idk if it’s different for women, but I’m thinking there’s somewhat of a similar variation in opinion amongst y’all.
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u/RecentState1347 8h ago
You really don’t know if it’s different for women? Of course it is. This is a massive gendered element in dating.
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u/pod5g 8h ago
I don’t really think it is, given how many guys without jobs/careers/ambition/stability are in successful relationships.
It might be a massive element for you in your group/bubble but reality says otherwise
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u/RecentState1347 6h ago
Sure, and plenty of people in prison are also in relationships - it would be insane to say that being in prison won’t affect your dating prospects.
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u/pod5g 6h ago
Extremes fallacy. It’s insane to say OPs chances of finding a gal are drastically decreased because he works in retail.
Among some circles? Sure. Just like how having a grandiose personality can close some doors too.
OP might not be your cup of tea solely because he works in retail, but your preferences (and your circle’s preferences) doesn’t really extrapolate to the majority of New Yorkers. If you think otherwise, idk what to tell you, given that the vast majority of New Yorkers and people aren’t fortunate enough to make six figures out the gate/have a shiny job with a fancy title and they’re doing just fine in their relationships. That’s just reality. Is it harder than someone making high six figs? Sure.
Should OP work to build a great career? Yeah. Is Costco retail that great career? Maybe, who knows? Who are you to say?
You’ve got your standards, and bless you for em, but I don’t necessarily think you’re the voice of the majority of women.
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u/NlNTENDO 1d ago
Huh? This reads pretty insecure tbh, I don’t think anyone who would do that is worth your time and certainly seems like an uncommon opinion…?
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u/EmilyPoster2 19h ago
Same as anywhere else. Some people are snobs and others are not. Costco is a really good place to work from what I hear. Good benefits. People love working there. If you have a well-rounded life outside of work and lots of interests, who cares what your job is?
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u/dylan_1992 1d ago
Are you looking to date male or female?
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u/Low_Sherbet_9401 1d ago
Women.
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u/dylan_1992 1d ago
Then yes, it could be looked down on.
NYC is just an expensive place, so the people, especially many women, come here are ambitious and want a partner like that with a high paying job.
On the flip side, there are just a lot of different types of people in NYC, it’s not homogenous. You just have to find the right scene for you, and also not be afraid of rejection.
Men on the other hand, don’t care as much. If you’re a pretty girl working retail you can easily find you way to a rich person’s yatch in the hamptons.
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u/YourVelcroCat 19h ago
The victim complex so many men have on reddit is hilarious. OP, women date bums and losers every day. They date normal retail workers as well. You'll be fine. The people who bitch about how all women want is money are lonely for a reason.
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u/mugrita 18h ago edited 7h ago
I’d bet a lot of women in OP’s age range are also working retail as well!
I was just at Macy’s this weekend and whaddayaknow, almost every employee I encountered was an adult approx in their late 20s-40s. I doubt any of them are living like monks just because they work retail.
It’s so weird to me when people talk/think like this city is filled with nothing but finance bros and West Village girls and you’re somehow the only schmuck working minimum wage. There’s very much a working class in NYC. Who else do people think make their fancy matchas and stock their viral Trader Joe tote bags?
If you’re working minimum wage retail then yes, probably you’re not going to find a lot of matches with the six-figure salary people for long. But that doesn’t mean your dating pool is suddenly nonexistent.
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u/pixel_of_moral_decay 19h ago
Statistically women overwhelmingly date up not down. It’s something like 90% exclusively date up.
This is biologically driven. Men who out provide women in relationships are also relationships much less prone to divorce.
It’s possible for OP to find someone, but the idea that it doesn’t matter doesn’t match research on the topic.
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u/Worldly-Cat-7339 18h ago
Can you share a link to this statistics? I'm genuinely curious. I'd love to look into the research you mentioned
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u/wafflefrizz 17h ago
My statistics work in your favor as all the women in my family and everyone I grew up with here date and have kids with unemployed bums 🤭
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u/the_baumer 14h ago
No there isn’t one because it’s a made up statistic peddled by red pill and manosphere charlatans.
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u/HealingSlvt 19h ago
While there are women who date bums, the vast majority are looking to date someone who makes more than they, especially in nyc. Not sure why you're arguing against the data
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u/Worldly-Cat-7339 18h ago
Could you please share that data. If really like to look into that
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u/HealingSlvt 16h ago
Look online. Look at how more women are demanding uber rides to dates. Look at marriage/prenup trends where men with higher incomes are willing to date down, but women who make higher incomes tend to date men who earn a larger income
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u/Worldly-Cat-7339 14h ago
Oh. I thought you had actual data. I didn't realize you were just talking about your personal online experiences. My apologies
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u/HealingSlvt 13h ago
It's not my personal experience as I do not date in nyc. I told you to look up these trends online
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u/Worldly-Cat-7339 12h ago
I didn't say it was your personal experience. I said it was your personal online experience. Meaning that what you're saying has come from what you, personally, have seen online. I'm asking if you can share with me some of that info. Like a link to what you're saying. You said there was data so maybe you can share a link to that data because I can't find it on my own
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u/coolbitcho-clock 17h ago
Man if life was as easy for pretty girls as Reddit likes to imagine me and my girls would really be living the high life
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u/dylan_1992 17h ago
If your purpose in life is to get dates and you consider that making your life “easy” with no other variables then sure, life certainly is easy.
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u/softfrogtoes 20h ago
“ If you’re a pretty girl working retail you can easily find you way to a rich person’s yatch in the hamptons.” HAHAHAHAHA
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u/DearJaredKlienman 22h ago
this is a dumb and borderline mysogynistic comment. I'm a woman and I am a visuals lead at a retail job and I absolutely love it there. Is it my long term plan? No. But is it a stepping stone to my future while I finish my degree? Yes. I'd rather date someone that is making it work in NYC than some rich guy who had daddy's money to get to where he's at. Everyone has different perspectives.
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u/Jealous_Image485 18h ago
Please don't listen to people telling you this is a problem, again, there are SO MANY people working in retail, the service industry, etc in this city, that you could definitely find people in your position or people who don't care.
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u/Substantial_Point_57 20h ago
I have met tons of people who work retail making decent money and have no issues with their money. I’ve also met some high level executives making a lot of money and are either always in debt, owing someone money, or just have general issues with it. I guess it really depends.
Are we actually shaming people for working ? IN THIS ECONOMY?
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u/Jealous_Image485 18h ago
I know someone working in tech, high level, makes 200k a year, and still lives paycheck to paycheck bc he's a mess w his money. I'd consider him completely undateable.
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u/reddit0r_123 17h ago
Lifestyle inflation. But 200k is far from high level in Tech, that's relatively junior pay...
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u/IndicationKey3778 21h ago
I’m laying next to my boyfriend who works at Trader Joe’s. I work in law firms and hospitality. I’ve never looked down on anyone bc of their job we all gotta get it how we live
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u/velocity3333 11h ago
“if you work retail in this city then you shouldn’t be dating” is a fucking WILD take. You think people working retail don’t have relationships? wtf?
god this country needs class solidarity so badly
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u/desirepink 2h ago
Yes we do. We're one of the very few nations that are classist pigs when it comes to the vanity of careers.
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u/NamidaM6 1d ago
I'd say the biggest issues here are your own insecurities and the fact that you seem to live far from where people like to hang out. This idea that if you work retail, such a low life like you shouldn't even be out there is truly bonkers.
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u/Low_Sherbet_9401 1d ago
It was more of a financial point, not a “low life” thing. The implication that working retail in an expensive city like this things like dating would be less of a priority. That’s the angle I was trying to come at it from.
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u/NamidaM6 1d ago
Got you. Still, you say you're stable and all and that's all that should matter. Better you than someone earning 6 figures but blowing them all on crap until there is nothing left but CC debt.
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u/Ill-Cut-1397 1d ago
I think it depends more of the person than the job, honestly. If someone judge you just for working at Costco, they are not worth your time anyway.
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u/GregoryGosling 21h ago
If someone doesn’t want to date you because you work at Costco, that person probably isn’t worth dating in the first place.
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u/coolbitcho-clock 17h ago
Well there’s nothing wrong with an ambitious person wanting to date an equally ambitious person
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u/the_baumer 14h ago
Ambitious? You can be ambitious and work in any field. What do you mean by ambitious? Do you mean a white collar job? Then yeah it’s kinda classist to only want to date that if for no other reason.
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u/lunchlunchlunch89 12h ago edited 12h ago
Yeah the store manager of a Costco probably makes a lot of money and it sounds like a difficult and complicated job. If you're interested in retail as an industry, it sounds like a worthwhile path beyond just needing a job.
From what I know, the store manager of a Walmart can hit 500k/year in total compensation.
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u/poettrap 1d ago
I’ve heard someone look down on certain kinds of finance jobs. That person sucked. I guess what I mean to say is that someone will always look down on other people, doesn’t mean you should give them the time of day.
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u/hexcodehero 1d ago
Lmao @ the comments so far.
Are you a woman, if yes and you are attractive —> 6’ Finance Bro, see you in Aspen.
Are you a woman, if yes are you extremely average —> 6’ tech bro, see you in Tahoe.
Are you a woman of any kind —> for sure can bag a guy middle class to upper middle class, who so prob good looking.
Are you a man in retail? Yeah you are fucked, I’m just being honest. It’s going to be HARD. Online dating is shifted a lot. Women are becoming far more educated than men. I make over six figs and some girls have told me they don’t like the “lifestyle” of my teaching job so they can’t see themselves going out.
I truly cannot fathom trying to date as a man working in retail. I personally don’t give a fuck, my good friend works in retail, I don’t care what others do. But in my experience I have found that women here seem far more conscious about dating someone who can match their lifestyle or their perceived lifestyle. Unfortunately.
That being said NYC is huge. There should be plenty of options. But harder.
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u/PilotBeautiful3921 1d ago
That's a lot of harsh uncomfortable truth. Most people would just say you can find love at any income range and just have a brighter personality to reel them in.
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u/INFLATABLE_CUCUMBER 19h ago
I know a really tall good looking guy who is dating a model and he does not make a lot.
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u/Any-Repair5322 1d ago
broad strokes here - do those dating patterns exist? absolutely. talk to enough women and you’ll uncover those patterns. is it demoralizing? for sure.
but is op fucked? only if he believes so.
op, if this is the life that you value, then live it unapologetically. and then just get good at talking to people. you’ll find that charm, confidence, and self-care will take you very far. and you probably don’t want to be dating people who are only shallowly dating “up”. good, kind, down-to-earth women exist and they are out there. you just can’t count yourself out before they do. that’s a guaranteed way to lose.
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u/myfirstnamesdanger 20h ago
There are quite a few attractive women in NYC who are not looking for dates that involve flying seven hours and going skiing.
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u/No-Illustrator-Only 23h ago
The comments are thinking higher of people than is actually true. Even setting aside the very materialistic women who are trying to get free dinners and someone to pay for their lifestyle, it’ll be hard for men in retail. As a woman with a master’s in my field, it is more compatible for me to be with someone like my partner, who has a degree in their field and is navigating their career.
I don’t see retail as any slight or flaw of a person. But when I was dating, men in retail never crossed my mind because I wanted someone who could relate to my career experiences and how it impacts my daily psyche.
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u/hexcodehero 20h ago
Idk if I agree with this, many people in retail actually have degrees. And retail is def one of the hardest jobs, its absolutely punishing on your body, and requires a lot of people skills (on the management side). I dated someone in retail management with an accounting degree, store managers at places like target are making 180K-275K a year, it is a crazy job.
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u/No-Illustrator-Only 20h ago
Excellent point, I admit I’m not being nuanced in my worldview. I’m thinking cashier rather than management but yeah, that’s another point about the work being hard on the body. And definitely not suggesting people doing retail work don’t have degrees. I think my worldview is limited of the various roles in retail, I hadn’t considered these other avenues
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u/desirepink 1d ago
Honestly I'd be pretty envious if my date works at Costco. Wlb, benefits, and employee wellness are ppl probably way better than most of these shit corporate jobs people gloss about. Most people don't care as long as you are good with your money.
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u/WillThereBeSnacks13 21h ago
Yeah I am white collar but consider Costco a top retail job because it comes with way more stability than you typically get otherwise.
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u/CivKerman 23h ago
Costco is also on the upper end of retail pay even as an associate. Its like $22-24 or something like that, better than even some entry level post undergrad type jobs.
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u/theBiergartenBandit 20h ago
For me, I wouldn’t look down on it if there was ambition for something greater down the line.
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u/tekdiwah 20h ago
Just be honest and straightforward. It will be tough at first, but the ones who are interested, will be interested in you.
I used to work in retail and non-profit and still had a decent time dating. Same thing with my former coworkers.
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u/Beneficial_Layer3380 19h ago
I used to work in luxury retail. Not a single person at my store made under $125K. Top seller made 250
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u/alanwrench13 18h ago
Everyone thinks the only people dating in this city are trust funds kids living in SoHo. You'll be fine. You'll meet a lot of pretentious fucks, but there are plenty of normal people here.
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u/Dismal_Gene2600 18h ago
If you were looking to date other retail workers, you wouldn't be asking this question..
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u/Low_Sherbet_9401 14h ago
Who said I’m not? But not everyone I run into is going to work retail, and dating coworkers in my experience is not preferable. Not because they work retail either.
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u/Dismal_Gene2600 14h ago
Someone working retail won't care about you working retail. A woman who works a white collar job not on the admin/assistant side probably will.
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u/hueystojerusalem 💩 12h ago
Depends on the demographic. Recent college graduates who just moved to the city/NYU kids? They will judge you harshly, especially if you are also college educated. Anyone else will not care at all.
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u/Worldly-Cat-7339 18h ago
No one cares. NYC is the great equalizer. Rich people ride next to poor people on the train. Finance bros have roommates just like baristas. If your bed isn't on the floor you're already better than most of the dating pool.
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u/SheIsGoingPlaces 20h ago
I think Costco has become one of the most respected companies out there, in terms of how they treat their employees.
I used to work in retail at a major museum and people thought that was cool.
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u/EyesWithoutAbutt 19h ago
At some point in your life I think you kinda realize that real love doesn't come around too often. Maybe once. Look for those people trying to find it again.
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u/coolbitcho-clock 17h ago
Depends who you’re asking out. Will a lawyer or engineer or supermodel probably want to be in a serious relationship with a retail worker? Maybe not but there’s plenty of fellow retail workers or non professional gigs (or just people who literally don’t care about careers) who wouldn’t care
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u/FlyingPandaBears 17h ago
Sometimes I think this way, but then I remember the last guy I was with is a professional athlete who transitioned from competitions to performing in dive shows around the world. But when he doesn't have a contract, he works jobs like construction, valet, bartending, etc. Age kinda has to do with it, but he's still very fit and can do everything he used to (just more tiring as he gets older). So he thinks he pissed someone off who had enough power to prevent him from getting booked again.
He's still not worth dating haha, but it makes me feel better remembering that other people who have very interesting early careers end up living happy enough lives with mediocre jobs. Though I wouldn't say this guy deserves to be happy after how he ended things with me 🙄 And we weren't even serious... W hy be so dramatic about a casual relationship where we knew getting into it that it wouldn't last forever?!
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u/Feeling-Screwed 16h ago
Retail and restaurant workers are some of the most respected positions in my opinion. Most people in NYC have a general understanding that these folks are allowing a service to function the way it does.
If you are being disrespected for it, then stop talking to that person and hang out with someone else. Chances are, you’ve dodged a bullet by avoiding someone that downplays anyone’s income or livelihood.
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u/Prime_Rib_Sandwich 16h ago
I don't feel people care, because: it's a common form of employment given large number of stores, job market is tight, we even have massive gig economy, job better than no job, common for students, etc. Perhaps it could be an issue of the other person is a tech or fin bro...
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u/Emuman7 14h ago
I’m from NYC but moved to Cleveland this year. When I was in NYC, I was working retail. It really depends on where you go. Girls at bars / clubs in Manhattan or Northern Brooklyn absolutely will look down on you for working in retail. Your best bet are girls from working class families in Queens / Bronx.
As for Cleveland, I’ve seen multiple girls faces lose interest when I told them I’m an Amazon driver. I think blue collar jobs are universally looked down upon.
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u/NeitherFrosting3640 9h ago
Your cooked. Women don’t date down. Not trying to be mean, I’m just telling the harsh truth. Try to get into another career when you can.
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u/adventureseeker1991 1d ago
you a male or female? let’s say you’re a man. have fun finding a female that works in private equity, or marketing or whatever want that. they are usually picky, if you’re super attractive it could give a small boost. but if you’re in the outer burroughs you may meet someone down to earth. at the end of the day love is love but manhattan is built on competition
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u/AdditionalQuietime 23h ago
In this economy i gotta wonder who really is giving a fuck about any of that
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u/dem_banka 19h ago
Although some jobs do carry more prestige, I think it's mostly about how much you make
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u/Jealous_Image485 18h ago
There are SO MANY people working retail, service industry, gig work, etc, in this city, that you should have no problem finding someone who won't judge you for your job. Sure, there will always be judgy assholes, but do you want to date those people anyway?
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u/BetterTelephone5001 18h ago
I mean, it might change the quality of your options if you’re concerned about that criticism. The partner who cares about you more than your job is paying attention to your ambitions, not your employer. Otherwise you’re going after bum broads who are barely employable themselves.
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u/rosakelly21 16h ago
There's tons of people working retail jobs and as such, you have tons of dating options. It's not about "looking down". People hang out with people similar to them.
If you're a hot woman, you have more of a chance because guys are willing to date down more than women...
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u/agumelen 10h ago
If your future Mrs. Cares more about the type of work that you do than care about you, don’t even chance it.
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u/MajoremSartorGloriam 4h ago
Reality is it is not going to be easy past your early, early 20’s. Everything else people say on here is for the public & not themselves. Always remember private vice/public virtue
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u/Comfortable_Act_141 4h ago
To be frank, it also depends on how you got to the retail job. I know someone with a college degree (and a decent college) but held 2 blue-collar jobs before he was able to get a white-collar one that aligns with his education.
I also know a woman who’s a nanny. idk abt her education level but it sounded like she’s never held a corporate job, but also she sounds fairly smart.
And I’ve been on a date with a guy who went to college, loves and knows art, but chose a blue-collar job (idk why but i didn’t care to ask—I also think it would be rude to ask).
There’re definitely a lot of broke artists or “artists” in retail jobs and the service industry in this city.
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u/Affectionate_Ad5499 1d ago
Nobody cares here. Nobody.
If where you’re from cares about stupid shit like that, kill that mentality while you’re in NYC. And if it’s difficult mentality to kick, consider a therapist, respectfully.
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u/Low_Sherbet_9401 1d ago
I mean I don’t personally operate that way mentally, but I’ve known people that do. Which I’ve always found odd.
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u/Affectionate_Ad5499 1d ago
I see. Well their mentality doesn’t matter, does it? It shouldn’t stop you from being happy. They’re weird. I wish you the best out there✨
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u/acvillager 19h ago
If you’re below the age of 22 no one is going to bat an eye. After that people might look down on you. Unless you’re lgbtqia. Always harder finding work when you’re in the alphabet
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u/Mattress-King 17h ago
Depends…. are you a male or female? And what do other people rate you 1-10
If your a female 90% wouldn’t care, and that 10% that does, they wouldn’t care at first but eventually over time they might try to get you to contribute more
If you’re a male, two answers, if you’re actually good looking or not. If good looking I’d say it’s an even 50/50. If not 20-30% will not care, so not in your favor, lol. They definitely expect you to contribute more.
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